Even this far out and soooo close to goal,after losing fast for the past two months,I am now stuck again.
At just 2 pounds from goal!
This is frustrating as I did the chicken thing this week,no alcohol ect ect with zero results.It still messes with my mind when this happens..lol.I still doubt what I am doing and if I will be able to eat this little forever just to maintain this weight.
It does feel to me at this point that it is time to be finished with the weight loss phase.
My probiotics isnt helping for the constipation anymore and I have decided to start eating fiber one every day to see if this makes a difference.this will push up my carbs quite a lot but it is what it is.I can live with 2 extra pounds but I cannot live with constant constipation.I do not want to take stoolsoftners every day because I either drink to much or to little.Cannot find e dosage that is just right for me.
I will be doing labs and bone scan this week.Just recently I have been having a lot of aches and pains in my "bones".My back lower and upper,and my neck is constantly aching.It feels like I am curving more and more.As if my "frame" is collapsing...lol.My joint are also super achy like when you have flu.
Well,its weekend and my kids are sick so I am stuck at home.Bad thing for my eating as I am constantly wanting to eat something..lol.Will cut myself some slack for a couple of days though.
This is such an interesting journey.I am mostly happy and satisfied with myself at this point and that is great.I do worry about vitamins and calsium issues and will start working on a more organized way to drink the calsium 4 hours after the PPI and other vitamins staggered throughout the day.
Will report on labs next week!
My 12 year old was diagnosed with Anorexia nervosa a month ago and I HAVE GAINED 5 pounds in the past couple of weeks.It feels like I am eating for her and as we have to have normal earing patterns around her I cannot cut of full fats or carbs.
THIS IS ANY WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY PATIENTS NIGHTMARE!
I am not allowed to have scales around anymore which drives me nuts as well.The fact tht my life has stopped since we are in stage 1 of redeeding her is not helping as I am bored and stressed.But we are growing a lot stronger as individuals and as a family and that is super positive.Healthy happy,whole people will emerge from the eye of this storm.
Anyhow,will update as I am now secretly trying to drop this 5 again without anyone noticing.Which is a bit tricky but I recon exercise will have to become part of my life now.I can do it when she is at school.Good thing too as I can do with a lot of toning.
xxo
Owe have been back in this country for 4 days and 1.I am sick as a dog with a cold ( just finished with SA cold and flu,now Middle eastern cold and flu...lol) and
2.I am struggling my butt off with the food issues ,just like before.
It just seems that there is some issues that I sTill have to battle and overcome.And I will.Its funny how wanting to write about my failure right now made me decide to fight to overcome these issues.
1.At home,here in Dubai,I seem to be able to eat more.My sleeve felt very restricted in SA and here it feels like I can and want to eat more and more often.I must confess I drink 8 cups of tea per day as I struggle with water and I struggle with the protein.I think the diffwrence is that I didnt replacw the protein with anything else when I was in SA.I also didnt eat low carb or low fat for that matter.I had a glass of wine every second night and generally I was way more relaxed.
So,heres the plan.Salad and protein.Less milk.I also drank a cup of coffee every day that I miss now (Jacob's Kronen not allowed in UAE) I didnt eat breakfast but then for lunch I did eat a good protein and again for dinner.I ate lots of seafood and here is something everyone will freak out about,I ate more fats.No fatfree foods or milk.I was fuller faster and satisfied with very small portions.So,I will start writing down every thing again and see what is so different.
O I hate obsessing about this but I do as the scale was down another pound yesterday and up 3 pounds today....and I still weigh every single day.dont think I can not.
Ok,new day,different food.
Xxo
This morning when I got up I thought I had a hard day ahead of me.Negotiating a lease for a new house with a super difficult landlord.I felt like eating and was in a bad mood cause I couldnt.
Now I am on my way to the airport to fly out to SA as my mom is very ill.This put everything into perspective once again.EATING IS JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT.I ended up not eating most of the day as I was just to busy and worried about my mommy.We can so easily focus on the wrong stuff and the want to eat away problems is one of them,
Anyhow,my labs just sucked.Cant talk about it now but will post when I have time.But my bone density is normal.Great news.
Now to resist the airoplane food,I always seem to end up eating it though!
O,and I was at goal for a minute during the week.But just for a moment though.I did run twice and played squash twice.Will really start exercising when I get back in a couple of weeks.Now,to not go and be to emotional with the eating back home and while missing my girls will be the challenge.
