Life is not exactly what I was expecting...

[ellendeette 1]

I agree with with everything that was said on this post but I have to say the bottom line is you have to feel good about yourself. That is a turn on for both sexes. I don't care what your weight is, if you don't have self-confidence and accept who you are at any weight, you aren't very happy with yourself and it shows to others.

As my weight has been coming off this time down, I notice that I am even more confident with myself because I have a plan and it is working. The band is a powerful tool to help me acheive my goal of weight loss.

Try baby steps in talking to men (and before you ask them out for a date). Go some place to dance (if you like to dance) and ask a guy to dance with you. Guys love to be asked to dance! If one says no, go to the next one. If that one says no, go the next one. It gives you confidence and before you know it, guys are asking you to dance. Having a friendly smile helps. If you can't find anyone to dance with you, dance with a girlfriend (that is acceptable these days) and before you know it, a guy will ask you to dance.

Hang in there. There is someone out there that is looking for you too.

[anniedub 0]

Hey Ghostbuster,

I know the feeling. In your first post, you could be talking about me. It's uncanny. But unfortunately I don't know the answers either. I'm just going to see how life plays out, I guess. I definitely agree with "you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you" thing, about self esteem and confidence. And I'm trying to work on mine. But i know so many people who have sh-tty self-esteem and are still in a wonderful relationship!

Anyway, who knows. I hope that you posted in a moment of weakness and you're now feeling a little better. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in those feelings.

Annie.

[noosagirl 0]

Repeatedly tell your self that your sexy and that so many men want you. Hold your head high and enjoy your life.

[tapshoes 2]

Repeatedly tell your self that your sexy and that so many men want you. Hold your head high and enjoy your life.

That is EXCELLENT advice!

[ghostbuster 3]

Thanks for all of the support everyone.

Annie - I did write that original post on a down day. I'm not going around hanging my head and bemoning my social life. It's just... not what I expected. But things keep changing and all I can do is hope for the best.

If you asked my friends they would probably say I was confident and fun, but like a lot of people, I'm a good actress. I often feel unsure and self-conscience. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself I look good. I won't believe it till I get some back-up. The proof is in the pudding, when I get a date, I'll believe that guys see me as more than the funny fat friend that is great at hooking them up with other girls.

[Sunwyse 1]

You say these are guy friends. Well, I think they most likely think of you as "one of the guys". You probably fitted into that role to begin with because you were hiding behind the fat. We all do it. Problem is, they can see you've changed, but they haven't changed the way they see you. You are still one of the guys to them. Have you changed the way you see yourself? Do you see yourself as one of their pals?

You need to work on yourself inside first. People will respond to you the way you expect them to. You give off vibes to everyone you meet about who you think you are and how you think you should be treated. So you lost weight, what else have you done?

Have you done anything to pamper yourself yet? Do you think you deserve to be pampered? If not, why not? Take a bubble bath, get some nail polish and do those toes!

Work on your inside first. Then don't hang around the guys for a few weeks. Might be hard, but keep away from them. Get yourself a sexy FEMININE little outfit and then call a few and arrange to go out clubbing with them. Taking a break for a few weeks will allow them to see the change when you meet back up. A new clothing style and a new setting to see it in, will help them see you differently. Going to a club will allow men who don't know you to approach you, but you will feel safe because you have your buds there.

One of these guys may not ask you out, but they may have a mate you don't know, so changing their mind this way could lead to other things later.

And certainly, ask a guy out. I've done the asking my whole adult life. That way I got to pick the guy. Mind you, I've always been big and I've never had a problem getting a date, but like I said earlier, it was to do with my attitude to myself.

[ellendeette 1]

Very nicely put. I especially like your last line. I want the same thing. Thank you for sharing.

[HeatherO 7]

Everyone has great advice. Perhaps you need a little makeover . . . it really gives you a boost of self-confidence. Are you keeping your hair the same as you always have, have you changed the style of your clothes. It makes all the difference. I lost my weight and was at a loss as to what clothes to wear.

My husband asked me why a couple of months ago, why do I dress like an old woman in the new clothes I am buying??? Well . . . because clothes when you are heavy are not usually trendy and I had forgotten how to choose flattering things. I actually had my husband and a couple of my trendier friends go shopping with me a couple of times and let them help choose what looks good. I bought some things I never, ever would have picked out on my own. Now I get noticed all the time. I had to relearn what to wear with my new body. Size 8's are not the same as size 20's, lol.

My husband also said I needed to cut my hair. I had been hiding behind long hair througout most of my "heavy" years. Cutting the hair seemed to really release me from the holds of my old mindset. I think I was also insulating myself with my hair as well as being heavy.

I agree with what everyone has said.... But I would like to add something. I think we can all identify with the rush that being hit on can give us as women (or men). Even if we're married etc it is still nice to be hit on. And it is something that anyone of us would consider to be a really nice side effect of getting banded. :rolleyes2:

Yes- it is about health etc.

But I think the confidence thing is like re-learning portions and eating habits with our band. There will probably be sliming involved. Either from some creep hitting on us or not having that creep hit on us. Anyway you look at it- it sucks.

I know for me--- the best thing I ever did for myself (pre-band but seriously single) was to FORCE myself to be comfortable being ALONE at a bar. Not like at a dance club but like at TGIFridays or Chili's. After work I would go and have a glass or 2 of wine or martini, a little appetizer or meal- no book or paper just to enjoy relaxing (ok-obviously pre-band but it still works). Even if no one talked to me-- I really got comfortable in my own skin (so to speak).

When you walk into someplace and actually don't care if some one talks to you-- EVERYONE will be dying to talk to you. But you really actually have to not care-not just say it because you don't want to be rejected etc. You do care- and I TOTALLY get it. When you think you are the best catch in the room (because you already are- band or not) you will be. I am not trying to be mean-- please don't take it wrong.

I agree with this 100%, because I see it the other way as well. As a woman, you can always sense a man who is a little too desperate to be noticed . . . and I dont know why but it makes me naturally want to avoid these people. We naturally are attracted to people who are self-confident and feel comfortable in their own skin. It is easier to be thin than heavy . . . but I have known plenty of heavy people who never have a problem finding someone knew because they are comfortable with who they are, and I know plenty of skinny people who can't find what they are looking for due to lack of confidence.

I have a brother who is heavy, and has been throughout late childhood. He is 18 now, so still relatively young. He always has a girlfriend or two waiting in the wings and they are always very attractive. He is just so friendly, has such a nice smile and good personality that he makes friends easily and naturally everywhere he goes. His weight never held him back for a moment.

I however am shy and had been deeply ashamed of my weight for a long time. It took me a while to get my self confidence back. My husband helped so much in that he loved me for me . . . heavy or thin. Now, I can't believe it is me in the mirror anymore. It is not only being pretty much at goal weight, it is being able to accept that I am attractive and I never suspected it before. I realize now that I had always been at least moderately attractive but I was always so ashamed of myself.

Anyways, I think this is one of the primary legs of the banding journey . . . readjusting your sense of self to who you are now and who you have always been. Once that comes together, being noticed comes naturally.