☠carolinagirl☠

Ok none of us is totally perfect. You come on this site and tell us that you were extremely bad and don't want people to comment. If you robbed a bank, killed someone etc. would you still be pissed people commented? Same thing in my eyes. Do something wrong and write about it, people will say something. This is the USA, freedom of speech.
 
That's all folks for tonight.
Arlene

Why, do you get WLS, any type, and then not listen to your doctor or dietitian? Why?
 
When I was given the pre-op diet, I followed it to the 't' because I was afraid.
 
When it came to the post-op diet, I followed it to the 't', also.
 
When I get a fill, I am on 3 days of liquids, 3 days of mushy and then back to my regular foods. I listen to the doctor and his staff. They have been dealing with WLS for many many years.
 
So WHY, get the surgery and just follow your own rules??????
 
Think before putting the chip, the french fry, McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts in your hand, let alone your mouth. If you have to have one of these, at least wait until your surgery has healed and you can eat regular foods.
 
People who have had the band for a while, I have had mine for almost 14 months, maybe some of us know what we are talking about. I listen to the masters, they have been here longer than me. I try to help and if I don't have an answer, I will say it.
 
So when you are getting wheeled into the operating room, just remember WHY, you are there. To get healthy and live longer.
 
Have a great night.
 
Arlene
 
ps
Saturday night I have a wedding and yes I will eat but not over eat and I do not drink when I eat and never alcohol.

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!
 
Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.
I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.
It has been an eye opening journey so far.
 
My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!
 
I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.
 
I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.
 
I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.
 
Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!
I want this...I want it bad.
I'm willing to work and following what I must.
I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!
 
Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!

This past Week or so has indeed been a busy one. Last Saturday (9/14) Kelli and I along with our friends participated in 5K Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness. Walking a 5K is pretty much a breeze for me...or so I thought. I finished no problem but I did learn along the way that walking a 5K on the public streets is not the same as walking a track or a treadmill. I did end up finishing with a pretty decent time of slightly over an hour. We had a great time and it was for a good cause. We were walking in honor of our friends Mom who had passed roughly 8 months ago.
 
We called our team Bosom Buddies and on the back we had his Mom's initials.
 

 
Almost to the finish line...styling in my pink shirt..

 
Kelli (knick1016) and I

 
Finish line!!

 
Sunday was busy day as well between Laundry, Grocery shopping day to day stuff. Kelli had band surgery Monday. She got the Realize band. She was in surgery for about an hour and everything went great. As with all patients she stayed over night at the hospital and came home on Tuesday afternoon. She is on the mend but is dealing with the usual gas cramps and fighting some nausea today. I am excited for her as her journey is just beginning and she is inspiring me to keep on keeping on....
 
I am sure she will post in a day or so if she hasn't already. Her screen name is knick1016

I have had my morning shake at 6:30, and no I'm not hungry, but I would really like to eat right now. Why? A bit of boredom, a bit of panic when I realize that I won't eat again until 11:30 (3 hours), missing pleasure that comes from the act of eating.
 
Of all the things in my life, I think that overcoming the baggage that food has will be the hardest. Not impossible by any means, but hard.

If I compared myself to anyone else I would not be happy. Be happy with your results even if they are slow. Keep it going.

In my 30 + years of working in healthcare, I have rarely run across any two doctors that have the same way of practicing medicine. This is also and more so true with bariatric surgeons. What my doctor said is okay to eat pre op will not be the next doctors choice. What my doctor has me eat post op no other doctor may agree with. All this banter going on to other members of this forum to not listen to your doctor or nurses because they are wrong is not in any way something anyone should say to another person in this forum. Just because I was on clear liquids post op, does not mean every doctor makes their patients take in clear liquids. Some go right to full liquids and then on to regular food. It all depends on what that doctor chooses for his/her patients. If someone is eating yogurt the day after surgery and their doctor said they could then they can. If your post op and on clear liquids but want a glass of milk I would say call your doctor but I highly doubt that a glass of milk would hurt anyone. No two surgeons of weight loss surgery will give the same pre op or post op diet so if one doctor says its okay to eat food after a fill and another doesn't then neither is wrong its just what they prefer. Do any parents raise their kids identically? No they don't. Do all nurse give the same care? No they don't. Is every college student going to get straight A's? No they are not. So no one can say your surgeon is wrong because that is farther from the truth. Follow your doctors advice and his/her plan for your surgery and yours alone. They have invested their time to be bariatric surgeons and it all depends on what they were taught. Even though it makes it hard to have a community of people who have had the same surgery try to come together, no ones doctor is wrong unless he is being brought up charges of medical mal practice and since no one has said theirs has, then please follow your doctors orders and not what we are doing.

Once upon a time many years ago. 7 to exact. I lost 40 pounds. It was a rough time in my life, I was getting a divorce, starting a new job, sick and broken. (No really I had a tumor on my ovary and a broken foot!)
 