The sleeve seems to ache a little tonight which I think is just stress.And I wonder if I did try to eat if I would have been able to.Interesting how restriction kicks in when stressed.
Ok,Im out of here!
I am not sure what is going on with me but I am getting slightly concerned.Since yesterday morning I've been having the craziest stomach ache.No idea what is causing it.I also have this pain high in my back behind my stomach.My tummy is rumbling like crazy the whole time and I am just generally feeling weird.
This should really go away now....
and...I am trying to be calm and enjoy liquids...hehehe.
I can drink to much.Will chat with the surgeon tomorrow.Why can I drink so easily when my friend thats 2 years out cant....with her it slow,slow,slow!
Am freaked out about weight loss that isnt too gr8 but its coming down.
This is a crazy emotional road i've chosen,it seems.
O yes,I went for a proper walk today.
Xxo
Realizing that I didnt talk about the surgery itself much,that is what I will do today.
But first: surgery day was on the 13th of March 2012. I weighed 287 on surgery day,292 for the first week post op and I am 267.5 today.....almost 20 pounds down plus the extra I had in fluid weight after surgery.This makes the whole experience worth it....or almost.Last night I regretted putting of our road trip through the USA....I would have liked to have sampled all the different lovely foods that they show on cooking channel,and the food seems to be especially decadent in America....o well,too late now..LOL
Surgery day and day 1 after was extremely difficult for me. I was not really prepaired at all for what I experienced...even though I had the band before.But if I could survive that,any one can!
Recently I have come to understand that I am more stubborn than most people on earth.
1 cup of food is tooo much.Repeat, a whole cup of food is too much.Even if it is 2 oz of protein and lettuce and salad veggies....it is still too much.I feel too full after I have finished it,even with a break in the middle.
So,back to half a cup or 3-4 oz depending on what it is.
I will learn.
Today was a good food day.I have decided to stop the snacks and it wasnt difficult.Now I just have to get through this evening without snacking and I will be good to go.The exercise program is also taking shape now and I am/will exercise every day.
Now for the next ten pounds.
xxo
today I made the choice to have 1500 calories for the day.I had about 150g of carbs and I enjoyed every one of them.
Tomorrow I will be back on plan but with some complex carbs as part of my diet again.It just worked for me.Cutting carbs to 25 makes me feel blue and makes the constipation terrible to deal with.
I will also keep up with the exercise and will try to do a walk in the evening in addition to everything else.
Now for the next 20 pounds as a short term goal by the 18th of December when we have a big family reunion in SA.
Heres to better days!
ok so I have hit the mother of all stalls.And all the doubt and all the anxiety has returned.
Am I eating to much?Am I eating to little?What should I eat?What am I doing wrong.I must be doing something wrong.
I know,with the rational part of my brain,that I have TOM and the 2 pounds that I am up is normal for this time of the month.My housekeeper reminds me every morning when I storm down the stairs in a bad fat mood that this is the way its been since surgery and that I look thinner to her.She is so sweet.And such a LIAR..lol!
It has been quite a while since the scale has moved and I dont know how to survive these stalls.My mood still depends way to much on the number on the ruddy scale.I must say I dont weigh near as much as before just because I just dont have any expectations anymore,which is not a good thing!
I am just so scared every time I hit a stall that it will nwvwr end and this is as good as its going to get for me.
But nothing I do changes this so I guess I will just have to sit it out.(this is punishment for always thinking that peolple who said they stalled were cheating with their food..lol)
......and since the 25th of June Ive been in A dreadful stall again.
I am exercising 5 days a week now.Hard cardio and weights.(sometimes weights!)
Will keep chugging away and not complain too much.
We are going on holiday on thursday and will see what the change from 105 degrees to 50 do for us.Worry about wanting more food when it is cold...lol
xxo
Its my birthday today and I decided to buy food from a place called limetree.They make the most delicious salads and quiche and of course,carrot cake.I bought 2 salads and 2 slices of quiche for 4 of us and I had a tiny bit of each...or thought I would have.
Since this morning i have had a tummy ache like I have gastritis. (know what it feels like as I had it often while I had the band).I had a few bites and fed the rest of my food to my 11 year old that came back from camp today and was starving.Then I cut the 2 slices of cake in half and for myself half of half....and it made me feel so sick.
Had a nice long bath afterwards and then at about 22:00 I decided that it is m birthday and I am allowed to eat..got myself a little tiny 100 calorie packet of sweet chilli ryvitas,minis, and low and behold,at about 5 and have been spitting it out ever since.Just like with the band the food just seems to pop back into my mouth..I dont vomit and the food is really clean just as it was when I swallowed it.
