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how should I handle this situation?



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Okay so I have told a few of my very close friends about my surgery, and they understand and think it's a great thing for me to do. I have also told my manager at work and told her that it was personal and something i didn't want everyone to know ( i know she will respect my wishes). but the other day I was talkin to my manager about the procedure and one of the other reservationists over-heard us, and asked my why I was getting surgery. I told her that I was getting lap-band surgery, and i also told her that i didn't want everyone knowing (after I told her I got this bad feeling in my stomach, b/c i know she has a big mouth). well I recieved a call from one of my bf last night while she was at work (b/c she works at the same restaurant that i do), she called me to let me know that this girl is talking about my surgery behind my back (saying it's the easy way out and you all know the gist). Well I really don't want anyone else knowing..and I know I have to talk to her and tell her how I feel, but my manager also wants to know if i want her to talk to her. I'm really not sure what to do, i have never been good with confrontation...but i'm so pissed off I don't think i will have the power not to blow up on her. has anything like this every happend to you? what did you do about it?

(the real problem is that it's where i work...and i can't go to work everyday uncomfortable)

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I like you don't do confrontation, my suggestion is if the manager is already aware of the situation then I would request a meeting between the three of you.

Let the manager let her know that this is a private health matter and if you wanted it to be public knowldege then you would be the one to share it. As managment I think it is your managers responsibility to nip this in the butt before it gets outta hand. While in your meeting with the co-worker let her know that this is a very personal decision and you would appreciate her respecting your right to keep in private.

Regardless of how things turn out you need to remember this. This is something that you are doing for YOURSELF, what other people thing is of no importance. There will always be people who are going to find any reason they can to make you feel bad about yourself becasue it makes them feel better about themselves.

Good luck to you!!!

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i probably would confront her and be sure to mention the situation to my manager. i would want her repremanded for unprofessional conduct in a place of buisness. I guess ur secrets out, now just hold ur head up high... and i can assure u that the band is NOT the easy way out.

good luck,

amy

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Yep I would let your manager deal with it especially if you don't want to confront her about it. Obviously this chick is ignorant if she's saying negative things about you.

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I think that if the manager has offered to address this issue and knowing you don't really like confrontation then I say let her because actually the conversation was in front of her and she is aware of you telling her that you didn't want your business out there....and she did just that. And also let her (the girl spreading the gossip) know that having the "band" is no FREAKIN EASY WAY OUT!!!!!!! (sorry for the rant there) but come one you will see when your banded that it is in no way an easy way out actually it's harder if you ask me!!! I think she is just jealous becasue come on we all see the commercials of SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD luck to you!!!!

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Oh and next time someone puts you on the spot and ask you about and OVER HEARD conversation between TWO people kindly tell them it's a personal matter, I am sure you were stuck and just let it out but never do that again trust is a hard word to "trust" yourself or anyone with! And i agree hold your head up high becasue this is by far a huge battle to fight but we all prevail and you will too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Okay so I have told a few of my very close friends about my surgery, and they understand and think it's a great thing for me to do. I have also told my manager at work and told her that it was personal and something i didn't want everyone to know ( i know she will respect my wishes). but the other day I was talkin to my manager about the procedure and one of the other reservationists over-heard us, and asked my why I was getting surgery. I told her that I was getting lap-band surgery, and i also told her that i didn't want everyone knowing (after I told her I got this bad feeling in my stomach, b/c i know she has a big mouth). well I recieved a call from one of my bf last night while she was at work (b/c she works at the same restaurant that i do), she called me to let me know that this girl is talking about my surgery behind my back (saying it's the easy way out and you all know the gist). Well I really don't want anyone else knowing..and I know I have to talk to her and tell her how I feel, but my manager also wants to know if i want her to talk to her. I'm really not sure what to do, i have never been good with confrontation...but i'm so pissed off I don't think i will have the power not to blow up on her. has anything like this every happend to you? what did you do about it?

(the real problem is that it's where i work...and i can't go to work everyday uncomfortable)

Can I ask you why you dont want people to know? What is wrong with just saying straight up--Yep, I had lapband. I am taking control of my life.:cool2: I dont wear a sign signing I had lapband, but if someone asks me how I am losing weight, I tell them. Usually they dont know how it differs from bypass, so I inform them. I understand that it is private, but your weight loss will be visually public and there is no shame to our game!

I hate confrontation too, but I would like to speak my piece towards this coworker so I would have my manager mediate. Regardless of whether you manager handles it or you do, this girl is going to get her little feathers ruffled and she will continue talking s* about your weight loss and your choice. So...take the power away from her! If you put it our there and inform people, she will have nothing to run her mouth about. There will be no secret for her to spill.

You have made a choice for the better. Who gives a crap about the haters! Be proud of yourself. :biggrin:

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If I were you, I'd just ignore it. You told her once that you didn't want her to say anything and she apparently doesn't care. If the people that do care about you hear about it, they will come to you and talk to you about it. If you go talk to her about it again, it's only going to let her know it's bothering you. Let's be honest, she seems like a bitch anyway, it might only make things worse.

