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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

Knowing your Limits

Over the holidays I learned a lot about myself. One, I can easily fall back in to my old habits. I must stick to MY way of doing things for ME to be succesful.   I did very well with things until Christmas day. At my mom's house we had a lot of food and when I say a lot I think we could have feed an army. The breakfast food was left out all morning and I found my self grazing on some of my favs - I had to pull myself away to stop. Lunch was then put out- I did fine eating lunch, but then I ate 2 desserts. By this time I felt like crap and knew I had to stop. I didn't eat for the remainder of that day.   Throught out the remainder of my time off we went out with friends several times and I did my best to stick to the healthiest of dishes, but some of those still aren't great.   I didn't keep up with my water consumption like I should have and that has had effects.   So today I am back at work and back to my normal routine and trying to think back over the last two weeks and learn from mistakes and problems that I had.   My weight is up 4 lbs ( however I have not pottied much at all in 5 days). I do not consider this a failure- some times you must slip in order to learn and better prepare yourself for the future. Some of you may read that and think oh your just kidding yourself, but you have to travel this road your way and me mine.   That 4 lbs along with other are going to come off, why because I am back on my routine. I will be back on my work out schedule, which my hubby and I do together so it makes it easier. I am back to cooking myself which will help keep me away for resturant pit falls.   I refuse to beat myself up over the things I did over my vacation, but I do want to look at them and make plans to avoid some of those pit falls in the future.   To those of you who held strong and managed to lose over the holidays I commend and you and if you did this with ease I further commend you, but I know I am not you and I will fall over road blocks from time to time. And when I do fall, I will get up, dust myself off and start going again.   You only fail when you quit trying!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Just Do It..... MOVE

I have touched on this before but I want to talk about it more.   I got a fitbit a few weeks ago and realized how lazy I was.   Since then I have tried to increase my steps and general movement daily to burn more calories and here is what I have done:   @ work I walk to other offices when I need to talk to someone rather than calling. I take the long way to the bathroom and break room to get my snacks or lunch. Instead of rolling my chair I get up and walk to get things in my office. I fidget- shake my legs, stand when on the phone   @ a store I park further away (ok unless it's raining- I don't like being wet) Walk as fast as I can between sections I need to go to or take the long way around the store.   @ home Again take the long way to the potty or kitchen We have our master on the first floor, but I go upstairs everyday to check it (I have pets) I work out when I have time (busy time of year- have gifts to wrap) When I sit down to watch a fav show (like NCIS) I pick up my hand weights and use them while I watch or during commercials. Dance around the kitchen while cooking (the hubs just loves this- I find him watching from the door laughing) Dance in the shower while washing my hair Pace when on the phone I park my car in the garage and walk back to the mail box rather than stopping at the mail box. Play with my dog (tug of war kills my arms - she is STRONG)     All these things add up to more calories burned and they put me in a better mood. I mean who won't laugh at themselves when they are dancing in the kitchen to Christmas carols or dancing in the shower. I feel better and am happier on the days I do these things.   We all can increase our movement in some way even if we can't workout. As you do more movement the easier it gets to move and the more you can do and it turns into a wonderful cycle.   So do it - MOVE!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Judgement

Judgment sucks!!   I think we all have felt we are always judged reguarding out weight. My issues started when my doctor as a kid was a health nut and was always telling me I was a fatty. I would go in with step throat and he would spend the entire time harping on my weight. Bottom line is - we feel judged at work, in stores and at resturants for out weight. Sometimes I think we are judged, but sometimes I think it's just our own negitive feelings toward ourselves.   Today I was reading some blogs and post that talked about WLS. In some of them I felt judged because of how hard core people are. However, are they really talking to me or are they just talking about themselves?   All of choose WLS for a particular reason and we are either being successful or not. Here is the kicker - success doesn't come the same for everyone!! Some people preach a certain way- no carb, low carb, certain exercises, calorie counting, weighing daily, not weighing at home at all, ect.   I have found success in counting calories and doing cardio with light weight training. I still eat carbs and foods I love just less of them. I have lost 43 lbs in a little over 4 months. I think that is successful considering I started at 244. My percentage of weight loss is better, according to my doctor, than many at my same place. This is what has worked for me, will it work for you, I have no idea, maybe, maybe not.   I refuse to judge people- whatever way you find success I say AWESOME- keep it up. Also, share what made you a success- some will find your way works for them, some will find my way works. We are all different and if we reap different success ideas from people we can build our own success plan.   Also, if you are having a bad day and need to whine or b#@$#, or complain do it. I am willing to listen because unless you are lying to yourself or unless you are on drugs you occasionally have a bad day and need to vent to someone. While I am being successful there are days when I get down in the dumps and worry or stress and I NEED people to be understanding instead of saying shut the h@@@ up and either do what your suppose to or not. While yes, I need to stick to my success plan I also need compassion and not judgement.   Now if you are complaining every day that the band is not working and you are downing milkshakes like water then you don't have anyone to blame, but yourself. And you need to be told that.   This site has been both positive and negitive in my life- I have found support and also found judgement. Sometimes I seek advise or hope that some will comment to something I have said and I get nothing and yes I feel ignored when there are others out there with their band buddies who get lots of comments and support. However, is that just me feeling due to my self impression that people are excluding me.   I must learn to be my judge and advocate and cheerleader. I need to look at myself realistically and kick myself in the butt when I need it and also give myself a pat on the back when I deserve it.   Today I am choosing to not look to others for affirmation or pats on the back, but look to myself. I must learn to find joy in my success and find answers in my failures.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Instant Gradification Junkie

