Having feelings of guilt today. It's almost the "is this too good to be true" feeling. I am at the thinnest I've been in my life, I can do things I've never been able to do, wear clothes I would never dream of wearing before, I pretty much eat what I want (within limits of course), have NO health problems...I should be at the happiest point of my life, but I feel so guilty. Do I regret anything? no of course not, but guilt is creeping in.

I think it's stemming from seeing overweight people at work struggling. I see the look on the faces, it's such a common look "don't look at me" "i'm the biggest person on here" "omg everyone is loking at me". I know those looks oh too well. Trying to hide in the corner of each room your in praying no one pays attention to you. Doing everything you can to avoid drawing attention to yourself. I want to walk up to them and tell them about me and my story..I want to inspire them to better themselves.. but wait, who am I to judge? Who am I to say they need an 'improvement' in their lives? Just because I'm at a healthy weight, do I look at the world different?

Yes I do. Am I horrible? I don't judge, not by any means...I just want everyone to feel as good as I do. It pains me to see overweight people in wheel chairs or in hoverrounds. It pains me to see overweight people with oxygen tanks. I feel so shallow right now. My G/f gets on me and says "Not everyone can take the easy way out and get surgery"... haha..easy way out.. Yes because it's been easy.

I spent the 1st year after lapband throwing up and practially living on liquids only. Yes, that was easy. I loved it. I loved starving inbetween my 1st and 2nd meal. Oh and I loved having my lap band removed, a hearnia repaired, most of my stomach removed, falling in the hospital, bleeding internally losing over 4 pints of blood, and having my spleen repaired the next morning. Yes I loved that.. WTF?? This path has not been easy. Now I'm exactly 2 years from the date of my 1st surgery. and NOW , yes life is easier. I don't focus on food, I eat when i'm hungry. and i feel great, i'm still losing and most of all i'm MAINTAINING. I've dreamt of this all my life. and now i'm here..and today.. i feel like i'm not worthy.

SIGH.......