Why are YOU Fat?

[dannygirl31 0]

I am fat because thats what my momma and dadda gave me a big fat butt. They never taught me how to be healthy. And I am a lazy addicted fat ass.

[tilly 5]

pre-banding, I never felt as though Id had enough to eat, I was never satisfied, even after christmas dinner Id be stuffed to the gills, then half an hour later, Id be looking for more food to pick at. When my mother would comment on my large portions I would deny that they were out of the ordinary and nothing would have convinced me otherwise. I realise now that this was simply because I was used to that amount and it looked normal to ME. recently I went to lunch with a fellow bandster and two ladies who are morbidly obese and thinking of getting the band,

fellow bandster and I ploughed our way through a bowl of Soup each while the other ladies got through 3 courses (big portions) whilst all the time lamenting that they didnt eat that much and planning what they were going to have for dinner that evening, going into fine detail especially where the sweet was concerned. I realised that that was me a year ago, as I was eating, I would be planning my next meal, in fact, I thought constantly about food, the only time I DIDNT think about it was when I was actually eating it and stuffed it down as fast as I could.

Im fat because I ate too much, I have tried and tried to think of psychological problems I might have that have caused me to overeat, cant come up with any, my "enough button" was broken and now its fixed. If someone pinched my band when I wasnt looking I have no doubt that I would be back to normal, so maybe fixed isnt the word, but its fixed while I have good restriction and thats enough for me.

[Nykee 13]

pre-banding, I never felt as though Id had enough to eat, I was never satisfied, even after christmas dinner Id be stuffed to the gills, then half an hour later, Id be looking for more food to pick at. When my mother would comment on my large portions I would deny that they were out of the ordinary and nothing would have convinced me otherwise. I realise now that this was simply because I was used to that amount and it looked normal to ME. recently I went to lunch with a fellow bandster and two ladies who are morbidly obese and thinking of getting the band,

fellow bandster and I ploughed our way through a bowl of Soup each while the other ladies got through 3 courses (big portions) whilst all the time lamenting that they didnt eat that much and planning what they were going to have for dinner that evening, going into fine detail especially where the sweet was concerned. I realised that that was me a year ago, as I was eating, I would be planning my next meal, in fact, I thought constantly about food, the only time I DIDNT think about it was when I was actually eating it and stuffed it down as fast as I could.

Im fat because I ate too much, I have tried and tried to think of psychological problems I might have that have caused me to overeat, cant come up with any, my "enough button" was broken and now its fixed. If someone pinched my band when I wasnt looking I have no doubt that I would be back to normal, so maybe fixed isnt the word, but its fixed while I have good restriction and thats enough for me.

DITTO

WOW

THANK YOU for sharing..

THIS is a real miracle.. I am glad to know others are having these changes and feelings as I am..

((((HUGS))))

[Xann77 0]

Gosh.... that's such a good question! One I've avoided thinking about for way too long. I should probably go to therapy to answer it. I mean the obvious culprits are there -- lack of exercise, love of chocolate and junk food, eating lots of food late at night and not eating all day. I totally do the "night picnic" someone mentioned. I actually get annoyed if my boyfriend comes home before my little food fest is over because I like to binge in privacy. But deep down, I think my weight gain always has to do with MEN. I've never been obsesssed with food in the way some people are talking about. I definitely don't think about it all the time or anything. In fact, the opposite is probably true. I DON'T think about it and then I get starving out of nowhere and eat whatever is in front of me, which ususally means fast food, junk food, processed food-- and the absolute WORST thing for my diet -- TAKE-OUT! I live in NYC and take-out is a way of life here. No one, and I mean no one, COOKS anything. In fact think one of my biggest problems is LAZINESS. I'm very lazy when it comes to food and I just want what's there and what's easy. Even now as I sit at my desk, the thought of going down two flights of stairs to get a salad and some tuna fish just seems like a big mission to me. I put it off and put if off and then the caf is closed and I have to eat something from the candy store instead. Which is really bad with the band and so I need to learn how to take the time to eat the right things or I'll end up losing nothing.