So many things were happening in my life at one time, that food and eating it didn’t seem to matter much to me. Having a broken foot I was hopping around on crutches everywhere I went. I got my cast on and started that new job that Monday morning. I had no choice, I was getting a divorce after nearly 20 years of marriage and I had 3 kids to care for. There was no time for self-pity!!! (Truth be told there is always a time, and you find it locked in your bathroom or your bedroom and you cry it out and steel yourself again to get through the next day.)
 
Wonder Woman didn’t cry, she battled and battle I did. Then a few months into it, I met the most amazing guy. He seemed to understand me on a level that no one ever had, and as time went on we grew closer and closer. We have been through so much in our lives, and so much more in the last 7 years that we have gone through together. Finally this last year on 10/11/12 we said our vows and married each other.
 
So happy, in love and satisfied with my life my love of food and all things SWEET returned with a vengeance. My Sweetheart shared that love with me and together we gained weight. I gained back the 40 pounds I had lost and then some!
 
At the time I was married last year I was at my heaviest weight ever. I did not let that stop me from buying a wedding gown, or two OK so I had 3! (We had 2 weddings and one celebration brunch when we returned)
I never felt out of place in my skin, though I did feel bloated and uncomfortable, even a little sick and lethargic at times. I was happy, we were happy.
 
Today, as my 1 year anniversary approaches and I am 30 pounds lighter, I looked in the mirror as I got ready for work this morning. I put on the diamond necklace my husband bought me as an anniversary gift. It came on this short 16” chain and when he bought it for me I thought that will never fit my fat neck! I’ll have to get another chain when he’s not looking. I put the box away until I could get that chain, but today I slipped it on and it fit great! It sits right at my collar bone and it looks amazing.
 
I looked in the mirror, and I felt “thin”. Don’t get me wrong I still need to lose another 100+ pounds, but for the first time…truly the first time even though I had lost weight before, this time I felt I might really be thin again.
 
I have truly lost the weight! Well and truly lost it! Those extra 30 pounds of me are gone and gone forever. I feel as though a layer has peeled away. I feel lighter, in body and in mind. I am looking forward to shedding more and more of myself in the months ahead. I am ready and committed to losing it. I’m ready to break free of all that has weighed me down all these years.
 
I still love my sweets, as does my hubby. Only now we take the time to make better choices and substitutions for those sweets, and make the space to enjoy a little indulgence on occasion. The sweetest indulgence for me today is the diamond necklace I wrapped around my neck that sits so perfectly and winks at me from the mirror with the knowing that it’s only going to get sweeter and sweeter!
 

Its been awhile since I have posted here....
Life for me is so very different then it has been for most my life...
I wake up every morning HAPPY...wanting to get dressed...wanting to look in the mirror. Even wanting to go for a walk...thinking back its all things I always wanted to do...just wasn't going to happen with 130 extra lbs on me...
The band is the best thing I have done for ME...Im thankful for my supportive Husband and my sister who is my bestest friend also....
 
Oh it has been work...in the beginning I was hungry like I read many of you are..but I knew what I had to do to get where I wanted to be...I hung tuff and its so paid off..I started with a BMI of 47...I was tired all the time...who wouldn't be ...Yesterday I weighed in at 130 with a BMI of 25 !!!! My Dr pointed out to me that I have lost more then what I weigh right now...omg I never thought id do it...well yes I did...what I really didn't know was how good it would feel in all aspects of my life and my family's life ..I have been studing to get my GED ...though I did have to take a break from that due to
my husband had a heart attic a lil over a month ago and wow that wakes everyone up fast..he is doing very well now...eating right ...exercising a lil more then he did before..during that month my band got so tight I couldn't eat anything and enjoy it...not good...I did see Drs yesterday and got my band unfilled ( scary ) but a upper GI on Monday and if all looks good he will refill it...I was at 8.5 ccs....might go down to 8...what ever he says...
SO life is wonderful 19 months since I was banded !!!

I am still seeing post about what you should be eating, how much you should be eating, why am I not losing weight, why does this hurt and why does that hurt. One thing that should be clear when you leave your doctors office either pre op or post op, you should have a list of foods you may eat. You should have been told exactly what to expect after your surgery and during the pre op phase. If you are not sure of these things then you need to schedule an appointment to see your doctor. I can not believe so many would have this kind of surgery and still be asking what you should be eating and what you should not be eating. In the pre op stage if your doctor or nutritionist has not gone over these things with you then you should ask or find another doctor. When I left my meeting right before my surgery in my hand (which was also gone over with us by the dietician) was a list of foods to eat and at what stage. A prescription for pain medications and nausea medication. I had times when I could start exercising and how much I was to eat in a day. The only way that they lap band is going to work for you is to have every piece of information from your doctor available at your finger tips. Every doctor is different in what they want you to eat so asking us if you can eat something is like asking can you remove your sutures. If you are afraid to ask your doctor questions then why have your insurance pay him or if you are self pay why hand over 16,000 dollars or more. He is getting paid to give you what you need to be successful in this journey. Not everyone loses weight the same and if you want or expect to drop 100 pounds in a few months that is unrealistic. Yes others have lost more then you but it does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It just means your body is not going to lose it fast. If someone weighs 400lbs and you weigh 250 they will lose faster then you. If you are having any kind of pain call your doctor it could be something serious. I think if you are unsure of what you are doing then your doctor should be the one guiding you .

