livingstone

So, I just had my blood tests and MRSA swabs in advance of surgery next week (1st March) and decided that I would detail my journey here. Partly because I want to remember to come back on here when things get tough and I need a reminder of why I am doing this, and partly because I want to have a record of what I’m doing anyway, and I figure that having one that others can read, contribute to and, maybe, learn from (if I ever get to the point of having any lessons to teach) is as good a way as any. So, my background… I’m 29, living in London. I’ve always been overweight, ever since I was a kid, but my weight has fluctuated a lot. Generally, when I move to a new place, it falls, until I discover all the good places to eat, when it rises again. About five years ago I managed to get down to about 200lbs, but since then have crept steadily up and now I am about 290lbs. I think as I get a bit older, I’m realising a bit more the impact my weight is having on me. Over the last couple of years – walking has become more of a chore, for the first time, tying a seatbelt on an airplane has become a problem, I feel less and less energy and more strain on my joints. And I simply don’t want that to get worse. I haven’t felt any motivation to lose weight since that last time in 2009, and I had to admit to myself that I never will be able to do this on my own. So I have a choice. Continue to put on weight. Face into my thirtieth birthday at nearly 300lbs, maybe my 35th at 400lbs – who knows. And continue to see my body become more and more unable to cope. Or I stop. I take action, accept that I’m not going to be able to do it alone and take measures that will force me into a position of being healthier. It’s also driven by the fact that I want to have kids. As I’m gay, the most likely way for that is to adopt, but I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be approved as an adopter at my current weight. And even if I was, I don’t think I could be a good dad as I just wouldn’t have the energy to be rolling around playing with a kid and giving them the attention they deserve. I decided to self-fund for the operation. I have been diagnosed with sleep Apnoea (in December) through the NHS, and since that’s technically a comorbidity, my GP did say that I could be put on the NHS waiting list. But faced with a wait of two years or more, I decided it would be better to just get it done privately. So I met with my surgeon, Ameet Patel, before Christmas. I had hoped to have it done before Christmas, but I was due to start a new job on the 12th, and he said that if I had the operation on the 3rd or 4th January, he wouldn’t recommend me going to work on the 12th. So I decided to wait until Easter when I could take some time off work. As it turned out, there were no available dates at Easter, and leaving it later brings me too close to a trip I have planned at the end of May. So I ended up plumping for 1st March. I’ve had no pre-op diet to follow, so I’ve probably been a bit naughty in what I’ve been eating since I found out my date. I know I shouldn’t but I have been seeing these last weeks as an opportunity for one last hurrah with food. Biggest Fears I was sent my consent form in the post, and seeing the risks in black and white terrified me – especially where it just bluntly lists ‘Death’ as a risk. Even though I’ve talked them through with Dr Patel, and even though I know the risks are very low, they feel very real now. I’ve started to think about things I need to do in case the worst happens, and again, I know it’s a very low risk, but my family live in a different country, so I’m making sure my partner has their number in case he needs to call them etc. The reality of that is kinda scary. I’m also scared of complications – and not knowing whether pain is normal or a sign of something more serious. But my biggest fear is that I just won’t be able to be happy when I can’t eat what I want to. I keep telling myself that being able to go shopping for clothes or go for a run or exercise without wanting to collapse will all make up for any feeling of deprivation – and that I won’t feel that deprived because I just won’t have the same appetite that I have now. But it is probably my biggest fear that I will spend the rest of my life regretting what I’ve done. To combat that I just keep reminding myself that the price of having that total freedom to eat what I want is looking and feeling like I do now – I plan to keep a photo diary of my journey to remind myself that however much I regret not being able to eat what I want when I want, it will be nothing compared to the regret I would have if I had the opportunity to get healthy but turned it down. My Hopes This is the bit that keeps me going. My main hope – what I desperately hope – is that the tales I’ve heard of your tastes changing are true. I would dearly love to wake up from the operation and be revolted by the foods I used to love and suddenly find love for the foods I used to hate. If only I could like vegetables and low fat foods more! My biggest hope is that my tastes will change, so that when I can’t pig out on chips it won’t matter to me because I don’t want to pig out on chips. The same applies – big time – to Diet Coke. I’ve never been one for full fat soft drinks, I find them syrupy. But I love diet coke, and I am really dreading not being able to have it. If I could wake up and not desire it, that would be super. I’m not claiming these hopes are realistic. More generally – like everyone – I hope this works. My thirtieth birthday is in October and I have a vision of how I will look and feel for it. I hope that vision becomes a reality. I also hope that my relationship withstands the change. My partner has been incredibly supportive. I think one of the reasons I put on weight is that he loved me and found me attractive when we first met and I was overweight (but still, I was only about 200lbs) – I think my mind went ‘yay, you found someone who’s attracted to you even when you’re fat…eat away’. But my weight gain has made me feel less attractive and so has impacted on our relationship. As I say, he’s been really supportive and I just hope that the changes don’t result in any changes to how either of us feels about the other. So, having rattled on for too long, let the journey begin…

