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SIGH, my husband keeps saying that "he knows lots of ppl who have had bariatric surgery when I started looking into WLS, when I got serious about it, when I actively pursued approval..and again today.

I have been, perhaps because of vanity, a bit hesitant to bring up the subject of WLS causing potential hair loss..as I've been a bit worried about..well, how he might feel about how i look...and he heard me listening to some youtube videos done by ppl who have had both gastric sleeve and/or bypass. I'm trying to make sure that I get the one that is the best fit for me, not based on just what the doctor says.

He kept interrupting but was asking questions so I thought ok, now he is interested that is cool. He asked about difference between bypass and sleeve. I gave him some basics. Just based on the quicker weight loss he 'agrees with new dr' that I should have that. Then I told him my concerns about dumping/malabsorption (do you lose more hair with bypass than with sleeve due to this?)..and he brought out the "no one i know who as had WLS has ever showed any signs of hair loss"...

He is a distant co-worker to 2 ppl he THINKS may have had WLS. He doesn't intimately know them. He has told me this before. When I went through diff things (pros and cons of each) he became more horrified and said "maybe you shouldn't be doing this and just keep trying to lose weight".

SIGH...I've been "trying to lose weight" most of my life...although I was never super morbidly obese until my late 30's. Anyone else have mixed signals from their 'closest support'? I've invited him to the 3 hr seminar/clinic I went to and to my dr appts. Don't get me wrong, it's not that he doesn't care at all..he just "doesn't get it..that he doesn't get it"

I really...could use him "getting it". I guess I'll have to start a pros and cons thread on sleeve vs. bypass. I've looked at many old threads that have been posted here over the years and I've googled, etc. - but mine would be in regards to the fact of my own co-morbidities or lack thereof, etc.

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It sounds to me like he would really benefit from attending an info seminar. He may be more inclined to accept info about how WLS actually works from a medical professional. Having your primary support people on board is important.

And your question about hair loss... I don't know that there's a real difference between those who get the sleeve vs. those who get bypass. One of my SIL had sleeve, the other RnY and both lost about the same amount of hair. I had RnY and am on track to lose a bit more hair than either of them. I think genetics and Protein consumption play significant roles. My personal outlook on Hair loss is that if it means my co-morbidities are brought under control and/or eliminated, then I can live with less hair for a while. Me bald is better than me missing limbs due to diabetes or dead from a heart attack.

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He doesn't have to 'get it' and may not even after going to the lecture. But he can still support what YOU want because it's your health at stake. He just has to be on board for changes, it has to change. You will change drastically, there are pieces of you that will never be the same. food socialization will change. If events are mainly about food they will be drastically less interesting to you. Be prepared.

I do not regret it, not once. Wish I had known about the sleeve sooner.

Just my opinion, RNY has malabsorption and I didn't want that. The only two people I know personally that had RNY both needed Iron infusions, and one had an ulcer in the unused stomach portion left in. Overall sleeve patients lose as much as RNY. just a little slower and a little longer and we stall more often. But we are still successful. Good luck.

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Do this for you. He needs to support you, but to be honest, a lot of family members will never "get it." My husband watched the videos and I explained a lot. He even went to a support group with me. And then..... forgot everything. All he knows is that I had surgery and he supports me. ..... and he cannot bring tortilla chips into the house. That's it.

That's why a forum like this is so valuable. We have all been through it and are the best support for each other. It might be unrealistic to expect him to understand this on the same level as you.

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there isn't a difference in Hair loss between the two surgeries that I'm aware of. hair loss can be a side effect of any surgery, but it's more common in weight loss surgeries because we're not taking in much Protein or calories those first few months. This would be true of either surgery. AND..not everyone loses hair. And some people just lose a little - not enough for anyone else to notice. Even if you're one of the unlucky ones who loses a lot, others may not notice - and in the end, it all grows back. It's totally worth it.

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YES! I’m this way with my husband as well. He has more twists and turns than a roller coaster. First he was on the fence because he was able to lose 160 lbs, why couldn’t I? Then he was for it, then he was calling it the chicken way out. I need to do this for me, and luckily I have a great support of neighbors and friends who support me. Right now he’s onboard but with his flipping sides, I’m nervous. I also know that once I get the surgery he will be supportive of my new eating habits because he needs support as well.... it’s just the recovery period I’m worried about. My mother is planning to come stay to back me up and drive me around.

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@TattooedSeaStar - Yes! The roller coaster is exactly the right comparison. I agree with people who say he doesn't have to 'get it'....it's the flip flopping back and forth...that is driving me nuts. He is not REQUIRED to learn or get it; however if he did learn MORE, it would help reduce..or maybe it wouldn't..lol, but I like to think it would help reduce his flip flopping....

OR, maybe it would make his flip flopping worse. Just as 5 yrs ago I could not even consider the thought of WLS as my only remaining acceptable option, it took me going on this long journey to realize that I did indeed, need this tool.

Wow...so you have an even harder situation, someone who lost a GREAT DEAL of weight "on their own"...yikes!

I think that neither of our husbands will feel completely comfortable as they are in a diff head space than we are. It is good to know that he will be supportive after surgery and that may be what we'll have to stay focused on. That is the critical thing.

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And girls we are under an inherent handicap. The Way we're are genetically engineered, Mother Nature is fearful we may be incubating the next generation, the generation that may just save the world, so it is twice as hard for a female to lose weight. I once had a Gyn in Columbus, got a little middle- age plump, dropped 140 pounds like a finger- snap, berated all us prospective Mama's for not TRYING and if you were like me, plump and preggo, you got a double dose. Maybe by now he's writing up case notes for Satan in Hades. Another of his Pearls of Wisdom, at least he thought so.
All Pregnant women are dippy because all their blood pools in their abdomen and none gets up to their brain.
Why did I even darken his door? Because Connecticut General , my Late husband's insurer, had him,on their approval list and I didn't or couldn't afford to private-pay.

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I suggest taking him out of the equation and completely focus on what YOU want and do it for yourself.

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Hair loss? The hair will grow back, that is temporary. You need this surgery to live a longer fuller life

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    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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