Today's Dilemma!

[1000islandgirl 61]

Good Morning Everyone!

So I have to tell my Father that I'm having the surgery on November 10th and I'm telling him tonight. I'm really nervous about it. He is the sweetest thing on Earth so I'm probably causing my own anxiety.

The thing is my Aunt Susie (whom I'm named after) had a gastric bypass 46 years ago<<<yes you heard that right 46 years ago! In those days they reversed the operation after the patient lost their weight. My Aunt had the first operation with flying colours. The reversal was another story. After surgery while still in the hospital she got sepsis and eventually went into a coma and passed away. She was only 31 years old with two young children. It is a tragic, tragic story and I'm sorry for telling it however I don't want my Dad to be completely freaked out.

I'm not at all freaked out. I have been on this journey since August 2019 and I have gone through all the medical and psychological testing required. I've done my research and the team that is taking care of me is from a "Bariatric Centre of Excellence". I'm not afraid. I'm excited. Besides that I'm pretty healthy.

So any advice? What would you say? Would you even tell him?

Suzanne

[The Greater Fool 1,992]

It's been a minute since 1974. Times change. Science advances.

First, you don't HAVE to tell Dad anything. You're an adult, more or less, so it's your choice who you tell what.

You know your Dad. You know if telling him is a good idea or not. *IF* you choose to tell your Dad, you even know how you should do it. You have more experience in this that we do.

Trust yourself. Trust Dad if it makes sense to do so.

Good luck,

[GivinItMyALL 169]

I'm not telling my mother. I'm not telling a lot of people. I'm just a very private person. I'm not telling my mother for many reasons. If your dad is pretty laid back, then tell him if you want... or don't. It's not a requirement [emoji4] Best of luck to you in whatever you decide!

[GreenTealael 25,034]

Be honest but resolved in your choice.

The person that I chose as my medical proxy asked me the night before surgery if "I was certain I didn't want to just do it naturally"!

I found it abhorrent to try and dissuade me at the last minute. But I was unwavering. If someone can make you doubt yourself or decision, you may have to consider whether or not you want to invite that type of issue prior to surgery.

I told my people after (quite a long time after for fear of open ended criticism) and no one was surprised or critical because I apparently "did well". My Mum said of course how else could you have lost the weight so fast 🤣

Since your father is sweet you may not have a problem at all. If he has any concerns ask him to attend a seminar (before or after) or go with you to pre-op, etc.

Good Luck and Congratulations ♥️

Edited October 21, 2020 by GreenTealael

[It's time. 145]

As a parent, I would be extremely hurt if my child didn't tell me they were having surgery. Any surgery. A parent may not like some of your choices but I would think they would want to be there for you. And a reasonable discussion of the pros and cons would educate them. Parents aren't just people, no one will love you like a parent. I didn't tell people, but I told the ones I love and love me, but I also made it very clear that this was happening and it wasn't their decision to make.

[STLoser 1,087]

I've told everyone because I'm just an open book, and I've thought about this surgery for over 20 years. I'm secure in my decision. Everyone has been supportive. My best friend did say she wished I'd try on my own, but I told her I've tried since I was 10, I know this is right for me and I'm doing it.. She's been supportive since. I can't imagine my mom not knowing, but I'm the only child of a single mom, and we're close. She actually wanted this surgery for me even when I wasn't sure. My husband is very supportive.
I think it really depends on your personality. Some people are more private. What's funny, is while I was in the hospital, I had 2 moms from my son's school take care of me, and a respiratory therapist I used to work with. I couldn't hide my surgery if I wanted to!
I don't care if anyone judges me. They don't have to live in my body!

Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

[1000islandgirl 61]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies.

I told my Dad last night over a cup of coffee (decalf LOL) and he was very supportive. He asked a lot of questions and I answered them to the best of my ability. I explained to him why I hadn't told him sooner and he accepted that. He said he would support me in anything I wanted to do. He understood my feelings and he is very happy for me. My Dad is 80 and my Mom passed away in March of this year. I didn't want to worry him. We had a bit of a cry and quite a few hugs. All in all it went very well.

This is a great group. Thanks for your help and support.

[STLoser 1,087]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies.
I told my Dad last night over a cup of coffee (decalf LOL) and he was very supportive. He asked a lot of questions and I answered them to the best of my ability. I explained to him why I hadn't told him sooner and he accepted that. He said he would support me in anything I wanted to do. He understood my feelings and he is very happy for me. My Dad is 80 and my Mom passed away in March of this year. I didn't want to worry him. We had a bit of a cry and quite a few hugs. All in all it went very well.
This is a great group. Thanks for your help and support.

I'm so happy your dad was supportive. He sounds like a wonderful dad! [emoji4]

Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

[kateronhur 0]

Wishing you continued strength and positivity as you navigate life's twists and turns! 🎲

[dinajafer 0]

Wow, it's been three years since you opened up about this pivotal moment in your life. Reflecting on past experiences can bring up a mix of emotions, especially when it involves sharing something as significant as undergoing surgery with a loved one. How did the conversation with your dad go? Did he react in the way you anticipated, or were there unexpected turns? Sometimes, looking back on these moments can offer insights into our relationships and how they've evolved over time. Sharing such personal news is like roll dice, uncertain of the outcome. But it seems like you approached it with thoughtfulness and courage, regardless of the outcome.

Edited March 19 by dinajafer