Self fulfilling Prophecy?

[*JASMINE* 1]

Just forget it. Not even one response. That's what I get for placing this in the right place instead of the general forum...

Edited June 24, 2008 by *JASMINE*
no responses

[Nanook 2]

Jasmine, restate please, want to be able to read what wasn't able to, thanks Nanook.

Refuse to let you self fulfill your prophecy unless it's a positive one:thumbup:

Edited June 24, 2008 by Nanook
additon

[tommaney 0]

Yes please repost! I read it initially today but I can't always generate a response right away. I remember that you were very concerned about getting back down to your best band weight, and it had to do with negative thoughts that you've always had about always being a fat person, even if you were thin. (I hope I got the gist).

[*JASMINE* 1]

Sorry guys, I was just rambling about some thoughts in my head. If I could have deleted the thread, I would have.

I'm basically trying to change my thought process. I used to be ruled by fear of losing my band, but that fear just up and left (don't know how that happened).

I've recently gained 30lbs. When I was down to 133lbs, thoughts in my head would tell me that some day I would end up fat again, and here I am. I actually never felt thin inside. I had a hard time adjusting. I did it to myself and thought someone might know of a good book regarding self fulfilling prophecies.

I'm back on track again and I keep telling myself that each day will get a little easier. That's my new mantra. So just trying to work through some head issues and thought I might find someone who could relate.

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to respond to my initial post. I read more than I post. I have a hard time putting myself out there, so I really appreciate the responses:).

[Nanook 2]

Jasmine,

If it weren't for writing down rambling thoughts 90% of this forum would be gone!

I know it's hard to put down posts that are very personal and sometimes difficult to even hear yourself say. But if you want support about this feel free to come hear as I have found this to be a good place for me too!

I have been there before, not post-lap band but before that piece of plastic was just a twinkle in Mr. Lap Band's eye! I also had fears of gaining and didn't know what to do and where to go and yes it did come back.

You don't have to answer such a personal question but have you discussed this with a therapist who specializes with "eating disorders" they tend to be more on the ball about these things? I'm on my way to my therapist's office now (well the nurse practitioner, need my meds) but I'll see if she has any books on the subject.

You'll be fine and love your avatar! Talk to you later Nanook:smile:

[*JASMINE* 1]

Thanks Nanook. I haven't seen a therapist. I don't have very good insurance and with the medical bills I have recently racked up, I just can't afford it right now. I guess this place is the next best thing.

I do have an eating disorder. I don't know why, but I feel so empty inside and this is why I keep trying to eat. I don't know why I feel that way. I think I always have. I have a great and supportive husband and a wonderful little boy. My life is great. I just need to find the right coping mechanism for dealing with negative thoughts. They're just always there.

[Mrs Sabre 1]

Jasmine, you might want to look into "The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person". I don't know if it will help with the emptiness you describe, but it may help you stick to your banded lifestyle better?

[tommaney 0]

That sounds like an excellent book suggestion! Beck is known as the founder of Cognitive Psychology, so this might be particularly effective in combating those negative thoughts. I haven't read it yet, but I hope to find it soon...

Jasmine, have you ever happened to notice the circumstances surrounding your negative thoughts? Time of day, what happens before the thought, what happens after (your behavioral/emotional reactions)? Even if you can't manage to see a therapist right now, it might be helpful to try to become an observer of your own thoughts and jot down what happens. Don't judge the thought of "I'm going to be fat again," just notice the time, place, environment, and especially any events that took place before the thought.

It's an exercise in awareness, which can significantly reduce the power of those thoughts even if they don't go away. When you do finally get a chance to see a therapist, this information is going to be valuable.

Best of luck and healing to you.

[*JASMINE* 1]

Thanks so much Mrs. Sabre. I will definately look for that book.

