Judgment Free Zone

[JRT Mom 920]

Guys, I gotta get this off my chest.

BariatricPal is a wonderful site that has helped countless people on their weight loss journey. Many topics have been discussed here with some of them being a bit off-color or controversial, but it's OK because we are hear to learn and get help and give help.

But many posters ask honest questions, and some of the responses come off as being judgemental of the poster. If people are afraid their questions are going to bring down a rain of judgements on their head, they are likely NOT to post, and isn't asking questions what this forum is for?

So I hope we can give a bit of consideration when we respond to a question. Opinions are definitely OK, but if the post comes off as judgemental people may be hesitant to ask them, and it defeats the purpose of this forum.

Thanks, whew-I feel better now. I love you all!

[FluffyChix 17,418]

[ms.sss 15,859]

2 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

I like this one.

[FluffyChix 17,418]

1 minute ago, ms.sss said:

I like this one.

Ha, did they all tell a story to you?

[ms.sss 15,859]

😉

[JRT Mom 920]

19 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Does a ceiling fan count?

[momof3_angels 465]

Agreed. Just the choice of wording can mean the difference between someone "hearing" you or "shutting you out" because they feel judged or even persecuted. And if they feel judged or persecuted, they are likely to not come back for more help they obviously need. I try to be mindful of that when I post replies. Tough love is great, if it is well delivered. We just need to be mindful of whether our help will be viewed as constructive help or not. The goal is to provide constructive help.

[AJ Tylo 1,399]

We all are or were fat - So we are now getting healthy and if you can not take a little help that may not be your view or hash, Im sorry its called tough love! I know i am harsh and right to the point! Always been that way

But ......................

Everyone should understand we are out to help, Grow from the experiences of others, get thru this journey! Alot of people take time out of there lives to share, assist and at times give there views! I have been scorned on this site and you know what, Good I got my head out of my anus! So i say we try and be careful but this is not the place to be soft and mushy! (Actually our food has to but not our attitudes)

So there now come at me with guns blazing - Cuz i do not care just expressing my view on this matter - but i do appreciate all the help from the many here!

[momof3_angels 465]

3 minutes ago, AJ Tylo said:

So there now come at me with guns blazing - Cuz i do not care just expressing my view on this matter - but i do appreciate all the help from the many here!

LOL... well that would NOT be constructive! No guns blazing from me

I personally have not taken offense from any replies I have received, they have been great. I love the support I am getting. I love the support that most other posters are giving to others as well. But I have read some replies to other posts that were not "tough love" but instead over the top, uncalled for, and totally non-productive. Some are downright insulting. Certainly not tough love.

The way I see it, those who get offended most easily are probably the most insecure among us. They need our support the most. And if that means we need to be a little gentler with them, then I am all for it.

[AJ Tylo 1,399]

4 minutes ago, momof3_angels said:

But I have read some replies to other posts that were not "tough love" but instead over the top, uncalled for, and totally non-productive. Some are downright insulting. Certainly not tough love.

If those are on here i missed them! i agree not appreciated or necessary but i see some to the point harsh ones! By the way gotta combat that joke from Fluffy with the male one!

EVERYONE READ THIS .............. MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!

Edited January 14, 2020 by AJ Tylo

[ms.sss 15,859]

While one can definitely ask someone else to behave a certain way or speak in a certain way, its up to that person to decide if they will.

You can only truly manage yourself and your own reactions.

If you don't like what someone has to say, block them.

[KarenLR75 518]

42 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

If you don't like what someone has to say, block them.

Amen. I actually blocked someone not because they were directly upsetting me, but because they went over the top and were rude, condescending, and plain mean to more than just 1 person on a thread that was a 'support group' for a specific situation.

They have chased off some of the original posters and caused others to fear posting and no, I'm not talking about 'I'm afraid if I post my meals, they will point out that my carbs seem a bit high' or they will 'bust me cuz I had Cookies at Xmas and some wine and they are going to say that is why I haven't lost for X weeks'.

Everyone has a right to their opinion but when that opinion starts to become unproductive, and you move from an intent to help even with tough love to being rude and mean because by God you want your opinion HEARD then for me...that is giving opinions with malicious intent (maybe the poster doesn't even recognize it, but just like the majority of us having a history of bad coping techniques, maybe we should consider it is not just the ppl asking for help who may need some tough love..maybe the posters who want to ignore requests to please leave off with the destructive comments...should consider that this may be part of their bad coping habits showing up still(.

I think EVERYONE benefits from self examination. I ask myself in my work life, my personal life and here..is what I'm saying true...and is the reason I'm saying it to be helpful/i.e. what is the true intent of my heart...when I go from both of those being 'YES' to the 2nd one being 'NO', for me. I bite my tongue. Also, I have never been asked to please stop commenting on a thread but if that ever happened, I would leave them in peace and not keep decrying my right to post...

Thus...I have blocked 2 ppl in the 3 years I've been on this forum. Even though I had surgery just this past July, I've been around for a while...just offering my own personal perspective and how much I agree with the decision to block/flag for ignore - don't let anyone chase you away from your journey. Don't give up on a thread or leave if staying is TRULY beneficial to you and be prepared for some tough love but not for insults and rudeness.

Reminds me of a saying from marriage counselors (i have many friends that are in this occupation) that I've heard over the years: Do you want to be right or do you want to be married? Yeah, a bit off the precise topic...but sometimes at work we also talk about 'do you want to win the battle' or win the war?

Edited January 14, 2020 by KarenLR75

[Flo-grown 195]

Guys, I gotta get this off my chest.
BariatricPal is a wonderful site that has helped countless people on their weight loss journey. Many topics have been discussed here with some of them being a bit off-color or controversial, but it's OK because we are hear to learn and get help and give help.
But many posters ask honest questions, and some of the responses come off as being judgemental of the poster. If people are afraid their questions are going to bring down a rain of judgements on their head, they are likely NOT to post, and isn't asking questions what this forum is for?
So I hope we can give a bit of consideration when we respond to a question. Opinions are definitely OK, but if the post comes off as judgemental people may be hesitant to ask them, and it defeats the purpose of this forum.
Thanks, whew-I feel better now. I love you all!

Well said!! Thank you!!

5'4"
Starting weight 297
VSG on 7/31/19
Surgery wt: 266
CW 206
GW 135

Sent from my [samsung Galaxy] using BariatricPal mobile app

[Prestonandme 107]

2 hours ago, ms.sss said:

While one can definitely ask someone else to behave a certain way or speak in a certain way, its up to that person to decide if they will.

You can only truly manage yourself and your own reactions.

If you don't like what someone has to say, block them.

I would like to block the post/poster above yours with the political content.

How do I do this?

[KarenLR75 518]

2 hours ago, Prestonandme said:

I would like to block the post/poster above yours with the political content.

How do I do this?

You would click on your user name at the top of the page - there should be a drop down arrow. When you click that arrow, you will see a list of settings options including 'Ignored User'. Highlight that which will bring up your 'ignored users screen' and add their user name. It will bring up options on what you can ignore. You click the ones you want and then click 'ADD'.

That user name is now on your ignored list - they will not be notified.

Edited January 15, 2020 by KarenLR75