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How to tell family??



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I just scheduled my first appointment for a consultation for surgery and am soooo excited. I qualify for everything and really want to go through with the surgery. I'm having difficulty telling my family though. Pretty much everyone in my family has struggled with weight since I can remember but in the past have been judgmental of others we know that have had the surgery. Has anyone else had this situation? I'm not so much worried about them not being super supportive (my husband is super supportive so thats really all the support I need) but I am worried that if I tell them too early they will try to talk me out of it. My family is super close so I don't think not telling them until after the surgery is an option. How did you tell your family (who you know wouldn't be supportive) about wanting to start this process? Help!!!

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Seriously consider waiting to talk to them until you know for certain your surgery date (unless you want to be talked out of it - if you know thats what they'll do)

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2 hours ago, SM16 said:

I just scheduled my first appointment for a consultation for surgery and am soooo excited. I qualify for everything and really want to go through with the surgery. I'm having difficulty telling my family though. Pretty much everyone in my family has struggled with weight since I can remember but in the past have been judgmental of others we know that have had the surgery. Has anyone else had this situation? I'm not so much worried about them not being super supportive (my husband is super supportive so thats really all the support I need) but I am worried that if I tell them too early they will try to talk me out of it. My family is super close so I don't think not telling them until after the surgery is an option. How did you tell your family (who you know wouldn't be supportive) about wanting to start this process? Help!!!

You got this, first just share it with hubby and get your game plan together. Have all your facts ready so when you decide to tell your family you can help ease their minds. When they see you excited, they most likely will be excited. Express how you know they may be scared and you may feel that way sometimes too but you see this as a new journey and would love to have them walk beside you!

I have told my core family and this time I that's all I'm telling. I was unbanded in 2012 due to erosion so I've been battling this decision within myself all these years in between. My hubby is FULLY onboard and very supportive. So hubby knows, my son knows, my mother-in-law knows, my sister knows and my two nieces. (My sis and one niece have had surgery Bypass and Sleeve) but it was after i was orginally banded in 2009. I was the first in my family.

You got this, I got my Pom Pom's Up for you

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I only told my husband. Not one other person. I am so glad I didn’t tell anyone. I am losing at a rate that no one has questioned I had surgery. I told everyone before I was using fitness pal app. To track my calories and exercise. Started that long before surgery. Anyways, when a friend had the sleeve she lost a lot of weight and did well. I mentioned it to a couple friends about getting the sleeve surgery and it was “oh, you don’t need that..” etc. so I didn’t go for the surgery then it cost me a lot of time. So I didn’t want talked out of it so I didn’t tell anyone. Then after I had it I didn’t want that to be my only conversation with people etc. I am so happy I didn’t tell anyone. If you decide to tell people I would wait until after surgery or right before so no one can change your mind. This was a great experience for me. Hope you have great success and a speedy recovery!

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I have only told 2 family members, my mom and my aunt, my dad doesn't even know. I find it easier to tell strangers than it is to tell my own family.

They shouldn't judge you or be against you taking care of your health.

Wait until you have a date, until you start liquid diet, which I assume you have to be on, I didn't, but in the US, everyone does. It will give you more time, but also more information from your doctors etc. to inform them why this is something you want to do.

Good luck, best decission I ever made.

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I told my parents, knowing my dad was pretty staunchly against it. He's had people he's know that have had the surgery and either failed at the weight loss or had complications. I'm his kid so obviously he was worried about it. I told him to ask more people about it and he did, got some good responses and he wound up being ok with my decision and supporting me, even coming up the week of my surgery to help me recover. Deep down I still think he was just worried about me but I did a good job of articulating why I needed it and ignoring him when he made snarky comments lol.

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I have been very vocal on BP about being private and not telling people that I'm going to have surgery. In 8 weeks I will be sleeved and my decision hasn't changed, I only wish 2 of my so-called supporters didn't know. I'm no longer bringing the topic up and neither has inquired in awhile. I plan to get through this process with the very intimate support group I do have and focus on healing. BP has been a constant source of knowledge and expertise for me refer to during this process. I don't want to hear the ignorant comments, see the judging looks, encounter the whispers from the naysayers or remain in fear of the unknown. I don't want any unsolicited advice on my health or fat. I have my fears that can be paralyzing enough, my BP family has helped me face my fear of the unknown. Family can't prepare me for the constipation, gas pains, liquid diet, Vitamins, relate to possible dumping, sip walk sip, 5 bandages on my abdomen, Protein being my best friend, turning down holiday invitations as I prepare for surgery next month, hurting knees, horomone imbalances, my Amazon cart is surgery ready and etc. Just how no one couldn't have a conversation with me about my obesity and asking questions of concern, we aren't going to discuss my conversion to healthy. I will not contribute to gossip about myself, unfortunately I don't have a solid circle that understands privacy..

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I didn't tell my husband until after my first appointments. I knew he wouldn't approve (he saw it as unnecessary surgery with too many risks). I insisted he didn't tell anyone else (he shares absolutely everything with his siblings). But I needed him to help me make an appointment when I was going out of town.... and to drive me to procedures with sedation involved. He tried to be supportive, but he also tried to talk me out of it many times over the 2 months he knew about it. I waited until the week before to tell my daughter that lives a home. She thought I was crazy. Told my 2 sons a month after surgery... only because one was coming home for a few days and would know something is up. I am still not going to tell anyone else in my family. None of their business! Many co-workers do know though and they have been great. And hubby was great when I was recovering too. And just the other day he told me he realizes this was good for me after all and he is glad I am regaining my health and life. Anyhow - to tell or not to tell is your decision. Do whatever will help you be most successful.

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

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Do what is best for your peace of mind. Don’t share with negative people - the struggle is real after the surgery IMO and you need to be able to focus on recovery and success not defending yourself. I told my BF, daughter, and older sister only. I skipped my mom, sister , and brother plus all others. I failed with the band and told very few about it and want my sleeve to work. I will be at 4 weeks tomorrow and 1 month by the end of the week. I have lost 16 pounds since surgery and 50 for the year - I’ll take it because it is progress for me. Good luck to you!

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