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Are you a fat personality or not?

Not all fat people have fat personalities. I'm sorry I disrupted a mental health thread with this yesterday, I didnt realise and it was inappropriate. But I've got to get this off my chest.

I'm done with the whiny pathetic excuse making marshmallows populating this board. Get some backbone, and wake up to reality. This thing takes WORK.

We all fall off the wagon, we all make mistakes, what is it that makes some of us dust ourselves off and keep going and some of us refuse to admit the mistake, blaming everything and everyone but ourselves?

I've never really understood pre band psychological counselling, but now I do. Some people here should never ever have been banded. Not until they did some serious work on themselves first. Its very sad. But the tool is there when they're ready to use it. If they could EVER admit that they need to change things up a bit.

The band is so wonderful. You can lose weight slowly. You can even do it without exercise. You can get to a low BMI or not, you can stop where you please. You can feel in control of your food for the first time in your life. You can be super strict and lose weight at the speed of light and have cosmetic surgery and be the hottest thing on 2 legs. You can do low carb or not.

For some, sadly its just not the right tool. I have respect for people who decide that and go for something else or who choose another surgery int he first place. But for many, its so versatile. Sadly there's some people who still dont lose. They have medical and physical issues that need attention. They may have gotten so big that they really struggle to move around let alone exercise. They are in real trouble and need help and compassion.

But there's also a whole lot who are just, well, pathetic. They wanted to lose weight but they wanted someone else to do it for them, afterall its not their fault their fat right? So they get this band and WHAT? It doesnt do it all?

This thread is not compassionate. I dont hate fat people, heck, I *AM* a fat person. I dont believe I will be anything other than a fat person in remission. I feel compassion for the plight people find themselves in, I feel that for every single person. But when they refuse to help themselves, it evaporates.

Now, I'm the first person to admit I dont understand much about mental health issues like depression. I know its wrong, but I do sometimes fall into the "just snap out of it" camp. I realise there's stuff like that involved. But nine times out of ten, struggling with a band just comes down to being unwilling to pull your finger out and face your issues.

So when people post threads seeking help and then oh so politely come up with an excuse to every single helpful suggestion, look out, I just might BITE!

And nobody had better DARE so "if I could do that, I wouldnt have needed a lapband". That is quite honestly the stupidest thing that I have ever heard on this forum and unfortunately its been said many many times. If you seriously believe that, you are in more trouble than a lapband can get you out of!

Edited by Jachut

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Ooh, Jachut, you are SO going to get it :redface:

I do disagree with one thing though. I don't think "if I could do that, I wouldn't need a lap band" is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It depends on what 'that' is. The reality is that we can't lose weight and keep it off and that's what WLS is for. So if that's what they are saying, then I agree ... if they could do THAT, they wouldn't need a lap band.

OTOH, if "that" is "stay on the pre-op diet for 10 days", then, yeah, it's just an excuse.

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I'm kinda in the same boat as you, Jachut, as you know from our PMs, lol! I understand being depressed, I understand denial. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Hell, got the whole damn WARDROBE. But eventually, people gotta, well, for lack of better words, get over it and take responsibility for themselves, the position they've gotten themselves into, and the way they're going to get themselves out of it, because no one is going to do it for them.

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Lol, yeah, I'm going to get it. I've just had a gutful of this shite though.

I understand it too, like you say Laurend. I dont expect people to be perfect. I didnt lose weight by being damn perfect every single day. I have off days too. I fall off the wagon. I eat too much.

But I dont come here crying and asking for pats on the back for it, for justification of my denial. THAT's what annoys me. Not that people arent perfect but that they're here seeking justification. They dont seem to able to say "well, I fecked that up, but I'll do better tomorrow".

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Lol, yeah, I'm going to get it. I've just had a gutful of this shite though.

I understand it too, like you say Laurend. I dont expect people to be perfect. I didnt lose weight by being damn perfect every single day. I have off days too. I fall off the wagon. I eat too much.

But I dont come here crying and asking for pats on the back for it, for justification of my denial. THAT's what annoys me. Not that people arent perfect but that they're here seeking justification. They dont seem to able to say "well, I fecked that up, but I'll do better tomorrow".

True. Honestly, I think the people that play into it and that encourage the behavior are more irritating, though. I mean, some people just aren't ready to accept that they make their own destiny, so to speak, when it comes to losing weight (speaking about most people, not the few with true health issues that cause problems with losing weight). And that's fine. But that doesn't mean that everyone else needs to basically agree that they're helpless or whatever.

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Exactly. I dont even have a problem when people decide it wasnt for them. That they cant lose weight.

As long as they can admit "I cant lose weight becuase I'm not ready to make the changes".

Just get outta my face with the "I cant lose weight becuase everything has conspired against me". Man, it drives me insane.

