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Blog 64098

A blog by Arb

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You know it has been too long when...

You can't remember your passwork to LBT:smile: Yep, it's been too long. I really took a break in December and am now trying to lose the 5 lbs I gained. Don't let anyone tell you you can't gain weight when you are banded. Anyway, it's a new year, my 6 months bandiversary is on the 15th and I have lost 52.5. Will have lost 55 when this last 2.5 lb gain goes away I'm back to planning meals, staying away from snacks and will make another fill appt. if I don't stay on track. Bought myself a walking tape and have walked 4 or last 5 days. Great I know except my foot hurts like #@$#*&^:w00t: Anyway, I'm going to keep it up. My goal is to do a 5k walk by my 50th BD in May. My other goal is another 15 lbs gone by then.   I know staying in touch here will help me reach both of those.   Couple of NSV's to start the new year....   I can now take my blood pressure with a regular size cuff instead of stretching the BIG cuff to the max.   I can get up and down with my beautiful grandson all day long and not feel like I'm dying.   I can wear my winter clothes that would not fit last year.   I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year and wish 2010 to be a year of great health and happiness to all of you.
Arb

Arb

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Weigh In Went well

Today is my Monday weight in and I was nervous. I have been eating 700-900 calories per day and my dietician says 300-400. I was so scared to get on the scale! I was shocked when it said I have lost 4 lbs this past week! Very happy, but confused. Don't know if I'm overestimating on my calories or if my body just wants that many. Anyway, I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing and hope for another good Monday next week.   NSV -- I do know my pants fit better. I wore a pair of capris today that I haven't been able to keep buttoned because they were too tight around the waist. I wore them all day today and could still breath at the end of the day. Nice feeling!   Getting tired of my mushie routine and ready to go to solids. My plan says 8/13 but my dietician appt isn't until 8/20 and they can't get me in any earlier. I'm bummed about that. I just want to chew something crunchy. Just a cracker or something.   Anyway, things are going pretty well and I haven't had any regrets yet.
Arb

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Victory

Well, I was on a mission last week to drop the darned 2 lbs I kept losing and gaining. Last Monday I was 275. This morning the lovely scale said 272.5! YES!!   Although I don't have much restriction, just having the band keeps me much more focused on what I'm eating and how much I'm eating. Thank you, my band!   I do find as the days get shorter, the nights get longer, I am having a much harder time not snacking. Guess I'll spend more time on LBT :confused:
Arb

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Uneventful Day

Went to work for 4.5 hours. Tired. Tomorrow is a full day. Maybe have to take a nap at lunch. LOL   My son's court date was extended to 9/15 so we have a bit of a reprieve and time to find an attorney. I'll keep praying for God's strength and mercy for my son and for myself.   3 mushie meals today: egg salad for breakfast, chicken salad and cottage cheese for lunch, broiled fish and a very few baked beans for dinner, plus 1 protein shake. Working on my last 20 oz of water now. Probably be up tonight peeing:mad:   Feeling much better emotionally since starting mushies. The fish tonight was amazing. White fish broiled with a little bit of butter, fresh garlic, dill herb mix and parsley. YUMMY! Even hubby liked it and he doesn't like anything that's not steak or fried.   OK, off to bed. Another day in this journey at an end.
Arb

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The Ups and Downs

Went to a restaurant in a little town where I live last night and didn't have much good choices in protein line. Pretty much everything was fried, or steak, or chicken breast. Since I'm still on mushies this was tough. Well I decided to get meatloaf thinking that at least that was ground beef and not solid chicken,beef,pork. Ate about 1.5 oz, maybe 2. Probably 1 oz. baked potatoe w/butter/sour cream and about .5 oz. applesauce. Later, at the bar, I could not get comfortable sitting. Stomach cramping and gas. Had to pretty much stand until 1:30 in the morning. This morning I hurt when I got up, knees swollen, felt bloated, yucky in general. This is all the down part.   Now, for the Up.....as I was fretting over not being able to eat exactly what I wanted another woman, maybe slightly older than me, got up to leave. She was obese and walking with a cane. All of the sudden I felt much better about the choice I had made. I DO NOT want to walk with a cane! I DO want to be healthy and active!   UP -- when I got up this morning and felt bad I knew it was from standing so much and being so fat. This reinforced my decision to have the band and to take this journey to get healthy. Today has been easy as for making good eating choices and continuing on the right path.   I got to my primary doc tomorrow and will weigh for the first time in a week and since starting mushies. I can't believe how nervous I am:scared2:   I'm thinking:   If I have lost 1-2 lbs I will consider that a success and be happy. Really? Not sure but will try hard:smile:   If I have lost more than 2 lbs I will be very happy:thumbup:   If I have lost nothing or gained I will be devastated. That's why I'm nervous!! I know the time will come when I will not have lost anything in a week but I just don't want it to happen yet. Not when I'm still on mushies!:biggrin:
Arb

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The First Day of the Rest of my Life!