Today I look at my life and I am thankful. I am thankful for my loving family. I am thankful for a good job and a steady income. I am thankful for my Lapband and for getting my life back.
 
I look at who I was 18 months ago, 250 pounds of misery. I didn’t care about myself or how I looked. I would wear potato sack clothes, I never wore make-up or jewelry, I looked like a tired old lady and I didn’t care. I couldn’t exercise, just walking up the 4 steps into my house would put me out of breath. I really hated myself!
 
Thankfully I did something about it. I got the Lapband and lost 80 pounds. I went from size 22 to size 10 and have never felt better. I take pride in the clothes I wear (no more potato sacks for me ~ I hate baggy clothes now, lol), I love to wear jewelry and make-up. I want to look good, my smile is from ear to ear. Life is so enjoyable now.
 
So many things have opened up to me since my band. My husband and I have doubled the amount of land we use for gardening because I can physically help manage it. We increased our flock of chickens to 30 birds because I can physically help manage them. I find myself always on the go, moving doing this & that because I can physically do it. I even got my concealed handgun license (Never shot a gun before 6 months ago).
 
All this because I decided to change. Yes, I changed everything….. No more fast food, soda, junk food, midnight bowls of cereal, or gallons of ice cream and no more sitting on my ass watching TV all day. Do I miss these things? Sometimes. But if I have cravings I have a small portion of whatever I’m craving. Day to day I don’t miss a thing.
 
Life is too precious to waste it away on pizza and greasy burgers or cake and candy. I am thankful for my rebirth on February 6, 2012 and I promise to live a health happy life. I deserve nothing less.

My body has a rule, when ever I have a cheat day, my body uses that as the new minimum for food intake.
 
Had a couple of slices of pizza last night, starving this morning even though I have eaten my normal breakfast

Tory Johnson is on GMA and was sort of told lose weight. She has a book coming out called The Shift. I don't know much about her or the book. She is doing a book tour but very over priced tickets, $75. What nerve in my eyes. On Yahoo it said something about nail polish helped her. I have been saying that for a long time. You can not eat with wet nails. I have used that trick for around 25-30 years
Just because someone like Tory is on tv doesn't mean your bosses have the right to tell you to lose weight. My thoughts.
Enjoy your evening-sleep tight.
Arlene

I just like to say AT&T will disconnect your internet if you owe them $25. Yeah I forgot to pay them last paycheck so they disconnect my service last Friday. Ooops!
 
I had a very interesting weekend. Saturday I went to a Fundraiser at one of the bars I used to go to before I was banded. I am not trying to sound conceded but these dudes was on me like white on rice or my pheromones were really high. Anyway my hand got kissed on more times than I received in a lifetime. It felt weird over overwhelming. I am not use to that. I still see myself as the 267 girl but more healthy. I had to text my best friend Lesley because I was overwhelmed! She told me to get over it and enjoy the new me!
 
I talk to my big sister about yesterday to and she told me to embrace all of this because more will be coming my way. My sister and Lesley are right because I look damn sexy!
I am so happy the football season has officially started and next Sunday starts the preseason of Hockey! This is why I work out more on Sundays but so far I am going well. How about those Rams!
 
Anyway tomorrow is my port replacement surgery and I have to be at the hospital at 530am! Ugh that is so early but I know I won’t be able to sleep a wink tonight. I think it’s going to be a candy crush of a night! I will do my best to keep everyone updated.
 
I still love my band and I am 65 pounds lighter! God is good
 
Thanks for reading

Wednesday it all changes.
 
I had a couple mini panic attacks over the weekend. I just burst into tears in the shower. I had to do deep breathing exercises a few times to settle down my nerves. I'm not second-guessing my decision. I stand firm behind it. I'm ready and excited. The unknown is what is grating at me...how much pain, how long will it last, what happens if I...all those crazy little thoughts that just won't quick knocking on my brain.
 
Add to the crazy the fact that I've been off the NSAIDs I take for the arthritis in my feet and knees for almost a week now. I hurt everywhere. There is no relief. Tylenol is a joke. I tried to rest this weekend, but just moving up the stairs to my bedroom was a chore. I know this will get better, but wow...I didn't realize how much the meds helped until I couldn't take them anymore.
 
Then, I decided this weekend to begin the process of kicking the caffeine out of my system. I didn't figure that would be so hard since I don't take in that much each day. I was wrong. My head hurts. At least I kicked the soda habit over a year ago. That helps.
 