But back to MEN -- let's see, there have really been two of them which have caused this gain. My father and my ex-boyfriend. My father died suddenly on vacation when I was 7 years old. My parents were in Italy and I was staying with an aunt who ended up being the person who told me he was dead because my mom was still stuck in Italy trying to get his body back home. It was a total nightmare because she didn't speak Italian and was hysterical and of course, I had no idea what was happening and wast totally terrified. Anyway, the first thing my aunt did is give me a king-sized Butterfinger. She kept giving me and my cousin candy money for the next couple weeks just to go to the candy store and of course, I put on a bunch of weight. I ended up losing most of it though as I grew up, just because -- thank heavens -- I ended up being really tall and lost a lot of the weight in puberty. Still, I don't think I EVER once in my life have not thought of myself as FAT since I was 7 years old. It's so sad, I look at my diary when I was a kid and there's all these "memoirs of a 7-year old", in this really childish handwriting, ranting about how fat and disgusting she was and how she would never, ever eat chocolate again -- and then I realize that's me! So like many of you, yes I guess food become a MAJOR comfort for me. But not just food in general, JUNK FOOD. And not even chips or fried stuff or anything like that, but CANDY. Yup, that fabled afternoon when I found out about my daddy dying -- just created one of the biggest sweet tooths imaginable.

Fast forward a bit and then take-out food and alcohol became the big culprit --- that was always my problem in college and even when I moved to NYC. Take out is just so fattening, especially when you eat it late at night like I did (and still do unfortunately). Plus all the beer and booze you drink in college and as a single-girl in NYC.... EEK!!! Still, it was fairly under control until STEVEN. That's the evil ex. It's probably not appropriate to discuss but basically he had absolutely ZERO sexual interest in me and this would make me completely depressed and the bastard would SENSE this and bring home a pint of Ben & Jerry's. He basically placated my need for sex and intimacy with chocolate and sweets. I think he also WANTED me to get big in a way... the psychotic jerk. :angry

So ultimately, sexual rejection = eating candy, and abandonment = eating candy.

But here we are NOW. No sexual REJECTION (the new BF is wonderful and worships me just the way I am -- he's probably more concerned with me losing weight and finding some other guy or something ridiculous like that), and no ABANDONMENT (although I guess that always sticks with you, doesn't it?). So why am I fat now?? Last year I lost about 20 pounds through hard, hard work at the gym and in about 2 months, I gained it all back plus 10. Why?? Well, laziness is part of it -- I really don't like to exercise, although once I'm there, I enjoy it. Plus, I "hide my weight well" as they say, being 5'8 and all so gaining weight didn't really affect my confidence or social skills that much -- until recently of course, which is when I decided to have the surgery. But also, I think I JUST DIDN'T CARE ANYMORE. Strange really, but it was like I just gave up on the thought of ever being skinny. Even now with the band, part of me just can't imagine being skinny ever, ever again..... I simply don't believe that it's a possibility. I read everyone's success stories on here-- which are so inspiring -- but I have this deep down terror that the band just WILL NOT WORK FOR ME. I don't know, I guess I'm totally crazy.

Anyway, sorry for the "book" guys. It just feels good to get all this stuff out though, doesn't it? Funny, I never thought I'd be exploring my internal struggles with perfect strangers, but there you go! Good luck and God Bless to all of you!

Suzanne

[PhotoNut 7]

I've thought about this thread for a couple of months now. And just when I finally had it all right in my head, and was ready to post, Georgie Porgie and Tilly stole my lines!

Read theirs and you'll have my reasons - to the T.