Who cares if you got the surgery or not. Everyone that knows what the band is like KNOWS it's not the easy way out. It just makes losing weight possible. Everyone has an addiction of some sort, this girl's just isn't food. No big deal, but I KNOW there is something she's dealing with.

That's how I try and look at it.

Once I told my dad that I didn't want anyone to know I got this surgery and he asked why. I told him that I felt stupid for being so weak as to not be able to lose the weight myself. And he said, if the surgery works for you then there is nothing to be ashamed of. You made the correct choice. If you don't lose any weight, then you made the wrong choice and I can see how you don't want people to know. From then on out, I tell everyone and it helps motivate me to keep working the band to help me stay skinny!

I love my band and would tell anyone that it might help about it. There's no need to be embarassed by it!!

Good luck!

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Jeepgal,

I LOVE LOVE YOUR ATTITUDE, but I have to be on her side for a minute and agree with you at the same time I too regret telling as many people as I did due to my slow weight loss and sometimes I let the get to me and it bothers some people where as others are a tad bit strong minded. But I see why she wouldn't want anyone to know just out of some people people tend to be a bit more private than others, ( I fall under that catagory at times myself hence why I can relate to her) but I love your attitude and your strong will....goooooooo Jeepgal!

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People love to talk. Some people like to talk about other people. I know you feel hurt, but you opened the door by talking about it at all. I have been quiet about my surgery too. But I realized that once I told one person outside of my inner circle the word would get out. The percentage of the population that have had WLS is still pretty low, so we are still a bit sensationalized in what we have done - that makes people talk.

Just tell her that you prefer she not talk about it, or at least if she does need to talk about it she should get her facts straight. But you cant expect her to give up gossip altogether. In fact, I would guess the more you dwell on it the more the chatter will continue. If you really want to confront, you could tell her that at least you did something about your weight and that maybe she should do something about her “insert problem here”.:biggrin:

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Hey everyone..I really appreciate all of your responses & opinions they are very helpful. let me clarify I don't want all of the people I WORK with to know, I'm not close with everyone there and it's a personal matter. I don't want to be judged by people who know less than my name (I work in a large restaurant). I knew I made a mistake when I told her, and I regret that decision, but seriously no matter if I told her or not it's not her buisiness to be spreading (esp. at work). I don't care if she goes home and tells her momma or her grandmaw...but not the people I have to WORK with. It's not that I am embarassed by the band, I'm embarassed by my weight issue...and I always have been. (because I am a VERYYY private person, I don't want to wear a sign on my head that says i had WLS, i am a sensitive person and it's very easy for my feelings to get hurt...and it's even harder for me to stand up for myself...so I don't want to have to explain myslef to complete strangers, and i think i should have that right.) I admit I made a mistake by telling her, and now I'm going to pay for it...but I think that I should at least let her know that I don't appreciate her talking about what she has no buisiness to be talking about.

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I am a person comfortable with confrontation, and my guess is that in this case it would not help. Sorry to be brutal, but you have opened Pandora's box already. If she did not respect your wishes the first time, she won't the second time, so why waste your time. Unfortunately, we can never really stop people from talking or judging us:

1. This is about you, not them...let them go their own way. You will find out who the real friends are at work.

2. People will always judge others, even if, it is only to make themselves feel better

3. Our weight is a private concern, but a public issue, it is right out there in open just like our hair color, or eye color etc...

4. Unless they have been the situation, they will never really understand.

5. Even if this was the easy way out, which it is not, then I would still take it to correct the issues we all have to deal with related to our weights.

The bottom line to this is it takes conviction in the face of adverse circumstances and opinions to be successful in almost everything in life. You have taken a very positive step in making your life and lives of the family who loves you much better. I know it is easy for us to sit back and offer this advice, but it most likely the only thing that can be done. I hope this helps,

Edited by Cingulus

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Steph,

Your best bet is just quit worrying about what people at work are thinking about you. I understand how hard it is. I was thinking about when my worries changed and I think it's something that's just happend as I've lost weight. I've got so much support from SO MANY people. Some of them know about the surgery and some of them don't. You'll probably become more comfortable as you start shrinking!!! :thumbdown: I'd recommend focusing on that and it'll get you A LOT further and probably be more healthy for you.

I understand that losing weight with the band is a slow process and people always are wondering if you're going to keep the weight off or if you're still really losing etc...but it's taken you a lifetime to put the weight on, just enjoy it as it comes off. (Even if it's slow) Many people on this site get frustrated by so many things regarding the band, and I've been one of them, but basically it doesn't help. The best thing I've found is to take a breath and enjoy where you're at and make changes as you need to. I LOVE my band and I hope you will too!

Mostly, head up, be proud of making yourself a better you! :seeya:

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