I'm sorry you've gone through this. But there is good news. First, you still have an awesome tool in the form of a small pouch tummy, and second, you have recognised where you need change. I've also regained about 40% of what I lost - I'm a bit further out (6 years in March) so I can probably eat a bit more. But like you, my problem was with the sweets - chocolate, crisps, ice cream all went down a treat for me. Your first step is to get on the scale. Figure out what you're dealing with. Who knows - it might not even be as bad as you imagine. But until you know what you're dealing with, you can't start to turn it around. Once you know what you need to lose, then you can start building a plan that works for you to lose it. Work out how many calories you burn, work out how many calories you need to consume to lose a healthy 1 or 2 lbs a week. Don't be tempted to speed things up too much with massive calorie deficits - it might work for a bit but it won't be sustainable. Aim for slow and steady. The key thing is to get back to using your pouch as your best tool. Plan protein heavy meals at regular points through the day. The aim isn't necessarily to say 'I'm never having sweets', it is to create the conditions where you don't want the sweets, because you're always nicely full and satisfied from your last meal. Have some healthy snacks to tide you through the day. I agree too about tracking your calories. I use MyFitnessPal. To work well, you need to be able to measure your food accurately. That can be a pain in the bum when you're out and about going to work, but if you're working from home, then this can be really helpful. For me, it's much easier to measure and record my food intake when I'm doing 95% of my eating at home. Recording what you eat before you eat it is helpful for making better choices, and measuring before you eat is helpful for portion control. And measuring your calories also has another advantage: it lets you know how much you have to play with. If you plan your meals and record them straight off, each morning, you'll then know how much you can have in snacks. It depends on your strategy - I know some on here prefer cutting snacks out completely, not having them in the house. That may work for you. If it doesn't, the only approach that works for me is allowing myself some snacks but making sure they are within my calorie limit, and I try to have them at night after dinner. If I didn't do that, I would absolutely fall off the wagon entirely.

When you say you are hungry all the time, do you mean that you don't have restriction? If you eat a protein rich like, say, a chicken breast or a small steak - does that still leave you hungry? Or do you mean you feel head hunger all the time? If you actually feel physically hungry even after eating enough to fill your pouch, then that may be an issue around the restriction. But if it's head hunger, I can certainly relate. The drivers for my eating are rarely actual hunger and often boredom, stress etc. The problem is that this messes up our bodies' ability to recognise the difference between actual hunger and head hunger. I don't know a huge amount about the bypass surgery or any revision surgery, but I think they're unlikely to address the more fundamental issues you might have with food and how you eat.

