My boyfriend and I broke up over the weekend, and I just wanted to reach out to my bari-family for support ?

I remember reading loads about how after surgery lots of people found that their relationships broke down for one reason or another, and the statistics around this being quite shocking.

Whilst I don't contribute my break-up to my surgery/weight loss, I am struggling at the moment with the emotional side of things following it all. Rather than emotional eating, I am finding that I have 0 appetite at all, I just don't want to eat, I don't want to do my exercise, ugh. But I am also scared of just doing nothing.

I don't know guys, I am rambling, but either way , just wanted to reach out to see how others have dealt with this in their own lives. ❤️

I am sorry to hear this and we are here for support. A lot of times weight loss surgery may not affect the relationship, but I will say weight loss surgery does change us in many aspects. We are not the same people that we once were we evolve, we grow and have different outlooks on life. We have mindset shifts. Sadly, sometimes we outgrow people. We have different things that we want that we did not want prior to surgery, so I don't know a lot of factors can go into these relationship that we have with significant others and other people, I find that after the weight loss surgery my whole dynamic of who I want for a partner has changed. Bariatric life is hard and the work that we do is really really hard allow your self time and grace and then realize that you're a bad ass and that you're gonna hold your head up high and continue on. I am sending you light during this transition. ❤️

Edited April 14, 20251 yr by Mspretty86

Thank you @Mspretty86 ❤️ I do feel like me still but definitely different, like I have a lot to discover about myself and who I really am if that makes sense. When I was bigger I always felt like I had the "real me" trapped inside, this smaller (physically) version of myself buried deep down. I just don't know how to connect to me anymore

Happily receiving that light ❤️

"Weight loss surgery makes good relationships better and bad relationships worse."

This can apply to the relationship we have with ourselves.

This all happened pretty quickly, maybe all you need is a little time to get used to you. Do you have someone you can talk with about this? Perhaps a couple sessions with a therapist might help.

Ending a relationship can throw us off balance and cause us to question ourselves. To me it always seems like something get through, though I guess it can be a time of self discovery. I'm too old for self discovery!

Good luck,

Tek

@The Greater Fool Thank you for your response

I agree that it can also apply to the relationship we have with ourselves - something I definitely need the time and space to figure out.

I do have a therapist who I shall be seeing tomorrow, so I know that will help.

It has definitely thrown me off balance but I do agree it is something to get through and to process with time.

I always rate what @The Greater Fool says. He is a straight to the point kinda guy.

2 hours ago, The Greater Fool said:

Weight loss surgery makes good relationships better and bad relationships worse."

I was a house mouse. Now I am the total opposite. I need nobody but if you want to come on the ride with me then thats fine. My husband has had to adapt and he is not finding the change easy but he will or ..... ?

I am the woman I have waited to be all my life.

Don't feel bad, give yourself some time to grieve. A loss takes time to get over.

All good advice here. I'll just offer a big old shedload of sympathy. It's hard.

Just wanted to drop in say...he's an idiot! Your a diamond so let that light shine! Then everything everyone else said ❤️

break ups suck.

allow yourself to feel sad. but try not to SUFFER. its difficult to tell the difference, but there IS a difference.

sending you virtual hugs and hope you are getting actual ones wherever you are.

❤️

Sorry to hear it! Break ups are rarely easy.

Sending healing vibes! ?

On 4/14/2025 at 9:59 AM, Bypass2Freedom said:

My boyfriend and I broke up over the weekend, and I just wanted to reach out to my bari-family for support ?

I remember reading loads about how after surgery lots of people found that their relationships broke down for one reason or another, and the statistics around this being quite shocking.

Whilst I don't contribute my break-up to my surgery/weight loss, I am struggling at the moment with the emotional side of things following it all. Rather than emotional eating, I am finding that I have 0 appetite at all, I just don't want to eat, I don't want to do my exercise, ugh. But I am also scared of just doing nothing.

I don't know guys, I am rambling, but either way , just wanted to reach out to see how others have dealt with this in their own lives. ❤️

Really sorry to hear this, wishing you all the happiness you deserve moving forward

@Bypass2Freedom sorry to hear about your breakup.

Maybe it is a temporary storm that will pass.

I suspect if all the folks who've had WLS were open & honest....we would find many common experiences have occurred in our lives.

I'm one of those people who detests change.....no matter that I may be treading water and change may bring a much needed lifebuoy....I'm stubborn and will keep treading water as it is familiar. That was how I was....until WLS.

WLS went by uneventful, recover was swift....took a week of vacation time and went back to work. No medical issues....so in my mind there was no need to do anything but the minimum on followup visits with the surgeon.

So much change occurred...so quickly....unexpected outcomes....wide open-full throttle-full speed ahead....but I was ill prepared to be at the helm. Felt like I was driving a fast sports car and I only had skills to drive an old beat down truck and only on the back roads.

I seem to recall the pre-op class sessions where they gave us the medical risks and the statistical data on relationship survival.

I heard it all but didn't listen. I was finally ready to address weight and nothing could deter me. Didn't listen...didn't take part in the group meetings post-surgery.

Now....looking back...I see where staying in touch with the WLS support group would have had many benefits.

Thank you everyone for all your kind words ❤️

Myself and my partner decided to look at getting couples therapy, and start just being brutally honest in our communication, even if it is uncomfortable. It is working so far!

I felt the same after my breakup, no appetite, no energy. Just took it day by day, small meals, short walks. It gets easier. Hang in there ❤️

On 4/29/2025 at 2:54 AM, Bypass2Freedom said:

Thank you everyone for all your kind words ❤️

Myself and my partner decided to look at getting couples therapy, and start just being brutally honest in our communication, even if it is uncomfortable. It is working so far!

So much strife comes from expectations not being met.

Key aspect is that those expectations must be known, as couples can't read each other's minds.

Talking things out and listening are crucial steps that often seemed to be skipped in the hustle & bustle of daily life.

If couples can't be heard and understood by each other.....the door opens widely for them seeking this from other sources.....

Some things I had to learn the hard way. Painful way.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Especially after your surgery. I’m pre op with my surgery happening on the 9th. I’m going through a rough patch in my relationship and I’m afraid we may not make it. I didn’t even think about the statistics of relationships ending being related to the surgery… still I wish you the best of luck! Just keep being awesome.