I have a serious problem with wanting instant gradification. I think I've always been this way. My mom says patience was never my strong suit. I guess this is way gaining weight was so easy for me. You eat, it taste good, instant grad. Where the calories don't build up to pounds quickly so I don't see the negive consequence so fast.   I went into this surgery knowing that the loss would not be instant, however I did believe I would have lost more by this point (only 55 lbs in 10 months). I did well the first little bit, but then it has taken me 4 months to lose 10 lbs. I worry that I've lost all I will lose, a co-worker has told me over and over that with lapband you only lose 50 to 60 % of your excess body weight, and I am right there.   With exercise I also find it hard to keep on schedule. Due to my desire for instant gradification I find it difficult to say walk, do the elliptical, lift weights for x length of time because I see no result afterwards. Now, I love cutting my grass (I push mow my .28 acre), working in my flowers, even cleaning my kitchen and house because when I am done I can see a difference- instant grad. I know I need a regular exerecise plan, but I am having a really hard time sticking to one. I can go a month maybe two then I slack off due to other obligations that get in the way. Once I don't do it one day it makes it hard to get back at it. The hubs fusses at me for this, but he does the same thing. At one point we were walking the dogs on the trail behind the house every night, but long hours at work rain, we don't do that now.   My eating I think I am doing well with. I am making good choices, eating small portions, and drinking water. I know that limiting my carbs more than I have already done may help me get it down even more, but I worry I wouldn't be able to keep that up long term. I am a meat and potatos girl, always have been.   I think basically I need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, stop wining and do something!!! I find it easier to cut carbs than I think, I had a much easier time letting go of soda than I thought I would. The exercise may still be an issue, but maybe I will be more apt to do it if I get a gym membership- I don't like to waste money.   I am in contemplative mode right now, the pity party is over, I am planning now to get over this hump. I want to kick my want power into high geer!!   Please any one who want to kick me in the seat of the pants, bring it on. I want to move forward!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

6
 

Inspirations

When ever and what ever journey you take your are often inspired to take it by someone or something.   I was inspired to have WLS due to several friends having it and having great results. Once banded I have been inspired by people right here on this site- Carolina Girl has done amazing, Missy Wowzer what a awesome job, AJ beautiful!! There are many others, but these are those that I look to and always want to read what they have to say, because I relate to them and are inspired by them and their words. Yeah some times my toes get steped on, but that means they are getting to me and will help me.   In the 1 year time period I have had my band I went from 244 to 187. Yeah, people have lost twice that much in the same time period, but I didn't. I am a little jealous, would love to have done better, but I am me and am where I am and I am working on it. My journey brings to mind a song that the little kids at my church use to sing and it inspires me:   "I am a promise, I am a possibility, I am a great big bundle of potentiality" - That line make me smile, because I know I have the possiblity and the potential to do whatever I set my mind to. It inspires me to work hard to get the things I want, like getting to goal.   We all have to get our inspiration to work hard and continue the journey on the rough days from somewhere and something- there are people all around me that give me this. My hubs, the three amazing ladies above who inspire me with their post even if they don't know it, my mom who is always telling me how proud she is, my friends who are proud, and my body that feels better and doesn't get winded when I run up my stair case in my house.   While I was lucky I never reached the point of having diffulity walking, I was getting there. My knees were begining to have pain. My ankles, both of which have been broken multiple times were crying out for me to lose weight. I am glad I finally was inspired to do this last year and I am thankful for all the place and people that inspire me to contiue this journey each and every day.   Look around you today find your inspirations and smile- hold on to them so on a dark day you can whip 'em out and keep movin'.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Inside Out