Tomorrow is a full day of clear liquids. I giggle when I think about the instructions to take a shower and use a q-tip to clean out my belly button. Then, at 5:45 am Wednesday, I report for Band duty!
 
So, now I'm putting one foot in front of the other, taking deep breaths, and repeating to myself "I CAN."

I look at my band like the frame work of a house and it is up to me to do the interior decorating. I make the final decision how much to eat, what to eat and if it is good or not good for me. You want your real home to look good and spend time and money to fix it up, paint and buy new things when needed so why would you not take the same amount of time, money and energy to make your band work for you. I am a sugar addict and can not control myself when I eat even a minute amount it causes me to binge like crazy, leaves me with guilt and unforgiveness of my self. Since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia those old feelings of eating sweets have come back ten fold for self pity. Ice cream has always been my worst nightmare and seriously I could eat a half gallon in two days. I am serious. I found that Breyers makes many light flavors now and no added sugar that are really good and I had to have something. I guess its better then eating 10 pounds of chocolate which I used to do also. Choose your band decorations well. Once you start eating good healthy food you will feel 100 percent better. Some say its expensive to eat healthy but it really isn't. Take advantage of road side produce stands or produce markets for fresh vegetables and fruit. People do not believe when I tell them that you will lose more weight eating beef but it is true because beef out of all meat takes the longest to digest. Some of you have issues with certain meats but I can pretty much eat anything it depends on how I eat it if its going to get stuck or not. You always must put the fork down in between bites and make sure it goes down before attempting more food. Get your band house together and decorate it with love and good food.

I started to get serious about exercise and walking about 4 weeks post-op in January 2013. I would get my iPod, blast some of my Treadmill Playlist tunes (Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Pink and even Justin Bieber), find my focal point and start walking. At first I could only walk about 10-15 minutes before it felt like my legs were jelly, but it felt good and I felt like I was at least moving. I always covered the time/distance display because I didn't want to get caught up in the numbers at that point- I just wanted to sweat a little.
 
About a month into this routine, I decided to start increasing the speed a little at a time. It was hard for my legs to keep up with the pace, but I did it. I finally got to the point where I felt strong enough to increase the speed to do a slow jog and only lasted about 2 minutes- MAX. The next day I did the same thing, but added 30 seconds. And just kept going until I found myself running on the treadmill on a regular basis. Say what?! I have NEVER enjoyed running, jogging or even sweating for that matter. But I started to crave this new feeling I got when I was running, a feeling I had never experienced before and find hard to explain.
 
Last week while I was on the treadmill, I happened to look down and caught a glimpse of my feet moving beneath me and I became mesmerized. Although I have been on "Charlie" hundreds of times, I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. Less than a year ago, I could hardly go up a flight of stairs without being winded and avoided multiple trips upstairs at all costs. I started to cry while I was looking down at my legs and feet gliding along at a nice pace, it looked so effortless at that moment. I'll never forget that day. Kelly Clarkson was in my ear telling me "No one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that." I took a little video on my phone to capture that moment when I really started to believe that I AM A RUNNER.
 

Better late than never, but we did a family dinner for the Jewish New Year last night. It was very nice, 28 people. My son's, their wives and my super wonderful 3 grandsons were there. I haven't seen some of the people for real long time and of course came the: you look great, how much did you lose, how did you lose the weight questions. I told people I do not share my weight loss with any one. They were disappointed. I said I know I was very fat and still fat and don't need people saying, boy, Arlene was very over weight. When it came to my dinner plate, one woman said to me, you have no food on your plate. I said I have plenty. My husband explained I eat around 4 oz of protein then the other foods. My sister-in-law (the wicked b***h "c" word) asked me about my 'diet'. I only said I use a dietitian. Enough words for her. About the SIL, my husband is 63 and for the first 50 years of his life he did not talk to her. They now talk only because he made an effort. She loves my oldest son and treats my younger son like s**t. Enough said about her.
 
So, back to the subject, I feel the surgery is my business and I just can't share it with everyone. I still feel like I am a failure because I needed the help of the band. My first surgeon said I was not a failure because I knew I needed the help. I just can't get that part into my head.
 
I did have a very small sliver of chocolate birthday cake. My youngest son's b. day was Wednesday, age 35 and the next day his wife was 35. I brought a super wonderful cake from BJ's for them.
Today the hub and I get to baby sit the 9 month old. He is the perfect baby, teething and never complains. He has 8 teeth all ready.
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. The weather in Boston is super great this weekend.

Hi ya'll!
 
 
I'm fresh off a 4 day weekend and wanted to get you the up to the minute Johnny news. C'mon, be honest.... how many of you just can't wait for your fanatical fat fix? I thought so. This blog is like an auto race. Most of the spectators just come for the crashes. At the very least, I am a cheap version of a reality show. Your own personal rendition of Biggest Loser. Or Survivor. Hey, I got an idea ... What if we combine both of those shows? Let's strand a bunch of fat asses in the middle of no where with no food and the potty mouthed TV chef Paula Dean. We'll call it Fattasy Island. My bet, 7 contestants arrive, only 5 leave. The other 2 will be enjoyed with a homemade tropical marinade. No doubt this will be a huge hit.
 
