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Rant/Vent: Failure



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I'm at the edge of depression.
I had surgery at the end of 2018; my progress was slow, but steady. I even got brave and got new clothes to fit my smaller size.

Cut to now... I've gained back a lot of the weight I've lost. I feel like a failure. I go from regretting having surgery (why did I mutilate myself if I just ended up here again?) to feeling powerless, angry, and depressed. Mostly, I feel lost. Just don't know what to do now. Or trust anything. :(

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With regard to the depression aspect, definitely talk to your doctor about it if you haven't already started the process for treatment.

As for the weight gain, since today is Friday, why don't you use the weekend to stock up on healthy foods, and make a promise to your self that on Monday you take back your life. You did it before, and you can do it again!

HUGS!!!!!

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41 minutes ago, ChubRub said:

With regard to the depression aspect, definitely talk to your doctor about it if you haven't already started the process for treatment.

As for the weight gain, since today is Friday, why don't you use the weekend to stock up on healthy foods, and make a promise to your self that on Monday you take back your life. You did it before, and you can do it again!

HUGS!!!!!

This is the sweetest note...and I agree with everything ChubRub said! You can do this, but talk to your doctor and if you were seeing a nutritionist or dietician, see about getting them involved, as well. Focus on healthy food, Protein and Water. It may not happen as quickly as before, but it will happen. Good luck!

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I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now. I agree with what the others have said. Also, I wanted to point you to a post from @BriarRose because she's been right where you are and she succeeded in re-losing the weight. I know it can seem hopeless, but she's proof it can be done!

On 10/11/2020 at 2:36 PM, BriarRose said:

Hi !

I am ten years out ! I had regained about 45 pounds of my 145 pound weight loss .... and decided it was time to lose it again. So just over a year ago, I started with cutting down on treats to one a day.... and then going from chips with lunch or eating out during work days to bringing a salad to work.... then back to either steamed eggs for Breakfast or oatmeal. And concentrating on eating Protein first and foremost. And cutting out potatoes and sandwiches, and Pasta and back to finding the freshest vegetables and fruits I could and making healthier meals and making sure there was leftover chicken for lunch the next day, and eating grilled fish and veggies ..... and in 13 months I lost 45 pounds. No, it doesn't come off like it did right after surgery, but I still have some restriction and I know what I need to do.... I won't ever be a skinny woman.But I am alot healthier and I am back to where I got after surgery.. I started at over 320 pounds and had surgery at 54 years old. I am now 64, and back to where I am comfortable. My new goal is to maintain the weight loss, and maybe lose another 5 pounds this next 12 months or so.... but I am very happy with myself. You can do it. One cookie not eaten at a time !!!

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5 minutes ago, Jaelzion said:

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now. I agree with what the others have said. Also, I wanted to point you to a post from @BriarRose because she's been right where you are and she succeeded in re-losing the weight. I know it can seem hopeless, but she's proof it can be done!

AWWWW Jaelzion - Thank you for keeping me in your heart !!!

Yes, I am still around ! More than 10 years later you CAN take some control back. If Depression is a problem, talk to your doctor - even your regular doc and ask about a referral for therapy or for some medication - antidepressants are a wonderful help - and although they take 6 to 8 weeks to kick in well, they can really help you to lift yourself out of a chemical imbalance that causes us to have depression. (yeah, I am a therapist/social worker too !!) But do not allow yourself to be depressed about YOURSELF.

Take one thing. Just one thing and turn it positive. Mine was "no more fried potato food" I stopped eating french fries and potato chips. Then I added more healthy foods back to my diet. I remembered how much I really liked eating healthier .... and I added more and substituting a healthy choice for a not so healthy one is a VICTORY EVERY DAY. And not eating out ? I forgot how much added salt is in things. THAT took weight off me too.

No, it isn't easy. But I did it. I have kept those 45 pounds off since October 2020 and here it is January 2021 and .... I have lost another 2 pounds. I know, not alot. But I had told myself that at 45 pounds I was stopping and going to maintain my weight. Maybe lose 5 pounds in the next year. Maybe not. And look at that. 4 months and down 2 more pounds ! YES AND WHOOPPEE for meeee !!!! Celebrate your victories like crazy ! I will be 65 years old this year - actually in a couple months... and I will weigh what I did in graduate school when I was .... 25 ! I am not thin. I won't ever be thin. I am "overweight" for my height and age. And you know what ? I am okay with that. Because I WAS SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE. I weighed over 300 pounds. I now weigh 173. My BMI WAS 58 - it is now 31. And IF i were to have the extra skin removed ? I would probably lose another 10 pounds easily. But I don't need to do that. Or want to. I'm good.

Figure out where you can be "good" with yourself. Then start on the road. YOU CAN DO THIS.