I will admit a big part of why I did this surgery is so I could buy smaller clothes and look better. I was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a whale. Then another part of me was concern of heading down a path of bad health. I was 31 y/o when I had surgery and my blood pressure was creeping up as were my A1c levels (surgar) and my cholesterol levels were inching up as well. My father being diabetic, my 44 y/o brother having a heart attack and stroke worried me. I didn't want to be in those shoes. So I decided to do something about it- lapband.   I came into this honestly, thinking it would be easier. Easy it is not, worth it absolutely. I can't just eat whatever, I have to make a choice to eat healthy foods and to eat less at a sitting. My band helps me feel satisfied longer with less so that part does make the process easier. However, I still must control what goes in me.   I use to hear eat healthy and you will feel better and I thought, gee I feel fine I must be okay. I had no idea how I could feel. I have been over weight or obese since childhood so I never really knew how I could feel inside.   I have now cut out most all processed foods, except for the occasional WW Smart One at lunch. I eat a lot more veggies and fruit. I eat less carbs, I choose not to cut them out because I didn't feel that I could keep to that longer term and I want to eat in a way I can maintain; but I do eat fewer than I use to and good carbs. Instead of drinking soda all the time I drink water. I have started making and eating things I never thought I would - fritta's, couscous, flax seed, from stratch pot pies, turkey bacon and the list goes on.   I have now started an exercise routine that I like and feel I can keep up with. I love the show The Doctors but I work when it's on. I DVR the show and when I get home I hop on my elliptical and watch the show while I sweat. The time flies by.   Amazing I am now feel what people talked about- I feel good inside. My "inerd" feel healthy. It's almost like I can feel my body saying thank you. I breath easier, my gut feels better - it's hard to explain, but it's just a feeling of health. I sleep better at night and feel more rested when I get up. I am able to concentrate more at work and home.   With the feeling better on the inside it is sipping out to the outside. Sure after losing 50 lbs I look better. But, now my skin and hair look healthy and good. My hair is shiny with out the addition of product. I smile bigger because I feel better. My eyes twinkle because I feel better. I move easier when I walk and it shows in my gate.   All in all it's a great feeling to be getting healthier and I am begining to understand why people become "health nuts".   While my weight isn't coming off fast it is coming off. Each month at the doctor's office my weight is down a little more, anywhere from 2 lbs to 7 lbs. So I feel I am doing pretty good and my body is happy.   I hope that all of you can experence this feeling of health as you transform you body.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

In A Funk

My weight is still going down, it was up this weekend a bit, but I was taking a lot of cold meds and drinking liquids constantly. This morning I was back down to my 203. I know I am doing well and the weight is still trending down. Up until the last couple weeks I was an avid calorie counter and exercised 3-5 days a week. Since my Grandmother passed away on the 17th and life has been crazy with the services, family from other states visiting and then my catching a killer cold that lead to Bronchitis, I have been in a funk and totally not into counting calories and can't work out because of the bronchits (can barely breath).   Being like this scares me. I am afraid that if I become lax now my weight will go back up and I will lose what I have worked so hard for. Yeah, I know my Grandma wouldn't want me to do that. But, it's not just losing her it's everything that has happened in the last 2 weeks. I am exhausted all I want to do is sleep. I don't believe I am depressed (already on Paxil) I think it's just the being sick and not getting enough oxygen from clogged airways. I can't afford to miss work so I am working every day and going home to the couch. I am eating basically whatever is fast and easy to fix because I am to tired to do much else.   I gotta get out of this, I want don't want to fail myself or my band.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

I Wanna.....

I have always dreamed of being the thin pretty girl that I have never been. Before I started school I was trim and cute, but then I started school and packed on the pounds. No idea what started this, but I am guessing emotional eating. My weight only balloned each year. I was always jealous of the pretty girls and just wished I could be like them.   However, I am pretty happy with the woman I grew in to. I am compasionate, caring, loving, and pretty nonjudgemental. If I had been a skinny girl I may not be who I am now, but now that I am an adult I am ready to bring the outside up to par with the inside.   I don't believe I am a told dog, but I am not Jennifer Aniston by any means. As I lose weight and develop curves, my dimples can be seen, I am losing the extra chins, I feel people can start to see the real me. I am less worried about how people preceive my outside and my inside more easily shine though.   I am fairly certain I will never be a size 2, and honestly I don't want to me. I size 10/12 would be just fine for me. I want to live realisticly, I want to enjoy food, I want to enjoy activity, I don't want to be hindered by my weight any longer.   For years I just ate whatever I wanted and over time I was able to eat more and more. Now I still want to eat yummy foods, but I am learning I can eat less and still be satisfied. I am learning that food doesn't need to be the center of my life.   While I won't be Jennifer Aniston (looks) or Marian Jones (athlectic), I just want to be me in a healthy form. In a form that allow my inside to shine through so people can see the real me.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

I Love Food

I love food, I mean really love food (which is why I hit 247). I have always been a foodie. While sweets were never a huge pull for me, I find myself wanting them more now, but I have managed to stay away from them except special occassions.   I am and always have been a protein / carb girl. I am mildly adventurous, willing to try new foods and such. Since being banded I have found I like: Greek Yogurt, couscous, beans. I eat a lot more fish (talapia, salmon, mackeral).   Being that I love to cook I am always researching new things and new ways of cooking.   I still, however, do enjoy going out to eat. What I like best is having someone else clean the kitchen!   Last night, Valentines, the hub wanted to go to the 1st resturant we ever went to. That resturant is On the Border, which serves southwest style food. I love southwest/mexi, but it is loaded with salt and calories. I downloaded the nutrition and was shocked the my southwest chicken taco's were 1200 calories- ouch. I found that the fajita mix was a better choice, I was able to order the chicken with grilled onion, pepper, zuchini, with no sides (beans, rice, tortillas). I ate just the meat and veggie and ask for sauce on the side (which I only used a bit of). Since I hadn't been there since surgery this really showed how my eating has changes.   Before surgery I would eat the meat, veggies, rice, beans, tortillas and a dessert. Last night I wasn't even able to get down all of the meat and veggies. Wow, what a change. My husband said he was so proud of me.   I went home feeling good and not over stuffed. Yes, this morning my weight was up by a pound, the salt really worked on me.   So today I am drinking my water like a made woman and cutting the salt back.   I guess this is what life should be like, not giving up the food we love, just cutting back on the amount and making adjustment for the bad stuff.   What in the heck did I learn this years ago??
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

I believe, I beleive, I beleive.........

