My mom!!

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Ug. I first should preface this by saying I LOVE my mom. But I'm so annoyed every once in awhile.

My mom has an unknown neurological condition that has affected her ability to walk, her moods, and various other things. I am one of her primary caretakers, so I spend a lot of time taking her places, cooking for her and my dad, cleaning their house and what not.

We went to the grocery store today. We go to the same store every Tuesday, so we see the same people. They're all very kind and helpful to my mom in her wheelchair. I find most people are annoyed that she is in a wheelchair and they cut her off or brush by her, or stand in front of her in the aisle when she's trying to look at something in the store, so I'm particularly grateful for these kind people. We were checking out and my mom was watching the prices. My mom started yelling at our checkout lady saying "How can you charge these kinds of prices? Don't you feel ashamed to work here and steal money from people?!" And on and on. I got on my mom and said, "Mom, she doesn't control the prices... if you have a concern about the prices, let's go home and write a letter to send to the company." The poor girl said, "I know they're high, I guess because gas prices have gone up so have groceries too." My mom said "That's just the lies they tell you... blah blah blah"

I'm just annoyed that a perfectly pleasant trip to the store turned into a bad situation. I told mom once we got out of the store that all she did was make that lady's day worse. My mom is not a mean person, but her neurological condition makes her mood change from pleasant to angry in moments. I work a full time job and have a disastrous 4 day schedule so I can spend my 5th business day with my mom, along with weekends and evenings. I hate my job, but I stay because they allow me that flexibility to take care of my mom... but when I have days like this, it makes me want to scream! I guess I'm just frustrated because I take care of mom, work full time, and have a household and a husband to take care of.

I feel guilty for being upset with her. I feel bad that I'm feeling like I make a huge sacrifice for her and she doesn't even care. I know she's my mom and has made tons of sacrifices for me too, but my mom has been sick all my life and it makes me feel like I never really had a mom!

Okay, that's all. :smile2:

[88KEYZ 0]

I understand your feelings, as our parents grow older and become ill life gets to be very hard for them. They remember better times, or days of old, they are depressed and miss working, etc. You do not need to apologize for your Mom, but always in private let her know what she may have sounded like. She has to be the one to apologize!!! You see, my parents have just retired, Dad is not that healthy and getting ready for lapband himself. Life changes! Also my mother-n-law is wheel chair bound due to a neurology issue like yours. She gets very down and can get very irritable as well. Just keep your chin up and hang in there! One day we won't have them to help any longer. You are doing a great job.

[plain 12]

I'm sorry Mrs. FF...One of the weirdest part of anybody's life is the care of parents when they get older (although you alluded in the last part that maybe she's been like this all your life). Do you have any siblings to help share the load?

[brandyII 9]

Mrs. Flip Flops you are only 25 years old and sound like you've had a hard life so far! I've dealt with an alcoholic father for many years, different situation but still stressful and not the person you wanted for a parent. I was lucky enough to live an airplane ride away though, I know that sounds bad but I think I would have totally gone bonkers if I lived that close to him! Of course now he is at peace and I am too.

It's good to have some sort of release from this otherwise you'll just drive yourself insane. Are you the only one who could take your mom shopping or are you the only one willing to do this for your mom? I didn't know if you had any other relatives who could help you out. I know there's always one who ends up doing everything.

Dealing with parents has got to be one of the hardest things especially when they have problems like your mom's. I'm assuming she lives at home and not in an assisted living facility.

My dad, as I said was an alcoholic, lived by himself in a 55 and older apartment building in the great state of Florida. When he would get very drunk he would crash and the people underneath him would hear or there would be some other sign like Water flowing into their apartment from the time he crashed into the toilet. Then, I'd get the phone call and these added up to many until I finally had to move him almost "Baker Act" him into assisted living basically to keep him from killing himself. So I know the stress and I know how hard it can be but if you need someone to talk to I'm here and so are tons of other people who either have gone through similar situations or will someday. Take care brandyII.

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

Wow! This is a perfect thread for me.

Mrs. Fips Flops you are a saint. You have so much going on and are still taking care of your mom. When I was 25 all I did was party and

didn't have a care in the world. My heart goes out to you.

I have been dealing with my elderly father. I moved him into assisted living in Feb. which he absolutely hates. He's 89 and can't live alone so I know he's frustrated that he has no choice. So now I am back here trying to clean out his house and sell all his stuffl. This is a man that has never thrown anything away in the last 20 years. I am trying to get the house ready to put on the market and have a "moving sale"

all in 2 weeks time. I need more like 2 months to get this done. My dad thinks all his junk is worth a fortune and is having a fit because I am making him replace the carpet to get the house on the market. I am ready to tear out my hair.

I wish he liked Oregon but he hates it and I don't want to move to Arizona either. It's a great place to visit and I would love to be a snow bird but right now this situation has no answer. Plus now if the house sells, I will have nowhere to stay to even come and visit him.