Hi folks. So it's been more than four years since I posted on this thread. Thought it was worth updating my story. So last time I posted, I was struggling with some modest (c5 lbs) regain after reaching 177lbs - which was a weight I was happy with but it will still about 12 lbs above my goal weight. Over the next four years, I gained more - getting up to 200lbs last January. Then the pandemic hit. I was working from home all day, getting no real exercise (bar a few half hearted runs in the park) and eating a lot out of boredom - with the result that I gained another 20lbs by this January. Of course there's lots of regret about allowing myself to regain 43lbs, especially as I never even got to my goal weight in the first place. But regrets don't change anything. I'm back on it now, aiming to lose c2lbs a week. I'm limiting my calories to 1750 a day, and aiming to burn between 2750 and 3000. Most days I come in under my 1750, but I allow myself one day a week where I can 'use up' any leftover calories to bring my daily calories up to a max of 2500. A few basic rules: (a) nothing is off the table - that sort of diet doesn't work for me, and I know I will fall off that particular wagon quickly; (b) back to no drinking half hour either side of a meal; (c) if I want a snack, I have to drink 500ml water first, to see if that changes whether I want it or not; (d) I measure and track everything I eat with MyFitnessPal - and my calories are built around my meals, which I pre-log so I know what I have to play around with for snacks etc; (e) no fizzy drinks during the week, only water or sugar-free cordial. There are a few tactics I've used to avoid boredom snacking. As noted above, I drink before snacking and always when I feel 'hunger' try to get in tune with whether my body is actually hungry. Where I control my virtual meetings at work (from home) I try to schedule them at peak snacking-risk times (usually the two hours before lunch, and the two hours before I finish up for the day) to make sure I have something to do that means I can't snack. I have also been doing some longish walks to avoid snacking (usually taking the dog and no money so I'm not tempted into a shop...) There was a point - maybe two years ago when I tried a pouch reset diet. I lasted about 2 days. This time around I tried Keto for two days. I've realised that the only thing that works for me is bog standard Calories In < Calories Out. Everything else will fail for me. So now I'm two and a half weeks in. I'm down from 220 to 211 and pretty happy with the results. Starting to see some very slight changes in my belly and my shoulders. Weirdly, even though the initial lockdown caused me to gain, this lockdown is helping me to lose: being at home all day gives me total freedom to make good choices, to measure everything I eat and track it. If I can get down to roughly 175lbs I'll be happy. But would ideally get down to about 165lbs.

I do. I was able to drink carbonated drinks without a problem from a few months after surgery. And I went back to drinking diet coke. I've recently tried to cut way back on it - none during the week, but allowed at weekends - because I had regained about 40 lbs and need to get rid of it. I don't know if Diet Coke contributed - my eating habits deteriorated, and that was the main reason for regain. But as others have said, there are many reasons other than calories Diet Coke is not good for health. However, I was clear with myself when I had surgery that nothing was 'off the table' - my surgery was a tool, but I'm not someone who can do the whole 'I will never ever eat/drink this again'. Everything in moderation is where I need to get to. I haven't quite mastered it (hence the regain) but I am sure that that is still the right approach for me. I'd be miserable if I thought I'd never again have Diet Coke (or chocolate, fried chicken or any other foods that made me obese in the first place).

Hi guys - I'm in a similar boat. Sleeved March 2015 at 292lbs. Got down to 177lbs. Was pretty happy there but was aiming for 165. Started to gradually gain - by Jan 2020 I was up to 200, and then because of the pandemic and lockdown (boredom eating mainly) I was up to 220 this January. So I've not regained all my weight, but still regained about 40% of it. I'm on week three of trying to lose my regain. Down 10lbs so far (but some of that in week 1 was probably water weight). This is what has been working for me: 1. Keep it simple. It's calories in vs calories out. I tried Keto for two days and was so miserable that it was never going to be sustainable. So I'm just going for a straightforward trying to consume 1000 calories less than I burn each day - i.e. less than 1750. 2. Within that calorie allowance, I allow myself to eat anything I want, subject to the following rules. 3. My first calories get used on a protein heavy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Only after I've logged all of those do I get to incorporate snacks. 4. No drinking with meals or 30 minutes either side of a meal. But otherwise lots of water. 5. No fizzy drinks except at weekends. I never had a calorie problem with fizzy drinks as my weakness was Diet Coke. But now I only drink sugar-free cordial (Robinson's Orange and Mango or Orange and Pineapple for those in the UK). 6. If I want a snack, I have to have a drink (water or cordial) first to see if that stops the craving. 7. Everything - and I mean everything - I eat is measured and recorded on MyFitnessPal before I eat it. It helps me see the impact of a particular choice on my calorie levels for the day, and sometimes leads me to make a different choice. 8. Six days of the week, I must be under 1750 calories. One day a week (usually Sunday) I allow myself up to 2500 calories but only if I have 'banked' enough calories during the week. So if, say, on Monday I consume 1500 calories rather than 1750, those 250 go into the bank and I allow myself to use them on Sunday (up to the maximum of 2500, which is roughly what I burn in an average day of activity). I've been doing that since 4 January, and have gone from 220lbs to 210lbs. I am aiming for 2lb loss a week for the next three months, and then to slow it down to about 1lb a month for another three or four months.