On to the news.
 
Last Monday I went for monthly follow up visit at the center for Fat-ass-i-ness. As reported last week, I officially hit the 50 pound loss point. Yippee! I have to tell you that I am starting to look and feel a little out of place in the waiting area. I am no longer the short, overly swelled man that enjoyed the extra comfort of the fat ass chairs. I am now just a short, plump man that looks like a little kid sitting in a big chair. Add the fact that I usually wear a suit and tie on Mondays. The waiting wobblers probably think I'm some kind of creepy sales person waiting to show Dr. X my new drugs. But sitting and waiting is part of my commitment. It is part of my rehab. Yup. Rehab. Because that's really what this is. Fataholic's Anonymous. My name is Johnny ... and I'm a fataholic.
Anyone that reads this, and definitely anyone that tries this, must realize what a significant weight loss project really is. It's a full time commitment to food sobriety. Without full dedication to the cause, you are doomed to fail. "Just one Oreo" can be as catastrophic to a fataholic as "just one beer" to the alcoholic. That first step backwards can lead to a tumble. The end of the binge is just as devastating for both. Self consciousness, loss, shame, failure. All the same buzz words. The alcoholic may end his bender in a a tavern with a shot and a beer in the wee hours of the morning. The fataholic may end up in a corner with a jumbo bag of Dorito's and jar of salsa. Self inflicted wounds for both.
 
The fataholic requires guidance just like his counterpart. We get all the information we need to succeed from our nutritionists, shrinks and doctors. But at the end of the day, it is still on you to watch and motivate yourself. You have to make constant decisions to succeed. Food is not only required to live,it is part of our culture. Think about it. Just about every social gathering includes food. A nice night out with your better half probably includes dinner. A business lunch includes food. Weddings, birthday parties, anniversaries, bar mitzvahs ... you name a social gathering and there will be food. And plenty of it.
 
How about our addiction to Fat Ass TV? There are several channels that air nothing but food shows 24/7. Then you have Masterchef, Iron Chef,Top Chef and a myriad of other kitchen shows. There is a guy that drives around the country and pigs out at out of the way diners. There are guys that fix broken restaurants and a guy that spies on various eatery's employees. If has to do with food, there is a TV show about it. And these chefs / stars get paid humongous salaries for this! I'm really in the wrong business.
 
It's easy to see how someone can lose sight of a healthy lifestyle and fall in to the grips of fatness in our country today. Once you get there, going back is b***h. It's a challenge every minute to stay on your selected program. It's a good thing I have my sober coaches to guide me ... good ol' Al C. Hall and his cousin Vinny Vino.
 
See you soon..
Johnny
 
PS I'm at a little plateau here. The weight loss is slowing down to around a pound per week. I'm going to have to change something up here next week

A couple weeks ago, I hit my pre-op weightloss goal and recived my sugery date with the understanding that it was pending insurance approval. As of today, I had not heard from the center or my insurance company. One phone call later and I was informed that not only am I approved by insurance but that I'm the first on the list for my surgeon.
 
Um, this just got real and I think I may have wet my pants a little. LOL
 
Excited. Nervous. Butterflies everytime I think about it.

I am sure that the subject of this blog sounds funny. Yes, I have made the decision to get banded. I have been in the program for about 4 months now. I have my surgery date but even now, as I type this, I am still having a hard time accepting my decision.
 
Let me explain. I grew up fat. I was a fat kid, I was a fat teenager and I am now a fat adult. If you had talked to me about the word fat maybe 15-20 years ago, I would have been super offended. Now, it’s just a word. Yes, I am fat.
 
In my childhood and teenage years, I was your “typical” fat kid. I was offended by the word fat that I was constantly called. I was always self-conscious and picked on for my weight. I was ashamed. I can recall a time in 7th grade when a class mate complimented me on my jeans. I was questioning why she was even talking to me since she and I were in completely different cliques – she was one of the “cool kids” while I was the new girl – or better yet, the fat new girl – at the school. Alas, when she asked me where I got my “so cute” jeans (and they were) I replied, “Sixteen Plus”. The next thing I heard were snickers and laughs because I was clearly shopping in a store for “plus sized” people. From that moment on, I vowed NEVER to mention store names again. I would shop at stores that had both junior and plus sizes so I never had to bear that “shame” again.
 
This is how much of my adolescence and teenaged years were. Never had a boyfriend – sure, I had plenty boy friends but never a “boyfriend”. I had one such friend who, when we were alone, would confide in me and once even told me he loved me (oh, middle school love…LOL) but would not be seen talking to me in school. High school and college were filled with more of the same. Boy friends – some of whom I liked more than a friend but I would NEVER tell them because they would NEVER “like” the chubby chick as more than just a friend.
 
