A Different Sort of Question

[salome000 0]

Okay guys...here's one for you.

There have been two times in my life that I lost significant amounts of weight. Meaning, I was a size 8-10 and maintained it for a year at the most.

This is my third, and final, attempt. The weight is coming off at 3-5 pounds a week and I'm feeling great. Here's the thing.

When I lost weight those first two times, I changed a a person. As a fat person, I was cool with myself, made jokes and although I didn't like being fat from a physical standpoint, I liked me. When I lost weight those first two times (and have noticed certain, similar thoughts popping in my head) I changed into this vapid, appearance conscious person who was a compulsive shopper and was constantly seeking approval from people. It's as if the more I lost and the better I felt, the less confident I became. Why is that? Have any of you noticed a change in your personality? Lately, I've noticed myself asking friends "hey...see the change?" and spending a little more time than usual in front of the mirror.

I don't want to change who I am...I really, honestly like 'me'. I don't like the fat, though. Do you think it's because I've always been overweight and have tied who I am to being fat so that it's hard to separate?

Thanks for reading this. The great comfort about this site is just when you think you're alone, you have everyone here to help. :biggrin:

[MeiQa 0]

For me I always avoided mirrors or photos, now that I have lost 50 pounds I like looking on the mirror and being in photos. I feel like the outside me is starting to look like the inside me. I have started wearing make-up more and nicer clothing because it looks nice. There has to be some change as the weight comes off and we are not so focused on food. I have read many cases where shopping replaces eating. I work with my mental health advisor to not let that happen and have added more outside activities like hiking and SCUBA to my life. Something has to replace eating so it you look at that and then make a choice as to what is the best activity to fill in that gap for you. Shopping will just leave you broke... try something new and no that there are many of us out there trying to fill the void left by not eating like we us to.

[salome000 0]

I agree re: behavior modification. My current obsession is painting....my house, that is. It's not expensive, provides instant gratification and terrific exercize.

I just don't understand why the more weight I lose, the less confident I feel. I always assumed it was the whole 'who I am is tied into my obese physical appearance'. In other words, I don't know how to live as a slim person.

Think about it...all of a sudden, we can shop in regular stores. We can fit comfortably into standard seats. No one seems to be watching us when we eat, we can easily maneuver in a regular sized dressing room, a bathroom stall, etc.

May sound strange but I spent 40 years developing behaviors that were necessary when I was fat but aren't now.

I always dreamed of being slim and now that I'm on my way, I'm happy...it's just I feel a little lost and not quite sure what to do with myself. I'm not depressed by any means and I have ZERO regrets...I'm just at a loss sometimes as I move down the weight chart and into a life that's completely alien to me.

[noosagirl 0]

I think that change of any kind, whether good or bad is really uncomfortable. I can fully understand where your coming from. Maybe keep a journal to write down your thoughts so you are fully aware of them and see if they are rational.

[gentylwind 1]

Being fat is an excellent way to become invisible. I have done the same thing as you....had times when I lost massive weight and kept it off for extended periods of time. I always get nervous. Men start looking at me and not always courteously. Women start being threatened by me again and are actually less genuine in their interactions with me. Being fat makes you a nonentity in society and losing the weight makes you visible again as a person in many people's minds.

I think your reaction is not unexpected, but you may wish to talk to someone about it. You don't want to trade food for shopping. :hug:

[trayrenee 0]

It sounds like you could use a good therapist that deals with either addiction and/or eating issues. I can't imagine going through this process with out working on the mind and heart as much as I am working on my body.

[stevegoad 32]

No doubt about it, it happens.

I too have been one who has lost weight in the past (in 2003/2004 I lost 150 pounds, kept it off for nearly a year and picked it back up plus some). I, too, enjoy life as a fat person, and weight loss is much more a health issue than a "like myself" thing. Keeping healthy for my wife and our lives together is important.

When I lost weight, I certainly was more confident, though I put it more on the "outside forces" (less "fat" prejudice) than my internal forces. It was as though when people didn't first see me as a fat man, I could get more done.

But just hang in there, remain true to who you are, and if worse comes to worse... I'm sure there are people around here who will tell you if you're changing for the worst. :regular_smile:

[*slim* 2]

You are obviously very self aware. Maybe now, while in the process of losing the weight for good, is the time to seek help with whatever you know your issues to be. That way you can deal with this now, rather than risk becoming someone that you don't want to be later. Good luck with whatever your decide to do!

[Shamrockgirl60 1]

Hey I can understand. Fat is a way to be invisible. I don't like being that way. I was always friendly and fun to be with. I still am. Even with the modest weight loss now I am looking at myself more. I am also older (60) so the guys aren't going to check me out. Maybe a few old men are LOL.

I was thin for many years from my youth to my early 30's. I loved it. Shopping was the bomb as they say. I was cute, blond and petite. I was adorable LOL.

Now I'm still blond, still somewhat cute, in an old lady way, and well I just can't stand myself fat. Now I move faster, have more energy and feel 10 years younger. I am happy.

Hubby is proud and so is my tall skinny daughter. LOL

I an play all day with my 5 month old granddaughter and not be totally exhausted afterwords.

I have a Shrink and completed 3 years of therapy before starting this journey. It sure helps to have counseling I recommend it hightly.