So, I have been eating ice cream every day and will probably have 10 lbs to take off by the time I get back home. At least with the band, I know it's possible to lose the weight again when I get back into my

old routine.

[brandyII 9]

Wow! This is a perfect thread for me.

Mrs. Fips Flops you are a saint. You have so much going on and are still taking care of your mom. When I was 25 all I did was party and

didn't have a care in the world. My heart goes out to you.

I have been dealing with my elderly father. I moved him into assisted living in Feb. which he absolutely hates. He's 89 and can't live alone so I know he's frustrated that he has no choice. So now I am back here trying to clean out his house and sell all his stuffl. This is a man that has never thrown anything away in the last 20 years. I am trying to get the house ready to put on the market and have a "moving sale"

all in 2 weeks time. I need more like 2 months to get this done. My dad thinks all his junk is worth a fortune and is having a fit because I am making him replace the carpet to get the house on the market. I am ready to tear out my hair.

I wish he liked Oregon but he hates it and I don't want to move to Arizona either. It's a great place to visit and I would love to be a snow bird but right now this situation has no answer. Plus now if the house sells, I will have nowhere to stay to even come and visit him.

So, I have been eating ice cream every day and will probably have 10 lbs to take off by the time I get back home. At least with the band, I know it's possible to lose the weight again when I get back into my

old routine.

Sorry you're going through this. Sounds somewhat similar to what I went through 2 years ago when I moved my dad into assisted living from his condo and then had to get his outdated condo ready to sell in a really bad market in Florida. I remember taking my dad to various assisted living places that were really nice, by my standards, and he hated them. He finally found one that was close by his apartment where his ex-girlfriend still lived in another apartment (different long story), that was not as nice but for him was perfect.

After flying down, just to go through all his files on trip. I finally was able to move him and all his stuff half of which went into a consignment shop and sold. I was able to throw him an 80th birthday party with a few relatives who were willing to fly down and that was in January and he died the following March.

I know this sounds depressing but I've kind of gotten over it since it's been two years, I'm not a cold bitch by all means, but the emotional torture is over.

Anywho, with five siblings I took the things along with my brother that I thought would mean the most to people and we divided them amongst the five. Let's just say he was a collector of bolo ties, Stetsons, boots and rosaries and we all wore a bolo tie to his funeral as he thought he was a "cowboy" and was I suppose of sorts. The remaining items we could not take obviously flying out of state we decided to give to charity.

People barely knew my father at this assisted living facility because he chose to order his food in and not go to the dining hall and never socialized, (was a loner and a cowboy). Anyway it was a very hot day cleaning and tossing out trash, which he was fond of collecting also, another extremly long story and another reason to buy nose plugs, so we had the door open and the ac blowing too. People would stop by as they saw "youngens in his room and he was gone" so they were a bit curious. As soon as they heard he had passed and we were donating his stuff to charity they became the charity. Word spread like wild fire. At the time we kind of felt a bit guilty like we were giving away all our father's stuff but there was really nothing else we could do.

There was one woman who I rolled some stuff over to her apartment in another building for who I swore was a hoarder but I was glad to add to her collection. Anyway toilet paper could have been left on the roller and was taken, people would take anything and everything! We cleaned his place out in no time and then the rest of the items, mainly clothing was then donated to charity. He was buried in his best Stetson, cowboy boots and a bolo tie I had bought him.

Anyway I never expected to deal with something like this when I was younger, like 40, lol. It was really difficult but I somehow got the courage to fly down by myself and deal with many of these things and why I put off my gastric bypass surgery for two years. I probably would have done much better if I had it then and was busy with my dad instead of eating.

Anyway it helps me to write about it and I hope things go easier for you with your dad. I was the one making his appointments and reminding him that he was being picked up to see a doctor etc...It's really hard when you're living far away and trying to help and they're regressing a bit and you're the parent almost now. But I wish you luck and if you need to talk I'm here, brandyII.:thumbdown:

[Apples2 19]

Flipflops...sending hugs your way. I admire you for what you are doing and have done for your parents. Everyone should have a family member like you to rely on when times get tough. Sounds like you don't have a lot of time for yourself. All of this may not seem rewarding at this time but when you look back on what you have done and how much you have helped you mom, you should pat yourself on the back. Hang in there, kiddo.

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Wow, you guys are great. Thanks so much.

I do have two older sisters and of course my dad. Both my parents are in their 50's. It seems like my mom is too young to be babied by her youngest daughter. Both my sisters work fulltime and my dad works too. It's funny I guess, as we were talking about who could take the most time off work- my family decided it was me! Dad has to work, of course, to support mom financially and keep medical insurance up, my two sisters are both single and rely solely on their own income, I just happen to be married and have the less amount of income in our marriage, so me losing out on some cold hard cash isn't as big of a deal than if my sisters did. One of my sisters goes on Saturdays to take my mom out and spend time with her. The other one goes up when she can. We really do all chip in, I feel like I do more, but we all do what we can.