When we are little we believe that anything is possible-- santa can visit every house in one night, the tooth fairy brings us money for our teeth, the Easter bunny, ect. As little kids we see the world full of wonderful possibilities just waiting for us.   However, as we grow we begin to loose the rose colored glasses and become jaded by the reality of the world we live in. Happily ever after doesn't exist and things aren't always perfect- now I am not say things can't be good because they can be, but not every moment of every day and not every relationship is perfect all the time.   As a kid I never imagined I would become so large. I was so small until I turned 5. As I began to gain weight I would ask my mom sometimes why I was fat. She would just say I would grow out of it, after all my cousin did. I accepted that and went on. Well puberty came and went as did the teen years and I was still fat. I never grew out of it. What I didn't know is that my cousin put forth a great deal of effort in her preteens to shed the weight- all I knew was that she went from fat to skinny in what seemed like a summer and became a beautiful girl. That wasn't to be my story.   Now that I have admitted that I have a food problem and needed help, got banded and begun my journey- it is hard to belive I will ever reach my goal. The first 5 months the weight seemed to fly off 45 lbs- awesome, but now the loss has slowed almost plateaued and I find myself begining to worry that I may never reach my elusive dream weight (140).   I know that I should believe in myself, my band, my doctor and nutritionist, but it's hard when every other attempt I have made to loose weight has failed. Realistically I know it is different this time, I am not on a diet with a fixed end date, I am changing my life style one day at a time. I am making new habits, healthy ones that in time I hope will stick. Some things have been easy like giving up pop (soda), not drinking with meals, drinking water, even eating less at a meal. Some things though haven't been as easy, letting go of my salty snack of party mix (that stuff is addictive and it is my major weakness), not baking so I won't eat the sweets, not eating steak (just doesn't work well with my band).   Slowly, but surely I am making a change to a better way of life that in time hopefully will become habit. However, there is still that little voice of insecurity in the back of my head saying you won't do it, you will gain all that weight back, you are destine to be a fat girl forever (insert menacing laugh here)!! I fight every day to squash that voice and to believe that I will make it. After all I have lost 45 lbs and I am moving more and eating less.   So for now I am going to keep saying I believe in me, until I do!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

I Am Becoming One Of Those People.......

I use to have people say, oh I didn't realize it was lunch time. I would be like yeah right, how the heck do you forget lunch. Today I was sitting in my office working and someone walked into my office and ask, aren't you eating lunch. I was like huh, it's to early then I looked at the clock 12:30 - WOW I had no idea it was lunch time.   I also use to get annoyed when friends would eat a small salad or an apple and be like man I am so full. I had an apple and natural peanut butter for lunch and geez I am full. I actually really enjoyed my healthy lunch. I can't believe I am already one of those people. While eating one apple slice I didn't chew enough and felt it get caught a bit, no PB'ing or sickness just a little tightness. Wow I have a band and it's working.   Yesterday instead of cooking like I would normally do on a rainy day I got on our elliptical and worked out and it felt good. I am enjoying working out- WTH?   I am doing it, I am really doing it!!! I lost 2 lbs in the last week --- YEAH Me!! I am finally becoming the person I always wanted to be and the person who I was always jealous of. I know I will have a day again that I am doubting my band, but today I am thrilled with it. I feel like my band is helping me achieve a life long dream.   Thanks to all of you out there who inspire me to keep it up - Missy, carolina girl, jean - thanks for the help and for the post that kick me into action. Bansters ROCK!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

How the heck do you know?

Ok, stress again.........   So this is a question I frequently want to ask people, when they want to be encouraging, but they really don't have a clue.   As I have said on this site before, I have had 3 miscarriages. My friends and family are aware of this also. Everyone says, oh it's already, you will have one, don't worry it'll happen when the times right, I just know you will have a little one next time. I always want to flip them off and say just how the h@## do you know, because I sure as heck don't?   I realize people mean well, but I have come to believe we are a "know it all" society. When we try and encourage others insert I "know" xyz will happen, when sometimes we just don't.   I have come to the point, where I want to be realistic. There are somethings I just don't have answers to and that isn't always a bad thing.   People tell me about my WLS to just stop stressing about my weight being stuck in the 190's for 4 months. Well, easier said that done! Some say oh, just keep doing what you are doing it will come down. Some well exercise more it will come off. Some say cut the carbs and you will loose it.   Well bottom line the ONLY truth I know is- if I eat less calories than I burn I will loose. However, there is a point when you eat two few calories and you body refuses to release the fat it already has- however there is A LOT of contraversery around this and how long it takes.   I get to the point where I worry I am stuck forever, will I lose anymore. Am I a failure?   The only person that can make me a failure is me because I define failure.   Also, and I am saying this to me- we need to be careful when talking with others to encourage realistically. If we feel for them in their situation whatever it may be say that you don't need to add to it- sometimes just knowing someone care is enough.   I don't know if anyone on this site I meet will be successful- I don't live with them or know their history. There are people here that have done so amazing and I wish I could be more like them (Carolina Girl and Missy here is your shout out), but I am me. My body is different, I lead a different life, I eat diffrently (we all have things we like and don't like) so I can't be like them. The only things I can say is what I know- we all have the power to be successful and we all have the power to fail- we must decide which one it will be.   People get offended if we are harsh, poor Carolina Girl gets picked on to much about this, but in my book sometimes we need the honesty to make us look at ourselves. You, me, anyone will not succeed in this if we continue living and doing as we did before. So why the heck do you expect anyone to say oh, it's okay to eat an entire pizza at one time- WTH? NO it's not ok. If you doctor tells you do xyz and you abc then no you DID NOT do right.   Wake up folks be honest, be realistic, and if it calls for it be harsh then do it- you might actually help someone.   While it pissed me off sometime ago when someone said oh there are worse things than never having kids. After I got over being pissed I realized it was true. Just because I don't have a child born to me doesn't mean I can't lead a full and amazing life. Now I appreciate that person for helping me come to terms with my reality even though it hurt at the time.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Holiday Plan?