I have realized once again that I cannot at his point eat just to eat...even if it is my birthday.Food have to be more functional and the protein thing is something I will have to get right.
Sweet stuff makes me feel horrible and i seems nothing tastes as nice as before the surgery.
Maybe if I try to get a bit more serious about exercise I will feel a bit more serious about the adaptations I have had to make around food.I am just struggling a bit with the very small portion size...like I've said before,just when I get ready to eat I am full.
Ok,this day is over and maybe my tummy feels better tomorrow.
when we went on holiday in July I lost loads of weight.eating out all the time,no tracking,counting carbs no execise (ok,I didnt exercise at all until then)
Now,back in our old routine,I have startes exercising loads.I burn about 3000 cals most days and about 2300 on the days I rest.
My food on execise days are about 1000 cals (naturally more hungry days) but on non exercise days at 800.
The lack of consistent losing is still driving me batty!
My head is seriously done in by this.
I have considered stopping the exercise again but boy am I flabby!On the one hand exercise is not going to help me reduce the skin at all but it might help for the additional blubber to even out.I am very lumpy on my legs.
Sometimes I consider doing fluids only for a day or 2 but I hate protein shakes.And I drink way to much tea with milk when I dont eat.Besides that the moment I decide to do fluids I want to eat....lol
I know I am super impatient about this as the average weight loss is still 1kg a week but I want to lose more.It is amazing to me that others can be so happy to just plod along.I try but fail to be happy with that.
Mainly I am impatient as I feel stuck above 200.199 would have been fine to sit on for a while but boy I want to be out of the 200 so badly.
It is an issue that I am thinking of eating so often.Maybe if that was different I wouldnt have minded losing slower but it just feels like a super strict diet that I am on.I am trying to get hold of some half and half so that I can stop worrying about the carbs in the milk.
And maybe I should just add carbs to my diet now so that my body can adjust to that and lose weight while eating carbs again.It worked just fine for 5 months,why wouldnt it work now?
Writing these things down helps me.I've looked back on this blog a few times and it changes my perspective sometimes to see that there is good times and bad.
So,weight is still 205 and I will only post again when it is down some more.
A positive post this next time as I have started using this as the place to whine!However,I have stopped talking about the weight loss and food issues with others and when I finish here,I feel better and can face the day with a more positive outlook.
Having said all this,I am a crazy optimist that would expect a weight loss tomorrow just to often be disappointed again.Maybe the issue really is the fact that I am weighing every day.It is difficult to not get on the scale though.
Ok,upwards and onwards!
My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.
At the moment I have to just sit down.We played squash for and hour and 15 minutes as hard as we could.From this day forward this excuse that I am tired,dont have energy,have pain has got to stop.A friend that never ever use to beat me now whips my behind.When I have played a hard game my toes are usually sore( bumping against the front of the shoe when I break suddenly..lol) and I havent had a sore toe since surgery...so exercise,here I come.
Tomorrow morning I am starting pilates classes,Monday night I've got a game lined up,Tuesday I will just do walk away the pounds,and so on and so forth.I will also start doing some light weight training as my arms are so flabby they seem to be getting bigger!Exercise might not help for the skin but it does make them thinner.
I keep wondering why I am so resistent against the exercise after the surgery.I always use to joke I am the fittest fat person on earth and yet since surgery I just dont feel like exercising.
tomorrow I will see my physician.Since surgery I have had 4 episodes of petechiae.Those tiny little point bleeds that is a rash on my trunk and thighs and this time also on my back.This has scared me when it happened but I always got it after I had my B12 shot and it did go away in about 5 days.
This time it seems to be increasing and I havent had a shot.I also have bruises all over and some inplaces that you know it wasnt caused by anything.
I hope he can shed some light on this as it is quite scary to think it might be related to low B12 or low platelet count.I am a registered nurse and I know that we do not think too much of the fact that our intrinsic factor has been cut out but that this can cause some serious issues for some people.
So I will fast tonight and hopefully he will do thorough baseline bloods and vitamins bloods.It is quite difficult here to convince the dr's to do a lot of different vitamin bloods at a time as some of the tests are still send away and it is very very costly to do.I just wish I knew what bloods we need to do as a standard anyway.
O well,lts see what he says.
So we are born again christians that have this little tradition to celebrate a traditional seder meal and this happened tonight at our house.
