'Twas the Night Before Surgery.....

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!

Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.

I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.

It has been an eye opening journey so far.

My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!

I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.

I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.

I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.

Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!

I want this...I want it bad.

I'm willing to work and following what I must.

I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!

Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!