Tommaney- I have narrowed it down to when I am alone. When I am around my husband and son, I love the person I become. From the outside, I am a happy go lucky person. I pull it off great. They make me happy. But when I am alone, those thoughts return. I do think it has to do with having a lonely childhood. I always felt lonely. There are a million things from my childhood I can blame it on. But blaming things from the past, will not help me now. Hopefully that book will help me change my thinking.

Thank you guys for the support. I really needed it. I am picking myself up and wiping myself off:)

[Nanook 2]

Thanks Nanook. I haven't seen a therapist. I don't have very good insurance and with the medical bills I have recently racked up, I just can't afford it right now. I guess this place is the next best thing.

I do have an eating disorder. I don't know why, but I feel so empty inside and this is why I keep trying to eat. I don't know why I feel that way. I think I always have. I have a great and supportive husband and a wonderful little boy. My life is great. I just need to find the right coping mechanism for dealing with negative thoughts. They're just always there.

It's okay to feel bad about feeling bad. You can have the greatest family in the world and still suffer with depression. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain, it's not your fault it happens. Having a supportive family helps though, that's for sure! Sometimes we need extra support and may need to reach out for help to fix the problem.

Jasmine, your mental health is just as important as your physical help it's all tied together actually in a nice package called "Jasmine". I understand money can be an issue and also there are those that even if they had insurance would be too embarrassed or afraid to use it to cover some of the costs as there is still a stigma involved with mental health in our society. I know people that won't go because they're afraid it may affect their job. Those are all real issues people deal with and sadly don't get the help that could improve their lives greatly.

I myself was given free meds today from my nurse practitioner as the drug vendors give them to them by the truck load, well not literally. I can afford to pay for a prescription, after insurance of course, although I'm no where near rich but it's a nice to get them free once in a while too! My daughter's friend suffers from depression and anxiety but lives on her own and is not insured. She ends up going to her primary, which is the same primary I have she's honest and upfront with him and he gives her sample packs too!

Although I know therapy is expensive, psychiatrists are a commodity these days there are other options for you out there. You could see a social worker from a team that may charge you on a sliding scale. I did so myself when I was in my 20s and having problems with phobias and anxiety/depression. If for some reason they felt you were in need of medication to treat this they would work with a psychiatrist to get you a script. Your own doctor if he saw signs of depression/anxiety would prescribe but they're usually would suggest some type of therapy and it's best to get a script from an actually doctor trained in that field.

I did see my nurse practitioner but was a failure when it came to actually locating a good book to read. I'm sorry about that. I think you know it's a bit more complicated and are on the right track about feeling better you just have to research who is out there for you, someone who deals with women and eating disorders and also who can deal with you on a sliding scale. Be honest up front about your needs and issues and it will make it much easier. You're not the only one who doesn't want to spend the money on her mental health but you know it's the best thing you can do for yourself and that will reflect in other aspects of your life.

Good luck to you and keep me posted, Nanook:smile:

[tommaney 0]

Thanks so much Mrs. Sabre. I will definately look for that book.

Tommaney- I have narrowed it down to when I am alone. When I am around my husband and son, I love the person I become. From the outside, I am a happy go lucky person. I pull it off great. They make me happy. But when I am alone, those thoughts return. I do think it has to do with having a lonely childhood. I always felt lonely. There are a million things from my childhood I can blame it on. But blaming things from the past, will not help me now. Hopefully that book will help me change my thinking.

Thank you guys for the support. I really needed it. I am picking myself up and wiping myself off:)

You're right...we definitely can't blame things on the past, but rather just acknowledge the possible origins of our experiences and move on with our cognitive, emotional, and physical work. Perhaps if you find Beck's book you can read it while you're alone--that way you'll be searching for a way to dispute your negative thoughts rather than ruminate on them.