The lamb(a whole one) was cooked by a friend that is a chef and it was as soft as you could ever get lamb.I had to have some.So,I had 2oz of lamb,1 teaspoon of hummus,one teaspoon of mutabol,1 teaspoon of garlic cream.Well I took longer than the allowed time to eat it and I had to drink some tea to help soothe my belly.Now I didnt finish the hummus,motabol or garlic cream...just had a tiny liitle of each and the idea that I could eat even just 4 bites were fantastic.
There is still a quarter of the most tender lamb left and I found my little one in the kitchen scoffing some lamb.A that moment I really regretted not being able to do the same.I went and made myself a cup of tea.
xxo
179.7 pounds this morning.
Eating off plan once every 2 weeks seems to help every now and then.When I was on Atikins if I stalled I would have a plate of spagetti bolognese and voila,the weight would drop.Should just be back on plan immediately the next day though.
Happy me!!!!
Hehe,its because I want a big tasty burger to feel some pleasure from food that I hate the sleeve today.I want to eat all my stress away.
Before I often use to read about peoples problems (personal) that they found overwhelming post sleeve and thought they were making stuff up or were really some messed up people.Now since being sleeved I feel like my life has fallen apart and I am completely without coping skills at this point.
I dont want to leave Dubai at this complicated point in out life (my special needs kid is at uni here) and I want to eat.I am not saying I am eating,I want to eat.Over eating means a few bites to many at this point,thats all.I feel like I need to eat a lot of food,ice cream,chips,and more food.THE ONLY OTHER THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL AS GOOD IS WHEN I LOSE WEIGHT.
I am at 800 cals a day,exercise 30 minutes at least,drinking calsium,a little low on the water but not much.Getting the proteins doing all the right things and the scale is not moving.
Ok,so maybe I have psyco PMS at the moment.
xxo
Today I started the day fast.I wanted to have yogurt with protein powder but could only manage some as it was just to sweet....hehehe,a first ever for me,something being to sweet to eat.
Went for tea with a friend and came home only at 15:00.I made a smooth protein thingy with 4 slices of turkey lunch meat which went down well.Only came home again at 19:00 and by then I had had quite a quite a bit of water but I also had a stomach and back ache like you wouldnt believe.the back ache is high up,where my bra is a little to the left directly behind the stomach ache.
Made some liquidized,strained soup and had that.wanted a little sweetpotato liquidized and really struggled with all this.Another first for me since this surgery.I never struggled to finish even a full cup of soup before.
I think that I should eat a little more frequently as it is only liquids,and I shouldnt be on my feet so much yet.
My one incision is a bit wet and red and if you see what the scars look like on the outside it makes you realize it is not healed altogether on the inside yet.
Tomorrow,I will make time to just sit every now and then.And I will take it a little easier.
I should also start tracking my intake a little better but I am super careful at the moment and actually know exactly what I am taking in.For future reference: 100ml yogurt,half cup turkey mousse,half cup strained beef soup,sweetpotato soup made with 120g of sweetpotato and NOT ENOUGH protein.about 40g in total.The calories were about 550-600 calories for the day.I am happy with this for now.
Since having my one day bout of acid after forgetting my nexium I started doing research in how on earth am I going to get off the nexium without suffering from acid.
This whole thing about rebound acid is really scary to me.How on earth does the stomach learn to make less acid while being blocked?
Usually I take my calcium citrate at least 4 hours before or after my nexium.Hopefully the bone density wont be affected.Will go for check up soon.
At month 6,at the latest, I am goning to wean myself off the PPI's.There is some natural herbs that will help but I am also going to trust reducing from 20mg in the morning and evening to 10mg in the morning and evening will help prevent rebound.The problem is it seems that this furry fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat is because of some acid.
I wll start taking probiotics from today and see if that makes any difference.
The most important thing is to
1.start taking a multivitimin again
2.take the calcium citrate every second day (gives me diaree so its a laxative as well and I really need it)
3.start taking B12 sublingual to not have injections anymore
4.get vit D injection every month till the D is up
And get enough protein every day.
At th momnt I am doing the protein,almost every day,the D injection tthe calcium citrate and had B12 injections until now.The multi the dr gave me contributed to my getting hotflushes so I stopped it.Have a different one that I will start drinking tomorrow.
Geeze,I never thought this would be so regimented as far as do's and dont are concerned.
Will start taking it serious though as I want to be healthy and get thin.
xxo