Enter my early 20’s: I’m not sure when the realization came but I found myself developing a confidence that I had never had before. I had never considered myself ugly, after all I’ve been told “You have such a pretty face” for so long that I knew that if I weren’t fat, I’d be “so pretty”. (That is another blog post in itself.) However, I was dressing better. I was putting more effort in to my appearance. I was deciding that I was worth something. I was approached by a male colleague (whom had no romantic interest) who handed me a newspaper article on plus sized modeling. He suggested it was something I look into. He told me that I was a beautiful girl and should really give it some thought. I was BESIDE myself. A compliment without the caveat that all I had going for me was my “pretty face”. As the time went on, my confidence improved. I began to get attention from the opposite sex. I was complimented and asked on dates, left and right – granted some of these dudes were on the sketchy side – but when a random stranger tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, it’s always nice no matter what. My dating life ramped up and I found myself eventually in relationships with people who were attracted to me – fat and all.
 
It was then, that I decided to take back the word fat in my life. I was no longer going to look at it as a bad word. Yes, I was fat. So, what?!? I was otherwise healthy and happy. Things were going in the right direction for my life. I accepted myself. I would proudly admit that I bought my “so cute” shirt or pants at Lane Bryant or Fashion Bug Plus! Yep, that’s where I shop and I love my clothes. Yes, I am fat but that’s OK with me. Here I am, a confident fat woman. Take that, society!!!
 
Over the years, I have maintained that attitude. Of course, I have areas of my body that I hate – boobs are for the chest, not the back! LOL But, I always looked at it as I have the ability to change the things about my body that I hate, if I put my mind to it.
Enter the current time. I am still that confident woman who accepts the word fat. However, about 3 years ago, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with this wretched disease as my family is laden with it. I have watched it reach havoc on my Mom as she has had many years where she did not properly take care of herself and this disease. I have done well over the years keeping my diabetes at bay. My A1C is almost always good. Unfortunately, this success comes with medications that I hate and the knowledge that it is only a matter of time before this disease will reap havoc on me, if I do not get rid of it once and for all. The only sure-fire way for me to do that is to get myself to a healthy weight.
 
My husband and I have been married for 5 years this October. It was when he underwent his lap band surgery last year that I began thinking about having the surgery myself. He’s had amazing success that he has worked very hard for. I feel that with him at my side, I can have a similar success. However, I can’t get past the feeling that I am going against “my morals” with this surgery. I feel like I’m taking all that confidence that I worked very hard at and saying “society wins”. It’s silly, I know, because I know I’m not doing this to be skinny – I’m doing this to be healthy. I just still feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have been SUPER hesitant to tell anyone about this choice. Any one I have told has been supportive but I am still uneasy. I don’t know why…..
 
If you have managed to stay with me and read all this, thank you. I know this is super long – especially for my first blog post to the site.

This band has been a godsend. I won't lie. It helps me maintain my weight easily. I know how hard it was for me to not gain when my old band was leaking, and how super hard it was to lose, so I'm loving that my new band has me back on track. Yes I've had complications, but generally speaking, yes I've been 'lucky' with the band. My band has been SO easy to live with. Or maybe it was that I had realistic expectations, I don't know . But either way, I love that it's there helping me every day.
 
But I also realised that I made my own 'luck' with the band. Even when I wasn't formally exercising in maintenance mode, I paid attention to my portions, I did lots of incidental exercising like using the stairs instead of the escalator (I still do), I didn't resume my bad eating habits. I stayed, for the most part, on program.
 
So I do see this as a partnership between my band and me. I honestly believe that weight loss and maintenance would be VERY difficult, if not impossible, for me without a band. But I also know this little thing around my stomach didn't do it all for me. Far from it. I exercised to lose, I maintained a healthy lifestyle during maintenance, I am exercising today to ensure long term maintenance. I worked with it, and continue to work with it, everyday.
 
The surgery will help you if you're willing to help yourself. And I'm worth investing in myself to be the best I can be. No one is going to want the best for me the way I could possibly want it for myself. I went through surgery to allow myself the best chance of success, so I will not let myself down by not putting in the effort to make it work.
 
So yes I've been lucky to live with a band easily, but I sure as hell made my own luck as well. So stop sitting there waiting for a miracle to happen to you, go out and MAKE it happen.

Every now and then I get a PM asking me how I have lost so much weight so fast and what do I do for exercise. Let me tell you honestly I have lost a significant amount of weight just by simply doing things that I couldn't do for a very long time. Things that most people do daily.
 
When I was 488lbs I could hardly stay on my feet for 10 minutes at a time without sever muscle cramps in the back of my legs. I couldn't even walk the grocery store with my Wife. I used to sit in the car and wait for her to do it and then I would get out and help her load the car. We would get home and carry the groceries into the house and I would have to sit and catch my breath, rest my legs before helping her put stuff away. It was no way for a 45 year old man to live.
 
