GeezerSue

There was a couple who named their kid ESPN, after...you know. Your in-laws have seen one too many episodes of Sesame Street (or maybe not enough episodes, if we're being honest here) and think that "Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz" (Pronounced "ab-cafe-ge-jekyl-manopquer-stuv-wickses," was a really neat street name or something).

Aunt Francie--the eldest sister of the Phone-Free January's aunt--painted. Almost everything...with a roller. Screens dirty? Silver paint! Wish you had purchased the green car instead? No problem. She really, really painted her car with a roller. Not long before she got shipped off to the home for the permananetly bewildered, she called me. She had some papers and photos she wanted me to have. I'm a freak for family memorabilia, so grabbed my kid and called my sister and we went. Boxes and boxes of newspaper clippings. The most valuable one, as far as I could tell, was the clipping featuring actor Robert Young (1950's "Father Knows Best") and his wife coming home from the hospital with their baby. She read that one to me several times. Aunt Francie also apparently had a thing for the cheese powder from generic mac & cheese...because by the time we got there, there were at least two dozen opened boxes--in the fridge--with the cheese packets missing. The grandfather on that side, although kind and loving to me, was a real SOB to his wife and daughters. My grandmother was a virtual slave, at the very least verbally abused her whole life. Sex on demand, babies, housework. She never really mastered English. She had no friends. She only ANSWERED the phone, never once made a call. So excuse me while I chuckle at this little ditty. Grandpa had a stroke. Crash, boom on the living room floor. She covered him up with a blanket. Two days later one of my fireman uncles stopped in and became hysterical! "Ma! What happened?" he demanded. "Papa fall down," she replied. I have always wondered if a little part of her silently also said, "and if the SOB had ever let me use the f'ing telephone, I might have called someone." (Grandpa survived that one and lived for several more years.) I would love your laundry baskets story if it were not for the "Fresh Start" laundry detergent supply I own. I loved it because you only need a quarter cup. But P&G stopped making it and I was sad...until I found it at the odd lots place. We bought what has turned out to be a several-years supply of it. When our kid stops by and looks in the cupboard, she turns away slowly and says, "Uh, Guys? Is there a story to go with all the laundry detergent or do I have to make up my own?" (Did I mention she could be a bitch?)

I have a few relatives of note. My grandfather divorced my grandmother (and got custody of the kids) and then married Grandma's little sister. My mother and her brother--whose aunt became their live-in step-mother--understandably have a somewhat "askew" view of what constitutes "normal" family behavior. That uncle and his wife married and divorced three of four times before she got smart. On the other side of the family, my grandma used to wash paper plates and hang them on the clothesline to dry (the aunts ran around and tore them up and trashed them), and that grandma's youngest daughter now takes her phone off the hook for the entire month of January...to save money. We keep telling her that it doesn't cost anything to ANSWER the phone, but she doesn't see it that way. I remember the Ellie who killed her son's molester. I thought she was dying of cancer. Lisa, I do not think that your youthful environment would have caused me to seek comfort in food. I'm pretty sure I'd have become a serial killer.