Today was surgery day. I can't believe how at peace I feel with this decision. I know there will be days when I will wonder what in the heck I did this for but not today.   Woke at 4:45 to shower and dress. Headed to the hospital at 5:30 for my 6am arrival time. Headed to surgery around 7:45. Not sure how long actual surgery took but I was coming to, trying to pry my eyes open around 9:00, I think.   Immediately knew gas pain in my chest and left shoulder was going to be a reality for a while. Now I know what heart attack victims mean when they say it feels like "an elephant sitting on your chest". My elephant needs a lapband! Deep breathing helps the chest pain but then it feels like I have a knife twisting in my shoulder. However, writing this at 7 pm the pain is lessening and I know will go away in time. I will survive!   Left hospital at noon and was back home by 1 pm. Have been drinking 2-4 ozs water every hour. This is not a problem so far. I actually want much more but am afraid I will be sick so am holding back. Food doesn't appeal to me right now. Had some SF jello earlier but it was so sweet I coldn't finish it. How strange after 10 days of no sugar that jello now seems too sweet. I like the feeling, however.   I have been walking around the house every hour trying to hasten the gas departure and make sure no nasty blood clots come.   I have been trying to read but about 3 pages in my eyelids become weighted with lead and I'm off to bed for another nap.   I haven't taken any pain pills since leaving the hospital but probably will before night bedtime just to keep ahead of the game. I suspect tomorrow will be the most painful. Seems the second day is always worse than the first.   I am also looking forward to eating "real food". Oatmeal, even very watered down, sounds heavenly right now. I'm not really hungry but want something with a flavor other than chocolate protein shake!   I am so happy to be posting this blog. Some days I thought it would never happen but here I am and am SO EXCITED about what lies ahead.   Good luck to everyone who is banded and those still waiting! I'm proud to now call myself a bandster!:blushing:
Arb

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Techie Question

Someone gave me directions but I have lost them and can't find the blog again. How do I get a cute weight loss ticker on my page? Thanks!
Arb

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Stress and My Band

I can only say that this past week has been a week from hell. Major stress with my son. I went for a fill appt. on 9/2 and the fill nurse and I decided not to do a fill. I have had no appetite and have really just been eating because I know I need to. The nurse said they have found that sometimes, under extreme stress, the stomach swells and you get restriction with the band even when you don't have a fill. They don't know why. I guess maybe that's what's happening to me. I don't really feel restricted, I just don't feel hungry. I guess the good news is I lost almost 5 lbs last week. I'm glad about that but would rather be fat than have this stress. Anyway, things are a little better today and I feel a little hungry. Yesterday I could feel the old "comfort food" yearning coming back. Don't like that at all! Hopefully, this week will get back closer to normal and I can concentrate on my health and continue this banded path.   The good news is that I am 8 lbs away from being in the 260's. Haven't been there since my son was born 23 years ago. I'm hoping to be there by Thanksgiving. I'm starting to believe that I can be at 250 by my 50th birthday in May. I will have one heck of a party then:smile2:!
Arb

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Short and Sweet

I'm tired tonight so this will be short. Wanted to post just to stay in the habit. Had an egg for breakfast, cottage for lunch, protein shake for dinner. Hope I didn't mess anything up.   Spent 2 hours walking around an antique mall so guess that's why I'm so tired.   Goodnight.
Arb

