body dysmorphia and family support

[Nanagrrl3 24]

The two family members that know about my surgery are starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I just had my sleeve two months ago, and while i don’t really see a difference except in my collarbones, i can fit into things i never thought i could. And my shirt and pants size went down significantly. They keep telling me im “skinny” and “so small” in a nice way but I don’t see it at all! Especially in my upper body. I see it on the scale but not anywhere else.its starting to get annoying because they'll tell me that i'm getting small so much and when i start to believe them and feel a little confident they'll tell me that once i start exercising i’ll look better.which i am. Not much because i struggle with depression but im genuinely trying. I exercise 3-4 times a week. I just wish theyd shut up about me “losing all that weight” and then telling me exercise will help me. I know that already!! luckily im starting an exercise program on may 10th that im joining for two months. Its already paid for so I dont have any excuses.Does anyone else have non supportive family members? How do you deal with them?

[dennydenco 11]

Are any of these family members overweight?

[Arabesque 6,670]

It may be time for some straight talking with them. Thank them for their support but explain you are trying to be realistic about what you’re doing & your progress. Tell them commenting on your progress & the changes in a supportive, encouraging & honest way are appreciated but you don’t need to be told what you should be doing or have them exaggerate your progress. Tell them while you have lost some weight, you still have a lot to go. You’re not slim yet but you’re working at it. A simple comment like I’m happy you’re doing so well or your weight loss is becoming more noticeable is much more encouraging & powerful than saying you’re so small or so skinny.

Tell them you’re learning a lot about weight loss, diets, eating styles, exercising, etc. There’s not a one size fits all solution or plan to follow. What works for one may not work for you & it’s going to take you time & effort to fully work out what will work for you long term.

Of course this will depend on your relationship with your family members. 🙂 Sometimes I find it easier to just give a bland not committed response to over exaggerated comments or nosy questions & then quickly change the subject.

Congrats on your progress so far & good luck with your family.

[Nanagrrl3 24]

2 hours ago, dennydenco said:

Are any of these family members overweight?

no, but i live with one and they eat very unhealthily

[Nanagrrl3 24]

1 hour ago, Arabesque said:

It may be time for some straight talking with them. Thank them for their support but explain you are trying to be realistic about what you’re doing & your progress. Tell them commenting on your progress & the changes in a supportive, encouraging & honest way are appreciated but you don’t need to be told what you should be doing or have them exaggerate your progress. Tell them while you have lost some weight, you still have a lot to go. You’re not slim yet but you’re working at it. A simple comment like I’m happy you’re doing so well or your weight loss is becoming more noticeable is much more encouraging & powerful than saying you’re so small or so skinny.

Tell them you’re learning a lot about weight loss, diets, eating styles, exercising, etc. There’s not a one size fits all solution or plan to follow. What works for one may not work for you & it’s going to take you time & effort to fully work out what will work for you long term.

Of course this will depend on your relationship with your family members. 🙂 Sometimes I find it easier to just give a bland not committed response to over exaggerated comments or nosy questions & then quickly change the subject.

Congrats on your progress so far & good luck with your family.

thank you so much. its just really bothering me.

[NovaLuna 710]

Body dysmorphia really sucks, but it's something many of us deal with after rapid weight loss. I still have issues with it myself and tend to see someone much bigger than I actually am when I look in the mirror. I have been surprised though when I see pictures of myself and I'm always asking "is that really me" because in the pictures I look much smaller than I see myself when I look in the mirror. I'm sorry that you're dealing with relative like that! My own have been incredibly supportive through the whole process. Even the ones that are overweight have been surprisingly supportive (I didn't expect that).

[ruthpets 77]

Would it be possible for you to tell these family members that, going forward, you just don't want to discuss your weight at all? You are the one doing all the work, it's YOUR story, your body.

I figured out a long time ago that in addition to politics, money and religion, WEIGHT and opinions about others' child-rearing were all topics better left alone.

You are doing SO awesome, BTW!!

[lizonaplane 1,606]

I agree that it may be time to tell them you're not comfortable talking about your weight... but they're trying in their own way to be supportive. Also, you've lost 60 lbs! that's a lot!!!

Yes, exercise will help, but eating according to your plan is just as important, if not more so. I know when I'm depressed, I just can't get myself to exercise. I know there is evidence it is helpful, but it just doesn't help me. If I'm feeling good, I enjoy it, but I just start thinking too much if I exercise when I'm depressed.