Have you thought about celebrating Festivus? A SPREADING DARKNESS Festivus began on "Seinfeld" and is catching on. YEAR-ROUND JOY Krista Soroka's Festivus includes a pole as as well as a book of grievances that she shows off all year. Fooey to the World: Festivus Is Come By ALLEN SALKIN Published: December 19, 2004 GATHER around the Festivus pole and listen to a tale about a real holiday made fictional and then real again, a tale that touches on philosophy, King Lear, the pool at the Chateau Marmont hotel, a paper bag with a clock inside and, oh yes, a television show about nothing. The first surprise is that from Tampa Bay, Fla., to Washington, from Austin, Tex., to Oxford, Ohio, many real people are holding parties celebrating Festivus, a holiday most believe was invented on an episode of "Seinfeld" first broadcast the week before Christmas in 1997. "More and more people are familiar with what Festivus is, and it's growing," said Jennifer Galdes, a Chicago restaurant publicist who organized her first Festivus party three years ago. "This year many more people, when they got the invite, responded with, `Will there be an airing of the grievances and feats of strength?' " Those two rituals — accusing others of being a disappointment and wrestling — are traditions of Festivus as explained on the show by the character Frank Costanza. On that episode he tells Kramer that he invented the holiday when his children were young and he found himself in a department store tug of war with another Christmas shopper over a doll. "I realized there had to be a better way," Frank says. So he coined the slogan "A Festivus for the rest of us" and formulated the other rules: the holiday occurs on Dec. 23, features a bare aluminum pole instead of a tree and does not end until the head of the family is wrestled to the floor and pinned. The actual inventor of Festivus is Dan O'Keefe, 76, whose son Daniel, a writer on "Seinfeld," appropriated a family tradition for the episode. The elder Mr. O'Keefe was stunned to hear that the holiday, which he minted in 1966, is catching on. "Have we accidentally invented a cult?" he wondered. Maybe. To postulate grandly, the rise of Festivus, a bare-bones affair in which even tinsel is forbidden, may mean that Americans are fed up with the commercialism of the December holidays and are yearning for something simpler. Or it could be that Festivus is the perfect secular theme for an all-inclusive December gathering (even better than Chrismukkah, popularized by the television show "The O.C."). Or maybe, postulating smally, it's just irresistibly silly. Interpretations of the holiday's rules differ among Festivus fundamentalists. Take the pole. On the show Frank Costanza says it must be aluminum and "it requires no decoration." But he does not specify what should hold it up nor its exact height. Krista Soroka, 33, the host of a annual Festivus party in Tampa Bay, sank her five-footer into a green plastic pot filled with sand this year. "It's just an aluminum pole," she said, "like Frank says.' After her party last year, she gave each of the 100 guests a miniature: a two-inch-tall ceramic pot filled with plaster of paris with a nail sticking out of the center. Mike Osiecki, 26, a financial analyst in Atlanta, scheduled his Festivus gathering for friends and colleagues for Friday. He said his pole, which he bought for $10 at Home Depot, is suspended by fishing line on his porch, so "people can stare at it or dance around it if they want to." Aaron Roberts, 28, a zoology graduate student in Oxford, Ohio, unscrewed a post from a set of metal shelves and sank it through the top of a cardboard box with weights inside. In Chicago, Ms. Galdes anchored her six-and-a-half-footer in a Christmas tree stand. "This year I am not having a tree," she said. Scott McLemee, a writer, and his wife, Rita Tehan, had no pole at all at their party in the Dupont Circle neighborhood in Washington. They are two of the Festivus faithful who held their parties early in December before friends headed home for more traditional affairs. Both Dan O'Keefe and his son bless the variations. The original Festivus was constantly in flux. "It was entirely more peculiar than on the show," the younger Mr. O'Keefe said from the set of the sitcom "Listen Up," where he is now a writer. There was never a pole, but there were airings of grievances into a tape recorder and wrestling matches between Daniel and his two brothers, among other rites. "There was a clock in a bag," said Mr. O'Keefe, 36, adding that he does not know what it symbolized. "Most of the Festivi had a theme," he said. "One was, `Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?' Another was, `Too easily made glad?' " ~~~~~~~

Be cautious...with this crowd, Bandstock could morph into Bandgate! Film at eleven.

Y'all know what? You're basically kids and this career is just one step in a long path before you. I didn't get to do the job I really wanted to do until I was 47. I ended up retiring beofre I had done it for ten years, but I did it well enough to get pretty good at it and it was a good gig. You will continue to take care of business and your kids (and errant husbands) and learn many helpful things along the way...it's all just part of the program. Your time will come. If you get there too soon, you won't appreciate it, and you won't bring enough life experiences to the table with you! Sue

Good advice. I get so frustrated when I read posts like yours because so many "newer" doctors are doing the surgery but not the patient education. You are NOT going to be full in your belly. The object of the band is to limit how much food you can eat. You will NOT be filling your stomach. And eggs ARE tough because they never actually dissolve. Do you like soft-boiled eggs? Make one of those and just eat the yolk right now. Many people can't eat solids early in the day and have to wait for the stoma to relax and open a little before eating solids. Read your booklet and read all the old posts and FAQ's so you know what to expect. Good luck.