[tilly 5]

Its really refreshing to hear people being honest about the reasons they are fat. I seem to meet a lot of people who have many many excuses for it, everything apart from eating too much. I think science needs to look at this "enough button" syndrome. The emotional eating thing has been done to death and latched onto by many people who just like myself eat too much because they dont know when to stop due to the IM FULL reflex being non existent. Im not saying that there arnt emotional eating problems, far from it, but it isnt the reason for everyone. I remember a female doctor asking me If I had had counselling for my sexual abuse issues !! I looked at her blank and asked "what sexual abuse issues???????"

she said "oh, its been PROVED that all fat people were sexually abused"

she then asked me if Id ever been married "Twice"I replied "OHHH" she said knowingly

then she asked if I had any friends ???? "3 best ones and lots of others" I replied "OHHH thats unusual for someone whos fat" she said

needless to say I put her straight and in fact wiped the floor with the silly woman.

but it makes you wonder how many other doctors think like that

[klynn 0]

I have always been told oh you not fat your fluffy or big boned and although I am I should never have gotten this Big.. MOst of my family is big though. in fact only 4-5 people are thin in about 25 so if that tells you something. I eat from boredom I eat cause it tasted good and I ate a lot of whatever it was.. I might be sensible during the day but when night came I would have 2 dinners and 2 deserts or whatever. So I think that it could be a combination of genes and glutenous habits.

[tilly 5]

To me the question is WHY am I fat? not why am i FAT?, I hate how I look, I hate being fat so why do I do this to myself? I've done well with the banding but i've had some work stress this week and my eating is out of control. I hate that I do this to myself.

why do we all feel like this??/ If we had pneumonia, would we hate ourselves?? if we had parkinsons disease would we hate ourselves?? NO

obesity is a disease and we cant help it, simple as that, I doubt if there are many people who wake up one morning and say "oh this being slim is rubbish, so I think I will eat myself into a size 5x and enjoy my life" so the thing is to look for a "cure" as with any other disease and if you cant find a cure then get all the help you can -- in my case it was the band, and its working for me. I used to hate myself, now I realise that I was wrong to beat myself up over it and feel self disgust when I looked at myself, were listening to the media and others and it just makes our disease harder to tackle

love your self, if you dont love yourself and dont feel your worth anything then you wont feel your worth the effort of finding that "cure"

[PotterA 7]

Fat parents and grandparents on both sides. Fat siblings, nieces and nephews and cousins. Genetics perhaps? When I'm not eating, I'm thinking of eating.

[PotterA 7]

:clap2: "love your self, if you dont love yourself and dont feel your worth anything then you wont feel your worth the effort of finding that "cure"

Good for you Tilly, enough of this self-loathing, enough psychobabble!

Arline

[maryb 1]

I love to eat, but I hate to cook! I love anything fast food... especially Double meat Whataburger with mayo & cheese and don't forget the fries. I eat very fast and drink a lot of Diet Coke so I don't have to chew so much.

My first obsesion with food started with two major changes in my life at age 9. My grandmother died and my family moved. I was depressed for 2 years and ate myself into a very chubby 11 year old. At 13, I got a pinched nerve in my back from PE at school. The doctor gave me diet pills to lose weight. I lost 28 pounds until I stopped taking the pills, then gained it and more back. At 17, I discovered Alcohol. I would not eat, drink, throw up. Well that weight loss plan got me to 104 lbs. I was sick all the time so I quit drinking and started gaining weight. I got married and had two children. Struggled up and down on weight...mostly up. Got divorced, lost some weight, got married again, gained some weight. Moved 4 times and added 20 pounds per move (stress eater). Went on Sugar Buster's diet and lost 40 lbs. Allergy problems went on steriods...Went off Sugar Buster's diet and gained 50 lbs. Went on Weight Watchers lost 25 lbs, Allergy problems went on steriods..went off Weight watchers gained 30 pounds. Went on South Beach diet lost 30 pounds, Allergy problems & constipation..went off South Beach gained 25 pounds. After all that I decided to quit trying. I even stayed within a ten pound range for a whole year. Then my friend's doctor recommended she get banded. My friend never wants to do anything alone, so I went to seminar and doctor with her. I really felt like she, myself, and my daughter (BMI 45) had some real hope of beating this destructive cyle. My friend and daughter are waiting on insurance to aprove theirs. Mine was private pay because I was under BMI 40. So here I am with a chance to not have Diabetes, or High Blood pressure like my parents. A chance I can go off my cholestrol medicine. A chance my osteoarthritis will improve so I can go off Celebrex.