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People who are inclined to put on weight (for whatever reason) are never going to be able to be effortlessly thin as some people seem to be able to be. It's always going to be a battle against weight regain - don't look on your regain as a "failure" on your part; it's happened because you took your eye off the ball. But you've lost the weight once and you can definitely do it again! BriarRose's post is inspirational and really great advice - I haven't even got to goal yet and I KNOW that when I do I'll be fighting constantly to keep my weight there. You can do this!

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16 hours ago, veroa said:

Just don't know what to do now.

First step is analyzing what exactly went wrong. Taking action comes after that.

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your sleeve should still work. The only difference is, losing regain is slower than losing it the first time around - but it WILL work. I agree that you need to analyze what went wrong, and then go back to what you were doing the first time around, when you lost the weight. Go back to see your surgeon and dietitian if you need to - and good idea to start working with a therapist, too. You can do this!

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I'm right there with you. I had my sleeve in December of 2018, lost a fair amount of weight, not a ton, but it was slow-going and stopped after four months. I kept it off for 15 months. Then during COVID I put on 10-12 pounds and I'm having a hard time taking them off. I want to kick myself for going through major surgery only to screw it up again because I'm such a loser. But then I focus on what I need to be doing and get back on track and have been doing really well for the last 15 days. You can do it. Go back to basics. Get the Protein in. Get the Water in. Watch the portion sizes. You can do it!

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I know how "set" some of us can be on a specific number "goal" or "I am going to lose 50 pounds in X months."

May I suggest that instead of looking at a number that seem impossible - and having a constant reminder of what you HAVE NOT done... that instead, pick a really logical goal or EVEN (horrors) a goal that WE KNOW we can attain.

I was inspired by an acquaintance on Facebook who said he goal for that year was to lose 20 pounds. I thought about it, for a couple months......and decided that I was tired of my weight gain and MY goal could be to stop gaining weight, and maybe lose 10 pounds in a year. Reversing habits that had snuck back over 8 years.... and heck....it started working. And instead of setting myself up for failure... I was; to myself; an amazing success !!! Maybe I COULD lose 20 in a year ! I had lost that and more by 7 months.

I also knew what weight I COULD NOT maintain back when and how miserable I was trying to continually FIGHT and never win. So I set MY GOAL for 5 pounds over where I had managed to maintain for several years.

NO, I won't be a size small or even a medium. But I started at 5'3 (now 5'2) and 320 pounds at age 53. I have lost 147 pounds. I am good with that.

This may not apply to you. This may not be you. It is me. I managed to do this as a full time working 64 year old human with some auto immune disease - exercise is not something I can do much of. I practice meditational yoga, actively garden a few times a week. I take care of a small flock of a couple dozen chickens, so I rake and hoe and haul things around. I have a teenager who comes and hauls 40 pound bags for me on the weekends. But I am active even in times of Covid, grow some of my own vegetables and fruit and salad greens .... life is good. Find your Good.

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Good Evening! you took a big first step by posting!! It took courage to do that and I'm proud of you. And you are an inspiration as we all fear failing but many who have setbacks won't ask for help.

I am 6 1/2 months out and at 91 lbs. lost And I'm still afraid I might fail. I have before so why is this time going to be any different? Before I had surgery I did a lot of work on my mental health and work on it everyday. Every morning I wake up and focus on 3 gratitudes in my life, write down 3 affirmations and 10 minutes of positive reading. This helps me stay strong and happy. It has been a game changer for me. I don't get down on myself, I find I am more resilient with challenges and I like myself! It is helpful to write down your gratuities and affirmations so you can go back and look at them. Great reminders of all the good in your life on those more challenging days.

Start by focusing on your mental health. You are worthy of loving yourself!! Then make one diet change a week and focus on just that. I love BriarRose's "One cookie not eaten at a time"! We are all on the same lifelong journey and there is no perfect path. We are all flawed but are all also Flawsome.

You can do this!!!!!

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Oh my goodness... thank you so much for your caring, smarts, and wisdom. Truth be that somewhere I know the initial steps to start again, but the overwhelming emotions were paralyzing. Y’all helped significantly with that. And yes, time to get a therapist.

I’ve set a “gimme” goal for each week for a month. And I’m stepping away from the scale for a bit.

Thank you. All.

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Hey OP - I’m in the same position as you but a bit further out.

Sleeved in March 2015. HW 290, lost 112. Gained back about 20 by last Christmas and then over the past year have gained another 25. I now work from home all day since the pandemic which was a disaster: I could snack on unhealthy things all day long!

But all you or I can do is get back on track little by little. We’re not failures. We’re human and we’re fallible.

I’ve noticed that it’s when I feel like a failure I eat worse. Makes sense right? If I think poorly of myself why would I foresake instant gratification for long term benefits? I’m a failure so I don’t deserve that care, right? Nope. That negativity is as much a challenge as chocolate!!!

I can’t give any advice since I’m in the same boat as you. But remember how awesome you are. You took one of the biggest decisions - to have life altering surgery - because future you deserved it. You lost weight. You have achieved tons. You are not a failure. And you deserve all of the good stuff that’s going to happen when you start to make good decisions to get back on track.

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