Back last March, I got ESG (endoscopic sleeve gastroplasty). I had 6 weeks of a liquids only diet. I painstakingly tracked calories after that according to what doctors said to do -- a 1200 calorie/day diet. Yeah, I'm a short woman, but it sucks. But I soldiered on! I put myself on my home scale week after week, watching the number bounce around but generally trend down. I was so happy. I started at 251 post-colonoscopy-cleanse (since they have to remove all of everything in your gut before doing the procedure), and finally, after a year, I got to 215. I was so glad! And then I stepped on an actually accurate scale at work today, apparently. 238.

Are you f**king joking?

I said it had to be my clothes and stuff, so I went into the bathroom (single occupancy, thankfully), and stripped. Hopped on. 235. Dammit.

Well, maybe it's not accurate. We have some weights around the office, I said. Let's put one on, I said. It claims to be 45 lbs. Scale says...45.2 lbs. Augh.

So my bathroom scale is either 15 pounds off, the very concept of which is destroying me, or I've gained a whole ton of water weight for no reason. But I've taken tape measurements -- my waist is down 4 inches and my hips are down 5. I'm eating less in general. I really do think I'm making my calorie counts. My arms and stomach look more defined. That's got to be significant, right? ...Right?

If all this adds up, I have not lost 14% of my body weight. I have lost 6%. And that means I am a severe outlier and a failure at the procedure. This was the last ditch effort for me after more than a decade of trying everything I could figure. Most weight loss meds haven't worked for me. Saxenda worked for a while and then stopped.

Was the doctor's office scale wrong? It agreed with my bathroom scale at the time. Has my bathroom scale broken and I'm just fucked? Did I just gain a whole shitload of water weight? I don't have my period due to an IUD, so I can't imagine it's that.

Please give me something that isn't "you failed." Please. Please.

31 minutes ago, Miratia said:

Thank you for the data. That's a lot of encouragement, actually. ❤️

I'm the worst because I absolutely freaking hate salad. And anything that is a leaf. It tastes so bitter. Cabbage is basically the only leaf I consider edible lol.

I miss two things in my life, and I'm not sure there are substitutes, but maybe you have ideas?

1. Restaurants. I love being catered to. It's nice to just go sit in a booth and read my phone and stuff. I also hate dishes and cleaning, so takeout was a staple before I got ESG. There's little more sad than sitting around while your friends are eating and realizing you have to go hungry on a tiny appetizer or take a whole ton of food home. It's...it's just...I don't go out to eat too much anymore. More than I should, but way less than I did. You guys will get me to ditch my once a week Indian food brunch over my cold, dead corpse, though. No way no how.

2. Desserts. Holy cow I have a massive sweet tooth. I try to satisfy it with diet soda and some sucralose in my tea, but I was raised in the South by family who asked kids if they wanted ice cream the moment they got bored. I had to kick that habit a long while ago, but it kills me that I've had to cut back even more. I would shiv somebody's grandma for chocolate cake, and it has to be in quantity to be satisfying. A teeny sliver of cake is a joke -- you gotta have one of those big slices you could use a doorstop. When I was a kid, I could do that. I miss going to a local seafood joint that had a slice the size of my kid hand. Cubed. Like a hand on each side. Slight exaggeration, but it was heaven. I'm sniffling just thinking about it. I have cut out like 98% of desserts in my life and I still cry inside when my friends get a milkshake and I'm not allowed any. It feels punitive. To me, nice food is as good as sex, easily.

I wish I could make myself hate food, so much. I'm so lucky because my husband is a god in the kitchen, but I'm unlucky because he wants to make all the things and I have to go "...nope, can't have it, but now I can SMELL IT ALL DAY."

1. Restaurants: I eat out about 90% of my meals because I travel for work. I just think carefully about what I'm eating and I stop when I've had enough.

2. Sweets: You just... have to make some changes in order to get the results you want. I have always had a sweet tooth, made worse by medications I take for bipolar disorder... but... I try not to eat sweets much now, and when I do, I use sugar free sweets or have a tiny piece. I CAN eat too much sweets without my restriction kicking in. It's up to me to make the choice that aligns with my goals for long term weight loss

3. Nice food: I love nice food. I just don't need to make it the only thing in my life anymore. I enjoy almost all of my meals, especially when I can enjoy them with friends or family, but it's not the only thing in my life (and I'm Italian!).

It kinda sounds like you want to have your cake and eat the whole thing - you can't eat every single thing as much as you want and lose weight, and only have a surgery that is less effective, and not take time off from work, and not like fat people and not weigh your food... We all want it all, but it's just not possible. I would love to have NOT had this surgery that makes me uncomfortable all the time. But I wanted to be thin. I think you really haven't made up your mind what it is you want yet.

Just now, Miratia said:

So you're boiling all this down to "just try harder"? ...Yeah, ok, maybe I shouldn't have posted here.

I have tried my ass off since I was a literal child and got made fun of in school for being the chubby kid. I have been on like every diet ever. I have done sports. You seem to think I'm being lazy, and that, frankly, is a pile of "stuff I can't say on this forum apparently because it will get bleeped." I was hoping people who got these procedures would understand that "suck it up and try harder" hasn't worked for most of the population and sure won't work now.

I have zero shame at doing things for vanity.