You know, I understand about the drive. Until recently, I had to drive that far (and out of the country) to get an adjustment. But the band is higher maintenance until you find the right adjustment and it's just something you have to agree to adapt to. Like kids or a pet, there are just going to be times when it is time-consuming. And it will eventually be worth it. IMHO, you have received good information here and need to really listen. If a doctor left a nurse in charge of that big an adjustment, then they both need to "get in trouble." That's just a huge jump. First, you can suffer esophageal damage. And, you will lose LESS weight when your band is too tight, because you will learn to live on high calorie liquids. Remind them that the Inamed book says the band works with solid food. And that their adjustment has left you in a position where you cannot eat solid food and that is NOT what you expect. Get assertive. You deserve a lapband that works with food.

I didn't need a binder or Water...none of the other patients needed them when I was there. I think a binder would have made me feel worse that I did without one. You'll get a goodie basket. Are you going alone? If so, take as little as possible, because you'll probably want to check out of the hotel and then back in after surgery to save $100. (and you might want to do that anyway, because the hospital room will have room and a bed for a loved one.) My advice: buy some neat fruit juices at the HEB maarket next door before your surgery, so you have a variety post-op.

So, you're here to advertise TV shows? Don't have weight issues? No surgery questions? Yew-hoo, Alexandra?

I had my band emptied before my plastic surgery to prevent any problem if I became nauseated...but it never happened. They said there was no problem intubating me and it was in and out before I knew anything.

Yup, Favretti in Italy. That was my other choice...cuz I have Italian "connections." http://www.obesitylapbandsurgery.com/cost.html

One more time guys, just for the detail-oriented...Ponce is in Georgia...Ponce de Leon is in Mexico.

Not all insurances require medically supervised diets. Some require a five-year history of MO and evidence that you have tried other methods. (Your lifetime WW Membership Card or something.) Again, I'm not an insurance expert, but I'll bet the farm on this advice: NEVER assume, and DO NOT EXPECT logic.

Cindy, You and I are in similar situations. I've been banded for almost two years, lost 80 pounds, get reflux, got unfilled, got refilled, got unfilled for a tummy tuck, got refilled...now down about 60 pounds. Less than ideal food choices and way too much seat-warming going on here. Oh...I was talking about me, not you. I'm going to read the responses and learn a lot. HOWEVER, :::insert drum roll::: I actually fit into a shirt at Old Navy...a tad snug, but hey.

I'm not gonna tell you, Lisa. I have a very good friend, whose mom--a nurse--now has stomach cancer. She was on NSAID's for arthritis and knee replacements and all. Not a good situation.

Yeah...what SHE asked.

My best friend on the planet is from Brownville (no longer exists), which was outside Northport which is outside Tuscaloosa. And our only child was born in Kentucky. I know from all o' y'all Southun Belles. And I have no complaints at all, except for the abomination y'all perform on "iced tea." I know, you say "sweeee-tea." Which is the LEAST you should say considering what you do to it!!! Here's what I think. Make tea. Pour it over ice. Stick a slice of lemon somewhere nearby. Mint will do if you've run out of lemon, but try not to run out of lemon, okay? LEAVE THE SUGAR IN THE CUPBOARD. And...don'choo pay them no nevahmind...everuhbody tells me I tawk juss like a yankee, too.

yup...even if they found a way to pour it on the floor and let us roll around in it...it would STILL irritate the stomach...which may also explain why there is such competition in the Nexxium, Prilosec, Tums market. Lots of people got lots of screwed up stomachs from all these really good pain relievers. They stop the pain AND mess up your stomach.

