Weight loss, dating and confidence

[journey2-199 5]

Hi I’m 34 and looking forward to having the sleeve next year. I’m really hoping this surgery will boost my confidence and help me get back into the flow of dating. I’m so tired of being used, closet girlfriend or finding out I’m a side chick. Oh that’s hard to even write. It hurts and has caused me to kinda shut down on the dating. I’ve always been very out going, confident and enjoyed dating and I can’t wait to be there again.
I’d love to hear some uplifting stories of dating success after survey.

[Hopeful_Gal 12]

Hi there, I don’t have exactly what you are looking for but have some thoughts about confidence. I have just scheduled a few consults and am >300 lbs and have continued to date. Not everyone is interested in me. That’s fine and I don’t let that stop me. Therapy has gotten me to a place where I see myself as strong and confident despite my imperfections

I found reading Brene Brown’s books or watching some of her Ted talks on the power of vulnerability, shame, and the power of imperfection very useful.

Now there is weight/size but after surgery there may be extra skin, stretch marks, and even regain so my one piece of advice is to try to think of all of those physical “flaws” as battle scars from fighting a disease that not everyone has to deal with.

If people you date don’t give you the respect you deserve then screw them. You are strong in your imperfection and deserve better.

[Guest]

13 minutes ago, Hopeful_Gal said:

think of all of those physical “flaws” as battle scars from fighting a disease that not everyone has to deal with.

This. Super this.

[journey2-199 5]

Thank you both! I love the battle scars too! I think I’ll be using this for several friends that only see the negative. Thankfully I do love myself. Dating when your a bigger girl just sucks! Lol

[Guest]

1 minute ago, journey2-199 said:

Dating when your a bigger girl just sucks!

Also when you're a bigger dude.

Now I'm hot again, tho

[journey2-199 5]

On 12/30/2021 at 12:47, MiniGastricBypassDude said:

Also when you're a bigger dude.

Now I'm hot again, tho

Now that is amazing!! I can’t wait tell I can say that! I look forward to so much. How much did you lose? Do you deal with lose skin? I’m 5’4 and 280.

[Orinskye 165]

I was not prepared for the attention from the opposite sex.
I’m married so it doesn’t really matter to me anyways, but I have gotten hit on a few times (once it was right in front of my husband while he was standing next to me). It’s ……. Odd.
i guess in the back of my mind I have this undercurrent of thought with “this guy would not have given me the time of day if I looked like the old me”. It makes their interest a little cringe inducing for me. I might have issues with a phobia of attention directed at me. (I’m a teacher and I’m okay with attention but when it comes from children or colleagues in a professional setting…..It’s definitely uncomfortable otherwise)

im six two…. I started off at 330 pounds at my heaviest and I am now down to 187. I’m still losing (I’m only 9 months post op) and I have readjusted my goal down lower. At first it was 195, but I’ve surpassed that so I guess I am going lower.

[journey2-199 5]

On 12/30/2021 at 15:06, Orinskye said:

I was not prepared for the attention from the opposite sex.

I’m married so it doesn’t really matter to me anyways, but I have gotten hit on a few times (once it was right in front of my husband while he was standing next to me). It’s ……. Odd.

i guess in the back of my mind I have this undercurrent of thought with “this guy would not have given me the time of day if I looked like the old me”. It makes their interest a little cringe inducing for me. I might have issues with a phobia of attention directed at me. (I’m a teacher and I’m okay with attention but when it comes from children or colleagues in a professional setting…..It’s definitely uncomfortable otherwise)

im six two…. I started off at 330 pounds at my heaviest and I am now down to 187. I’m still losing (I’m only 9 months post op) and I have readjusted my goal down lower. At first it was 195, but I’ve surpassed that so I guess I am going lower.

Congratulations on the weight loss!! That is so amazing. I bet it feels amazing.

I could totally see where your coming from. The thought of someone not liking me now but liking me then makes me feel yucky. Yes I physical will change but I’m still me. I’ve heard so many times your so petty but…..

I live in Southern California where a big girl just doesn’t fit the scenery. It’s sad but the truth.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, journey2-199 said:

Now that is amazing!! I can’t wait tell I can say that! I look forward to so much. How much did you lose? Do you deal with lose skin? I’m 5’4 and 280.

6 feet (never sure about the American system, but 183 cm) and lost from 364 to 196. So 168 lbs in a year and change.

The stomach area is bad in the sense that it looks obviously not normal, and then there's some everywhere else, but it's manageable. Gym helps a lot with that.

You can see some before/after pics here:

[Orinskye 165]

4 minutes ago, journey2-199 said:

Congratulations on the weight loss!! That is so amazing. I bet it feels amazing.

I could totally see where your coming from. The thought of someone not liking me now but liking me then makes me feel yucky. Yes I physical will change but I’m still me. I’ve heard so many times your so petty but…..

I live in Southern California where a big girl just doesn’t fit the scenery. It’s sad but the truth.

Ha! That’s also where I live so I feel ya. I am the same size now (12) that I was in sixth grade.
once puberty hit i ballooned up out of control. I was always the “big kid” though and I longed to be the beach girl type that the majority of girls here tend to be

[Arabesque 7,590]

6 hours ago, Hopeful_Gal said:

Now there is weight/size but after surgery there may be extra skin, stretch marks, and even regain so my one piece of advice is to try to think of all of those physical “flaws” as battle scars from fighting a disease that not everyone has to deal with.

Hell yeah! I say I’ve earned my loose skin. It’s a daily reminder of where I’ve been & where I am now.

[Starwarsandcupcakes 2,091]

So mine is a little different- I met the guy I’m talking to about 3yrs ago when I was 330lbs at 5’7” (170cm). I didn’t see him much from nov. 2019 (VSG dec 2019 and RNY revision for gerd aug 2020) to Sept. 2021 (155lbs) (I was either on medical leave or working a bunch because of Covid). Anyway, I was super nervous about being seen naked or intimacy related things because of skin and scars (I have a midline scar from sternum to pubic bone). He told me that it’s not the outside that he cares about it’s what’s on the inside because the outside doesn’t always stay the same. And while I’m still super self conscious about the loose skin and scars he makes feel okay with just being myself around him.

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Starwarsandcupcakes said:

he makes feel okay with just being myself around him.

Pretty much #lifegoals to be a guy people say they feel okay being themselves around. He sounds like a keeper!

[stardust82 11]

Joining the conversation a bit late. I am 40 years old and trying to date but the apps are driving me nuts. I am also freezing my eggs in the hopes of still being able to have at least one biological child. Try telling a guy that you are trying to drop 75 lbs in a year and that your hormones are even more out of whack than usual for the next 6 months 😉

I currently live in Austin, TX and am thinking of moving to the Bay Area in the new year. Would love to hear people's tips on dating.