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Sanity vs. Risk

10 days postop and I'm losing my mind. I am not suppose to do mushies until 7/30. 5 more full days! I have decided to give myself a bit of a break. I am going to have a fried egg, over medium, tomorow for breakfast. I will then do liquids the rest of the day. I only made it though today because my kids were here and my husband took himself out to eat after they left. I am getting so edgy and crying at the slightest thing. I know I shouldn't rely on food but I'm am just feeling SO weak. Monday I will be busy all day so I will try my best to stay on liquids. Tuesday, also. Wednesday I am back to work and I am definately starting mushies that day. I just pray I don't mess something up with my band or my stomach but right now I feel I have to take the risk to maintain some sort of composure and gain my strength to go back to work. I have lost 12 lbs in the past 10 days. Normally I would be cheering but it's really starting to scare me. Can that really be good for your body? I don't know. I'll call the dietician on Monday but I have to get through tomorrow somehow. The egg will be soft and I think will just give me enough of a boost to make through another day without another huge crying jag. The thing is, I never cry. I feel totally out of control and I hate that. I did this to get control of my body, my health, my life and now I feel my head is spinning. I know it's short term but apparently not short enough. I feel like a loser tonight but I guess I need to be proud I have made it 20 full days on liquids. I'm still struggling with the "why couldn't I do this on my own" syndrome so adding the failure to complete the full 24 days of liquids is just kind of another failure but I'm going to forgive myself do what I feel I have to do and fight again tomorrow. I had no illusions this was going to be easy and it's not. But I still do not regret doing it and have so much hope for the future.
Arb

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Salad Dressing/Dip Recipe

I forgot to bring salad dressing for lunch today. What to do? Ranch is the only thing offered on our salad bar. WAAAAY too many calories. I looked in the fridge and I had lowfat french vanilla yogurt, yellow mustard and honey. So....I put some of each in a cup, stirred it up and it was YUMMY! Not too many calories and the ones there are pretty healthy.   This would make a great dip too. A little thin for dip but it would work.   Just wanted to share :confused:
Arb

Arb

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Paying the Piper

Excuses, Excuses....I'm the queen of excuses! I worked 12 hour days last week and was wiped out at the end of the day, so.....I didn't exercise, I didn't track my food consumption, I didn't get in enough water every day, I did eat some comfort foods. Poor me!   The price....1.5 lbs gained!!   OK, enough of this CRAP!!! I don't care if I work 15 hr days this week, I am going to...   exercise at least 30 mins a day, track my food consumption, and get in 66 oz. of water EVERY DAY! I WILL NOT fall back into old habits and waste this opportunity I have been given!
Arb

Arb

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Over Halfway There

6 days of 10 day liquid diet is done! Weekends are the hardest for me so I know I need to keep really busy. Today was ok. Not real hunger but I had alot of head hunger today. I had a 1/2 cup of beans and ham tonight and still stayed until 600 cals. so I guess I'm ok with that.   I'm ready to have the surgery and get on with it. I feel I'm in a holding pattern right now. Anyway, another day down the road. Off to bed for me.
Arb

Arb

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One Week Bandiversary

Well, I have survived the first week postop. Gas pain, too tight band and liquid diet. All of it. I am pretty excited that I am under 1 week now of liquids only. I go back to work onthe 29th and am starting mushies then, I don't care if the darn book says the 30th!   Today is better. I was able to swallow my pill without it sitting in my throat for an hour and liquids are going through my band with very little pain. These are all good things. I still seem to have alot of bloating since my pants are tighter around the waist then they were preop and I've lost 10 lbs since then! I know this too will pass.   Patience, Patience.   I was in town at a convenience store for about 5 minutes and saw 3 women get out of separate cars and all were clearly obese or morbidly obese. I felt sad for them and I didn't even know them. I know they have felt the same pain I have. It also strengthened my resolve that I have done the right thing and will see the rewards soon enough. Slow and steady! I picked the turtle to be my ticker marker so it will remind me every time I look at it that this is a long war with many battles and I have to just keep trudging on.   Still having some port site pain, mostly from the unfill I had on Monday. That was pretty uncomfortable and I have some new bruising there. Incisions all seem to be healing well.   I'm feeling pretty good except for bending over is still a little painful. Mostly I'm bored. So much I want to do and I have so much energy. Now I can't really use it. I am signing up at the gym tomorrow and will start working out when I go back to work next week. I know I won't be able to do much at first but again, baby steps.   Overall, I'm feeling better and am hoping the worst of it is behind me and the next 6 days of liquids goes VERY FAST!!   Congrats to bashful1269 who was banded today. Welcome aboard!!:cursing:
Arb

