Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Food Shaming!



Recommended Posts

This weekend, I had a very unusual and uncomfortable experience, but I imagine it's not that uncommon among those of us who have had bariatric surgery.

My husband and I were taken out to dinner by a business associate of my husband's. There were six people at dinner and the gentleman who was buying is well known for his excessiveness. He ordered incredible amounts of food for the table, including appetizers, Entrees, Desserts and multiple bottles of wine. The dinner was a marathon, and I tried to keep up well enough, pacing myself and pushing food around on my plate, etc. However, when my husband got up to use the restroom, our "host" (who by then had had more than a few glasses of wine) started "food shaming" me...i.e. "What's wrong with you? Didn't you like your meal? Why aren't you eating? Don't you like dessert? Come on and drink more, like the rest of us!" and so on. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and totally unexpected, and I was caught off guard. Of course, now after the fact, I can think of many things to say in return, but I was completely embarrassed, especially since he had the attention of the entire table.

All my life, I've been embarrassed and shamed for eating too much. Now I'm being shamed for eating too little.

I thought about explaining afterward about my surgery, but it seems like such a personal thing to divulge to people I barely know.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately, many people who enjoy overeating like to see everyone around them overeat as well (maybe so they can pretend it's normal to eat that much?).

My only experience was with a friend's husband who basically mad an ass of himself by continually asking me "Is that all you're eating?" in a loud and rude tone. He didn't know about my WLS, but did know I was on a "diet" so of course that was all I was eating! I just kept replying "Yes, and when I'm all skinny next year you'll remember how I got there!" Mind you, he ate 4 or 5 slices of pizza on top of appetizers and a few beers, but he was the one commenting on what I ate! LOL!!

When this happens, don't be embarrassed as I'm sure everyone at the table was thinking your host was the rude one!

A positive story was a recent dinner with some girlfriends, and as we perused the menu, one of them asked me what I was getting (fish tacos) and then ended up ordering the same thing. I did my usual of leaving the tortillas on the plate and using a fork to pick out the good stuff. I didn't even notice that she was doing the same thing until she said "I want to look like you, so I'm doing what you are doing!" and she thanked me for inspiring her to eat healthier. So ignore the rude people, do your own thing, and you never know who you are inspiring!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, pre pandemic I had many business meals. And the amount I was eating was often commented on. Usually it was out of concern but not always. Next time just be prepared with an excuse, stomach has been bothering you, an illness or something. In the case of shaming an answer like , “I’m going through some medical issues” usually shuts them up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh. I hated the “concern” people around me always had about my eating habits. I just said, “yup, I’m watching what I eat”, or “no thanks, I’m watching what I eat”, and tried to change topics to something about them.

Thankfully the concern has more or less stopped at 2 years out. They are all used to it now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, summerset said:

When I read the title "food shaming" I had something completely different on my mind.

Really? What did you think it meant--maybe I used the wrong title?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, amboyle728 said:

Really? What did you think it meant--maybe I used the wrong title?

I think there is a lot of food policing and food shaming on this board but also people IRL sometimes food shame and food police people so I thought your rant would be about this.

Imagine you're invited to dinner and have a bit of dessert. Aunt Fanny says: "Oh, do you really think you should eat this?" - like WTH?? just STFU, b*tch! It's not your damn business!

A user asks about eating bread or pasta: "WHAAAAAAT????! How can you even think about eating this!!!!!"

---

That's what I'd describe as "food shaming". What you described was IMO more the reaction of a host thinking that you didn't like the food and maybe he felt like he failed to cater to everyone on his party, especially since you mentioned he's a very generous man when it comes to food.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, summerset said:

I think there is a lot of food policing and food shaming on this board but also people IRL sometimes food shame and food police people so I thought your rant would be about this.

Imagine you're invited to dinner and have a bit of dessert. Aunt Fanny says: "Oh, do you really think you should eat this?" - like WTH?? just STFU, b*tch! It's not your damn business!

A user asks about eating bread or pasta: "WHAAAAAAT????! How can you even think about eating this!!!!!"

---

That's what I'd describe as "food shaming". What you described was IMO more the reaction of a host thinking that you didn't like the food and maybe he felt like he failed to cater to everyone on his party, especially since you mentioned he's a very generous man when it comes to food.

Very good point here. Its some peoples personality maybe raised that way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 09/15/2020 at 10:27, JessLess said:



"Is that all you're eating?"




Why do you ask?




"Don't you like the food? "




Why do you ask?




They will give up.


I think though that responses can and should depend upon who is asking. A nosy co worker or meddling aunt is different than a spouses business dinner.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I learned a lesson this weekend dining out with my mother...slow the heck down so that I finish eating at the same time she does. She gets agitated if she's still eating and I have stopped (with more than half of my food on my plate) and she KNOWS I had the surgery. So I will REALLY focus on taking my time so that I finish when everyone else does...rather than just sitting and observing everyone else eat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, summerset said:

I think there is a lot of food policing and food shaming on this board but also people IRL sometimes food shame and food police people so I thought your rant would be about this.

