Reflections

When I look at this picture, a song comes to mind. (I was almost at my largest, think i was 10-15 larger than this at one point). The song is called reflections

Look at me

You may think you see

Who I really am

But you'll never know me

Every day

It's as if I play a part

Now I see

If I wear a mask

I can fool the world

But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

This has always been one of my favorite songs..and I guess in so many ways it was MY song for so many years. When I was larger, I didn't feel like that was the true me. Everytime I looked in the mirror its as if the reflection was a stranger. Who is she? And what made it worse is I also hid the fact I gay. I didn't hide that too long, I did come out within a couple of years of realizing who I truly am. Maybe that's what started my journey to self discovery. Would I have had the surgery had I not come out? I spent so many years wondering who the hell I am (well was rather). The day I came out to myself was a wonderful moment. Admitting to myself WHO I AM. Coming out to my family was the second most wonderful moment. Dad took it ok. Mom went through a range of emotions. I wasn't looking for acceptance, however, the freedom of being who i am was beyond words. Now 10 years later, my life has been the best it's ever been. The only and final struggle was the girl in the mirror..

It's been 2 years since my 1st surgery...and I look in the mirror each morning, Smile wide..and giggle "There she is..." There's the person I was supposed to be all this time.. I am so grateful to God for giving me the strength to proceed with my life change. And to my family and friends for being 100% supportive (well minus 1 person, but it is what it is). Each and every day they keep me in check. At first I had issues with some of them sneaking a peek at what I was eating. now however, it's a welcome glance! My favorite person is my co-worker and wonderful friend Granny Cathy. She has been so supportive and such a wonderful friend. I was being bad a few weeks ago and grabbed a kit-kat (sorry those are and always will be my weakness). After I nibbled one piece of it, she looked over, saw it...and took it from me! I almost died laughing. i knew i shouldn't eat it. and she knew i would do it anyway. i love her for that.

i know some individuals struggle with this surgery before, during and after...i can't express to them enough how wonderful this life change truly is. I wish I had done this in my 30's, but i'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. just thankful i did it when i did. no regrets....