I agree with everything that others have said about your husband's behaviour being totally out of order - that is just not how to respond to someone you love when they're making a difficult decision. I also had to have a CPAP machine a number of years ago - my husband made fun of me but in a lighthearted and jokey way (making fun of the way it made my look like Darth Vader etc). But that's really different from trying to influence you into making decisions that are not right for you or your health. All I would say, so you're fully prepared: the surgery can make you super emotional. When I had it, there were times in the hospital when I would burst out crying (I was a 30 year old guy and not a crier normally). When I came home, one day I just burst out crying. I think it's a combination of hormonal responses to surgery, plus there is an element of 'grieving' for loss of food you have had an unhealthy relationship with, plus even though you won't be able to eat, you may still have head hunger. All of that plays havoc with our emotions. It's fine, and it definitely passes - for me, I was quite down for about two weeks after surgery and then felt tons better. But I say all of this because when you feel like that, that is when you most need to be around someone who can support you. There will probably be times after having surgery when you think it was the biggest mistake of your life. You need someone who can remind you why you did it, and someone who can make you feel better about yourself. If there is somewhere else you could stay while you recover (you mentioned extended family?) then that may be something to consider. If not, please do just mentally prepare for how you'll feel, and make sure you have people you can call, whether it's friends or a counsellor, or who can visit you, who will help to lift you up.

Hey OP - I’m in the same position as you but a bit further out. Sleeved in March 2015. HW 290, lost 112. Gained back about 20 by last Christmas and then over the past year have gained another 25. I now work from home all day since the pandemic which was a disaster: I could snack on unhealthy things all day long! But all you or I can do is get back on track little by little. We’re not failures. We’re human and we’re fallible. I’ve noticed that it’s when I feel like a failure I eat worse. Makes sense right? If I think poorly of myself why would I foresake instant gratification for long term benefits? I’m a failure so I don’t deserve that care, right? Nope. That negativity is as much a challenge as chocolate!!! I can’t give any advice since I’m in the same boat as you. But remember how awesome you are. You took one of the biggest decisions - to have life altering surgery - because future you deserved it. You lost weight. You have achieved tons. You are not a failure. And you deserve all of the good stuff that’s going to happen when you start to make good decisions to get back on track.

The other thing to add is that I've become really aware of how messed up my hunger function is. I realised this as I had just had lunch - but the feelings I have when I'm satisfied (not uncomfortably full) are the same sort of feelings I have when I'm hungry. So I have to remind myself when I feel 'hungry' that 'no - this isn't what hungry feels like, this is what satisfied feels like'. That whole retraining of my mind is something I've not yet done (and I was sleeved nearly 18 months ago). So it's a work in progress.

