Not Losing - Please Tell Me There Is Hope

[WantingtoLoseIt 0]

This is my first post here. I am Lisa. I am 42. I am six months post surgery (Duodenal Switch) and I have some questions. Did anyone just NOT lose the weight afterwards? I had to do a diet three months prior to surgery and I lost about twenty pounds doing that. However since surgery in February, I have only lost 9.2 pounds. Yes, you read that right. I am so frustrated. Even in the first two weeks post surgery where I religiously followed my liquid diet, I GAINED weight. From what my doctor told me, most people lose during that period. I have tried to follow my plan of 700 calories and no snacking since then but I haven't done the greatest at it. The PA and I have discovered I may have a eating disorder. I eat when I am not hungry. Sometimes when I feel full (never to the point of getting sick). I am an emotional eater. I eat my feelings so they are sending me to a therapist to try to help with that. I know most people would say "well that is why you aren't losing" but the thing is, MOST DAYS I follow my plan pretty well and I am still not losing. Especially not like I want to. I had hopes of losing big numbers and being way closer to my goal by now. Can someone please tell me there is still hope for me? Is there someone who has been there and went on to have a success story?

[SpartanMaker 1,412]

So sorry that you're struggling.

Weight loss is both the simplest thing in the world, and also incredibly complicated. The good news is there is absolutely hope for you!

Thinking through what you've posted. I think I want to break things apart a bit so we can address a few different things:

• Let's start with being an emotional eater. My personal belief is that EVERYONE that is (or at one point was), obese has an eating disorder, or at the very least suffers from disordered eating. You simply don't get that big without having an unhealthy relationship with food. I'm really glad that you are working to get help in this area. We have a saying here on this board that you should take to heart: Bariatric Surgery doesn't fix your brain. Success or failure long term is most often about addressing these mental, not physical issues. The surgery is a tool that can help you, but surgery alone won't make you lose weight. My point here is YOU ARE NOT ALONE. A lot of the folks here have the same problem regarding turning to food for emotional support. You can get control of this, but it does take time and help.

• Failure to lose weight. We all lose at different rates, so it's hard to judge whether or not how much you've lost is problematic. First, can you clarify some things? Your sidebar shows you having lost 128 pounds, but your post suggests it's a lot less than that? Also, your post says it's been 6 months since your surgery, but unless I'm misunderstanding something, it's only been 4 months? Even if it's only 4 months instead of 6, having lost 9 pounds would still be on the low side, but I think you need to also keep in mind that you are on the low end of the height scale. That absolutely does matter when it comes to weight loss. Smaller bodies need fewer calories per day. That's just a basic fact.

• I think it's important for you to understand that you can't break the laws of physics. if you eat fewer calories per day than you burn, you'll lose weight. Eat the same amount as you burn and you'll stay at the same weight. Eat more than you burn and you'll gain.

• I know that seems obvious, but people often look for reasons other than this as to why they might not be losing as expected. They'll say things like "my metabolism is messed up" as if that means they're allowed to break this basic rule. Perhaps their metabolism is messed up, but there's no rule that says you should be able to eat, say 1300 calories a day and still lose. Your metabolism is your metabolism and while there are ways to ramp it up, you don't get to break the laws of basic physics.

• Calorie counting. You mention eating 700 calories a day, but then mention snacking on top of that? Did I understand that correctly? Here's the thing. Everyone is TERRIBLE at calorie counting and if you're not counting the Snacks, you're estimates of how much you're consuming will be even worse. Even if you're counting the snacks in the 700 calories, the likelihood that you're actually eating only 700 calories a day is really small. Studies have shown again and again that people drastically underestimate how much they are eating per day, even if they try to accurately weigh and measure everything. Part of it's just user error, but part of it is that the actual calorie counts of food are not nearly as simple to measure as we think they are.

• One final thing to keep in mind. Our bodies are made up of lots of "stuff", and this "stuff" is all part of what you weigh day-to-day. Fluctuations in how hydrated you are, your muscle mass and even stool weight can mask fat loss, so don't get too caught up in what the scale says. Simply put, the scale is NOT your friend. Let me give you an example of just how much the scale can lie: I'm a runner and if I run in hot weather, it's not that unusual for me to lose 6 to 10 pounds in the space of a couple of hours. Does that mean I lost 10 pounds of fat? Of course not. It means I lost a bunch of Water due to sweat. Using a scale as the sole means you use to judge your success would be a bit like trying to use a hammer as the only tool you use to build a house. a hammer's great for some things, but there are also times when it's not.

[SpartanMaker 1,412]

Sorry, one more point I should have made above: I'm not a fan of calorie counting for the very reason you're struggling. You seem to be stating: "I'm only eating 700 calories a day, why am I not losing?"

As I mentioned, we all are horrible at knowing how many calories we're really consuming. The issue is actually even bigger than that. Remember, you have to eat less than you burn to lose weight. Since you most likely are overestimating your intake (we all do it), that's an obvious issue. The EVEN BIGGER ISSUE is that you only have one side of the equation. You have a rough idea of intake (even if you measure poorly), but actually have no idea whatsoever know how many calories you really burn per day. There is no reliable way to measure that unless you have a rather expensive metabolic test done. Sure, there are online calculators, but these are only good at determining rough amounts and they can be off by hundreds of calories per day.

I won't lie. As a person of small stature, you have it a lot harder than most because the margins for error will be smaller. What I mean is that we know you personally need fewer calories per day just based on your height. Beyond that, it also means the number of calories you have to "play with" are also a lot less than a taller person would have.

Let's look at a couple of examples to illustrate this point:

1. Person A needs 2500 calories to maintain their current weight. This means they can cut their calories down to 1000 and all other things being equal, they can in theory lose ~3 pounds of fat a week.
2. Person B only needs 1200 calories to maintain their current weight. They obviously don't have the "room" to cut by 1500 calories a day, and even 1000 is unrealistic, so they'd have to reduce by 500 at most, taking them to around 700 calories a day. This person will only lose about a pound of fat a week, even though they are eating less calories per week than person A.

It seems unfair, but it is what it is. Person B is going to have a harder time being compliant with dieting (since they have to eat so little food), and is also going to lose a lot slower.

Guess which one you are?

Edited 7 hours ago by SpartanMaker

[learn2cook 630]

Hi Lisa,

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. You are not alone and there is always hope!

I agree with @SpartanMaker above.

I am post menopausal and that peri-menopausal and immediate post time is so tricky. There may be some other reasons for continuing weight gain and stagnant loss. As a sped teacher, I always look at crossing out medical issues first. So thyroid, PCOS, fibroids, and endometriosis should probably all be ruled out.

I too am a sooth with food comforter. I had therapy that was very specific to me, related to eating disorders. My counselor helped me with body dysmorphia,and feeling good about making positive choices. For me, I had to stop tracking. I pretty much stick to Keto with some veggies. I reached out to TOPS and OA for advice and most people there kind of came to the same conclusions. Many women found they needed to keep taking Metformin to help with genuine continued hunger. They were peri menopausal and we wondered if their doc didn’t snip as much stomach off as the ones from my clinic. (We compared notes.) In the end, we were all fighting for our health and there was no shame. Asking for help is the best sign that things will turn around for you too!

I found an affordable therapist in psychologytoday.com It sounds like insurance might cover yours through your clinic. I had to pay out of pocket but it was well worth it.