female only why is he doing this to me?? WHY??? what did i do?

[Lshelley21 0]

Why is my husband continuously trying to sabatage my success so far with the lap band? why? What have i done wrong for him not to help and support me? He offers me pizza and Cookies, and ice cream...purchases my fav candy for me too....what is the deal??? He has changed huge, he only visited me for 10 minutes in the hospital. 10 minutes...if it was him i would have been there all night for him. ALL NIGHT... (i have 3 dogs) i woke up this morning to the smell of poop in the house. I got out of bed to see what the deal was...i walk into the kitchen smell stronger...i look at the dog who is in her crate and poop is everywhere...EVERYWHERE....NOW..if it just happened..i understand mistakes happen...but when i went to clean it up, it was COLD...COLD i tell you so that means it happened last night...and he didn't notice? so now i have a poop covred dog...AAAHHHH why is he doing this to me? why is he purposely makeing me mad and trying to sabatage me? WHY? We go grocery shopping and he purchases food for his lunches....fine...he then asks me like a little boy if he can get chips, sure..if you want them and need them then sure. Then we come home and he is shocked i said yes....then he eats them when we come home from shopping....and says well you said yes so they must be healthy...he is 35, he is a big boy now, and he can make his own decisions right???? do i have to be a mom to him??? AAAAAHHHHH i wish i was lesbian:cursing:

[smsmithart 4]

I hear ya girl...mine is the same way...here I got u this 5lb roll of cookie dough because I know how much u love cookies....

[akm 0]

I think we will always be moms. My husband pulls the same crap t the store. I have not gotten the surgery yet, but he's got another thing coming if he thinks he's gonna by junk and I'm gonna eat it with him!!

Maybe he is scared about the future you. I hear a lot about husbands that "act out" when their wives are getting surgery or lose a bunch of weight. They get scared that the new you won't want them and try to keep things status quo, sabotaging your efforts.

I would talk to him when you are calmer and there is no poop!!

[Miss Michelle 1]

I think all of our DH's react differently to us being banded but most have these reactions I think becauswe they are scared. Maybe because they do get comfortable with how and who we WERE. I dont think he is intentionally trying to sabatoge you, but I do think that he is a man who is worried about how the band might change you, and more than just phsyically.

Luckily my hubbys is not forcing my favorite foods on me but at one point I felt like he was in a way competing with me. About four months post op he started going to the gym at 5am before work and then again after work. Sometimes he even went more than twice a day, it was rediculous! Once when a friend noticed his 20 lb loss he said "Well, someones got to keep up with Michelle". That remarked made me so mad and I didnt get why he was looking at it that way. My mom says he is worried that I will get skinny and leave him like my cousins wife did. (She had gastric bypass and then started cheating on him after losing over 100 lbs-although I cant just blame her, I mean they had to have some marital issues that were kept quiet in order for this to happen, right?)

Lets face it. Unfortunately we live in a world where the majority of people do not look at us fat chicks as attractive or beautiful. As pretty as my hubby thought I was, I honestly believe that he didnt think he had to worry about looks from other men or me being hit on before being banded. He was comfortable. I have lost a lot of weight since my surgery in May and recently, it has been much more noticeable. I can already see that he is not used to me getting attention from others. Its made him very nervous and he started acting strange like with the gym thing and then calling me at work like 6 million times a day. I finally had to tell him that Yes, I did this for me but my surgery in a way was for us too-my family and he needed to relax before his actions seriously started causing us relationship problems. Since then thngs have been better.

I guess just talk to him and tell him that you need him to be supportive now more than ever. And just because you cant or dont want to eat certain foods anymore doesnt mean that you expect him not to too. Oh, and tell him to pick up after the dogs too, lol! Good Luck!!

[Lshelley21 0]

He himself wants to loose weight, but the thing is, like yesterday for instance, he gobbled down a triple stacker hamberger, large orange fanta soda, and then when i offered him a cookie that came with my plate he told me he didn't wants to only eat sugar free things....how does that work?

[akm 0]

He himself wants to loose weight, but the thing is, like yesterday for instance, he gobbled down a triple stacker hamberger, large orange fanta soda, and then when i offered him a cookie that came with my plate he told me he didn't wants to only eat sugar free things....how does that work?