So I'm back. So for the past year or so I've been hovering between 177 and 182 lbs. This is still above my goal but to be honest, if a magic genie appeared and offered to allow me to stay at this weight for the rest of my life, i;d be fine with that. I've never cared about being the thinnest I could be - my big fear is just that I will slide back to where I used to be (292lbs at my biggest). After my last post (when I was back at 182lbs) I was still hovering a bit below that. The lowest I got was 177 again. Then I went home to visit family. Nightmare. Not the trip - just the lack of routine, lack of things to fill my day, lack of a partner keeping me (somewhat) honest - so I ate loads and I ate badly. Big problem - but a really good reminder of the sort of behaviour that got me to 292lbs. When I got back I was up to 187lbs. Action needed. But I think I've found a way of eating that works for me - so I'm calling this my reset diet. After one week, I'm back down to 182lbs, and aiming to keep going to get down to the 160s. The trick for me: accepting a boring diet for most of the week. This is OK for me - I'm not an adventurous eater and, frankly, I can handle the fact that my food isn't very exciting (obviously this would be a problem for other people). What have I done? Simple: I'm aiming for 800 very Protein rich calories four days a week, and 1600 calories twice a week, and one cheat day per week which allows me to eat up to my full daily calorie allowance (about 2400). The 800 calorie days are easy to plan, and not too hard to stick to. They go like this: Breakfast - strawberry and banana smoothie (220 calories, 26g protein) (200ml unsweetened almond milk, 1 medium banana, a handful of frozen strawberries, 25g of diet protein powder) lunch - pre-packaged deli meat (c150 calories, 30g protein) (This is the boring bit - I pick up a packet of lunch or sandwich meat from a supermarket and just eat the pack - usually about 120grams. Sometimes this is just sandwich meat like sliced ham or beef which is a bit boring. Sometimes, it's marinated chicken - e.g. today I had sliced chicken with a mexican marinade. The key for me here is simplicity - the portion size is right, the calories low, the protein high - those of you in the UK, Marks and Spencer sell a range of deli meats designed for picnics or sandwiches which have some nice flavours to make it interesting). dinner -repeat either the protein smoothie or pre-packed meat (c150-220 calories, 26g to 30g protein) Again, this is a bit repetitive and boring. But again, it's simple. And right now, I need simple. I need something that gives me the nutrition I need without me having to do too much thinking about it. Snacks - I allow myself a banana during the day if I'm peckish, and two low-fat, high protein strawberry yoghurts in the evening. I'm limiting my diet coke intake (I used to drink it through the day - now I'm trying to go most days without it and only occassionally have a can). Broadly speaking this diet works for me. The smoothie and meat combo keeps me full (I was worried that the fullness effect of the sleeve was wearing off...I was just eating the wrong food). I don't incorporate carbs into my diet (though I allow myself to have them occasionally. I still slip up. I just had a mini-brownie at work. But the 800 calorie diet seems to work because there is so little wriggle room. It's easy to think 'OK, I can eat three means today, and three snacks of about 80 calories each' - nothing more. When I was aiming for 1500 calories a day, I found it too easy to think 'Oh well, I'll just have these crisps and have 200 fewer calories later this evening and I'll be fine'. This has given me hope. I thought perhaps I'd stretched my sleeve and that I was always going to feel hungry an hour after eating. But actually, when I'm eating protein rich foods that keep me feeling full for longer, the sleeve still works. 120g of cold chicken would never have satisfied me before the sleeve. Now it's a full lunch, and one which keeps me satisfied through the day. So the sleeve still works - I just need to use it better, and I simply haven't been doing that for the last year. Luckily, instead of piling on too much weight, I just hovered - but I need to lose more and I hope that this approach will get me there.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I lost 100lbs in the first six months. Then have been off and on for the last six months - fell to 177, then Christmas brought me up to 182, then after Christmas fell back to 177 but now back up to 182. There are things that worry me - the main one is that I can eat more at a sitting, and I feel hungry faster (I don't know how much of this is head hunger but I know I have to figure out a way to get my head around not earing every time I feel hunger). I've also basically not been exercising, and that needs to change. I do drink Diet Coke - no calories, but it means I'm not getting as much Water as I need to. My theory with Diet Coke is that it's a calorie free way to have a sweet treat. But I think I need to cut back to weekends. My other big problem is slider foods. I can eat chocolate, sweets, popcorn and ice cream as if I never had the sleeve. I was able to be very disciplined in the first six months (and the very high weight loss made it easy to stay motivated). What I'm realising is that I am still a binge eater - I might be able to eat less, but the mindset of binge eating is still there. So I need to get this on track. The good news, for both of us, is that we've realised before we've done too much damage! Some people on here pile back on all the weight they've lost - we haven't (yet), so we have a real opportunity to figure out how to get back on track. I am also trying a mindfulness approach - there are various online courses, recordings etc that aim to help you change your attitude to eating. I can't vouch for any of these yet, but going to give it a go.

