COMPLETELY off topic, but I need some advice....

I'llsucceed · May 2, 2005

Just one thing to keep in mind:

"Just because you love someone DOES NOT mean you should marry them"

Best of luck to you- Do what your heart tells you & you'll be fine;0)

Ruthie · May 2, 2005

I agree with everything that has been said. You are banded, young and have so many options. I loved college life. enjoy it. Date, play with your girlfriends. Be grateful that you are learning about this now instead of when you are married. Such a fun time in life for you! and you're going to be skinny! enjoy it!!

DeLarla · May 2, 2005

23 is so young to be worrying about your entire future. I was engaged at 23, and thank GOD I didn't go through with that marriage. I waited till I was 37 to marry my current husband, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Most women want to get married and start families, but I don't think women should marry till after 30. Get your own life in order, figure out what you want for your future before settling into somone else's idea of what life will ber like for you.

Your story reminds me of Everybody Loves Raymond. Some guys (girls too) are seriously attached to their families, and they expect their spouse to fit in. If you stay with this guy, you are seriously marrying his entire family. Do you want to raise your family, or do you want a mother-in-law imposing her beliefs and daily rituals?

I'm not happy about the way he dismissed you so quickly, as if "his way or no way." Are you sure he loves you as much as you love him?

thechatrooper · May 2, 2005

Hello!

I'm not really looking to get married anytime within the next few years, not till I'm older than 25 at least. I know I still have a lot ahead of me and a lot more that I want to do on my own. I just don't want to "waste time" with someone who isn't going to be a part of my future, when I could be missing the opportunity to meet someone better.

It's good to hear other's outlook on this, I thought what he said was weird, but since my extended family isn't that close and I'm an only child, I thought maybe my outlook on family might be different than the norm.

I know he loves me and really cares for me, and he's always been really kind, patient, and loving with me, but I'm starting to think he's just not right for me.

I had never considered "cultural differences" as an issue before at all, but I guess it does come into play at some point, and that sucks. I think needs someone to be a lot more like him culturally, and I can't change who I am.

Thank you all for the awesome advice on my off-topic prob, I appreciate it =)

<3 Lisa

BeachBabe(soon) · May 2, 2005

YOU GO GIRL! and don't stop,and don't look back!!

Mita · May 2, 2005

Trooper seems you already know what you need to do from your first post.

My husbands family comes from Mexico and they live the way you descibe, though we may have the thinking that when you reach a certain age or get married unless you are living with your inlaws to save money you do eventually fly the coop.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best.

Kendra · May 3, 2005

"So obviously it has come out into the open that we have very different ideas on how marriages/relationships/life works."

And that, will probably never change. You have to figure out if your willing to compromise, or give up what you feel you need for him.

"I am not going to school and spending $66,000 out of my own pocket to get a Bachelors degree just so I can be a housewife and live with my husbands entire family."

Then you shouldnt settle. Why give up your dreams right? it seems like you know what you want..and he doesn't see it the same way you do.

This makes me wonder... is it worth it to stay with someone, now that I know that we may not have much of a future together?

I am not willing to compromise on this, and obviously neither is he.

Trouble is, I love him.

Why drag it on even further when your not compatible with someone long term? Love is harsh, and so is life. If you keep dating this guy, you will just make things more complicated. You can work through it...but would that be fair to you?

Do I stay with him knowing we have very different ideas on how we are going to spend our future? Or do I break up with someone that I love, care about, get along well with?

People generally date others because they want to see if they are compatible long term.. Maybe you are better as friends? You can still love and care about him.

How do I respond to this?

Be blunt. Be real..because this IS your future. Don't compromise with someone who won't compromise with you. Tell him how you feel and see what he says. If he says things like "deal with it or leave" well, then leave. Hes obviously not willing to put your feelings into consideration. Its a take it or leave it deal. A marriage is about working together to accomplish similar goals, and being a companion for life, in more ways than one.

Kara in Texas · May 3, 2005

Sweet Pea,

I cant add much that anyone else has said here, BUT this...

You are 22 yrs old, in 5 yrs at 27 (like me) you will not even remember the girl you were at 22. You are in the midst of your "changing years" you are still a young woman and coming into your adult years. You are still learning about YOUR values and what you believe in. You should take some time to get to know YOU!! You are so truly lucky to be having this surgery at such a young age. I feel lucky, at 27 - but 22 - WOW~ You have so much learning to do..... Learn, Baby.. LEARN!! and GOOD LUCK!!! Keep us posted.

Kara

burnsun · May 3, 2005

From one who went to school has a BS and MS in Physics and taught for 11 years and did semi profesional theater as well as high school and college theater while I was teaching. I do now love staying at home with my kids. But that was and is my choice and not that of others. (though I never at 23 or 26 thought that at 38 I would love this!!!!)

I also have my monster in law living woith us (she even got banded at the same time) - but she wlives with us- not the other way round! It does have a few advantages- I can run to the store in the moddle of night with DH and she doesn't have to be driven home after she babysits or holidays etc.

I lived for a while in Mexico and saw this as common for most families untill they built up enoguh $$$ to get their own house/apartment etc. However all the people I knew doing it had small houses on the family house or studio apartments, etc.

Good luck and wish you all the best