Arb

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Not much Happening Here

Busy Busy at work. Makes not eating very easy. Tired tired when I get home. Makes not eating very easy.   Now the downside, I'm too tired and my back hurts so much I haven't been able to force myself to exercise. Only 1 time this week. And I'm only talking about 25 mins. Not an hour or two like some of the peeps I read about on here. I can't believe the workouts some of you do just weeks post op! Apparently I'm in even worse shape than I thought! Oh, well. I'm going to at least walk 15 mins. tomorrow after work even if my feet and back kill me. My goal is 15 mins. a day, 4 days this week. Seems like nothing but I guess I have to start somewhere. Just makes me very sad to think how far I have fallen in the past 25 years. I used to walk miles and never think a thing about it. I took it for granted. Never again!
Arb

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No Cheating - YooHoo!!

Day 1 of liquid diet is done. No cheating. This is good. Fortunately my DH didn't grill steaks like I told him he could go ahead and do. I can only imagine that my will power would have been that good. Anyway, the hunger hasn't been bad and now I'm going to bed. 9 days to go.......
Arb

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My last days of food worship

My 10 day liquid diet begins Sunday, sooooooooooooo......today I'm having pizza, and Red Lobster. Tomorrow a big juicy steak. I am really disgusted by how much I love to eat!!!!!! I am dreading the liquid diet but I am also excited about being able to quit thinking about what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat after that.......I'm not sure what I will occupy my mind with but anything will be a change from food!!!!! The overeating is exactly how I start every new diet. This feels different, though. I'm not sure how, but it just does. I have never been looking forward to a lifestyle change, eating habit changes, exercising (ok, honestly, I'm really not looking forward to exercising), but it feels RIGHT this time. It feels like this is the right tool for me at the right time. I'm scared, second-guessing, anxious, all the negative things that I think surely are normal. But I am also so READY to rid myself of these life-limiting pounds and pounds and pounds. I want to be active. I want to say goodbye to the aches and pains, the exhaustion, the emotional drag of looking in the mirror and hating myself. I truly believe, when all is said and done, I AM READY!!
Arb

Arb

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My Journey Begins Today

After months of waiting, doctor visit after doctor visit, being poked and prodded, prodded and poked, I am finally on my way. July 15 is my surgery date!!!! I started my one meal replacement shake today and of course my DH is on vacation and fried bacon. I LOVE bacon!! Didn't eat any though. I am thrilled, scared, excited, scared, impatient, scared....Did I mention scared? I keep asking myself if I am doing the right thing? Why can't I do it the old fashioned way? Diet, exercise.......I think my pride is really standing in my way of being 100% committed to this. Is that normal? Anyway, I am praying for God's strength to get me through the next couple of months of liquid diet, surgery, post-op problems, etc., etc. I have never been really good at journaling but have gotten so much motivation and information from the blogs here that I no it will only increase my success with this process. Now, if someone can tell me how to put a picture here I'll give it a try. Hopefully one of the last pictures I will truly hate :thumbup: Thank you for letting me share this journey with you.
Arb

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Mad mad mad mad mad

I'm mad at myself for not paying enough attention to my diet instructions. I thought mushies I could have 2-3 oz protein and 1.5 oz other food. That's what I've been doing the last 3 days. I realized tonight it's only suppose to be 1.5 oz protein, 1.5 other. What a dope! I'm already paranoid I'll mess up my band and now this! Well, I'll pray for the best and tomorrow will be a new day and I will be back to 1.5 oz. protein.   Now, the following has nothing to do with food so feel free to stop here but I have to VENT!   I came home tonight and Amerun UE, our electric company, has totally, needlessly, destroyed 6 beautiful trees in my yard! They were suppose to "trim" them away from the electric lines. They frigging destroyed them!!! All young, healthy trees! I am so :smilielol5::cursing::hurray: ANGRY!! CAn't even call and yell at anyone because they're closed for the evening! Man, I can't wait until 8am in the morning!:yikes::cursing:   IDIOTS! IMBECILES! DUMBASSES!   Now please don't mistake me for a tree hugger because I am not. But I am definately a nature lover and to destroy not 1 but 6 perfectly healthy trees that only needed a bit of trimming should be criminal. I may consult an attorney to see if it is! I don't normally curse either but tonight is an exception.:yikes::cursing::party::cursing:   OK, I feel slightly better but not much. Guess I'll go clean the kitchen and try to use a little of this enraged energy!
Arb