So, I'm back. Things are going less well now. So the run up to Christmas was a total write-off in terms of weight loss. Back in October, I hit 192lbs (loss of 100lbs). Since then I've fallen as low as 177lbs but Christmas brought me back to 182lbs. After Christmas I managed to get back down to about 177lbs - but not with any consistency, I kept hovering between 177 and 180. Then I had a bit of a health scare (totally unrelated to the sleeve, and all fine now) which meant I'm now back at 182lbs. This is much harder now - it takes more to fill me up, and I get hungry faster. I also have a real problem resisting all of the slider foods that I can still eat LOTS of. So I came back on here to read up on other people's stories of sliding back into old habits and how to get back. I haven't done too much damage - although losing only 10lbs in six months (after losing 100lbs in the first six months!) feels like a real wasted opportunity. But I can get back on track, figure out how to eat in a way that makes best use of my sleeve and get back to exercise (I've been very sluggish over winter). Any ideas very welcome!

Another slight update - today I reached a loss of 100lbs! 17lbs to my initial target. 38lbs to my eventual target.

Hi everyone, just a quick update on where I am - three months (wow) after I last posted. I was sleeved on 1st March - starting weight 292lbs and BMI of 45! Today, I am 194lbs and my BMI is 29.4! So there's been some pretty big milestones for me - falling below 200lbs, falling below 30 BMI (I'm officially not obese anymore!). I'm now fitting into jeans with a waist of 32 inches! I went shopping a week or two ago and couldn't find jeans in my size - because the jeans that I wanted were only in store in sizes too big for me! I don't think I've ever been unable to buy something I wanted because they didn't have any that were small enough. Most days I don't even remember I've had a sleeve. I can eat everything without trouble, I can drink everything without trouble. This is good because it means that when I go out to eat, there's nothing I can't order - though naturally I tend to stick to starters, or else to food that can be easily boxed home and brought away. It also means that I can go out and drink alcohol - I'm not a big drinker but there are times when I do like to go out with friends and drink and, yes, get drunk. I know it's empty calories etc - but my view from the start is that I want to be as healthy as I can be while still living the life I want to live. For the same reason, I do allow myself carbonated drinks - only diet - even though I know a lot of people on here are dead against it. Has it stretched my sleeve? I don't think so - my appetite is still pretty low. My eating habits before surgery had two big problems - Snacks and meals. Snacks is still a problem in that I can eat chocolate, popcorn, crisps etc as if I never had surgery. So I need to be really careful with them - I haven't cut them out completely. I know some people find it easier to cut them out completely rather than try and control them but I didn't want to do that (and I know it wouldn't be sustainable for me) so I focus on control and making sure I count any snacks when I count my daily calories. Meals are where the sleeve has really helped me. I loved chips (proper British chips - not American chips) but now I can't eat more than two or three with a meal, so I never order any, instead I might steal one or two from my partner when we eat out. Before surgery, I could have a big burger, big plate of chips and a side of onion rings, and still had room for a doughnut or sweets afterwards. Now, if I was going to have a burger, I might just about manage a hamburger on its own. Most of the time, I have a sandwich at work, and I can just about manage a standard sandwich (i.e. two slices of bread and some ham or chicken). So even though I'm not perfect on snacking (and I do need to be more disciplined), I've cut down so much calories on meals. So I'm pretty happy with where I am. I still have another 30 or so lbs to lose. I know that will be slow and I'm OK with that. I also know that I need to start being more and more aware of the risk of slipping back upwards. But so far so good.

Hi all so just quick update - things are going great. There is nothing I can't tolerate - I still need to be disciplined with slider foods - I can eat chocolate and popcorn like I never had surgery! Its 16 weeks today since I had surgery. In that time: I've gone from 292lbs to 220lbs. Gone from BMI of 44 to 33. Gone from body fat percentage of 48% to 38%. I've been wearing clothes from four years ago. Suddenly I can shop any any clothes shop I want to - I still need their bigger sizes, but I no longer have to order online to get the extra big sizes. I'm going to the gym about three to four times a week - I've started doing the Couch to 5K programme, and I'm on week two (of nine) and finding it fine - even enjoyable. If anyone hasn't heard of C25K (I'm not sure if it's just a UK thing) it is a great programme to get someone who is totally inactive into running on a rally staged basis, building up your stamina week by week. Google it - there is a British App called Fit for Life C25K which is free and which you can use with your own playlists and it will tell you when to run and when to walk etc. It's great. I shock myself sometimes reading back over the early posts on here - I feel so great about having the surgery now.

