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Fear of Failure



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I've been lurking around here for a long time, and finally made an account.. So I'll probably post a bunch of stuff in the coming days that I've been wanting to ask for months!!! Back to the topic I'm posting on: I've heard stories from a handful of people that have had surgery, had great success, then "fell off the wagon" and gained it all, or most of it, back. I wondered if there's anyone here who has gained back and is now trying to lose it again on their own, and I'm wondering if you have any advice for us to stay on track. I'm terrified, because I've yo-yo'd my whole life, and I want this to be the time it works, I want this to be the time that's different. So I'm looking for the knowledge that any of you have to stay on track.

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I haven't gained it all back, but two years post-op and during COVID I've regained 10-12 lbs of it back. I'm actively losing again and the smaller stomach (VSG/sleeve WLS) really still works and is a great tool. I've remembered the right portion sizes and macros so I feel confident that I will not gain more and will re-lose this temporary setback.

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Regain is very easy if you don't monitor yourself. So far I haven't regained lots of weight, because I know from past experience that it's much easier to lose five or ten pounds than it is to lose 50. So....I'm not going there. I have an "acceptable" weight range and once the scale goes over the top end of it (which has happened a few times), it's all hands on deck until I'm back within my range.

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I'm scared of this too. It's one reason I've scoped out this forum and other tools to prepare. I'm one of those who do better if I know things upfront. I feel much better prepared since coming here. Also, for my insurance, I only needed one dietician appointment, but I'm doing more than that. I'm feeling better prepared as she talks to me about eating habits that I can work on now to prepare for later. I've also started talking to my therapist about my eating habits and paying attention to the mental game behind it. That sipping Water though... that's going to be my Achille's Heel!

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This is my biggest fear also. I was sleeved last Wednesday and have had a fairly easy recovery. I actually started back to work yesterday. I'm loving watching the scale go down. But I am so afraid that I'm going to fall back into my old ways eventually.

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30 minutes ago, catwoman7 said:

Regain is very easy if you don't monitor yourself. So far I haven't regained lots of weight, because I know from past experience that it's much easier to lose five or ten pounds than it is to lose 50. So....I'm not going there. I have an "acceptable" weight range and once the scale goes over the top end of it (which has happened a few times), it's all hands on deck until I'm back within my range.

I'm trying to take this approach too. I have a "break the glass" weight at which I need to cut back immediately. I only got to goal a couple of weeks ago, so I haven't had to test it out yet.

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36 minutes ago, catwoman7 said:

Regain is very easy if you don't monitor yourself. So far I haven't regained lots of weight, because I know from past experience that it's much easier to lose five or ten pounds than it is to lose 50. So....I'm not going there. I have an "acceptable" weight range and once the scale goes over the top end of it (which has happened a few times), it's all hands on deck until I'm back within my range.

This is a great idea. Thank you so much for sharing!

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4 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

Regain is very easy if you don't monitor yourself. So far I haven't regained lots of weight, because I know from past experience that it's much easier to lose five or ten pounds than it is to lose 50. So....I'm not going there. I have an "acceptable" weight range and once the scale goes over the top end of it (which has happened a few times), it's all hands on deck until I'm back within my range.

Agreed.

Having an established Red Line, along with regular "checks" - like weight or how your pants fit - may help you to keep in check and address the issue before you "suddenly" end up 50lbs heavier or busting out of your pants. While I can handle (mentally) that my weight may fluctuate 5+ lbs, I REFUSE to have to buy bigger pants. That is my ultimate motivation, LOL.

Edited by ms.sss

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I lost 150 lbs and gained back 70 lbs. due to living with someone and having no control over the food brought into the house.

I lost 30 from that regain by moving alone and regained 10 lbs.

I am right now trying to just not gain weight.

I am using a calorie app and trying to be more mindful.

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Welcome, and ask away! Everyone is here to talk about weight loss surgery, so don't be shy about asking questions. Your surgery was just two days before mine!

I am only 5 months post-op now and still losing, but I live in fear of regain. It's easy to say when you're fresh out of surgery that you're not going to let it happen to you, but it does happen to a lot of people. I always pay close attention to the people who are several years out and try to learn from the people who have successfully kept the weight off as well as the people who regained.

There's a WLS YouTuber called Foodie turned Sleevie who is 4 years out and recently revealed that she regained about 50 pounds. She made a whole video about how it happened and I think it's really informative. She shows her weight chart and talks about how she has slowly regained over the last 3 years at about 1.5 pounds per month. That's so little that you would barely notice it, especially if you have a lot of other stuff going on in your life. And I think that's why those responses above have said that their secret to success is setting a limit and taking action if they get there. You may not notice 1.5 pounds per month for a long time, but if you've set a limit of, say, 5 pounds, you'll notice that in 4 months and you can do something about it before it gets out of control.

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This is such an important topic and thank you for bringing it up. Some of you may relate to this or part of one of my experiences. About 10 years ago I joined "Medifast", I think they're known as another company now but i gave them about $1500 to go in once a week and weigh in, and chat. This did NOT include the cost of their food. I recall getting on their forums and watching people mention gaining it all back. I was fresh into the program and actively losing weight. I got on my high horse and started (wrongly) judging folks. How could you spend all that money then screw it up? Of course I know better now... but here I am 10 years later and I'm thinking.... "why go through 6 months of appointments, then 2 weeks pre-op liquid diet... then a major procedure only to gain it all back?" This is a VERY VERY valid concern. As many pioneers before us surgery n00bs have already stated.... surgery is a TOOL and that's it. It doesn't fix "stupid" or it does not fix "mental issues". I'm hoping by reminding myself this and working heavily on why I'm carrying around a "fat shield" or "fat security blanket" or [insert your addiction de jour here] in the first place, will keep me in check.

I truly wish us all the best of luck. I'm a very big believer in working on the mental/emotional aspect first, and having the surgery is just a very nice tool to assist in the physical part.

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This is one of my fears as well. Actually, I wanted to get my eating under control and learn to maintain a stable weight before starting my journey towards WLS.

Turns out I had a major eating disorder (BED) and qualified for treatment (group therapy for six months). Totally got over my eating issues and maintained my weight without problems, for the first time in my life.

So I'm keeping a monthly appointment with the head psychologist from that program to maintain and build on my new mental and emotional strength. I think the emotional side is so, so important, and I bet a lot of you know this, too.

It isn't about willpower. It's about the why.

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Agreed! I am absolutely terrified of this and I think it is normal for everyone considering WLS or those who have already undergone WLS, especially those with a long past of yo-yo dieting. I am still laying out my mental plan and have taken to heart the advice of @catwoman7 and @ms.sss and I plan to create a RED LINE once I get to a comfortable place for myself and will include regular checks...

On 12/15/2020 at 1:05 PM, ms.sss said:

Having an established Red Line, along with regular "checks" - like weight or how your pants fit - may help you to keep in check and address the issue before you "suddenly" end up 50lbs heavier or busting out of your pants.

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