Mary

[Heth68 0]

Why am I fat? What a great question. I'm fat because food is a comfort. Being fat helps me to be invisible. Being overweight allows me to slide under the radar. I always felt like no man would look at me. Seems crazy because at the same time I felt like I wanted to be noticed. Even though being fat is miserable there is also something comfortable about it. How will I feel when I walk in a room and people actually notice me? Being fat is an extremely complex issue.

Why am I fat – similar to Micheala (above) I suppose. But also, I love to eat, and eat a lot. The actual act of eating something tasty gives me physical pleasure, via my tastebuds, and also emotional comfort.

I had a fairly regular upbringing, though my family wasn’t (& isn’t) the type to show/express their emotions/feelings. Mum wasn’t brought up with affection/love, so I suppose didn’t know how to show it to her children. Dad was brought up much the same, though could be extremely emotionally tough/cold towards us. Not surprising I suppose, considering that depression/suicide/bi-polar runs right throughout his side of the family. Though I am extremely lucky compared to others here, in that there was no physical/sexual abuse, just emotional abuse, I suppose you could say. It’s sad really, my 43 year old brother is still trying to win my father’s love & approval, but he brings his own children up the way we were brought up, and cannot see it.

Was not overly large through childhood/teenage years, just slightly above average, with T&A. Was always on the outer at school, you know one of the geeks/nerds, but still had a small circle of friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with today. Was made fun of frequently, but no physical bullying.

Gained a bit of self-confidence when I started working @ 16, but was fairly slender then too, @ 50-odd kg (approx 110lb). Had a couple of short-term relationships with guys, the longest one lasting 14 months & ending 2 weeks before my 21<SUP>st</SUP> birthday – also, coincidentally, the same week that my parents split up.

<O:p

Struggled a bit for the next few years, seemed to have my life/emotions/weight under control. Then don’t know why, but around 22-23 everything just seemed to fall apart. Left my job after 8 years, was unemployed for over 6 months, started gaining heaps of weight, and it’s been basically downhill, or ‘up-scales’ from there.

<O:p

Have been single almost all my life, and am worried now that, in my late 30’s, the best of my life has passed me by (& almost definitely the option of having children). Have been on/off anti-depressants for the last 10 years. Have tried so many times to lose the weight, spending my life watching all my friends get married (or start long-term, live-in relationships), have children, and even get divorced/split up & find new partners/husbands. Wondering where I went wrong, blaming my weight but at the same time happy to hide behind it, like an invisible shield, tho the person behind the ‘shield’ is not exactly invisible (lol).

<O:p

Have experienced all spectrums of the weight cycle – from being whistled at when walking down the street, a bitty little 114lb whippet, to being ignored when, at my heaviest (212lb/5' 0"" = BMI of 40), would go out with friends, maybe hoping to find someone who would accept me for who I am. To also, when walking down the street one day @ lunchtime, pretty large but feeling good about myself for once, only to have some thoughtless a….hole yell out a car window, ‘You fat ugly b..tch’ – why? What did I ever do to him – I’d never even met him before, & will never do again. I can only help that one day, he remembers what he did, and feels even just the slightest bit of remorse.

<O:p

Gradually found that it was too hard to keep trying - trying to lose weight, trying to find someone to share my life - it’s easier just to ‘become invisible’ and fly under that radar, and not have to deal with constant rejection. My life is going to work, seeing friends occasionally, but mainly sitting @ home, eating food that gives me pleasure/comfort, and dreaming about a different life.

