I don't know if normal pre-surgery jitters or true second thoughts

[kbeana 0]

My RNY is scheduled for one week from today. I was all in until a couple weeks ago. I am a person that likes a lot of information so I've been watching a ton of videos and joined a few groups like this one. I know there are always chances of complications but the more I look, the more I'm seeing people that went through them, and people that really regret having it done. So now I'm basically terrified. I know no one can tell me what to do. I'm more or less talking it out myself by listing the pros and cons, but I'd also love to have input from people that have gone through it, especially if they are around the same size and situation as me.

I am 5' 7" and my highest weight that I recall was 266. I have lost weight and regained it a thousand times in my life. I started the bariatric program a year and a half ago at 254 but a few months later for family issues I had to drop out. By that point I had lost weight on my own and was confident I could do it myself this time, but of course gained what I'd lost and then some. I started again this past April. I am really in the kick ass mindframe since then and have gotten down to 212 - actually 209.5 as of this morning. I'm again in that frame of mind thinking I've lost 55 on my own, I can lose the next 50 as well. And it is definitely possible, though it would be difficult. Keeping it off even more difficult, though again possible.

I really have no major health issues, the primary reason is because I'm tired of being this size and failing constantly at losing it myself. I'm tired of shopping in plus size, tired of being scared about sitting in theater seats or a rollercoaster. Tired of seeing pictures of myself and not recognizing that person. I do have sleep apnea and use a cpap. I had a pre-op scope and they found I have grade B esophigitis, though I have no symptoms and very rarely get heartburn. For that reason I was hesitant to get a sleeve, and so many people that get a sleeve are going back for a revision that I decided gastric bypass was the way to go, and my surgeon agreed.

I think if someone could see my future and tell me I wouldn't have any major complications and everything went smoothly, I would not even hesitate to do this. My insurance will cover it, I have the time off work. I feel like I'm mentally prepared to do what needs to be done - but I also know many people feel that way but underestimate exactly how it'll go. I feel like I have a pretty good pain tolerance and can get though that ok. Things I'm nervous about: major complications, of course. Getting in enough Water and Protein in the small amounts you can take in at a time (although I know it can be done). food aversions - I'm a fairly picky person anyway and you read about people that can't eat anything without feeling sick, even a long time after surgery. Future pain and inability to take ibuprofen - I am allergic to Tylenol and get hives so I'm kind of out of options in the future.

I have told a few people because I don't want the negativity ahead of time. Some are jealous and wish their insurance covered it and think I'm crazy to have second thoughts. Some have said look at how well I've done on my own, I can do this on my own without surgery. My husband says he'll support me but he also says he thinks I look great now and don't need it. He's gone to a couple classes with me and was visibly horrified when shown a video of the surgery, and I think he's more scared than he lets on. I have 2 daughters 16 and 21 that are very much momma's girls - one is nervous for the surgery, the other says 'you do you, dawg', lol. Both of them struggle with depression and I would be gutted if something happened to me because I'm not sure they'd handle it well.

This is turning into a novel, I'm sorry. I had 2 women that have gone through it say no way would they go through having their guts surgically rearranged for just 45 pounds. And then I see others on here roughly my size that are happy as hell they went through it. And again, I know no one can tell me what to do. I am just trying to get as much info as possible. I don't necessarily buy the whole "my cousin had this surgery and these horrible things happened" stuff, or even "my cousin had this surgery, never had any complications and is thrilled with it" - but when I hear it directly from the people that went through it, it carries more weight. Thanks if you've gotten this far!!

Edited November 21, 2023 by kbeana

[NickelChip 688]

Since you've been doing your homework, you probably already know that your chance for any complication is just under 6% and your chance for a serious complication is about 2.5% with the RNY. On the flip side, you have about a 74% chance of curing your sleep apnea and a decent likelihood of reaching a BMI in the healthy range.

I am scheduled for surgery next month, so I can't tell you about my experience with it yet. What I can tell you is why I am choosing it after almost 7 years in my hospital's non-surgical weight loss program. I am 5'6 and 49 years old, with 2 teen/tween daughters. At the start of 2017, I was 249 pounds and on blood pressure meds, no other co-morbidities. My primary care doctor referred to me to the weight management center. They said aim for 1500 calories per day, 30 minutes of exercise 5 days per week, and check in with them every month. I was motivated and started tracking my food and exercise. I went in for nutrition, psych, and medical meetings as directed. The weight came off. I was thrilled! I got down to 202 in 6 months. I was so close to being under 200, and I was certain I could easily get to at least under a BMI of 30 to no longer be "obese." Piece of cake! Or rather, some suitably healthy cake alternative. Like apples, maybe?