Nobody said suck it up and try harder. I'm saying, go back and look at your previous posts. There are things, very tangible things, that can be changed. There are no miracle cures. But if you want to keep things as they are, that's completely up to you. I'm not here to judge you. It's not my place. But if you want things to be different, there are things to change. The first being your mindset. I know you can do this, but it will require a different set of actions and way of thinking. I wish you well no matter what you decide, but if you work WITH your surgeon and dietician and work on changing your mindset and then you will be able to change your actions and what/how you eat. Once you do that, the results will come.

Did everyone just ignore that I said I did make the changes? I don't eat desserts anymore except on like, Christmas or whatever. Things like that. But surely people understand that sacrifices suck and that I hate this? Is there no sympathy for "this is a miserable experience"? Because it is. I can't magically decide to like something. If I could, I'd have decided that I hated reading books and would rather hike all day every day instead and I'd be super ripped.

Basically it's awful to watch everyone having awesome things and not being able to have them. Is this not a human emotion? That people can offer comfort/solidarity about? I feel like I had y'all on my side and then everyone just went "oh wait nope."

I do think science will just fix all of this one day. I'm a pretty strong believer in technology over biology. It's just not here yet.

Dammit, I can't delete my account. Apparently they don't let you do that. I prefer to wipe all traces of myself when things go wrong online.

Edited May 12, 20224 yr by Miratia

1 minute ago, Miratia said:

Did everyone just ignore that I said I did make the changes? I don't eat Desserts anymore except on like, Christmas or whatever. Things like that. But surely people understand that sacrifices suck and that I hate this? Is there no sympathy for "this is a miserable experience"? Because it is. I can't magically decide to like something. If I could, I'd have decided that I hated reading books and would rather hike all day every day instead and I'd be super ripped.

Sacrifices DO suck, but that's called being an adult. I don't want to do my expense reports but I have to if I want to keep my job. I don't want to do my laundry or take a shower, but I have to because that's what an adult does.

I HATE exercise, but I do it anyway, because it gets me to my goals. I miss eating big desserts and big meals, definitely. If you're looking for sympathy, you've got mine.

But... if you want your outcomes to change, you have to change your inputs

I do exercise. I don't eat big desserts and meals anymore. The point of this procedure was to make things go from "awful" to "bearable."

Anyway, I'm not sure what else to say. I'm a person on the end of my mental rope near constantly. I barely have all my adult stuff together. This is one more burden. I'm doing what I can. I think most people don't quite understand the razor edge that I'm on. One thing going wrong and my entire existence falls apart. It's what I can to do keep things together.

That's the last I'll say in the thread. Thanks to the nice folks, I know lots of people here mean well. I should never have looked at that damn scale at work. Good luck with stuff you're doing, and have fun around the internet.

What does deleted through replacement mean? Did the OP just change their screen name?? I don’t get it.

13 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

What does deleted through replacement mean? Did the OP just change their screen name?? I don’t get it.

Yes, it looks like she changed her screen name because she can't delete her account/profile. Not sure what the name means tho.

This was an interesting thread and it took an unexpected turn. I would like to dedicate this thread to all of the non-weight loss surgery folks that say weight loss surgery is the easy way out. They could learn a lot by reading this thread.

Edited May 12, 20224 yr by BypassingMyPhatAss♡

I think she wanted it to look like she deleted her account, even though she didn't.

If this isn’t a troll post…

As an ESGer myself, it is crystal clear that the procedure should have NEVER been done in the first place. The OP does not have and most likely never had the mindset needed in order for the ESG procedure (or any other type of WLS) to be successful. Shame on the clinic who preformed the procedure. With that being said, OP you wanted a quick, easy fix. Sorry, it just doesn't work that way.

I was attacked for being honest with this person because I saw what you all saw recently right from the beginning. This person wanted the easy way out, would not weight food, would not give up Indian Food, wanted to have her desserts etc, etc.

Case Rested. This was either a troll or someone who just does not want to do what it takes to be succesful and wants to blame it on the surgery, others, human nature etc.

3 minutes ago, Tony B - NJ said:

I was attacked for being honest with this person because I saw what you all saw recently right from the beginning. This person wanted the easy way out, would not weight food, would not give up Indian Food, wanted to have her Desserts etc, etc.

Case Rested. This was either a troll or someone who just does not want to do what it takes to be succesful and wants to blame it on the surgery, others, human nature etc.

You were right. She made herself clear in her later posts. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I was wrong, and I apologize.

FWIW, I don't think she was a troll.

5 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

You were right. She made herself clear in her later posts. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I was wrong, and I apologize.

FWIW, I don't think she was a troll.

I agree. We gave the benefit of the doubt with what info we were given in the beginning. That's all we can do. It's not good to jump to assumptions about someone in the beginning that's here asking for support/help/info. You might suspect that they're not doing what their plan says, but you have to gather info from them to make an assessment and sometimes they're not completely transparent.

43 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

You were right. She made herself clear in her later posts. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I was wrong, and I apologize.

FWIW, I don't think she was a troll.

No worries...for what it is worth. I may come off cold at times but I am truly trying to help. I truly believe that people can be successful in their journey if they get out of their own way and commit. Some people need a good boot in the ass at times to open their eyes and get serious.