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First “party” since revision



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July 2019 I had a sleeve surgery lots of complications had a revision to bypass done February 2020. Been recovering and healing at home but obviously with the pandemic not a whole lot of socializing happening. Now my family (large extended) has figured out a location and way to have a get together and still be able to ensure safety as much as possible. This is taking place tomorrow afternoon. I am a little nervous about when it’s time to eat. My family shows love with food and lots of it. (And based on the fact that I started this journey at 350+lbs you can probably guess they don’t always prepare the most healthy food choices). I plan to make sure that I avoid the food area as much as possible and to drink my Water and will have my nausea medicine in case there is anything that sets my stomach off. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings by not eating their food but I have absolutely no interest in making myself sick or binging on bad for me food. I am sure I will be okay and am just having a case of nerves since the is my first “party” situation since I started the process of having wls and even though it’s all family I am worried someone is going to be watching every bite I put in my mouth. Someone, anyone please tell me I’m not crazy and it’s normal to be worried how it’s going to go.

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NOT crazy!! If you're feeling REALLY crazy, you could tell them you didn't bring any diapers in case of dumping so you think you'll play it safe? Alternately, maybe take a tray or two of things that you can both eat and share - Always have a carrot or something similar in your hand so no one is handing you anything?

Then worse case...simply fake it? Hate to waste food, but maybe make a small plate and push the food around a little so it looks like you ate?

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I went to my first party 3 weeks post op. I didn’t eat anything (I brought a Protein Shake with me that I took a few sips of, though). Friends and fam kept offering me food, but I just said no thanks each time. After a while they gave up.

I had to endure this for many parties/get-togethers afterwards, and after maybe 6 months most were pretty much used to me not eating much and the badgering almost completely stopped.

It is annoying while it happens, but eventually others get used to your new “normal” and leave you alone *fingers crossed*

Good Luck!

Edited by ms.sss

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My sister has had a few get together since my surgery (both of my nieces birthdays, mothers day, fourth of July, etc.) and next weekend she's having her baby shower. For the most part, they don't really have anything I can eat other than a veggie and fruit tray so she always tells me to bring a salad or something. Plus, I'm watching her kids for her when she has the baby AND I'll be staying at her house to help her out since it's another C-Section and I did that last year when my 1 year old niece was born. I'll have to bring my own food for the entire time I'm there. I also stayed at my grandma's house to help her after she had half her thyroid removed and had to buy my own food since my grandma doesn't eat like me. My family doesn't get offended that I don't eat what they have and have told me several times how proud of me they are for my self-control. My mom and sister have both told me that they would never be able to do it because they just can't say no to their favorite foods and it amazes them that I can look at the foods I used to love and not indulge. To be honest I've really amazed even myself as I never thought I had that kind of willpower.

I get not wanting to disappoint your family or hurt them, but I've been offered food I couldn't eat by family and just explained why I couldn't eat it and my family had no problems with me refusing. I'd try just explaining why you can't eat what they push on you or just pick through what you can eat and avoid what you can't.

I hope things go well and that you enjoy yourself!

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I told almost nobody about my surgery, so events with food were (and still are) a bit complicated and unnerving for me. However, buffet style is definitely the easiest to deal with, as you can pick and choose foods that will work with your diet. (I would frequently go with cheese and cold cuts. No, cheese is not the best choice, but it has protein--and a little won't kill you.). If it's a sit-down dinner, I usually say that I'm feeling unwell and will only be eating small portions of a few things. People don't usually push back.

One word of warning, since this is the first time with family since surgery. If any of them are quite overweight, they might come across as a bit hostile or dismissive about your surgery. I have one obese family member who has never approved of my surgery and is always quite nasty about it. I believe that such people feel threatened by the fact that we are taking control of our health and may be a bit envious. (I hope this isn't the case with your family, but if it does happen, you're not alone.)

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You are absolutely normal to be nervous.

With wls there is a sense in which you have changed “tribes.” You have left the “tribe” of overeaters and joined the “tribe” of healthy eaters.

The party is a gathering of the over eaters, where you belong at the family level, but don’t share the same eating activity.

Of course you are going to be nervous. Will they still love you if you don’t eat like than?

By choosing to be healthy you are taking a stand that may separate you from your family. That is scary.

It is also scary for them.

Choosing to respond to fear with love takes courage and maturity. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the effort.

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