Imagine you're invited to dinner and have a bit of dessert. Aunt Fanny says: "Oh, do you really think you should eat this?" - like WTH?? just STFU, b*tch! It's not your damn business!

A user asks about eating bread or pasta: "WHAAAAAAT????! How can you even think about eating this!!!!!"

---

That's what I'd describe as "food shaming". What you described was IMO more the reaction of a host thinking that you didn't like the food and maybe he felt like he failed to cater to everyone on his party, especially since you mentioned he's a very generous man when it comes to food.

Ah! Yep, I get it. I guess it cuts both ways. I've dealt with curiosity before, like, "don't you feel well? why aren't you eating?" And I've also dealt with the food police..."Should you be eating that?" "Does that really fit with your diet plan" etc. But this was the first time I dealt with out and out aggression, trying to force me to eat, literally ordering dessert for me when I said I didn't want any, and filling a glass with wine for me, after I said I didn't want that either, then basically making me feel like I was the jerk for not eating/drinking like everyone else. It was pretty bizarre.

And the host is generous, but also extremely obnoxious and loud when he is drinking. It was the first time I had met him in person, so to me it seemed like extreme behavior, at best...lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd say your host is a "food pusher".

"Food pushers" can be annoying and while they definitely can come from a place of jealously, my experience is that they usually don't seem to mean ill.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, sillykitty said:

I think though that responses can and should depend upon who is asking. A nosy co worker or meddling aunt is different than a spouses business dinner.

Sure, you could say, "Everything is so delicious but I'm full" a couple of times. It would be more polite but effective.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 9/15/2020 at 1:07 PM, summerset said:

I think there is a lot of food policing and food shaming on this board but also people IRL sometimes food shame and food police people so I thought your rant would be about this.

Imagine you're invited to dinner and have a bit of dessert. Aunt Fanny says: "Oh, do you really think you should eat this?" - like WTH?? just STFU, b*tch! It's not your damn business!

A user asks about eating bread or pasta: "WHAAAAAAT????! How can you even think about eating this!!!!!"

---

That's what I'd describe as "food shaming". What you described was IMO more the reaction of a host thinking that you didn't like the food and maybe he felt like he failed to cater to everyone on his party, especially since you mentioned he's a very generous man when it comes to food.

Food shaming on this board is OTT. Surgeon's are different, have different expectations, etc. Not to mention different ages, starting weights, goals, whatever. Ugh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Thunder Thighs  »  countrygirl29

      hello , im a four days post op of having the Roux En Y done and things seem to be going well , alil concerned about the rather large divot in my left side if my stomach . Did you have that issue ?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Tunchi71

      3 months later and down 60 lbs......is that good?
      · 1 reply
      1. Tunchi71

        I ended up having the surgery on March 1st.

    • spatty

      June 17th is almost here. Picked up everything I need for my after surgery needs. After work will go home and finish packing a light overnight bag to make sure I don't forget anything. And the final countdown begins. Not nervous at all just looking forward to the call for my arrival time. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Fredeique2020  »  Catherinetheokay

      I am 19 days post op and I am still struggling to drink the fluids. I am not even able to drink the protein shakes their now nasty to me , I tried the protein bars & it didn’t end well. I have chest pains & I can barely eat. I am weak & my mouth is always dry, and feeling nauseous. Can anyone provide any advise. At least I doing the vitamins. Recently my chest & stomach have a burning sensation. 
      · 2 replies
      1. SamanthaC12

        I had a very difficult time finding protein shakes that tasted okay and didn't make me sick. I ended up drinking FairLife Core Power protein shakes. I love the chocolate (tastes like chocolate milk to me). I like to blend it with some ice and PB2 powder (or real PB) to give the smoothie consistency. I also found that if I put Panera's Turkey Vegetable soup through the blender, I could eat it. I survived off those two things. My chest pains were from the gas, which was incredibly bad and took so much longer than I expected to resolve. I'd definitely stay away from bars or anything solid until you've conquered liquids. I'd love to tell you the dry mouth will get better soon, but it didn't for me for a very long time (months). The plus to that was that I drank a ton of water. The good new is I suspect you are close to the light at the end of the tunnel on this first and hardest part of the journey. It gets SO much easier after this part.

      2. Iluvbats

        I am 2 days post-op and really struggling with everything. My depression isn't helping any. I couldn't even finish one shake today and swallowing meds is just excruciating.

    • Crystalmoon

      I am a week post op and I honestly feel like crap! I keep feeling so nauseous and I can’t get my self to drink a good amount of water. I honestly feel very regretful today. When does it get better? 
      · 2 replies
      1. adventuremomof4

        By the third week you will feel some relief. Don't push yourself too much with quantity that first week. I just made sure to keep sipping and walking which helped me feel better.

      2. Iluvbats

        I hear you. This has been the hardest day for me so far (2 days post-op).

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×