Self sabotage - already??

[Claire D 4]

Hi lovelies, I hope you’re all doing well? You were all so supportive with the question I asked a few weeks ago that I thought I would come here and see if you have any advice for me now!
As of tomorrow I am eight weeks out from the gastric bypass procedure.
I have lost quite a bit of weight (2 stone) which I’m absolutely delighted about (and people are starting to notice which has been a really good feeling). However, I must have THE most stubborn self sabotaging streak because I have started to drink alcohol again (and not just on special occasions) as well as not following the food rules and not exercising. I can’t understand why I’m being like this because my family are so happy that I’ve done this and have been so supportive, and my friends (even though they don’t know about the operation are really starting to notice) so WHY am I doing this to myself?
I just wondered if you guys knew of a reason I may have hit the wall so early (I really do not want to fail) and especially if you have any advice, book recommendations apps or anything that I might be able to do to help me get back on track and find my way again.
Really appreciated as always thank you xx

[catwoman7 11,263]

Hi - if you aren't able to get back on track alone, I'd seek out the help of a therapist. This is your big chance of losing a ton of weight, so you don't want to blow it. It'll never be this easy again! (not saying it's easy, but way easier than it has been or will be once you're past the so-called "honeymoon stage"). You need to take full advantage of that, so do whatever you need to do to get back on track!

[The Greater Fool 2,071]

One issue many post-ops have is high expectations pre-op. We think with the magic surgery we will be able to follow the draconian diet plan, or even just the strict diet plan, we are expected to keep that we've never been able to keep before. We think the magic surgery will make us keep the exercise plan that we've never been able to keep before. In short, the magic surgery will make us enjoy doing the things we hate doing and have never followed through on before.

Then we run smack into the wall of reality and think less of ourselves because it seems we are sabotaging ourselves.

My personal philosophy for post-op life was only to do things I felt I could follow through on. When I was considering surgery I evaluated the eating plans to ensure I could follow through and that it wouldn't feel like torture or even a hardship. I looked at exersise that I didn't dispise. If I didn't think I could/would sustain it I wouldn't commit to it.

During this 'honeymood period' you will lose weight almost no matter what you do. Now, this reward of weight loss is being associated with bad eating habits and bad drinking habits.

As @catwoman7 says, now is the time to build good habits that get associated with weight loss rewards. Later, when the going get's tough it will be the good habits you associate with weight loss which will keep you going.

We also make the big mistake thinking that the magic surgery will fix our heads when, in fact, it often makes what's going on in there worse. We often make the mistake of thinking we can do these big changes on our own. This is why support is so important. Family support, if it's truly available is helpful. Friends can be another help, again if it's truly available.

Professional support can be invaluable. Therapists can have vast experience with the coping issues you may not even know you are facing. They can provide you with new insights and new coping mechanisms to replace those the surgery took away.

Good luck,

Tek

Edited May 7 by The Greater Fool

[BabySpoons 629]

2 hours ago, Claire D said:

I can’t understand why I’m being like this

Me either. Why go through all that's needed to get the surgery then stop doing what's needed to achieve the goal? Determine your goal and get some counseling to change your mindset. Addictive personalities tend to substitute the food for something else. Alcohol, etc.

I had to chuckle at how many times @The Greater Fool called the surgery, the MAGIC SURGERY. lol. It was kind of magic for me TBH. It fixed whatever was causing all of my weight loss efforts to fail. I exercised and dieted for years with limited results. So, it was extremely satisfying when it all finally actually worked, and I got healthy. I don't kill myself with dieting anymore or with extreme exercise pre-op. I walk 2 miles a day and try to stay moving and do some weights. I eat normally now (2 years out) but stay within the guidelines of the plan and treat myself on occasion with a drink or a piece of chocolate.

I do know some people who believe the shot (GLP-1) are magic too. LOL They eat whatever they want without moving and then wonder why it's not working. People can out eat the drugs one DR told me while discussing my RNY. I have never used them but know it has helped others in addition to their WLS.

Bottom line, neither WLS nor the drugs will work all on their own. But it sure helps to get you there. Do what you need to do now to become healthy again. Which in the end is really the most important thing. The honeymoon doesn't last foreva.....

GL @Claire D I wish you the best!!!

[NickelChip 1,357]

I am going to ask you a question that I also ask myself when I have periods of consuming things I know I should not have. How did it get in your house?