OMG! That totally sounds like me! Like I said I have not gotten the band, but I plan on getting it the first half of next year. I know in my life I have wanted nothing more than to lose weight, but continue to eat the junk instead of salad! Don't be too hard on him on this front, because many of us are in the same rut of eating crap when we know it is hurting us:sad:

It sounds like he has some food issues and now that you are not "junking out" with him, he doesn't know how to handle it and is taking it out on you. Just talk to him when you are both calm and tell him how you feel! I'm sure he loves you and maybe does not realize what he is doing!

[Jachut 487]

LOL, my DH is banded and darn if I dont have to manage HIS band as well as my own.

I cannot understand how you can be banded without the history of a lifetime's dieting to inform you about what is healthy, how many calories every food in the modern world contains, as well as its fat grams, Protein etc. that is just basic knowledge to me, I've learned it over 40 years. So to decide I want to eat about 1200 calories, 30% Protein today, I just do that, I dont have to follow a set of instructins. How do you do this without knowing what you're eating?

He knows NOTHING. He just eats. He has no idea what he is putting in. He lost a bit, but not much, he's one of the ones who needs good restriction before losing. So does he make fill appointments? Never occurs to him. When I suggest it, he acts worried like he's too tight already and he wont be able to eat bread! I booked him in for his last one and he went and lo and behold the weight starts coming off. At the time I made him one for six weeks hence, and that's this Wednesday, but unfortunately he cant make that. I better make an alternative one or it'll be another six months before he thinks of it.

He doesnt exercise at ALL either. He expects me to not go for my run, to wait for him to go for a long walk and then he gets home and says he's too tired, GRRRRR. So I've just stopped waiting for him, I've gone back to what suits me and suddenly I'm "unsupportive". Unsupportive? Where the F was HE when I was slogging my way through learning to run 10kms? sheesh.

[Livingwell 0]

First of all, how did you get your husband to go to the grocery?

Anyway, I have the same problems. Not only do I get the food pushing, but I have to endure "I don't see how that can work" Blah Blah Blah. To make matters worse, I found out my port has been upside down, and I never got any fill. I had surgery yesterday to turn it, and my first fill. The whole time he had the "see, I told you it wouldn't work" look. Now, his back hurts worse than my surgery.

A$$!

[Brockbabe82 0]

Like it was said before he is propbaly threatened by your new found outlook. When your overweight yout tend to stand in the back, now your telling yourself your going to do it and that probably makes him nervous for the future.

Who knows, he may have many insecurities with himself that are coming out in this form. Either way he should be supportive of you and respect what you are doing with your life.

[Lshelley21 0]

LOl he went to the store without me knowing..he spent $100 on junk food. So update...i did talk to him about it, he said he isn't trying to sabtage me...about 10 min. after talking with him, he goes "hey hon, you want an ice cream sandwich?" i got so mad and still am and he doesn't know why. So as you can see the talk did freakin great...

[Brockbabe82 0]

I guess boys will be boys!!!lolol:cursing:

[Carrie_C 9]

I would also like to know how you get your husband to go to the grocery store. LOL.

[jewels41 0]

In my opinion he doesnt want you to lose weight, he doesnt want you to be thin, he liked you the way you were before. He doesnt feel safe that in your relationship enough and he is afraid of losing you. Some men although just like big beautiful women as well. But my guess is he doesnt want you to lose the weight because of his insecurities in himself and in your relationship. perhaps he just needs to hear that no matter what you still love him and want to be with him forever.... just my thoughts..

julie

[Lshelley21 0]

To him, going to the grocery store means playtime. It means he can get what he wants and have it to eat. Another part that drives me crazy...for instance this morning, he drank dayquil out of the bottle like he is the only one in the house. There is no point in taking the whole bottle, let alone not measureing, just chug it down. MEN!!! Sometimes i wish i was a lesbian!

[jewels41 0]

next time he says here have an icecream bar take it and smash it in his face perhaps that will get his attention..

just kidding dont do that.. but it sounds tempting doesnt it.. lol