Christmas is almost here and most of us are in full swing party mode. I have been to 2 Christmas parties so far and was able to be good (one of them was easy because I hosted).   When I started the lapband journey I choose to do myfitnesspal and track my calories. However, this time of year that is difficult when eating away from your tried and trues. Some successul banders (CarolinaGirl - I had to call you out because you are doing great) are rocking it with just measuring out their cup of food.   So for the holiday season I am going to switch it up and go for the measure method. Christmas Eve I leave and head to my mom's in Southern VA to spend that day and the next with them. On Christmas day we will have around 50 family memeber at my moms and tons of food. We begin with Christmas breakfast with my parents, my hubs and me, my 2 brothers their wives and kids (which is 30 just in it self- one brother has 8 kids, nuts I know). My mom and I have gone over the menu and she has made sure there is band friendly foods.   I will open my band with coffee, black no additives. I will have A scramble egg with A peice of bacon and one tiny slice of my mom's creamcheese breakfast cake (I will not feel guilty this is made once a year and it is awesome).   The rest of the fam shows up for lunch - my mom's brother, sister, their spouses and kids and grandkids. This totals around 58 people (loud and crazy). Lunch will consist also of band friendly foods for me- my mom was nice. I will eat a little of my mom's yummy turkey casserole (turkey and green peas) and some pineapple from the fruit tray. No dessert for me, my mom again was nice and is making things I don't really like (cocanut cake - like eating finger nail- ugh).   I figure sticking to my plan will be easy since I will have all the kids around to distract me- I love playing with them. Even my niece and newphews who are teen still like to sit around and talk to me.   New Year's Eve with the friends - we will go late after dinner. I will have one glass of wine and that is it!!   So this is my holiday band plan- what's yours?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Hi Ho Off To The Potty I Go.......

I am doing what I was told and DRINKING!! I drink any where from 80-100 oz of water a day and I seem to live to potty. I swear my co-worker must think I have an over active bladder. Unfortunately my bosses office is right across from the woman bathroom and I am afraid he will say something about me going to the bathroom every 20-30 min.   Do you have this problem?   However, now that I have started drinking this much a day, if I go a day and drink less (like a busy weekend day) I feel thirsty. I know it's good to rid my body of the bad stuff, but geez I feel like I have to go pee as soon as I get into anything.     To another topic-- My weight has stalled out for 2 weeks in the 201-202 range. It is my week for my TOM, but no bleeding- only cramps. I do weigh everyday (chill it's ok- I do not let this bug me- I look at patterns not the day it's self) and each day I am getting any where from 201.6 to 202.4 and I weigh at the same time of day each day with the same thing on. I have had this happen before so I know it will get better, however, I had made a goal for myself to be below 200 by Thanksgiving and I am so freaking close.   The last few days in prep for the holiday I have been steaming/shampooing my carpets rather than working out. I work all day then come home and start working on my carpets. I have a 3000 sq ft house and 2 dogs (one is a puppy), 2 cats and a husband. I gotta get back to the normal workout, but I also have to have my house ready for the invasion of in-laws (which I am happy about). Then this weekend the hubs wants to deck the halls since this will be our Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family.   Oh well, pray for me all I will need it!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Heart Broken

Some of you know that I have had 3 miscarriages. My hub and I have no problem getting pregnant, but I just can't get past the 1st trimester. Well in the last week I have had 2 friends give birth and 2 annouce they are pregnant.   My BFF for 20 years called me yesterday to tell me her news, she is pregnant with baby number 2. She is already through her 1st trimester and just found out she is preg. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her and her husband. They have one daughter and have been trying for 3 years for another child with no luck. They had given up hope, but low and behold she is preg and 3 months in. Her due date is my granfather's birthday.   While I am happy for her, my heart does break for my babies, my 3 that I can't hold. My doctor told me I could try again this summer and we plan to, but I am just so scared. All the test they have done have come back with nothing wrong, so they have no idea why I keep miscarring. My OB/GYN says that as soon as I think I am preg, like one day late, to come in and he will do an ultrasound and if I am he will start progestrone to hopefully keep the baby.   I don't know what will happen, but I am scared. I am scared of gaining to much weight, I am scared of losing the baby, I am scared I will never have a baby.   The name of today's game just seems to be scared!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