It's one thing to be in a place where temptation strikes. Maybe you go to a wedding and you are handed a glass of champagne. Maybe you go to your friend's birthday party and you take a piece of cake because everyone else has one. Okay, fine. This is not likely to be an ongoing issue unless your social calendar is booked constantly (in which case you need a plan). (But also, not fine because you are at 8 weeks out and your stomach is like a delicate baby that you are feeding trash. More like fine a year from now.)

But if you are on day 6 of drinking wine while watching TV at night, all snug on your sofa... why is there wine in your house? Did you buy it? Did someone else bring it in? Is it left over from something? The easiest way not to drink alcohol casually is to have no alcohol in the house. The easiest way not to eat chips, or chocolate, or ice cream is... to not have it around. Get rid of it.

I know a lot of us have issues with "wasting" food or drink. What I've come to realize only slowly is that there is no difference between me eating junk I don't need that is not good for me and putting it down the garbage disposal. Except in the second scenario, I don't gain weight. After Easter, I bought a big bag of jelly Beans on clearance. They weren't very good. Even so, I kept eating them. I put them in the cupboard and kept getting a handful every time I walked past. And then I would eat a few and say these are really not very good. And then I would KEEP EATING THEM! Finally, after I did this several times, I stopped and asked myself what I was doing. Why was I eating these? Why did I buy them? And my only answer was because I was bored, and a little stressed, and they were there. Also, I like jelly beans. Only I didn't like them. So, I threw them away. An almost full bag, in the garbage. I know! The waste! But I didn't need them, I didn't like them, and they were making me crave all sorts of other sweets. I just kept thinking about the fact they were there. It made me want them. When they were gone, I could no longer eat them, and I didn't care enough to go buy more.

For the first year, I did most of my grocery shopping through curbside pick up. I planned what to buy based on a menu plan, and that's all I got. No impulse buys. No clearance bins. No getting a dozen bags of something bad for me because it was on sale. I gave away all my alcohol or poured it down the drain. I threw away the junk food and organized my pantry so I could find things at a glance. I made a list of healthy things that were easy to eat or take along because I know I will always eat what's easy and not what's difficult. I meal prep for the week so that I don't have to cook and prep every single day and I have no excuse to eat out.

I'll also be honest that the hardest times for me were before surgery when I was trying to follow a nutrition plan but had a lot of hunger and cravings, and from around 9 months out when weight loss had slowed and my appetite was becoming more noticeable and my weight loss naturally slowed. The fact that you're feeling like this at 8 weeks is concerning because this is the time when your ability to stay motivated should be highest (constant reinforcement when you step on the scale and lose weight almost every day), and your ability to eat is the least. Don't let this drag on without addressing it. Talk to your team. Because it's only going to get harder. Maybe you're bored. Or scared of change. Or you don't believe the surgery will work and you're turning it into a self fulfilling prophecy because that's easier emotionally than trying and failing. Or you just can't help yourself when the food or alcohol is in the house because you're addicted. Whatever it is, the best day to fix it is today. And ask your family and friends for help. Be accountable to others and to yourself. Because you can fix this, but if you don't, you won't reach your goal.

[Claire D 4]

Thanks SO much to you all for taking the time to respond xxx

[SpartanMaker 1,208]

This doesn't strike me as self-sabotage, as much as addictive behavior. I should clarify that I'm not a therapist, but even if I were, no one can be diagnosed simply based on a post on a message board.

Transfer addiction post-bariatric surgery is incredibly common so I feel like it's worth it to seek help ASAP and get this sorted out.

[Spinoza 1,500]

Incredibly honest post. You know that your current approach won't (can't) help you reach your weight loss goal and stay there. It's so good that you're stepping back and evaluating that before your prime period for weight loss flashes past (which it really really does - mine is already way back in the rear view mirror, LOL).

I live in Ireland where access to proper bariatric therapists is limited, as i think it probably also is in the UK. But I echo the advice above to find one and work on what's going on in your head so you can make the most of what you've changed in your body.

I really hope that you can get back on track. We are all here to help - all human and have all made mistakes as we went along. Lots of us have hit little blips when we find we *can* do things that we shouldn't. What matters is that we stop and call those out and get back on the horse.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

[waterwoman 187]

Sometimes we are afraid of success.

Sometimes we don’t think we deserve it.

Do you have a pattern self sabotage?

Hope you find someone with whom to work through these issues.

They are important, apart from weight loss.