[*JASMINE* 1]

Nanook-I believe I do suffer from depression. It runs in my family and in the past, I have been treated for it. I was on some antidepressants that made me start having psychotic thoughts and as soon as I realized that, I tried to wean myself off of them. I couldn't do it. If I tried to go a whole day without them, I would get really dizzy. I had to go back to my doctor so that she could help me get off of them. Since that experience, I have not gone back on any type of medication. If the depression gets really bad, I will go back and try a new medication. For now, I will use exercise as a way to maybe balance those chemicals. I've heard this works with some people. See, a positive response to a negative situation:thumbup:. Thank you for the recommendations on where to get therapy. I will see what I can find in my area. Sometimes just talking it out helps a million.

Tommaney-That's a great recommendation. I will make it a point to read that book while I am alone. I don't think that by getting some book, I will be all cured, but it can only help.

Thank you both for letting me ramble. My husband tries to be supportive when I try to talk to him about this, but I can tell he just doesn't get it. It's great to be able to talk to someone who understands:biggrin2:.

[Nanook 2]

Jasmine,

I only know what I've read or what I've experience or learned from other people. I think you'll know if you need to get more help and if you're living your life fairly normal and the exercise is helping then that's wonderful.

There are a lot of people who can't relate to having actual clinical depression and the various mental disorders. Some just think you should tough it out. I remember discussing my depression with my MIL after having my first baby and trying to explain it to her was like trying to explain it to the wall. She just didn't get it. She told me she was depressed after her husband died but got over it. She was 40 and had 4 children when he had a sudden heart attack and died. I'd assume someone would be depressed after such a traumatic even but she still doesn't understand the whole depression, anxiety that affects people for no reason what so ever and is a chemical imbalance in the brain. My husband is an apple off that tree but he's smart enough and open enough to understand it, God, you'd think so after living with me for 28 years!

books are very helpful and when you find the right one that helps you and you can relate to it's a good thing! Take care Nanook:tongue:

[thatgirl 0]

Jasmine, you might want to look into "The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person". I don't know if it will help with the emptiness you describe, but it may help you stick to your banded lifestyle better?

I just got that book. And Jasmine, you are totally normal- I got banded and lost half the weight I need to and sat stuck for MONTHS because it is like I am so convinced I am not going to make it, that I am not.:thumbup:

So I went in last week and I talked for a long time to the nurse (who also had to unfill me a bit because I had gotten so overfilled I was pretty much only eating soft stuff- I was convinced that if I kept the band tighter I'd HAVE to stay on track. Ummm. learned that lesson the hard way).

Anyhow, she suggested the Beck Diet Solution and I am reading it.

I was 220 when I got banded, got down to 181 and then went back up to 190. My goal weight is 140 so I have 50 to go.

If you need a buddy or anything maybe we can help each other, I am so glad you posted this, I wondered if I was the only person out there who created negative self fulfilling prophesies. But you know what, that works the other way as well- we can turn that around to successful beliefs....

:thumbup:

[*JASMINE* 1]

I just got that book. And Jasmine, you are totally normal- I got banded and lost half the weight I need to and sat stuck for MONTHS because it is like I am so convinced I am not going to make it, that I am not.

So I went in last week and I talked for a long time to the nurse (who also had to unfill me a bit because I had gotten so overfilled I was pretty much only eating soft stuff- I was convinced that if I kept the band tighter I'd HAVE to stay on track. Ummm. learned that lesson the hard way).

Anyhow, she suggested the Beck Diet Solution and I am reading it.

I was 220 when I got banded, got down to 181 and then went back up to 190. My goal weight is 140 so I have 50 to go.

If you need a buddy or anything maybe we can help each other, I am so glad you posted this, I wondered if I was the only person out there who created negative self fulfilling prophesies. But you know what, that works the other way as well- we can turn that around to successful beliefs....

I'm always in need of a buddy:biggrin2:. Absolutely! How's the book going so far? I went and looked for it in the library, but it wasn't there, so they placed an order for it. If it doesn't come in soon, I'm thinking about just going to Half Price books and buying it. Sorry I didn't respond to you earlier. I haven't been on here in a couple of days.