I feel the same way about some of my bestest friends and their parenting woes. You have a baby and then spend your time whining about how you cant cope with the lack of sleep? What did you expect? Everyday mothers day with Hallmark cardsw and Breakfast in bed? Sheesh. You knew it was hard going in. Quite whining and get on with it. Its not that I dont understand it, I've been through it three times, and can commiserate when someone says "gee, I'm exhausted today". But neverending moaning, wining, crying and carrying on with "this is soooo hard", aaaaaaargh.

Edited by Jachut

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Jachut I agree.

I sat in the surgeons office listening to 2 women talk about how they were going in there to give that Dr what for as they were both banded in August last year and had only lost 4kg and 5kg. My curiosity got the better of me and I politely enquired what exercise they were doing

"Oh none we shouldnt have to exercise thats what the band is for"

and how about diet?

"Again the lapband should make us not hungry and want to eat crap but it doesnt"

WTF!!! Im sorry ladies were you thinking that you had a MAGIC band attached to your stomach that allowed you to sit back and watch the weight fall off while you still ate everything in sight.

I have made a committment to change and sometimes I still come home after a bad day at work and eat crap but the next day Im off and running again.

I dont ever want to go back to being in the hundreds of kilos mark so I guess I have to make it not happen.

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I feel the same way about some of my bestest friends and their parenting woes. You have a baby and then spend your time whining about how you cant cope with the lack of sleep? What did you expect? Everyday mothers day with Hallmark cardsw and Breakfast in bed? Sheesh. You knew it was hard going in. Quite whining and get on with it. Its not that I dont understand it, I've been through it three times, and can commiserate when someone says "gee, I'm exhausted today". But neverending moaning, wining, crying and carrying on with "this is soooo hard", aaaaaaargh.

Firstly, this is why I'm not having kids. Ever. I'd be that moaner. I KNOW I would.

My band on the other hand, yeah its caused me some grief lately, yeah I've put on a little weight being unfilled. But I KNOW how to fix that - its just that laziness has set in - I've been here before and I picked my self up and lost another 25 pounds after that. I'll get back on the horse when I am ready and in the short term I know its no ones fault but my own. I might whine and moan, but its all directed at myself. Surely its not THAT hard to figure out.....is it? I mean theres only SO many outside things/people/situations one person can have to blame isn't there??

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Yep, roadblocks happen all the time. You've had a hard time SheSmiles, I've been reading your blog. We all need to have a whinge about stuff like that from time to time. Its a credit to you that you're out running again, and you've kept your weight remarkably in check. I really admire that. You've got some guts and determination.

See, its got nothing to do with the size of someone's body or whether they've been "successful" or not. This thread isnt even about fat or thin. Its about attitude.

Having a whinge about some bad luck is cathartic. Bad luck is when your knee gives out on you or you suffer a slippage or erosion. Bad luck is if you break your arm. Bad luck isnt when you find you can still eat a quarterpounder and do so every single day (which I probably would if I could, lol) and then blame it on your cat dying when you were ten.

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Fairy, I saw you post anyway as it came thru my email. It wasnt stupid.

Believe it or not, I eat badly too sometimes. I would gain weight if I lost my band. I've only exercised three times this week.

Like you say though, you're not "pity partying". The pitypartying is what bugs me, not the falling off the wagon bit. We all do that. We've all been fat, we're all trying to get better.

I didnt run this week as much as usual. I've been busy. But have I *really* not had half an hour to run every day? No. I could have gotten up early, I could have got on the treadmill at midnight if I had to. I didnt do it today when I had a two hour break between the boys' basketball games becuase I didnt want to get my hair sweaty.

Whose fault is it? Do I say "oh, boo hoo cant exercise coz I'm too busy" or do I say "If I'm honest, I really didnt make best use of my time this week?". I'd choose the latter.

Eating bad, not exercising, we ALL do that from time to time. Its not a hanging offense.

The other thing I've noticed, is that since I've been this weight most of the last year and my daughter started school this year, and I've started working as well as studying etc etc, there's more and more people in my life who never knew me fat. They assume I've been this way all my life. Most of the mums at school are significantly overweight. So so many times things have been said to me along the lines (because in any group of women, dieting is a big topic!) of "you're so lucky, you must have a good metabolism", or "you dont have to worry". You know, nobody thin ever says that. Because they know that they cant just eat what they want when the want and not burn it off. But it seems that people who struggle with their weight cant face thinking of it in terms of "she works for it and I dont" so they have to turn it into "lucky". I did it myself, said the same thing many times. Now that's not done maliciously or with any nasty intention, its just a complete failure to think about one's weight as one's own responsibility and acknowledge that someone else has made different choices to you. Its endlessly fascinating to me. What comes first, the weight problem or does the attitude predispose a person to developing a weight problem?