8
 

Head vs Mouth vs Stomach

I have figured out that a lot of the reason I use to eat had nothing to do with hunger.   see something- eat it. Smell something- eat it. Board- eat Worried- eat Meal time - eat   I ate my way to almost 250 and I knew it had to stop.   Now I am much more selective about what and when I eat. I now eat 3 meals a day and sometime one snack. I still eat things I love, but I eat less or them.   Today I walked into the breakroom at work, there was a smorgasborg or treats: grapes, cheese, crackers, pimento cheese, rolls, celery. While these foods aren't bad foods, I didn't eat them, I wasn't hungry. In times past I would have fixed a nice rounded plate and gone back to my corner office and ate up. While my mouth and mind were saying yummy, just one bite, my tummy was saying, but hey yo I don't want any, not hungry please don't.   My eyes, mouth and mind get me in a lot of trouble when it comes to food.   My husband in blind, but very strong resourcful, brillant wonderful man; but he can't see the foods laying around. He never picks and taste at things, he doesn't graze. He eats his 3 meals and about 2 snacks a day and that is it. He isn't tempted by the stuff laying around because he can't see it. Now at meals he eats well, but that is a different story.   But, I think I need to become more like him; blind to the food just laying around. When I make a concious effort not to indulge I am fine, but when I uncounsiously peck I will pay with weight gain.   In my wieght loss journey I need to get my mind, mouth and tummy all on the same page.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Have You Noticed.........

Since being banded I have noticed and realized a lot of things about food and myself.....   .........some foods just don't taste as good as once I know the calorie count! I use to love pastries, now I look at them and think - you know that just isn't worth the 250-500 calories in them. And I don't want it.   ........soft drinks just don't hold the appeal they use to. I use to down a couple of Dt Dews a day, now never touch it. Water is my friend and if I need flavor crystal light is great!   ........food doesn't have the power over me it did at one time. At one point I had no self control, but I didn't want to have it- like many say want power is most important. At that time I didn't want to control my intake so I didn't. I just don't think about food like I use to, it's not tops on my mind.   .......I no longer consider not eating certain things giving up on something. Since getting restriction thick breads are a problem. I use to LOVE breadsticks- and I mean I had an unhealthy love affair with them. Now they get stuck, and after getting stuck once on it, I have zero desire to have them again and I'm not really said about it.   ......OMG- healthy foods taste good!!! Eating fresh veggies cooked in a natural way taste better. Food in it's natural state cooked healthy has tons of flavor and make me feel good.   ...... I am happier. Now I don't know if this steams from weight loss (43 lbs in 4.5 months) or if it's from me eating better foods and not over eating. I truly believe there is truth in that if we fuel our body with the correct things it will make us feel better. Processed foods tend to make you tired and blah, but healthy fresh goods tend to give energy and a clear mind.   .....I am healthy concious. Never ever thought I would start becoming a healthy nut, but slowly it is coming. I pay attention to what I eat and put thought in as to what I should choose based on nutrtion not on taste. It's about what is best for my body not my taste buds- ie I choose the healthy options at a resturant even if I am wanting that calorie loaded tasty dish.   ........I am breathing better, I am moving better, my mind is clearer- it's like coming out of a fog. I call it walking out of the fat fog. I lived most of my life eating to much and gaining weight. My mind had become slow and foggy, my asthma was progressivly getting worse, my knees were just starting to hurt when I walked to much and my feet killed me.   ......... I am becoming REAL! I am getting real with myself about my bad choices in the past and reviewing them to prevent me from back tracking. I am recognizing and calling myself on bad choices (it's ok to eat that cake, it's ok not to work out tonight-just one night off won't hurt--- no, that cake isn't going to do anything from me but make me feel like crap, I'm not hungry so no thanks - yes, I need to work out tonight, skipping one night will lead to two, three, ect, so get your butt up and DO IT) I am admitting that my cooking habits of the past were not as healthy as I had deluted myself into believing.   Getting the band thus far has caused a lot of positive things to happen. I am so glad that I made the choice for me and that I committed to it, instead of doing it half assed (pardon the french). Every time I had tried to lose weight in the passed I never gave it my all, this time I jumped in with both feet and said ok it's time to do this. The band is my guide, my friend, my Gibb's slap (those of you who watch NCIS will get that reference), my band is my tool for making the weight loss and the life style change stick. I look forward the the rest of my life with the band and living a healthier more aware life.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Grocery Bill Before And After

I thought with me eating much less my grocery bill would go down, but it hasn't, but it hasn't gone up either. Instead of buying crap (little debbie / french fries) I buy healthy things - fruit and veggies. I no longer buy any soft drinks, just crystal light flavor packs for water.   I am married so I do have to buy for the hubs, but while he isn't banded he opted to adopted the banded life. He eats the same healthy foods I do just in a large quantity, but hey that is a step. We have opted to oust junk foods all together. So I no longer go down the junk isles. I use to buy a lb of sugar monthly, I have purchased one in 4 months now - don't use it any more.   I use to buy hamburger, chicken and pork. Now I still buy chicken, but opt for ground turkey instead of beef and still do a little pork sometimes and a lot more fish. We also use eggs instead of meat - I made an awesome veggie quiche last night and it gave us dinner last night and breaksfast for today and tomorrow- that is the way to stretch a buck. I have learned that Mrs. Dash makes fish better grilled and broiled than it was when we ate it fried.   So while my bill hasn't gone down, I feel like the quality of food I purchase is better and I like that. Fresh veggies and fruit are great. My hubs has given up high cal yogurt for apple slices and likes it better. So I don't mind that the bill hasn't gone down quality means more than quantity so that is the aim these days.   What has being banded done for your grocery bill?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Gotta Get Back With It....

