Ramblings :)

Well another day is here. I'm trying to stay awake here at work. After the weightloss, most of my nightmares had gone away...but some creep in now and then. I don't recall if I had nightmares last night, but know it was so hot I couldn't get comfortable. Was so upset when my alarm went off..damn it, I just fell asleep. I'm thankful i do sleep better but god why can't i fall asleep quicker?

Of course it doesn't help that I can't shut my bloody brain off!! UGH! SHUT UP VOICES! JUST SLEEP!! Too hard though. Healthcare reform is changing my job so drastically. Everything I love and do will be going away by next month. in the meanwhile, my month this month is hideous. Scrambling around to see who can get the kids from school (what happens when you move out of district, but refuse to let your kids go to any other schools..theyre doing so good). Trying to get all my work done before 5. Kids calling asking what they can eat. The girlfriend calling bugging about if i'm going to cook (didn't we establish over 5 years ago I DONT COOK? ugh I hate cooking. she should'nt be eating at 7pm anyway!!). ok focus, must finish your work for the day...

dear god, how am i able to stay focused on eating good when everything else is in shambles? I guess it's ok since I don't care much about food anyway. HA, I tried explaining that to my g/f the other day. That i eat because I have to, not because I want to. she laughed and said i was being stupid. hmm should i refer her to some of the forums where that's discussed? yes honey, it's true, eating just isn't important anymore. Has she not noticed when she asks what I want to eat i reply with "i dont care" because guess what, I DONT!! And now she wants to take a cruise. Hmm can i get a discount since I will not be enjoying the endless nasty buffets? to me it's just a waste of money. What saves me is my birth certificate and my DL's have different names (by one letter). So technically, I can't get a passport. (I tried, it will take an act of god to get my names to match. and NO I am not changing my name to what's on my BC...NO!!!). Now I see why 50% of WLS patients end up getting a divorce. The things in life that used to matter, dont anymore. She said it's hard for her because our relationship used to be based on food (really, where was i?) and now it cant' be based on that. REALLY? ugh.. that angers me. that's...pathetic. So we can't connect (or havent) on other levels?

being single just seems more and more appealing wihth each passing day.

ok...back to work. i really do have a ton to do today.. just need energy!!