If you're morbidly obese, the medical necessity part is a no brainer. I think I'd ask the PCP to NOT make reference to the TYPE of bariatric surgery, unless he can say that the LapBand is medically necessary. You don't want him to say that the RnY is what is medically necessary. It may be the "gold standard" in the US, but that surgery is a lot more deadly. (Have you had any previous abdominal surgeries? Sometimes those surgeries are a reason to not have RnY.) Have you calculated your BMI? A big part of the medical necessity hinges on BMI. Now, you have two weeks to get together info on the LapBand for your PCP. Doctors don't like anything WE say, because they are convinced that we don't know anything. You might want to call Inamed to find the most recent articles that have been published in "peer reviewed journals" that you could take with you OR you could have them mail to him right away. Also, if you're good at wading through that kind of stuff, there are abstracts (the mini-book report version) of those articles available online.

No need to limit drinking before meals and right up to the beginning fo the meal. After meals, an hour is good. (And a half-hour is better than nothing.)

And... AFAIK As Far As I Know AFK Away From Keyboard BFN Bye For Now BOHICA Bend Over, Here It Comes Again BRB Be Right Back BTDTGTS Been There, Done That, Got the T-Shirt BTSOOM Beats The S**t Out Of Me BTW By The Way CRAFT Can't Remember A F**king Thing DARFC Ducking And Running For Cover DH Dear Husband (also Dear Hubby, Duh Hubby and of course Dick Head) DIY Do It Yourself FAQ Frequently Asked Questions FUBAR F**ked Up Beyond All Recognition FUD (spreading) Fear, Uncertainty, and Disinformation FWIW For What it's Worth FYI For Your Information GR&D Grinning, Running, & Ducking (alternatively GD&R) HAGD Have A Great Day HAND Have A Nice Day HTH Hope This Helps IAE In Any Event IANAL I Am Not A Lawyer (also IANAxxx, such as IANACPA) ICBW I Could Be Wrong (sometimes It Could Be Worse) IIRC If I Recall Correctly IMAO In My Arrogrant Opinion IMHO In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO In My Not So Humble Opinion IMO In My Opinion IOW In Other Words IRL In Real Life ISWYM I See What You Mean LMAO Laughing My Ass Off LOL Laughing Out Loud MHBFY My Heart Bleeds For You MHOTY My Hat's Off To You OIC Oh, I See! OTOH On The Other Hand OTTH On The Third Hand PDA Public Display of Affection PITA Pain In The Arse PDQ Pretty D**m(ed) Quick(ly) PMFJI Pardon Me For Jumping In PKB Pot, Kettle Black (as in "Look at the pot calling the kettle black.") FAQ Frequently Asked Questions (and Answers.) ROFL Rolling on the Floor Laughing ROLF Basically ROFL, but laugh and floor are switched, meaning an unfunny, offensive, corny, stupid joke. ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing ROTFLMAO Rolling On the Floor, Laughing My A** Off RTFM Read The F**king Manual RTFFAQ Read The F**king FAQ SITD Still In The Dark SNAFU Situation Normal, All F**ked Up TIA Thanks In Advance TTFN Ta ta For Now TTYL Talk To You Later TWIMC To Whom It May Concern TYVM Thank You Very Much WTH What The Hell WTF What The F**k WWW World-Wide Web WYSIWYG What You See Is What You Get YHBT You Have Been Trolled YMMV Your Mileage May Vary As a former Army-girl, I'm especially fond of BOHICA and FUBAR (which are VietNam Era and Gulf War Era equivalents of the World War II favorite SNAFU), and RTFM, RTFFAQ

I just love saying "Slidell, Louisiana." I was born in California and STILL can't say it without a drawl.

Lisa could find fun if we were stuck in the bottom of a dumpster for a week. It's all in the attitude.

Welcome back! did you have the surgery at his new outpatient or overnight place...whatever it is he's using instead of the regular hospital? How did it go?