Arb

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It's Been Too Long

since I last posted. My computer has been down and I have really been out of touch. To catch up....10 weeks post op. 2nd fill today. Total of 1cc in my band. I think I have been fortunate that I really have experience much TRUE hunger, even without fills. HEAD hunger is a different story and getting worse. I went ahead and got a fill today even though lost weight last week. I think I need the reminder that I have a band so I won't slip back into old habits, which I have been doing. Eating too fast, not chew, chew, chewing, eating bigger portions. I think the small fill will help the HEAD stay in the game.   Overall, I'm very satisfied. I've lost 45 lbs total and have averaged 1.5 lbs per week for the past 4 weeks. 1 week I gained a lb, 1 week I stayed the same, but then I lose 3 lbs so the average is good. I am trying VERY HARD to be satisfied with that 1.5 AVERAGE. So far, I am. I have 6 lbs to go to be at 269. I have not weighed under 270 for 20+ years. I feel so good already I can't imagine losing another 50 or 100 lbs. I just can't remember what that feels like!   My first goal is to be at 250 by my 50th birthday in May. I truly think that is going to happen and it would be such a wonderful birthday present!   Well, that's about it for catching up. It's great to be back on LBT!
Arb

Arb

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I'm a "Crunch" addict

I have realized I need to "crunch" when I eat. If I have cottage cheese and applesauce for breakfast I am full. I have gotten good nutrition. BUT...unless I have something that goes "crunch" I am not satisfied. So, what to do....I find, since being banded and changing my entire way of thinking, that I can actually "crunch" but in moderation. A half piece of multi-grain bread well toasted, a few crackers, a few pretzels w/lunch. Anything that goes "crunch" and I am satisfied. 30-50 additional calories is going a long way in keeping me from binging. A good self-discovery, I think.
Arb

Arb

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I Laughed Out Loud

I was getting dressed this morning and put on a pair of comfy capris. I say comfy because until recently they were the only things I could wear and still breath at the end of the day. 8 weeks ago they were a little loose around the waist but still seemed snug by the end of the day.   Well.....this morning I put them on, buttoned them and went to zip them. They were already zipped!!! I put them on with the zipper already zipped!! I actually laughed out loud. They are just about to the point I am going to have to get rid of them. Even with my belt they feel big. I've only lost 35 lbs. but OMG what a difference!   Another startling revelation this evening...I sauteed zucchini, yellow squash, garlic, tomato and onion. Then seasoned a tilapia fillet and threw it in the skillet. Steamed for about 10 minutes. It was wonderful!! I had about 2 oz. of fish and about a 1/4 cup vegetables and I am completely satisfied. If someone had told me 8 weeks ago I would even like tilapia, much less really enjoy it I would have said they were crazy. Fried catfish is my kind of dish!!   This is indeed an incredible journey and one I am looking forward to.
Arb

Arb

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Happy Dance Time!!

You see, last night I was wanting to eat big amounts of comfort foot, but I didn't.....so....today I got on my scale.   My scale only goes to 300 lbs. After that I get this really snotty message EE kind of like "Error, Error, get off now!"   Well, this morning it said.........................299.0 !!!! Woo Hoo!!   I know it may go back over 300 after surgery but I think I just won't get on it and give it the opportunity. Ha! Who's the boss now, bossy scale?   Thanks to all of you at LBT I was able to vent my emotions last night and now I get to celebrate this morning. Thank you!   Oh, I haven't figured out the ticker thing yet so I am going to record here that I have now lost 21.1 lbs since 6/12/09. And I haven't been banded yet. :cursing:
Arb

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Food Tracking Site

Tried to get on chat but wouldn't load. Can someone give me sites where you track your food consumption? The one I used has changed and I don't like it.   Thanks!
Arb

Arb

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Food Journaling Helped Me

I'm home alone, just finished watching a movie that has left me feeling very emotional and vulnerable. I have this HUGE urge to eat something awful.   I decided to go to sparkpeople.com and track some possible food choices. After reviewing how well I have done all week and trying some different options to see what they would do to my totals (cals,carbs,fat,protein) after 15 mins I have decided to have a protein drink mixed with water, grab a book and go to bed.   Am I comforted by this decision? Tonight, absolutely not. Hopefully in the morning I will feel much better about this.:cursing:
Arb

Arb

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