My life has been a roller coaster since April. My brother had a stroke at 44 that gave me the push to have lapband. I had surgery in June. My Grandmother is on hospice and on her death bed and last night my brother had a heart attack. I have been trying to work this week since school just went back I don't want to take off, but trying to access from a distance if I need to go home and be with my mom with my grandmother getting worse. I was planning on getting up this morning and heading up for the weekend, but my mom called early to tell me my brother had a heart attack during the night and was in Duke in Cardiac ICU. So instead of heading to mom's I headed the 40 min to Duke Hospital to see my brother.   It is so hard to eat well and excercise when being down and being on the go. I spent the day at Duke and in morning I plan to drive up to my parents (1.5 hours away) to check on Grams and mom since my brother seems stable. I am to tired and down to want to work out and I want to go back to my comfort foods, but I know I can't. I ate way to many calories yesterday and today and feel bloated and like crap - I have got to get back into the grove tomorrow. The first of the week I was doing great and then all the "stuff" started, it time to get it back on it.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Goals

From the get go I have set goals for myself. The first few months I was knocking them out in what seemed like a week or so, now things have slowed; dramatically.   To begin with I was just wanted to get to the lower 10 lb zone. So starting at the 244 mark, 230's came and went quick, then the 220's bam shattered that, 210 slow but got it, below 200 slower but reached it. Now in the 190's and have been in this zone since early Dec. Yesterday I was at 192.8, so it is moving, but sssslllloooowwwllllyyy!!!   While I am not giving up, I do get frustrated and worried. Yes, I know I have a calorie deficit each day, yes I am walking more, yes I am only eating my alotted amount, yes I am getting in my protein, yes I am getting in my water; but my weight just isn't moving like before.   To begin with my goals were weight based, now I am having to change my goals as realated to other things in order to make myself feel like I am moving forward. These are goals like- walk at the least 6000 steps a day on the weekends 8000. These goals I can reach and it makes me feel good when I reach one. However, I still wish that I could reach my weight loss goals in a more timely fashion.   52 lbs in 8 months - 52 lbs is a lot, but over 8 months that is only 6.5 lbs a month. While I know that it is normal to lose only 1-2 lbs a week so the average is more like 4-8 lbs a month so I am in the middle.   My final goal is 140, I use to think oh, I will hit that in a year- now I am not sure when I will hit it- maybe 3 years. I have just had to stop looking long term and start looking at the day- what mountain can I tackle today?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Finally Moving Again

I spent one week at a stand still with my weight. It bounced back and forth between 224 and 226 for a week with me doing nothing different. While it was my TOM, it still worried me. Finally Saturday it started going down. I am back to dropping about a half pound a day. Such a motivation when that scale drops.   This weekend I had two of my 16 year old nephews. They are awesome boys and they love to come stay with my husband and I. Of course with 2 growing boys I was always fixing food, but I stayed on track. We went out to dinner with them and I got the grilled chicken and broccoli - didn't eat all the broccoli, but the chicken was awesome and I didn't leave filling horrible and stuffed. One night I fixed burgers for the hubs and the kids, but instead of having the bun I put my burger (extra tender and lean) with low cal cheese, home made pickles on my plate and ate it with a fork. The kids looked at me like I was nuts, but it was good and saved 200 calories from what I would have normally eaten. This morning when I took them home I stopped at McDonalds to get them a biscuit from breakfast and I didn't get anything, I had eaten my half a cup of cherrios before leaving. Feeling proud of myself for making postive choices.   While I do find myself missing some of the foods I use to love, I am really enjoying how I feel not eating them. I like feeling satisfied and not stuffed. Feeling this good and being proud of my self for making the good choices really is motivating me to make even better ones and continue this path.   Thanks for all those who sent messages of encouragement while I was worried. It really helps to have others who understand supporting you. Banders Rule!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Fight or Flight

When you are trying to lose weight and you hit a plateau or even go up a little inspite of doing what you are suppose to it is so easy to get frustrated.   My weight loss has been painfully slow- 50 lbs in a little over 6 months. I am one of those nuts who opts to weigh daily and chart it to see my patterns in connection with what I eat. I also opt to count calories and have a fitbit to tell me an average of what I burn in day.   While I haven't always been the perfect lapband patient I do stick pretty close to doctors orders. The last few weeks I am been doing what I am suppose to - 3 meals 1 cup or less 1 snack eating 1300 or less calories a day and doing cardio for 30 min to an hour 4-5 days a week. Yet, while I am doing this my weight managed to tick up from 195 where it was Saturday back up to 200 by Monday and today back down 197. I know I haven't eaten the calories to cause this so it has to be something else.   With past diets I would have taken the flight approuch- this isn't doing any good, forget it I'm eating what I want. However, with the band I choose the fight mode. I am going to keep fight the fight against the fat. One of us will win and I plan on it being me!   It is so easy to flee the lapband lifestyle when we don't see results that we want or expect, but we must (I must) stay and fight. Fight through the ups and celebrate the downs in the scales.   On the ups it can be from water retention, a cold, not going potty, or muscle gain. All of these reason will eventually level out and the scale number will go down, but only if I keep on keeping on.   I hope that you choose the fight approch to! After all our health is worth fight for!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Fear Of Shopping

