Has your Relationship changed?

[AmberFL 9]

I found a forum but it was from a year ago.

Has anyone's relationship changed?

[BeanitoDiego 25]

My partner had anxiety about my face pre-op. They were afraid that I would look like someone that they didn't know once I lost a lot of weight, and they even shed tears. Was this a subtle way to try to talk me out of surgery? I'm not sure; they really weren't behind my decision at first, but they at least saw that I was not going to be deterred by their nor anyone else's opinion. This is about ME.

We haven't spent a lot of time together since one week post-op, because of travel commitments that they had. I do wonder if the relationship will change once we spend more time together.

[omrhsn 545]

Mine certainly changed but for the better. We are now able to do many things that we couldn't do before. Finding and trying new fun activities, being able to join our kids while they play outdoors etc. has certainly brought us closer than ever.

My wife was inspired to make some changes as well and she is now more active, eating healthier and going to the gym a few times a week.

[catwoman7 10,345]

some get better, some worse, some stay the same. I think a lot depends on how the relationship is BEFORE the surgery. If it's troubled, it could get worse - I know someone who got divorced about a year after surgery - but mostly because she realized she didn't have to put up with his crap anymore. She now has a new partner and is much happier.

my relationship got better, for the same reasons as omrhsn's did. My husband was always active and liked to do lots of things that I physically couldn't do - but now, I can. We enjoy doing a lot of the same things together. Our relationship was fine even beforehand, but it's even better now.

[AmberFL 9]

15 hours ago, omrhsn said:

Mine certainly changed but for the better. We are now able to do many things that we couldn't do before. Finding and trying new fun activities, being able to join our kids while they play outdoors etc. has certainly brought us closer than ever.

My wife was inspired to make some changes as well and she is now more active, eating healthier and going to the gym a few times a week.

that is amazing! Love hearing that

[AmberFL 9]

5 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

some get better, some worse, some stay the same. I think a lot depends on how the relationship is BEFORE the surgery. If it's troubled, it could get worse - I know someone who got divorced about a year after surgery - but mostly because she realized she didn't have to put up with his crap anymore. She now has a new partner and is much happier.

my relationship got better, for the same reasons as omrhsn's did. My husband was always active and liked to do lots of things that I physically couldn't do - but now, I can. We enjoy doing a lot of the same things together. Our relationship was fine even beforehand, but it's even better now.

My SO is supportive, and he has lost 25lbs recently just by diet and exercise (he's not big to begin with) so he doesn't have the same struggles as I do. a couple of examples: is he does enjoy late night "pigging" out and enjoys us hanging out watching tv and eating what we want while the kids go to sleep or going out for cocktails. I do worry that some of the things we enjoy doing together will be gone and it will make him feel resentful?

[NickelChip 32]

So I haven't had surgery yet, but I do have some relationship advice for you based on my own life experience. My ex and I used to have that same nightly ritual of putting the kids to bed and then filling up bowls of ice cream, candy, or whatever other junk food was on hand and watching TV together before bed. It got to a point where that was the only thing we really did together, and when I would want to make healthier changes (it was always me who would suggest it) he would go along but then always act like I was the" mom" who would or wouldn't give him permission to "cheat" with dessert on any given night. It was such a stressful thing when I already was trying so hard to stop myself from giving in. But the TV and snack routine would always win out in the end. Not saying this was the reason the marriage failed, but I sure wish looking back that we had found other, healthier activities we both enjoyed than just watching TV and eating. Even on weekends it would be like "What do you want to do?" and the answer was always, "I don't know, but we could go out for dinner, I guess." I think if you can come up with ideas now that allow you to spend time together in more fulfilling ways (I mean, when you watch TV, you're really not interacting as much as you think), you'll end up a lot happier as well as more successful in kicking the old habits for good. Go for walks together, explore new places on weekends, or try learning ballroom dance from YouTube videos in your living room at night.

[AmberFL 9]

20 hours ago, NickelChip said:

So I haven't had surgery yet, but I do have some relationship advice for you based on my own life experience. My ex and I used to have that same nightly ritual of putting the kids to bed and then filling up bowls of ice cream, candy, or whatever other junk food was on hand and watching TV together before bed. It got to a point where that was the only thing we really did together, and when I would want to make healthier changes (it was always me who would suggest it) he would go along but then always act like I was the" mom" who would or wouldn't give him permission to "cheat" with dessert on any given night. It was such a stressful thing when I already was trying so hard to stop myself from giving in. But the TV and snack routine would always win out in the end. Not saying this was the reason the marriage failed, but I sure wish looking back that we had found other, healthier activities we both enjoyed than just watching TV and eating. Even on weekends it would be like "What do you want to do?" and the answer was always, "I don't know, but we could go out for dinner, I guess." I think if you can come up with ideas now that allow you to spend time together in more fulfilling ways (I mean, when you watch TV, you're really not interacting as much as you think), you'll end up a lot happier as well as more successful in kicking the old habits for good. Go for walks together, explore new places on weekends, or try learning ballroom dance from YouTube videos in your living room at night.

When we first got together we played with the kids at the parks (we both had one from previous marriages) , went out all the time, then the pandemic hit and we both got bigger, I worked from home and he started working 4 day weeks. We did not keep up with the activities, then we had our son and as you can imagine its just so during the day. We don't get to eat until they are in bed by that time we just want to veg out. Its awful. He took control and has lost weight but he doesn't have the same issues I have. He can eat well during the day and not be tempted plus works a job that is pretty labor intensive. I have a sit down desk where I eat out of complete boredom. I do try and think if I was more active and eating better would he follow suit, I do think he would. We have soccer/basketball for the older kids and I would loveeeee to coach them and their teams but at this weight I would be embarrassed to put myself in that.

thank you so much for your advice!