So, I've started seeing hair loss - it's coming out when I run my hands through it. I'm 30 and a guy - and I know there's loads of hair loss threads, but my question specifically is whether the hair loss is temporary, and whether, when it stops, the hair grows back or is gone for good? I can handle a few months of thinning hair if I know that it will grow back. But I'm much more worried if the hair that goes is gone forever.

I'm a bit different to some on here - my general approach is to watch my calorie intake (I try to keep it below 1000 most days, or up to 1200 one or two days a week). Within that limit, as long as I am thinking about what I eat, I allow myself anything. That includes bread - not just a bite, and quite regularly. It includes potatoes (though even though I used to love potatoes, they have less appeal for me now), chocolate, crisps, popcorn etc - as long as I stay within my daily calories. This means that if I make bad choices - loading up on empty calories - then I will be hungry later on. I avoid that - but I don't have any set rules. My biggest ambition with this is to be able to be disciplined with the food I love. For me, cutting something out completely isn't sustainable - I know that I will fall off that wagon. Stepping off a wagon in a controlled way always hurts less than falling off it at 100mph.

Thanks everyone. I'm down 70lbs as of today, so still really happy with how it's going - I'm going on holiday in six weeks, with lots of walking involved, and I am really excited about it - and hoping I can get down below 210lbs before I go (currently 222 lbs).

So I was three months out on 1st June - and I feel really really good. I have a thread somewhere here going through my experience, and the first few posts were pretty hard going because I found the first two weeks really hard. The whole experience with the liquid and puree and mushy diet was awful to be honest. But right now I feel great. I've lost 65lbs in those three months (down from 292lbs to 227lbs) - I look good in a suit, all my old shirts fit again, I can tie my airplane seatbelt without a problem, I can walk home from the train station after work without being exhausted when I get in the door. I go to the gym a few times a week. I've lost ten inches around my tummy, three inches around my neck. And most importantly, I eat what I want to. Nothing has been difficult for me to keep down. I know some on here stick rigidly to a specific programme. My surgeon didn't tell me to do that and so I'm not doing that - I mostly watch my calorie intake, and try to keep it below about 1200. I do probably have more carbs than most on here say I should, but it's working for me and I'm not going to stop. I also said at the outset, I wanted this surgery so I could have a normal life, not so that I would end up on a specific diet for the rest of my life. What I found bizarre is that my restriction doesn't seem to work with chocolate, popcorn or crisps (dangerous territory, I know) - but I find myself being more disciplined about those foods even though my tummy is fine with them. Before surgery, when I left work, I would pop into a shop and buy sweets and crisps for the commute home. Now, even if I am hungry when I leave work, something tells me not to do that, and I wait for dinner instead. I don't know if it's the surgery, or if it's just because I can see results, I am more aware of not putting those results in danger. But either way - I like knowing that even when the restriction doesn't work, I am still more disciplined than I was (but because I eat all the foods I like, I never feel deprived). My message to anyone struggling in the early stages is that this will all be fine - when I was a week after surgery, I looked at those people saying 'its the best thing I ever did' and thought they were all lunatics, or else that something was going wrong with me. But no - it is tough at the start (really, really tough) but it will get better and you will be glad you did this.

There are ways to make it better. Firstly, think about taking a single Multivitamin. Ask your surgeon about it - I am on a single multivitamin a day. When it's only one, it's really not much of a problem to take it. About dinner parties and not being able to eat normal portions - yes, this is tough. It's all well and good saying 'but that's the choice you made', but I know how different it can feel after the surgery than before it. If you're going to dinner with people you know, and who know you had surgery, then it's fine. They'll know. If they don't, then even having one person there who does know can help, because if conversation turns towards 'OMG you didn't eat much', that person can help change the subject. But also you can let people know you are watching what you eat. Or just tell them you had a big breakfast/lunch. You can also get into the habit or organising more dinners yourself. That way you're in control - you can give yourself a smaller plate, you can cook foods that aren't as obvious when you don't eat much. An example is something like a sharing platter where everyone just picks at what is on the table during the meal. No one is keeping track of what you eat, and because you eat slower, you finish at the same time. I had to learn to be less self-conscious (people really aren't watching what you eat as much as you think) and to enjoy what food I could eat (accept that some yummy food will end up in the bin, don't mourn for what you couldn't eat but instead enjoy being able to eat until you were satisfied and not have to worry about the impact on your weight. This is a gift - most people who eat delicious food have to choose between heating a healthy amount that won't fill them, or eating an unhealthy amount that will fill them. You don't have to make those choices now - you can eat a small portion AND be full. It's the best of both worlds - satisfying AND healthy.