So to say I lost a lot of weight with no exercise is not completely accurate but the exercise I was getting is stuff that some folks may take for granted and I never will again. At my heaviest everything but sitting and lying down was a task. I was a home body as much as possible and even going out to a movie was a task. I even reached a sad point where taking a shower was a real chore but I did it every day because not taking one is just unacceptable not mention gross.
 
So as my journey has progressed so has my physical activity but yet I am still having a problem getting in actual exercise and sometimes just a simple walk is hard to get in. Last week I committed to 10 hours of cardio and came up way short not even reaching half. This week same thing I committed to 10 hours of cardio and I didn't get the walk in yesterday. Today I am going and this time no excuses.
 
Exercise needs to become a daily task just like taking a shower is a daily task....
 
So far my weight loss has not really started to slow down but I am starting to see the signs that it might. I figure as I am inching closer to goal it will only get more difficult/slow. My initial goal that I was shooting for was to weigh 220lbs. That would still put me into the obese BMI but I can accept 220. I am on track to hitting my goal of 250 for Christmas which I set last Christmas.
 
Starting to wonder if 199 is possible. Excess skin is really becoming noticeable but there is not much I can do about that. Insurance is not going to cover plastic surgery. So you choose to live with the excess skin or be fat. I'll take the loose skin just as long as I don't start having problems.
 
Anyway if you read this far then thank you. I hope your day is going well and that your scale is being friendly to you!

Wow! Has it really been that long since I blogged, March 2013! Yes it has been a while.
 
For those of you who do not know me, my name is "Love" and yes I still love my lap band 3 years post op. I am at goal weight and a normal BMI and have successfully maintained that weight for 1 year now.
 
The questions i still get asked are:
1. How much is in you band? ( I have no idea, I have not had a fill since January 2012)
2. How much can you eat? I eat about a cup to a cup to a half of food, Most meals consist of protein and veggies. I am one of those low carb eaters by choice because i still have issues with carbs. One I love them, two they get stuck, and three I lost weight better by eating on the low side.
3. What can you eat? Anything, yes I can eat most foods. The issues for me are, if I chose to eat a slice of pizza it will fill me up much quicker and I will be hunger much sooner. I do eat pizza and small burgers or sandwiches occasionally but it has to be the perfect storm. My band has to be cooperative and I have to be relaxed and take my time. Not the type of foods I eat out in a restaurant. When I eat out I usually eat off the appetizer menu or share with my hubby or friends. I am a cheap date!
4. If you had to do it all over again would you do the surgery again? That would be a big YES, lap band has given me back control over my life and my health. It is true you are what you eat, I eat healthy now and I feel great.
5. Don't you think you are too thin? NO, I am a normal BMI. You are suppose to see my collar bone and I am suppose to be able to feel and see my hip bones. Geez world it is really healthy to be thin.
6. Do you drink protein shakes or eat protein bars? Yes, I still supplement with protein bars and shakes. I do not drink or eat them daily but I always keep a good supply of them around. It took me lots pf trial and error to find protein supplements I like and that taste has changed over the past 3 years. I found the most difficulty finding a protein shake I could stomach the smell and taste of. I personally hated and still do the premixed drinks, too sweet for my taste. I ordered off a bariatric web site in the early days and used a lot of unflavored protein powders. Today, I like Pure Protein, Frosty Chocolate and Vanilla. They are my base and I add flavorings, fruit, peanut butter and ice. I never use milk to mix with unless I am supplementing them as a meal and need the calories. How did I learn to like the powders, it was necessary, I needed to eat between 90-100 gms of protein a day when I was weight training and this was the only way I could get in the necessary protein to build muscle and loss weight. You see I had plateaued for a very long time and still had 30-40 lbs to lose to reach goal. If you eat too little you will not lose weight and your body will stop losing.
7. How long did it take you to lose your weight and how much did you lose? It took me 2 years to reach goal and I lost 132 lbs. I like many of you thought I would have my weight off in a year, boy was I shocked and disappointed when that did not happen. I stalled really bad and stayed the same weight for about 6-7 months right before my 1 year date.
8. Do you exercise? Yes, exercise is key to losing and maintaining weight. These days I am not as aggressive and obsessive as i was when trying to melt off that 132 lbs but I still exercise.You have to really work to find out how your body burns calories and how many you need to maintain. Figuring all this out took me months to figure out. I used a fit bit, my fitness pal and a trainer to help me learn to use my body as a fat burning machine. Fat and muscle weigh the same, a pound is a pound and a pound of muscle does not weigh more than a pound of fat. Use this as your vision, a pound of jello is your fat and a pound of chicken is your muscle. The mass of the jello is greater than the chicken but still weighs the same. That is why when you are exercising and toning you look smaller and the scales my stall. I know silly but so true. Also when you are exercising to build muscle and tone you need to be in your target heart rate to maximize your burn of calories. Losing weight is really a delicate balance of everything and is so much more than just cutting back the calories.
9. Since it took you 2 years to lose the weight why could you not lose it on your own? Well I guess the answer to that is yes, I could have lost the weight on my own without my band but I never, never could have maintained it for a year without my band. I view my band as my safety net, my inner voice, my conscious so to speak. It keeps me focused and honest with my self. I was a closet eater, if no one saw me eat it, it did not count. Sound familiar to anyone?
10. Do you have a lot of excess skin? No, I am fortunate and do not have a lot of excess skin. Do I have a nice tight, firm body. No, I have the body of a 58 year old women who lost 132 lbs and I am very happy with how I look in and out of my cloths. And believe me it has taken me a while to get comfortable with those words. Would I like to have some nips and tucks, yes it would be nice but my WLS does not recommend, At my last visit in June we discussed cosmetic surgery and he informed me that the benefits did not out way the risks for me. My surgery would be completely cosmetic, I have no skin break down or health issues from excess skin. So I am happy with me and my Victoria Secret Boobs! lol
11. Do you consider you are on a diet and do you get tired of watching what you eat? No, I have adopted a healthy life style. Have you ever noticed what skinny people eat, they do enjoy desserts and they do enjoy high calorie foods but they enjoy them in moderation. Moderation and balance is the key to maintaining your weight, learning that your body uses food for fuel and if your intake is lower than your needed use you will gain. So keep moving if you feel the urge to eat.
12; Do you drink while eating? Sometimes but only sips. Fluids fill me up and if I drink while eating I get stuck and PB or slime and neither is pleasant. I do not drink high carbonated beverages, I do have a soda stream and I do drink low carbonated beverages that I make using half a pump of gas I drink these only occasionally when I want to treat myself.
13. Do you drink alcoholic beverages? Yes I do drink Alcohol. I have had several bad experiences with alcohol during this journey and had to learn the hard way that alcohol and weight loss do not mix for me. I always loved martinis but have had to learn that one is not enough and two is too many. So I drink my wine and have an occasional martini on special occasions and savior the entire glass. Remember alcohol is empty calories and has absolutely no nutritious value at all and no a fruity drink is not a substitute for one of your fruits. I do not drink beer, I have tried and for me it is too fizzy and makes my stomach hurt and causes a lot of bloating.
14. Final question, what do you do if you get hungry between meals? Silly question, but here it is. I eat! I try hard not to eat in between meals and to not give into boredom eating or head hungry. I believe in planned snacks. Boredom eating is one of issues that we all have and feel and the sooner you learn to accept and deal with them the better off you will be. We all need to Analyze why we eat and when we eat. i eat when bored and like to snack late at night. So I plan snacks and makes sure they are low in calories or if high in calories they are packed with protein. I do not keep sugary treats around, I keep dark chocolate, protein bars, nuts, peanut butter and bananas, apples and pop corn for snacks. I have to seriously watch the nuts and popcorn and not have them to readily accessible.
 