You know, as I reflect on my situation- if you could call it that- I think that my mom being sick my whole life has really brought me and my family together. Once about every six months she has an "episode" that's like a stroke and it lands her in the hospital. For her own safety, we never allow her to be in the hospital by herself, so we take shifts. It's hard on us, but having moments of crisis and constantly having to work together has really brought us closer. I speak to every member of my family every day.

[brandyII 9]

Wow, you guys are great. Thanks so much.

I do have two older sisters and of course my dad. Both my parents are in their 50's. It seems like my mom is too young to be babied by her youngest daughter. Both my sisters work fulltime and my dad works too. It's funny I guess, as we were talking about who could take the most time off work- my family decided it was me! Dad has to work, of course, to support mom financially and keep medical insurance up, my two sisters are both single and rely solely on their own income, I just happen to be married and have the less amount of income in our marriage, so me losing out on some cold hard cash isn't as big of a deal than if my sisters did. One of my sisters goes on Saturdays to take my mom out and spend time with her. The other one goes up when she can. We really do all chip in, I feel like I do more, but we all do what we can.

You know, as I reflect on my situation- if you could call it that- I think that my mom being sick my whole life has really brought me and my family together. Once about every six months she has an "episode" that's like a stroke and it lands her in the hospital. For her own safety, we never allow her to be in the hospital by herself, so we take shifts. It's hard on us, but having moments of crisis and constantly having to work together has really brought us closer. I speak to every member of my family every day.

That's good you do have support but maybe you could trade shopping day with someone else! My mother died in 1974 and my dad two years ago and with all those issues it's really bonded my five sibs and even though I didn't have the greatest parent situation I can always count on my sibs for love and support and so I was given that gift I suppose, good luck to you, brandyII.

[plain 12]

toilet paper could have been left on the roller and was taken, people would take anything and everything!

Sorry to hijack the thread, but this quote reminded me of something. I have a quasi-friend that works in "senior services", and she once told me that they have a running joke about how older folks steal things and feel absolutely no remorse (salt shakers, utensils, small objects in stores). She told me that a group of old people on an "outing" was like a group of locusts swarming, and that she felt sorry for the businesses they rampaged through.

[brandyII 9]

Sorry to hijack the thread, but this quote reminded me of something. I have a quasi-friend that works in "senior services", and she once told me that they have a running joke about how older folks steal things and feel absolutely no remorse (salt shakers, utensils, small objects in stores). She told me that a group of old people on an "outing" was like a group of locusts swarming, and that she felt sorry for the businesses they rampaged through.

Why do you think old ladies always carry big purses?:party:

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

It looks like we are all sort of in the same boat with our parents.

My brother is no help to me at all. I asked him if he wanted anything out of the house. He told me to look in the pocket of his pants that he left here and mail that to him. So I mailed him a bag of pot. I put his address in the return address spot.

There are so many family photos and things I would have thought he would want, but that was all he wanted. Needless to say, he's not been of any help emptying out this house.

Tomorrow the sale starts and I will be so glad when it's all over. At this point I don't even know if anyone will show up. I put signs out all over and checked online to make sure the ad went in the paper.

I wish my daughter and Sonin law didn't have to leave in a couple of days. I will be left to clean up the mess.

[plain 12]

That sucks, ATD...

[brandyII 9]

ATD,

My dad's place was pretty small before we moved him and I'm embarrassed to say my brother lived down in FL and I would stay with him, had a pool and that was the only thing that got me through it but natch I did all the work. I love my brother to death and he works and had some issues with my dad that would not make for a loving relationship but at least I had a place to stay while I was down there. And that pool really helped and some Andre and a float!

My dad's apartment stank so bad I couldn't stand it, I really needed a gas mask or something. He had fallen so many times and blood was just dried up everywhere, many, many trips to the ER prior to finally agreeing to an ALF. I remember going over to clean up his place, food, dishes pots stuff was so disgusting and I opened a window in his kitchen just to get some clean air and he complained that there was a draft. I really should have just taken one of the dirty pans and took care of the situation right then and there, but was the dutiful daughter and took it all in stride. But I will tell you one thing, I kept a running tab on everything it cost from flying down to taking a cab and he wrote me checks for all my expenditures. Trust me he got off easy!

It was a year before I could get that stench out of my nose, I swear to God!

Anyway it's nice to have a fellow dutiful daughter to share this even though I'm sorry for you and I don't wish it on anyone but I've never known anyone else who has had a similar situation before. Good luck and keep a tab! I can't believe your brother, makes mine look good!

Good luck with the sale and I hope things go smoothly for you and you're able to get back home as quickly as possible! brandyII.

[plain 12]

BII, ATD, and Mrs. FF.....you have all earned some very good karma (totally not any kind of religious comment whatsoever).