Just a question...Anyone Else Experience this?

j_war06 · September 17, 2005

Hi, after all these problems I am finally banded (3 weeks post-op). I dumped my bf of 3 years over the summer because he was being a jerk. I think I know why now. The reality of me getting this band overwhelmed him and he calls me every now and then and brags about all these girls wanting to date him and stuff. This bothers me a little, but not nearly as badly as the thought that he was only with me because I am overweight. When I lost the first 5-6lbs that first week he acted genuinely happy, then from there on he asks and then says "oh I guess thats cool." I cant believe I dated someone like that and sometimes it bothers me just because I was his comfort zone. Also now that he is gone I have a WHOLE lot more friends than I ever had before and more self-confidence now that I have been banded and gotten rid of my loose ties. I think he knows that I have been interested in a guy from the part-time college that I attend. I am not interested in dating anyone right now, but I have been just casually going with a few guys (no-romantic way) to different places and riding in their cars and stuff and now he just wont call me (which is fine too)

I just wanted to know if anyone got rid of their significant other because of their decision to get the surgery?

sunnykim · September 17, 2005

Well my girlfriend really didnt want me to get it done. We have been together for almost a year when I had my surgery and she wasnt totaly agianst it but she was scared of somthing bad happening to me while i was under the knife.

I think it is somthing for your partner to get use to. Things change. And if your with a jelous person it makes there jelousy worse. Now my girlfriend has to deal with men and women making advances at me. So it is tough for her. I was worried that she wouldnt love me skinny. Well we will see i guess. I know were in love and i just hope she doesnt fall out of love with me when im smaller.

Good luck with your wieght loss your doing GREAT!!!! And have fun dating!!!!

Kim

pattyrn · September 17, 2005

I don't have an answer to your boyfriend question, but I am curios as to how you had the surgery at 17? Were you self pay? I am looking into it for my daughter who is 14 but am being told by the doctor that it is not FDA approved for minors so insurance will not pay for it? Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated

Parvathi · September 17, 2005

I don't have an answer to your boyfriend question, but I am curios as to how you had the surgery at 17? Were you self pay? I am looking into it for my daughter who is 14 but am being told by the doctor that it is not FDA approved for minors so insurance will not pay for it? Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated

Hi patty,

I think if you're under 18, you have to go to Mexico for it.

There's a couple of threads on this board if you use the search function, that talk about good surgeons for teenagers and one that had a really interesting article about teens being banded.

Good luck with it all

the best me · September 17, 2005

Pavarathi, I'm pretty sure Jodie was banded in the States but ended up being self-pay because insurance wouldn't pay. She can answer better though. Jodie?

I'm sorry about your bf. One day you will look back and he will be but a distant memory. You will wonder what you were so upset about. Just move forward. Losing our weight takes us into a whole new world. Make sure the people going with you there are emotionally healthy and can handle what you have to give back. You are gonna be fine!!!

Kim, I'm sorry this is hard on your relationship. I suspect it will either get better or worse. You will know in time, though. My mom gave me advice that, as I get older, makes good sense. I knew she was right at the time and, even though it was difficult and I had to make some tough decisions, I listened, heeded, and her advice has served me well. She said, "Hang out with people you aspire to be like. If you hang out with a bunch of losers, you will be one, or you will not be your best, at the least."

ErinR · September 17, 2005

I don't have an answer to your boyfriend question, but I am curios as to how you had the surgery at 17? Were you self pay? I am looking into it for my daughter who is 14 but am being told by the doctor that it is not FDA approved for minors so insurance will not pay for it? Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated

Hi Patty,

Just wanted to post a link for you for your daughter. NYU is currently doing a study for children ages 14+. (free surgery!) Check the website and then click under 'research' and 'clinical trials'. Good Luck to both of you!

link:: http://www.thinforlife.med.nyu.edu/

(as for the significant other thing. I am being banded on the 19th and my husband and I have had many talks about how this will change our relationship, but all we can do is pray and plunge ahead!!!)

Parvathi · September 18, 2005

Pavarathi, I'm pretty sure Jodie was banded in the States but ended up being self-pay because insurance wouldn't pay. She can answer better though. Jodie?

Oops, I must have read wrong, sorry

Back to Jodie's issue - my hubby and I haven't really talked about how this will affect our relationship, because as far as I'm concerned, we love each other for who we are, not what we weigh or how we look. Those are just added bonuses. Before surgery, I had gotten to the point where even though he tells me all the time I'm beautiful and stuff, I was really self conscious and was holding back in alot of ways. Lately I've noticed, I feel much more confident doing certain things (no need to expand on that, I'm sure ya'll know what I mean lol). In my opinion, this can only improve with time... but I guess we shall see.

While he has been completely supportive, he's made the odd remark, in jest, that when I get skinny I'll leave him. At least, I believe he's made the remarks in jest. He's the love of my life and there's no way he's getting rid of me that easy lol.

j_war06 · September 18, 2005

Dr. Spiegel in Texas did mine. He has done it on patients as young as 13.

Marimaru · September 18, 2005

Jodie, I've seen in other threads how you said that guy treated you, and to be honest with you, I think he dated you and treated you that way because you didn't have the confidence to know that you deserve better. You've obviously gained that confidence and overcome him. I've heard of this happening at different times in different ways, even people who were married getting divorced. I broke up with a boyfriend after seeking some counciling and gaining some self confidence. He said that "Paxil and counciling ruined our relationship". I told him that had nothing to do with how HE treated ME. This was before I ever looked into surgery, but I think it's the same kind of thing.

And now you have that boost of confidence and it sounds like all sorts of people are taking notice to it.