Discouraged by Family

[PerseOnFire 2]

Hi All!

I'm so happy to have found this forum. I've been struggling with this decision for a year now and reading a few threads has been immensely helpful. It's a pleasure to be here with such motivated people. Maybe you can help me too?

I'm a 27-year-old married grad student trying to get started on the lap band journey. However, I've been discouraged by almost my entire immediate family. My husband, mother and sister all warn me not to do it; hubby cites nutritional deficiencies; mother and sister just think I can lose the weight by myself. If I could do it by myself, I would have already. It ticks me off; they've witnessed my struggles firsthand, but can't support me when this could help me change my life. WTH?

How do I get them on my side? What do I say? I think part of it is the suspicion that I'm taking the "easy way out." Hubby's words: "Nothing worth having/doing is easy."

Has anyone else encountered this? How did you handle it?

Thanks a bunch,

--N

[tskelli 1]

Welcome! Maybe their discouragement is coming from lack of knowledge or assumptions? I had my 18 year old daughter come to the initial seminar with me. My husband went to the surgeon's office on my first visit and got an opportunity to ask questions. I always bring home all the literature, diet information, etc. I think understanding the process and having their fears addressed makes a big difference in immediate family. It did for mine. Much success on your journey!

[texgirl 0]

When I told my husband this is what I wanted, his response was "all you need to do is go run two miles every day." He eventually came around after I met with the surgeon and brought home information and made my husband research it for himself. I had my band yesterday. It's taken me three years to get here. Good luck on your journey!

[shortgal 5]

Maybe your husband can build his own car instead of buying one? Or mow the lawn with a rotary cutter with no power? Oh, does he prefer to take the easy way and use a power mower or buy a ready made car? Does he grow his own food or buy it the easy way at the supermarket?

It's just that we've been taught that there is no easy way to lose weight and we all have to diet and exercise. Well lap band involves some effort on our part but for me, it has been the easiest way that I have ever lost weight, if you can call surgery easy. I doubt it will be as easy to keep it off, but I at least know I feel I have a fighting chance.

do you do everything your family tells you to do? I know it's hard without their support, but maybe they'll come around if you take a stronger stance and let them know, you know what's best for you.

Remember, some of their opposition could be they are worried about the risks of surgery. Understandable, but it is your risk. And if you are willing to take it, then they need to understand, it means that much to you.

[Allison 2]

I know exactly how you feel, I have been reaserching the lap band for about 6 months now, I attended a seminar and I finally made an appointment for a consultation with the surgeon I have chosen, however I have little support from my family and friends. I am a college student and my family thinks this is too drastic, and that I can just loose the weight myself, my friends are also weirded out by the whole thing. I am really excited though and I have a couple supporters so thats all I need. Good luck with everything and I hope both of our families come around.

[MacMadame 81]

If your husband is worried about things like nutritional deficiencies, then he's confusing Lapband surgery with something like Gastric Bypass. So, probably, if you just educate him, he'll come around.

The whole idea that getting this surgery is the easy way out comes from the fact that we've been brainwashed as a society to believe that losing weight is "just" a matter of exercising more and eating less. But there are tons and tons of studies showing that more is going on. In particular, dieting -- something we've all done and are being encouraged to do now instead of getting a lab band -- can put your body in a place were it is no longer possible to lose weight and keep it off.

Once you are at that place, however you got there, trying something over and over that has been proven not work, is the height of insanity IMO. Only somewhere between 2 and 5 % of all dieters manage to lose weight and *keep* it off for only as little a period of time as 5 years. WLS patients do much better than that. Anywhere from 42 to 75% have managed to lose significant weight -- at least 50% of their excess weight -- and keep it off in those same time periods.

But the fact that WLS doesn't have a 100% success rate shows that it is *far* from the easy way out. If you want to be one of the successful ones -- the ones who get a significant amount of weight off and keep it off, but not necessarily even all of the weight you want to lose -- you have to work at it. You have to watch what you eat and change how you think about food. If you want to be one of the extraordinary people -- the ones who get to goal and stay there for the rest of their lives -- you have to work DAMN HARD.

