How do you deal with people's opinions and comments?

[breavsg 90]

Alright so I had my VSG in January and attended my first large function since the surgery last night. I did get compliments on my appearance but also received some "you look sick/anorexic/too thin" comments from family (it was a cousins wedding). I am content with my weight right now, although I am currently trying to up my Protein and build more muscle, but overall I feel fantastic. I plan on having one more child in the near future so I know I will put weight on during that process, so I kinda want to tell people to just back off but I'm a very timid person, so my question for everyone is, how do you deal with comments like this? I honestly wasn't really sure how to respond and felt kinda upset but I see where they are coming from, especially since they haven't seen me in a while. Anyhow, sorry for the long post, any tips are greatly appreciated!

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[catwoman7 11,285]

yea I get it. My mother told me I looked like my father did during the weeks before he died. BUT....fat sort of redistributes a bit after awhile which should help with that. My face didn't look nearly as hollowed out a few months later.

[breavsg 90]

Thank you, it definitely does, I just want to tell people to wait a while longer then judge me lol I'm still going through the whole process

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[The Greater Fool 2,072]

My first year I *did* look sick, nothing like I looked before. A manager in another city did the same operation 8 months ahead of me without my knowing and he looked sick.

While we may be feeling better, our bodies are going through tremendous stresses and may make us look sick compared to our well fed former selves. Seeing us 6-12 months ago and now can be quite a shock.

I took it as concern, not judgement. I would just say I was feeling good and move on. Others would say I was looking good, to which I would just say I was feeling good and move on.

Not every honest perception that is not favorable is 'judgement.'

Of course, y'all know who you hang with and how their minds work.

Good luck,

Tek

[breavsg 90]

My first year I *did* look sick, nothing like I looked before. A manager in another city did the same operation 8 months ahead of me without my knowing and he looked sick.
While we may be feeling better, our bodies are going through tremendous stresses and may make us look sick compared to our well fed former selves. Seeing us 6-12 months ago and now can be quite a shock.
I took it as concern, not judgement. I would just say I was feeling good and move on. Others would say I was looking good, to which I would just say I was feeling good and move on.
Not every honest perception that is not favorable is 'judgement.'
Of course, y'all know who you hang with and how their minds work.
Good luck,
Tek

Thank you so much this helps a bunch

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[Lynnlovesthebeach 627]

Most people never said I looked like I lost too much except for one person. Most would say things like “you must be close to your goal by now” and I’d respond “yes, pretty close.” The for the one person that continually told me I was losing too much I finally heard enough and said to her, “look, you never bothered to tell me I was gaining too much weight so your opinion doesn’t really matter to me and I’d appreciate it if you quit commenting on my weight because I’m beginning to feel harassed.”That shut her up. Now days people usually just say something about what a great job I’ve done or how I inspired them to stick to a diet. When people ask how much I’ve lost I always just say, “a lot” or “more than I weigh now!”

[Arabesque 7,623]

I did look drawn & pasty when I was losing weight (worst were the ones from people thinking I had a mortal disease) but my colour & face shape improved greatly when I settled into maintenance.

Depending on what they said I usually responded with something about feeling so well now I’m in the healthy weight range & thanked them for noticing my hard work. Yep, at times I was a bit b*tchy but only when their comments were really upsetting & intrusive.

I still get comments about looking sick from ‘well meaning’ family friends. Unfortunately, I have glaucoma & the drops give you dark bruising shadows around your eyes. (concealer doesn’t really cover it). So I have a legitimate reason to give them in response but it’s still annoying because they tie it to the weight loss.

[BlakeParsons 3]

just don't think of people saying something of you around, it's useless

[breavsg 90]

Most people never said I looked like I lost too much except for one person. Most would say things like “you must be close to your goal by now” and I’d respond “yes, pretty close.” The for the one person that continually told me I was losing too much I finally heard enough and said to her, “look, you never bothered to tell me I was gaining too much weight so your opinion doesn’t really matter to me and I’d appreciate it if you quit commenting on my weight because I’m beginning to feel harassed.”That shut her up. Now days people usually just say something about what a great job I’ve done or how I inspired them to stick to a diet. When people ask how much I’ve lost I always just say, “a lot” or “more than I weigh now!”

Awesome that is a fantastic response, I may have to use it!! Thank you so much

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[breavsg 90]

I did look drawn & pasty when I was losing weight (worst were the ones from people thinking I had a mortal disease) but my colour & face shape improved greatly when I settled into maintenance.
Depending on what they said I usually responded with something about feeling so well now I’m in the healthy weight range & thanked them for noticing my hard work. Yep, at times I was a bit b*tchy but only when their comments were really upsetting & intrusive.
I still get comments about looking sick from ‘well meaning’ family friends. Unfortunately, I have glaucoma & the drops give you dark bruising shadows around your eyes. (concealer doesn’t really cover it). So I have a legitimate reason to give them in response but it’s still annoying because they tie it to the weight loss.

Yes, that's the biggest issue is people thinking I'm dying of something (I am a pretty pale person too so that probably doesn't help). That is very good to know thank you so very much. I may have been being a bit sensitive as well due to it being *that time of month* lol. I appreciate your reply!

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[BigSue 1,434]

How about something like, “Well, my doctor just gave me a clean bill of health, so no need to worry!”

[breavsg 90]

How about something like, “Well, my doctor just gave me a clean bill of health, so no need to worry!”

Perfect thank you!!!

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[ChubRub 1,709]

My mom doesn't know about my WLS, but every time I see her she says "I hope you don't want to lose anymore." She's been saying this for the last 20lbs. LOL! She's a bit of an a$$hole sometimes! LOL! She's been commenting on my weight (too thin, too fat, etc) and my body type ("You are soooo high waisted" "Your boobs are soooo big") my entire life. I basically say "BYE" and leave when she starts up with her nonsense.

I haven't really seen many people b/c of Covid, so fingers crossed that everyone is kind!

[Lily66 425]

11 hours ago, ChubRub said:

My mom doesn't know about my WLS, but every time I see her she says "I hope you don't want to lose anymore." She's been saying this for the last 20lbs. LOL! She's a bit of an a$$hole sometimes! LOL! She's been commenting on my weight (too thin, too fat, etc) and my body type ("You are soooo high waisted" "Your boobs are soooo big") my entire life. I basically say "BYE" and leave when she starts up with her nonsense.

I haven't really seen many people b/c of Covid, so fingers crossed that everyone is kind!

God rest her soul, but my mother did exactly same, Chubrub. For as long as I can remember, too thin, too fat, bridge of nose too thick, “you have teeth from your paternal grandmother”, and high waisted, too🤣 ya di ya da (wait, maybe we had same mother?) What the heck???🙄 Fortunately, we survived and dealt with it. Unbelievable!! Congrats on becoming a strong, independent woman to dismiss it💃💖🌟!

Breavsg, moral of the story is dismiss it all and trust these moments or glitches in human behavior do make us stronger!😊

Edited October 6, 2020 by Lily66

[breavsg 90]

My mom doesn't know about my WLS, but every time I see her she says "I hope you don't want to lose anymore." She's been saying this for the last 20lbs. LOL! She's a bit of an a$$hole sometimes! LOL! She's been commenting on my weight (too thin, too fat, etc) and my body type ("You are soooo high waisted" "Your boobs are soooo big") my entire life. I basically say "BYE" and leave when she starts up with her nonsense.
I haven't really seen many people b/c of Covid, so fingers crossed that everyone is kind!

Lol!!! Yes! That's exactly where my negative comments are coming from! I love my mom dearly but she can also sometimes be a bit of an a hole as well good to know I'm not alone, thank you

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