And then I stalled for months. I never hit that magical 199 on the scale. I kept doing everything the same and my weight didn't budge. I ate a little less. I exercised a little more. I gained 5 lbs. I gained a few more. I became discouraged. Life happened. I would lose 10 lbs, gain 8, lose 5, gain 15... I tried various meds but couldn't afford them longterm. I lost health insurance for a year and couldn't afford to go to my regular check-ins, which I know were partially responsible for keeping me at least a little motivated even when the scale didn't cooperate. I got health insurance again, and went for my physical. My blood pressure had worsened and now I was prediabetic. My doctor urged me to go back to weight management. I had to wait 3 months for an appointment, and despite wanting to lose some weight in the interim (so the doctor there wouldn't be disappointed in me), I weighed in at 251, which tipped me over to 40 BMI. That was the most I ever weighed. When the doctor recommended I consider weight loss surgery, I knew that was the answer for me.

One thing I learned in all this is people can lose weight, even a lot of it. The likelihood of keeping it off longterm without meds or surgery is around 10%. Between a 2.5% risk of a serious complication or a 90% chance of being obese and on blood pressure meds the rest of my life, and risking diabetes, I prefer to take my chances with the surgery. It's not the losing weight that worries me, but the keeping it off that I don't think will happen without it.

[BabySpoons 531]

3 hours ago, kbeana said:

I had 2 women that have gone through it say no way would they go through having their guts surgically rearranged for just 45 pounds

I told myself I could do it on my own too. I lost those same 45+ pounds over and over and over again through the years along with attaining a sluggish metabolism through low calorie dieting. Your body will constantly fight to get back to that higher abnormal weight setpoint we made for ourselves. It's exhausting. Regaining the weight always involved a few more pounds and eventually co morbidities. You might not have any now, but you will. Not trying to be negative but realistic. Also, as I got older, maintaining all the added exercise to try to keep it off became unattainable.

WLS is way more than just food restriction. The surgery resets that setpoint, so you are no longer working against your own bodies stubbornness to stay at a higher bodyfat %. Don't pass on doing it based on fear. I would be more scared not to do it, knowing what I know now. GL.

Edited November 21, 2023 by BabySpoons

[summerseeker 1,851]

No human being goes into elective surgery without the jitters. We are choosing this and its a biggy. Its a leap into the unknown. We can all tell you that its so very worth it but will you believe us ? If you can not do this surgery now - you will regret it and return to it at a later date.

I can not say for other forums but this one. People come on here because they have an issue. They want advice and mostly its an easy fix. These people never come back again, they go on to lead skinny, happy lives. So you see people do not post that they are doing well, we know we are.

The tiny fraction of people who are struggling and have written about it are your red flags. You are not seeing the invisible 99% who have little to no problems.

Make the correct decision for you. Your time may not be now, Its your body and your life. However its one of the safest surgeries going.

[ChunkCat 675]

I weigh more than you so that's not relevant, but I had the DS surgery 3 weeks ago. You want to talk about rewiring your intestines for weight loss?? Yeah, did that. I had a moment of panic after the surgery when it really truly hit me that I'd permanently altered my body and couldn't predict how it would look 30 years down the road. And then I internally slapped myself and reminded myself that how my life was looking pre-surgery in 30 years was death or disability even worse than what I have now, and that NO ONE can say what their life is going to look like in the next 30 years, or even in the next year. Life doesn't work that way. Nothing comes with guarantees. I was very afraid of the complications a DS can have. But I decided complications from diabetes and high blood pressure and high cholesterol were worse. You may not have these now but you may very well have them in the next 10 years. I was perfectly fine until I was 37.