People can say "oh, you can do that without the lap band". Yes, you can. But what the lap band does is combat some of the biological realities of being obese. First, it tames the hunger. Instead of getting hungry every 1-2 hours, you will find yourself getting hungry more like a normal-weight person. Second, it controls portion size. However, that second part only works if you follow the rules. Following the rules is HARD. But at least, if you aren't hungry every time you turn around, you have a shot at following the rules.

That's all the band is really -- a tool to make it biologically possible to eat properly. It's not a magic wand that you wave and the weight falls off with no effort on your part. It's more of a leveling devise that evens the playing field so you have the same chance of success as a normal-weighted person whose body doesn't fight their efforts to lose weight and keep it off.

[juliegeraci 7]

You truly must do this for yourself. That being said, I would invite them to an informational seminar. Obesity is a disease, a very serious one at that. There is no cure. Lapband is the safest weight loss surgery out there. It is definitely not the easy way out. My first 65 lbs were pretty easy to lose. Now I am working harder than every to lose the last 30 lbs or so. Just know that to be successful you still need to motify your eating habits, exercise, drink Water and limit your alcohol intake. You will love your band if you follow the rules. Good luck to you. You can do this!

[Bunny 0]

Hi All!

I'm so happy to have found this forum. I've been struggling with this decision for a year now and reading a few threads has been immensely helpful. It's a pleasure to be here with such motivated people. Maybe you can help me too?

I'm a 27-year-old married grad student trying to get started on the lap band journey. However, I've been discouraged by almost my entire immediate family. My husband, mother and sister all warn me not to do it; hubby cites nutritional deficiencies; mother and sister just think I can lose the weight by myself. If I could do it by myself, I would have already. It ticks me off; they've witnessed my struggles firsthand, but can't support me when this could help me change my life. WTH?

How do I get them on my side? What do I say? I think part of it is the suspicion that I'm taking the "easy way out." Hubby's words: "Nothing worth having/doing is easy."

Has anyone else encountered this? How did you handle it?

Thanks a bunch,

--N

Mawu's daughter, I have gone through something similar to what you are experiencing. The person I thought would support me did not...my boyfriend of 5 years...and the person who I thought would not support me did...my mother. I invited my boyfriend to the seminar but he was very close-minded and would not even go. My mom went instead and learned a great deal.

I explained to my boyfriend that this decision was best for my health. He still never supported my decision. I then explained that it was difficult for me to accept that I did not have his support but that I needed him to be there for me after the surgery...to help with the dogs and around the house. He was there to help and did a great job. I am not sure what his opinion is now of the surgery now that I am six months out...

So, in a nutshell, educate them as best you can BUT in the end, it is your life and your health. Please stay strong and do not allow others determine YOUR quality of life, no matter how important they are to you.

[Shadow08 1]

I can understand your frustrations. I, too, encountered some of the same comments. What I found out was that those persons were not well informed and in fact, one of my family members was afraid that I may die in surgery! Well, that can happen, but so could it if I fell down the steps. I have not been banded as of yet as I am fighting my insurance but I do believe it will happen eventually. Hang in there and remember, it is YOUR decision. It helps to have their support, but you will always have us. good luck and keep us informed.

[tarrn13 1]

hiya,

my response is simple: it's not really about you is it? if you cannot be supportive of my decision to do this, then I do not wish to hear your opinion about it." I think that about covers it, good luck to you and I hope you follow your own path, not the path that everyone thinks you should be on.

[Jeni 85 0]

I would try to explain to them the whole procedure and how it works.. Show them the animation on lap band.com or eve show them this board.

Like i know now first hand that if i don't want to watch how i intake my calories i will not lose and i will possibly gain... the band is a tool to control portions... but does not distinguish between healthy good for you foods and bad high cal jun foods... that is complete will power and you still need to exercise like everyone should be getting...

I admit nobody's perfect and i could have probably lost more weight i didn't have those occasional slip-ups... a

But i am damn proud of my 82.5 lbs i have lost and im almost a year out...

I think you will do great.. and hope to have you join the bandwagon soon enough...

Best of luck to you,

Jeni M.:thumbup: