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Pre op tale…. The struggle is real

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because I like to over share sometimes (lol) and just give people a window into a true reality of a very large persons journey struggling with bad habits, eating disorder, anxiety depression etc….… I have decided to show a general weight progression for my weight loss journey so far….it has been far from drops all the time, even when I was doing the right thing!

My high weight was July 2021 when I tipped the scales at 456.

I am starting the rest of my story in January 2022. I was taking Ryselbus for a bit and was back down to 440. It was at this time that I doubled down to start doing the mental work on my stress eating, emotional eating, binge eating and other disordered eating which had gotten me pretty immobile and huge.

During feb, march and April I avoided the scale, focusing on my relationship with food, the triggers contained in my relationship with other people who had made me turn to binging and life in general. Also in some changes in portion size and being able to stop when full (which was hard for me)

but April 24th I stepped on the scale and was 426. I felt like I had made progress on me for the first time in a long time.

May 8th I was gradually down to 421, then my body did the first drop on may 9th (which I have learned is normal pattern for me) to 414.6

I went up about two pounds and down about two pounds for another couple weeks until finally dropping so to 405.6 May 27th.

June I really worked hard on dealing with fast food addiction and some very deep emotional hurts along with work stress and financial stress. My weight varied from 412.6 down (yep, gained!) to 403 at the end of the month. I was gaining, I was loosing, I was struggling to eat better and not loose my head to anxiety and other emotions. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost. The whole month tracks up and down and up and down until I started to find my way towards the end of the month and the struggle became easier.

June 30th saw my surgeon for first consult. I was 403.2 that morning on my scale

July 4th I celebrated my own independence by leaving 400s with 399.6… I had started doing a lot of Portion Control and making healthier choices. Had nearly eliminated fast food. You would think I would be on a better path, but no, my body was still going to frustrate me. Even though I was eating a consistent diet, my weight decided to go on a joy ride and spiked back past 400 to 411.8. I was devastated and disheartened. How could I gain when my calories were in control and I was not eating much junk??? Emotionally I struggled and dug deeper into my past, my present and what I wanted for my future. I made some emotional breakthroughs and slowly the scale slid down, leaving the month at 396.4

Then August 3rd, 399.9 lbs, my nutritionist appt where I got my surgical guidelines and it threw me for a loop. I was told three weeks of either 1) 4 Protein Shakes a day and a light meal of lean Protein and steamed veggies or 2) 50 total carbs a day….. that morning I had what I thought of a healthy smoothie Breakfast with split pea (protein/fiber), berries and a banana with ice… I did the math on the carbs. It was 108 for my breakfast… could I do this?? with my struggles with disordered eating I knew I needed baby steps to get used to anything. Carb counting seemed to give me more variety and feeling of control. I started tracking all foods and reducing my cab count throughout Aug….. a miracle happened to my body as my mind relaxed with the guidelines given to me. The weight fluctuated, but trended truly down. I ended august at 376.3

by September I was (mostly) living with 50 carbs a day.. reading all labels and looking up food, paying attention to portion. Funny thing is my calories only dropped about 200 from my pre carb counting diet, but I was even more stringent with what I would consume… I was ready for my surgery when my surgeon was finally able to schedule ! By making my new habits my new normal, I was down to 365.6 at the end of September.

A few hiccups delayed my surgery scheduling (mostly an uncommon complicated insurance issue ) but I kept moving with my new normal… I finally got my date of Nov 3rd, so October was go time. The time to double down and follow things to a T so I could be in the best shape for surgery. My body wasn’t as cooperative even with me doing right as I hoped, but with perseverance I dropped more weight. During the last week in October with changing nothing I went from 362 to 353. My body just finally released the weight…

surgery day 351.4 !

Will do a post op so far in a bit…

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You've really put in the work girl! This is such a mental game and your game is strong. Good job and look forward to reading the rest.

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    • NickelChip

      Feeling a little sad today because a few weeks ago I had a call from the surgeon's office and they had a last minute opening on November 20 because of a cancellation. I am not scheduled until December 27, which is way later than I had expected when I started all this. My "ideal" date in my head had been November 13. I was so ready to jump at the chance, but I just couldn't make it work. As soon as I mentioned it to my mom, instead of being supportive, she had all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't move the date. Some were valid, like my teen daughter has a special (but not super special) thing going on later in the week that I would probably have to miss, and others were less valid, like she didn't feel ready and it might ruin everyone's holidays. Um, excuse me? It's not about her! And how would I single handedly ruin both Thanksgiving AND Christmas for my entire family by having a surgery? But she had informed me when I first got the December date that she planned on getting a hotel near the hospital and staying that night to be nearby, despite the hospital only being about 40 miles away from home. I didn't ask her to do that, but that's her plan, so there you go. She didn't ask me if I felt ready now, or what the wait through the holidays felt like for me with the surgery looming. So that was the part that hurt. I felt like I was having to make sure everyone else was okay with my choices instead of me, which is a theme in my life for sure. Don't get me wrong, my parents have been there for me so many times, and I don't want to sound ungrateful. But this really made me sad that what I wanted simply didn't factor in. Basically, I passed on what felt like a dream come true to get that call, and I've had to reconcile myself to it as best I can. I've found some silver linings, like more time to clean my house and test some recipes. But if I hadn't, I would be on my pre-op diet now (my surgeon only does a short liquid diet beforehand, so a Monday surgery starts the pre-op diet on Saturday morning). Instead, I'm getting ready to make dinner for myself and the kids, and I still have 39 days to go...
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      1. New To This23

        I can relate to the parent's situation. I am 42 and still struggle with pleasing them. Yet they do whatever they want with no concern for how it affects anyone else, so why do I feel so obligated to them? I wish I had some advice that could help. One thing I have tried to do is stop sharing things with them that I really don't want to hear their opinion on. (like the business I am starting)

        Like with this surgery, I knew I was going to need their help getting to the appointments and back from the surgery, so I knew I had to tell them. But I did not tell them until I was almost at the point of getting surgery that I was doing this.

        I got hard judgment from my father, which I expected, I made him promise not to share this with his brothers (who are assholes) I told him whether he likes it or not I am an adult and I deserve respect and privacy especially when it concerns my health. (he begrudgingly agreed)

        My mom on the other hand was supportive, but she has the tendency to add some dramatic flair about everything. her typical M.O. is to pop onto social media and rattle on about how something that is not happening directly to her, is affecting her ( I get it there no talking to the man she married about this stuff, so it's nice to have someone to listen).

        I know they both struggled with trying to respect my wishes, they looked shocked when I told them that if I lived somewhere else, I would not have even told them I was having this surgery.

      2. NickelChip

        I'm glad your father did agree to respect your privacy by not sharing with your family. And I guess I should be glad my mom keeps the dramatic flair off of the socials!

        I'm both lucky and unlucky that my brother had VGS 15 years ago. On the one hand, my mom understands the concept and has seen my brother's good results from it, (we inherited the obesity from my father's side, and Mom has never dealt with more than those pesky 10 lbs average weight people always want to lose). On the other hand, my brother took exactly the opposite approach from me. He didn't live near family and told no one, had no support. He went to Mexico as self-pay and didn't say a word until about 4 weeks after when he was having some serious emotional struggles, living alone, and compounded by the fear of realizing that to get family support, he had to "confess." So his recovery was very different than what I anticipate for me. But because of all that, my mom definitely sees this as a "REALLY BIG DEAL." Which it is, but not the level she's at with it. Like, it's not an open heart surgery being performed in 1982, or experimental cancer treatment. I've also noticed that as my mom ages, she takes change a lot harder. She doesn't have the mental flexibility anymore to make an instant change of plans and roll with it, whereas I do that probably a dozen times a day.

        I'm grateful for their help, but it comes at a price.

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