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Dear Diary

A blog by PrettyLilButterfly in General

  • Entries

    16

  • Comments

    34

  • Views

    7,550

About this blog

Just me...daily

Entries in this blog

Been Awhile

Hello my darling Diary.. I am sorry I have neglected you. Work is out of control and I barely have time to breathe. Going online at home is not an option. This is the one area I don't need anyone in my life knowing about. Too stressed to even think today. But glad I was able to drop the 3 lbs I had gained a couple of weeks ago (damn you tasty alcohol beverages!).   Spoke with a temp agency this AM seeking new work. They have several temp to hires...that's all I'll accept. Touching base with

S T R E S S........

So this is the first time since my sleeve that I've experienced this level of stress... and it's taking it's toll I've gained 2 lbs since monday. So now, it's time to buckle down. I know the stress will eventually subside..and that God hasn't given me more than I can handle.. But it really is alot.. I know I should see a shrink, but Im focused on my daughter seeing one. And honestly, I can't afford the copay due to my brother's upcoming wedding ( I need to rent me and my son a tux and get my da

So Much To Think About...

Reading all the posts on here..and going over my own diary entries..it seems I have alot to think about. In my heart of hearts, I know what needs to be done..and yet, I don't do it out of fear. Not fear of failure.. I've picked myself up from ground zero before. I can do it again. Just so nervous because of the uncertainty in my job situation. If I move out/on, find a rental, will I be able to maintain it? I often think of asking dad to share a 4 bedroom with me..but dad can be quite the clingy/

Another day..

Work is so busy, head is spinning. Emotions all over today. Tired of whiney ass coworkers. Tired of my pain in the ass girlfriend (yes yet another weekend of how I look like a sick person and need to gain weight). I flat out told her to go find someone with more meat on their bones. Dad, gotta love him, but dear lord he is needy. Has called 10 times today needing something. I love helping my dad, but I can barely breathe at work today. Told my boss I wanted a $2 raise. He giggled and I looked hi

Another day...

So I found it amusing my blog yesterday was titled "Reflections". I walked out of my building to meet a coworker of mine outside. As I was walking back in the building, I looked up and saw my reflection in the glass doors.. I literally giggled out loud like a giddy school girl. The reflection was...amazing. I was just your normal, average woman walking towards the door. My legs looks so thin...My entire body looked so thin. I know i've lost 100 lbs. I know I'm a new person..but there are days wh

Reflections

When I look at this picture, a song comes to mind. (I was almost at my largest, think i was 10-15 larger than this at one point). The song is called reflections   Look at me You may think you see Who I really am But you'll never know me Every day It's as if I play a part Now I see If I wear a mask I can fool the world But I cannot fool my heart   Who is that girl I see Staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show Who I am inside?     This has always been one of m

Was I too Open?

I'm reading post after post in regards to whom people have told. And it seems very few are telling people outside of their 'cirle'.   Me, I've told the world. If someone at work asks, I tell them. My job knew the second i started contemplating the surgery.   I think part of my decision to tell everyone was I work for the company/hospital who does the surgery. i was the first one at my insurance company to get lapband. and now i am the first one to get the revision. i actually considered try

Yikes I did it!

So I did it. I am minus about 5 lbs of ... HAIR!! I could feel the weight coming off.. I was slightly freaked out, but knew it was something I've always wanted to do. My G/F was not too happy. But she'll get over it. It usually takes me 2-3 days to 'own' my new hairstyles. So by monday, I'll be rocking my do like nobody's business   Im proud of myself for taking this leap. It may not seem like much to others, but is a world to me. It's like wearing that sexy dress for the frist time, or bein

'big' night tonight- well for me anyway

So tonight is somewhat of a big night for me. Due to my weight, I've always kept my hair long. I guess I felt I could 'hide' behind it..HAHA imagine? I kept it down to my waist. A few years ago, I got 'brave' and cut it to my shoulders. Mainly because my hair is super thick and heavy. Well I've ALWAYS wanted to have short hair. In my opinion, the less the better. Of course I'm struggling with my g/f about the length. I know it's not HER decision, but we all know we refrain from doing certain thi

Feeling Guilty.... ?

Having feelings of guilt today. It's almost the "is this too good to be true" feeling. I am at the thinnest I've been in my life, I can do things I've never been able to do, wear clothes I would never dream of wearing before, I pretty much eat what I want (within limits of course), have NO health problems...I should be at the happiest point of my life, but I feel so guilty. Do I regret anything? no of course not, but guilt is creeping in.   I think it's stemming from seeing overweight people

@$%&

I probably shouldn't be typing today. Yesterday was just an all around horrible day. I had it out with a co-worker. I really do try to bite my tongue and keep peace...but oh lord she just hit the wrong button. So we've agreed to just not speak to each other. I was going to ask my director to move my cubicle elsewhere (so very tired of the drama in this dept). However, I don't want to add to the drama and stress him out. So I just keep my headphones on and play my music all day while I work. Tod

YAY It's friday!

Another week has come and gone. Was supposed to go camping this weekend, but forgot I have a baby shower to attend (Gah). Upset my mom when I told her I couldn't pick her up for the shower because I really didn't plan on staying through the entire shower. I explained to her I do not like showers of any kind...yes i know, it's my cousin's wifes and we've waited forever for another baby...but ...games/food/chatter.. no thanks! Hell I would've missed my own baby showers if I could've.. I sound evil

sadness

So yesterday my g/f's mother is rushed to the ER wtih chest pains. We were told she had just had her 2nd heart attack. When she gets to the ER, they said that was incorrect and her heart was fine. Due to extreme deadlines at work I couldn't rush to the ER to be there. I also figured all her children were there so I would only be in the way. Once I knew I could leave work, I called my g/f and asked her if I could stop by her moms. She said her mom was tired and that she'd be heading home soon.  

Ramblings :)

Well another day is here. I'm trying to stay awake here at work. After the weightloss, most of my nightmares had gone away...but some creep in now and then. I don't recall if I had nightmares last night, but know it was so hot I couldn't get comfortable. Was so upset when my alarm went off..damn it, I just fell asleep. I'm thankful i do sleep better but god why can't i fall asleep quicker?   Of course it doesn't help that I can't shut my bloody brain off!! UGH! SHUT UP VOICES! JUST SLEEP!! Too

I love life :)

Well the wedding was amazingly goreous and beautiful. Though it was my best friends day, I felt like a princess too. I shined in my own light. It was the first time since I was a teen (well maybe in grade school) where I didnt' cover my arms! I fussed and threw a fit because I couldn't find a shawl or jacket to wear over my dress. At the last minute, I decided against one. Partly because I did want to show off my tattoos. And for once, I didn't mind taking pictures, even willingly posing for a f

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