I feel so lucky I didn't need a pre op diet. The post op diet was hell, and I could get through it because I had no choice and I told myself it would be dangerous not to stick to it. Not sure I'd have had the strength for the pre-op diet where I was relying on my discipline alone.

Nine weeks out! And I've reached the point where I know I made the right decision and I'm happy I've had the surgery. The good stuff...I've lost 50lbs (although the scales in my gym puts it closer to 55lbs, so I think I prefer that one ), clothes that I haven't worn for a few years are now fitting again. My BMI has gone from 44 to 36. I'm getting to the gym four times a week or so - usually only for about 30 minutes on the cross trainer, but it's something. Need to step it up a bit though, I think. The other good stuff - there's nothing I've tried that I can't tolerate in terms of food. The only thing that goes wrong is when I eat too much. I've vomited twice since surgery but only because I ate too much. I say 'only' because that's a lesson I can learn from. I'm so happy I've not had difficulty keeping foods down. And also I can drink. Some people might not like this, but I can have a Diet Coke when I'm out or a glass of wine or two and it goes down fine. I know I shouldn't have carbonated drinks, but I don't think a glass of diet coke once in a while is going to kill me. The big change is that while I allow myself treats, I don't keep them in the house. And as I say, I do allow myself a treat - a small popcorn at the cinema, a little ice-cream sundae occassionally. I'm also really happy because my weight loss seems to have sped up again after getting quite slow - I lost 3lbs over two weeks, then I lost 5 lbs in one week. So I'm hoping it's speeding up again - I go on holiday in two and a half weeks, so hoping to shed some more lbs by then.

Oh and I just had my first glass of wine after surgery. My surgeon actually said low level alcohol intake eg half a glass of wine each evening can help with weight loss due to breaking down enzymes. I'm not a big drinker but being able to have a glass of wine tonight was nice as I was out with work colleagues. No problems with it, I don't feel any drunker than I would have done pre surgery and no discomfort.

Thanks madferitchick. On drinking, I'm much better now - I still have to remind myself to get enough fluids but the early dislike for Water I had has gone and now I'm ok with water. I still use sugar free cordial for variety though. I can do more than sip. A glass definitely wouldn't take me an hour - at work I generally get through about 500ml in the morning (3 hours) and again in the afternoon. But that's because I'm distracted with work. If I had to I could probably drink it in half the time. I'm also back to being able to take small gulps, rather than sips. Which I find much better in terms of getting water in without having to nurse a glass of water for ages.

So, it's been three weeks since I updated. I'm now seven weeks post op, down 41 lbs with a BMI that is down from 45 to 38. I had my six week check up last week and the surgeon seemed pleased with how I'm doing. I am on a complete stall at the moment, but he said that was to be expected. My head hunger is largely gone since I started eating normal food. Don't get me wrong, I can still smell some chips (proper British chips, not American chips) and froth at the mouth - but whereas I felt really deprived in the early weeks, now I feel fine. I think the key for me was that whereas then I couldn't have them, now I could - I just choose not to. I've been up front with myself about my lifestyle change since I had surgery - I'm not doing this as an extreme change. I still eat the food I like (including bread) but less of it. However, I have chosen not to have a lot of foods that I would happily munch my way through on a daily basis (e.g. crisps, chocolate). I still like these foods, but I don't need them as much. I've also started exercising, and got the all clear at my check up to do weight training as well as cardio. So far I'm enjoying it - I do a mixture of running on the crosstrainer (the treadmill still scares me) and walking 500m in the swimming pool (I can't swim). The big big thing I want to get across to anyone reading this is that what I went through at the start (the emotional rollercoaster, the doubts) have gotten so much better. I am now really happy that I had this done. I feel physically better, I feel lighter on my feet (even though I'm still nowhere close to my goal) and I feel far more in control of what I eat. So if you are newly post-op and feeling regretful, just plough through it, because it does get better