I have had no major complications so far, just some nausea. My tastebuds have changed and it turns out avocado no longer tastes good to me and I can't taste sweet spices like cinnamon and nutmeg. I'm told that will balance out in time, its the hormones playing with my tastebuds like a pregnant woman. For two weeks my stomach did these twisty cartwheels inside me every time I drank or ate something, but that eased too, as I knew it would. I had family and friends rather skeptical of doing this surgery, especially because I am that 1% person who always gets the rare complications from things. But turns out so far I've had a rather boring recovery and I hope that continues to be the case, but if it doesn't, I'll deal with it. Because I no longer want to live the yo-yo life of trying desperately to normalize my weight on my own. I have lost 21 lbs in 3 weeks post surgery! I didn't think this would work for me but it is working...

Yes, for the first few weeks getting that Water in feels like a huge chore. But eventually you find your groove... Same with Protein. And as my dietician reminded me today, they are GOALS, not absolutes that have to be perfect on the first day. I couldn't get down Protein Drinks for the first two weeks.

In the end you will do what is right for you at this time. If you don't do the surgery now you will do it later down the road and be one of the people who wishes they'd done it sooner. I wish I'd known about this option in my 20s, I would have lived a very different life.

[Arabesque 6,481]

I too lost & gained for years. I think most of us did. Like deaths & taxes I could guarantee if I lost weight I would gain it all over again & it would start within weeks. I have never been able to maintain a low weight for as long as I have since my surgery & certainly not a weight this low. Yes, my new set point, faster metabolism & smaller tummy helps but the time the surgery gave me while I was losing was the greatest benefit. It was during this time that I changed my relationship with food & changed the how, what & why I ate. I had never done this before with all the diets I’d been on.(I was almost 54 when I had my surgery so I’d been on a lot of diets.) Not being interested in eating or hungry meant I wasn’t constantly thinking about eating & what I was missing out on while dieting. I used felt any diet i was on was a punishment for having gained weight again. Now, while there are some foods I don’t eat anymore or rarely do it’s not a punishment or I’m missing out. It’s not a diet just how/what I eat & I’m healthier & happier for it.

Yes, you’ll often find stories of people struggling or having issues on forums, social media, etc, As @summerseeker said they often come to such sites looking for support or advice. Complications can occur with any surgery but they are very low with bariatric surgery & much lower than with other very commonly performed surgeries (appendectomies are higher than sleeve). The complications & risks of developing co morbidities are much, much greater & debilitating. Yes there are chances of post surgical issues like dumping, foamies, strictures, etc. but they aren’t really that common & are pretty simple to manage or remedy. Like strictures are rare & can be easily repaired with a simple surgery. Dumping & foamies can be managed with dietary choices. I have some issues with the foamies but I just consider them a quirk of my tummy & I had a pretty quirky tummy before surgery so this isn’t even a minor deal. I’d rather have a quirky tummy than be obese, constantly battling my weight & beating myself up about it.

Have a chat with your surgeon & ask them for the stats about the surgery itself, any long or short term issues & what can be done to manage or remedy them & their experiences. Ask as many questions as you need. You won’t be the first to come to them with concerns or trepidations.

The ultimate decision can only be yours & I wish you the best of luck what ever you choose to do.

[catwoman7 10,867]

major complications are really rare. I think it looks like they're more common than they actually are because people who have them get on this and other sites to ask for support and advice about them. People who have no issues don't generally broadcast that fact. They just go on with their lives.

I did have a complication - a stricture. The PA at my clinic said that's the most common complication of bypass (well, other than dumping, which affects about 30% of us and can be prevented by not eating a bunch of sugar or fat at one sitting, which none of us should be doing ANYWAY). Strictures, the most common complication according to him, happen to 5% of bypass patients. I wouldn't call something that happens to 5% of patients "common", but that gives you an idea of how "common" complications are. And strictures, like most other complications, are minor and can be easily fixed. They did an upper endoscopy, stretched it out, and I was good to go.

I honestly don't know anyone who regretted having weight loss surgery, and I've volunteered for my clinic, been very active on national internet forums, and attended national conferences. Yes, the first few weeks can be tough and a lot of people have "buyer's remorse" during that time, but once they get beyond that initial phase, when they can eat more, have fewer food restrictions, feel fine, and have kind of figured out this whole deal, you're not going to find many people who regret it. Personally, it's the best decision I've ever made. My life is completely different than it was 200 lbs ago, and I wouldn't go back there for ANYTHING. I would have this surgery every year if I had to! I'm in my mid-60s and had my surgery over eight years ago - I could kick myself for not doing it sooner!