Because I've seen the same thing said here in different guises. "You're lucky you can exercise becuase you have a passion for it, I dont". No,that's not right. I exercise because I make different choices to you (not meaning anyone specific of course!).

I'm feeling less nasty about this now and more like analysing it and trying to understand it. I was really angry when I posted this morning. As you can probably tell, lol.

Edited by Jachut

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Yep, roadblocks happen all the time. You've had a hard time SheSmiles, I've been reading your blog. We all need to have a whinge about stuff like that from time to time. Its a credit to you that you're out running again, and you've kept your weight remarkably in check. I really admire that. You've got some guts and determination.

See, its got nothing to do with the size of someone's body or whether they've been "successful" or not. This thread isnt even about fat or thin. Its about attitude.

Having a whinge about some bad luck is cathartic. Bad luck is when your knee gives out on you or you suffer a slippage or erosion. Bad luck is if you break your arm. Bad luck isnt when you find you can still eat a quarterpounder and do so every single day (which I probably would if I could, lol) and then blame it on your cat dying when you were ten.

I agree that its SO much about attitude. And even the most successful bandsters swing between very much so and not so much so in control from day to day. Its what we do with that control day in and day out that matters - from the first week or to our X number of years out.

I started my blog as my personal space to record my sucesses and challenges. It was for me. Sure I linked it here in the hopes that it might help some one else, but people had a choice to click into it and then a choice to keep reading once they started reading my babble.....I started it because I AM a whiner by nature. I've had MORE than my fair share of bad luck recently, methinks. But I also know when I have made shitty food choices. I KNOW!!! I was fat once upon a time and I know how I got fat, so I have a hold on how well I can do that overdoing it thing. But I am 100% with you on this - blaming stuff on the past only goes so far...do I blame it on my ex who did this and that to me, or the fact that this happened when I was a child etc etc? Yeah to maybe -this- extent. But I am still a living breathing adult making choices day in and day out. At some stage of the game we have to step up and be responsible for our choices.

I mean would we be pulled over for speeding and say "sorry officer, I was speeding because my sister was always prettier than me growing up?" (for example!). Really can we REALLY use excuses for not making the most of our bands???? How interelated are things really?? It CAN be simplified to be about the day in day out choices we make - chose to do the right thing for you and your band TODAY. Thats all you need to do. Don't let the past or your struggles damage you.

Lastly, thanks Jachut. Returning to running hasn't been easy for me, and I am afraid that it might get worse again before it improves fully. But I have full faith that I will get there. That all I have to build on right now!!!

Edited by She Smiles

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I agree that its SO much about attitude. And even the most successful bandsters swing between very much so and not so much so in control from day to day. Its what we do with that control day in and day out that matters - from the first week or to our X number of years out.

I started my blog as my personal space to record my sucesses and challenges. It was for me. Sure I linked it here in the hopes that it might help some one else, but people had a choice to click into it and then a choice to keep reading once they started reading my babble.....I started it because I AM a whiner by nature. I've had MORE than my fair share of bad luck recently, methinks. But I also know when I have made shitty food choices. I KNOW!!! I was fat once upon a time and I know how I got fat, so I have a hold on how well I can do that overdoing it thing. But I am 100% with you on this - blaming stuff on the past only goes so far...do I blame it on my ex who did this and that to me, or the fact that this happened when I was a child etc etc? Yeah to maybe -this- extent. But I am still a living breathing adult making choices day in and day out. At some stage of the game we have to step up and be responsible for our choices.

I mean would we be pulled over for speeding and say "sorry officer, I was speeding because my sister was always prettier than me growing up?" (for example!). Really can we REALLY use excuses for not making the most of our bands???? How interelated are things really?? It CAN be simplified to be about the day in day out choices we make - chose to do the right thing for you and your band TODAY. Thats all you need to do. Don't let the past or your struggles damage you.

Lastly, thanks Jachut. Returning to running hasn't been easy for me, and I am afraid that it might get worse again before it improves fully. But I have full faith that I will get there. That all I have to build on right now!!!

Bingo. Every single experienced, successful bandster out there has taken responsibility for themselves. If you asked them, I'm sure they'd all tell you that they all know exactly how to eat past the band, to cheat, etc. What makes them successful is that they've made a choice not to. I mean, I've been banded less than a year. I know exactly what to do to eat past my band. I just have to suck it up and NOT do it. Does that mean I NEVER do it? No, sometimes I just feel like eating, so I do. But I make sure not to do it every day, I acknowledge the fact that it's all on me if my weight loss stalls, and I resolve to do better (and I usually do). It's not because something happened in my life in the past, or because I was depressed, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's because I felt like eating like a pig and did so.

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