 
So this is my life on maintenance, is weight loss easy, NO! Is is worth the effort, YES! Do I love my Band, YES! Would I do it again, YES!
 
Everyone's experience with lap band is different, there are basic rules yes but the key for me was finding out how lap band was going to help me. I honestly do not think about my band these days, it is part of me and how I eat. Small plates and small portions are just how I eat these days. Funny, most of my family now eats off a salad plate these days, I have quilted them into my feelings on why America is fat. Portions... Portion Control and learning to put the fork DOWN and give it 20 minutes before you go back for seconds.
 
I wish all my lap band friends and family success and never compare yourself to others or allow others to make you feel bad about your journey.
 
Me than:
 
Me today:

I just wish I had some restriction! This totally feels like a diet right now ... Have I failed? Why am I so hungry? Why don't I take smaller bites? Why don't I eat slower? Why can I still eat everything?
 
My biggest question .... why do I keep reading other people's awesomely amazing experiences on here and think the same thing will happen to me... even when my surgeon is telling me that is not always how it works?!?!?!
 
Here is an example: People on here who lose 40 pounds or more their first 6 weeks. My surgeon tells me: expect to lose less than 5 pounds in the first three months, then expect to lose 1 - 2 pounds a week after the three month mark (when proper restriction is reached).
 
Here is another example: People on here who have restriction at 4 cc in their 10 cc band and they have "stuck" episodes, and they can barely eat five bites before they are satisfied. Here is my reality: I can eat anything and everything I want, no exceptions.
 
Here is one more: People have restriction after one fill and live happily ever after. Here is what my surgeon tells me: I will need about three fills before I can feel restriction.
 
I know ... it's individual, other people's experiences won't be mine. I know. But ... in every area in my life I'm a huge pessimist ... but with my lapband, I'm an optimist and I keep getting let down.
 
I also know ... calm down, it's been 6 weeks and I've lost 14 pounds. That is better than 2 pounds a week. I need to keep repeating that to myself. Over and over and over and over and ....