I don't know if any of you have had this, but I just realized I am scared to go out shopping for new clothes.   I had surgery in June and have lost 41 lbs, I feel good and many of my clothes are way to big, but some fit really great now. I have gotten to the point I only have 1 pair of jean that don't fall off and I need to go shopping, but I am scared. I have never had a problem going out in public or shopping before- I love to go out and about.   What scares me is trying on clothes. I know some of my clothes I have had to take to good will, but others still fit well. I am scared I will go pick up a pair of jeans and go try them on and they won't fit. I haven't purchased jeans in 2 years. I am scared the ones I had stretched and I will find I am not down as many sizes as I would like to be and that it will discourage me. When I had surgery I had gotten to the point that all the clothes in my closet were getting snug and I refused to go up a size. It's such a mental thing. I want some new things, but I HATE trying on clothes.   I know I am smaller, my husband tells me everyday that I am doing great and he is loving my new hour glass shape minus the bumps and lumps. But I still have a long ways to go. 41 lbs down, but 60 plus to go to be at goal. It's not that I am afraid I'm not going to get there, it's just that I don't want to shop yet and see myself in those 360 mirrors. I know I have to, it's getting cold and I must get some long pants that don't sag.   Hopefully, I will get the courage this weekend to make the trek.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Fat Day

It's a week before my TOM, so maybe that is why I am feeling this way, but ugghhh!   I got up this morning like any other, weighed after potting, 190.8! Geez, how, I am following the rules. I want my 189 back or lower!!   Moving on with the morning routine, I put my clothes on and go to fix my hair. I had on a sleeveless top (I had a shirt to go over top that I would put on before leaving), as I am doing my hair. I lift my arms up to begin curling- OMG!!!!! My arms, OMG- they are huge, that is what a thigh should look like not my arm and the hubs says my arms are smaller- OMG!!! How big were they? Then my eye drop down- I fail to see any of the postives that have come with losing 50+- I only see the remaining fat rolls! I see how my tummy still pouches, my back fat- UGH- I am a huge fat hippo!! I feel like having surgery did nothing for me- ok I realize that isn't true, but I am in full pitty party mode. I have only lost 54 lbs in 10 months- I am a failure - others have lost so much more. Why didn't I have bypass, then maybe I would be smaller now. I am sick of getting stuck at meals! My pitty party was in full swing.   I wasn't just thinking all this the hubs was sleepily listening. Finally, when I turned and said if I am this freaking huge now, just how big was I really before I lost the weight. At that point the hubs just said I love you and you are beautiful to me and turn and walked out!! He knew there was no talking to me at that point, I was firmly in the mode. As most men can relate, when a woman is in this mode there is nothing a man can say and not get in trouble for, so it is best to be quiet- my husband know this all to well.   Now a few hours later I am at work, still down, but not total pity party. I am just in the mode of ok, this sucks I want to lose more, I am tired of this being so slow, so what do I do now.   As much as I do not want to add a more rigourous exercise routine to my plan, I think that is the next step I need to do. Also, trimming carbs even more- I dont' like this, but if it helps and get me to where I want/need to be then I gotta get with it.   So tonight after work- I do have the push mow the lawn (I actually do enjoy this- gives me time to think while doing something productive that has a postive result I can see when I am done). I am also going to have a talk with the hubs, I am going to need support from him to kick it into the next level. He has always been supportive and loving and I know he will be this time to.   So how many of you have pity party days, where you still feel like a beached whale?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Fall Cravings

I love this time of year. The leaves changing, the cooler temps, fresh mountain apples, warm cider....I could go on and on. This time of year I use to do a lot of cooking- apple pie and cakes, chili- warm comfort foods. Not to mention the holidays are coming which mean lots of cooking.   When the temps begin to drop I seem to start craving. I am counting my calories to make sure I don't go nuts and make sure I am getting my protein. I fear this time of year will be the most difficult due to the cravings. I love cooking and baking, but I don't want to do it to much. The closest family we have is over an hour away and honestly we don't don't have a ton for friends in the area (only been in Raleigh for 3 years). We have a few good friends that I will bake and give things to, but I feel guilty now doing that. All these friends at least one in the couple has weight issues and I don't want to make their health worse so I just don't bake. On occassion I will bake something and send it with my hubs to work- the guys he works with love to eat and can afford to.   I have found some healthy recipes for chili which I totally plan to try, but I have to say I will miss my corn bread to go along with it.   For those long time banders what are some go to comfort foods that won't ruin your calories intake for the day? I not only want to change my eating habits, but the foods I share with family and friends I want to be tasty and healthy so maybe it will rub off on them.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
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