<O:p

Yes, I know, what a pathetic, self-pity trip I’m on, and I’m sorry to all you guys who have gone though so much more in your lives, and have had to struggle & fight just to keep your head above Water. Lately though I am feeling that there is light @ the end of the tunnel, and more & more that I don’t want to be like this anymore, and dammit, I deserve to have someone in my life who cares about me. I guess that’s why I have decided to get banded, so I cannot use food as a tool, but instead use the band as a tool to help my control that part of my life. And hopefully, with hard work & dedication, the other parts of my life will start to turn around as well.

<O:p

Well, this is a lot longer than I intended, and has taken me a while to do, but has been very therapeutic. I have wondered if I should post any of it, let alone all of it, but then thought, if someone reads this & identifies with any part of it, then hopefully they will not feel alone, and know that there are others out there with the same issues/situations. I know it’s helped me, reading all your previous posts.

<O:p

Sorry if it’s rambled on a bit, but thanks for listening!:notagree<O:p</O:p

[michelle15 0]

I love this thread. Since I was a little girl (which I still kinda am- only 15), I hav been taught to feel like I could only reach my true potential if I was thin. THe problem was, I never was. Obesity runs in my family. My mom had this surgery three years ago when she was 110lbs. overweight; my great-grandmother died from complications from obesity. Everyone in my family is fat, and everyone in my family feels like they aren't good enough because of it. When I was 11 I went to Brazil with my grandmother. I remember standing in the dressing room of a bathing suit store crying because my grandmother was telling me that I looked like a whale in every suit I tried on (and that was during a time in my life when I was average weight). I hated her for it, but I also believed her. The lady I was staying with would make me huge bowls of dulce de leche and hide them from my grandmother because she felt bad that my grandma wouldn't let me eat much. It felt so good to rebel in that way. When I came home a month later, I had gained ten lbs and a lot of bad eating habits. Since, I have had multiple eating disorders and lost a lot of weight, but it always comes back, and then some. I am fat becasue I like to rebel and I especially like succeeding and proving everyone wrong despite my weight. Nobody believed I could win a pageant, so I worked my butt off and won, and then won another. I was elected class president, mastered classical piano, got accepted to numerous leadership conferences, traveled to Europe, maintained good grades, got a gorgeous boyfriend, and did many hours of community service when they said that fat people couldn't do anything. I proved them wrong and then got the band to prove myself wrong and loose weight. I'm finally ready to be thin. WOO-HOO!

[dannygirl31 0]

Hi, Everyone I had my first appt. today and we have already set a date for surgery. I am so excited I will be banded on April 24th. I can't belive it was that easy and fast. I weighed in today at 283lbs. I hope to get down to 150-160lbs. Everyone give a shou:clap2: t out for me wish me luck.

[marys 2]

You go dannygirl - we all wish you luck!!

Ok - Why am I Fat? Well, the Band makes some things much clearerand these are some of them....

I am very sensitive to hunger and many times confuse it with thirst

I eat when I'm not hungry and don't stop when I'm full

I eat fast and don't chew my food

I always clean my plate

Full to me means uncomfortable/stuffed

I always eat seconds or more

I can eat an entire large dominoes pizza, bags of cookies/chips

I love fast food/starchy foods/processed foods

I sneak food, I lie about food, I've hid food, I love drive thru's

I love food, I hate food, I think about food/weight/body 24 hours a day

Mother is toothpick; dad is normal size, brother had gastric bypass (400-196) and his son is about 400lbs; sis on JennyCraig -overweight relatives - italian background - entire family loves to eat.

The band is changing many of the physical things - thank goodness - I have a LONG way to go though on the emotiona eating stuff but its much clearer to me now wny I am fat - I knew I had 'some' bad habits but I never felt like I ate all that much - boy, was i kidding myself. While I hate to admit it, I also feel like obesity is a disease.