Keeping secrets

[Sades 4]

<p>I'm having my surgery on Dec. 6th! I''m so excited but, I do not want to tell anyone that I cannot trust to be supportive of me. I don't want to tell my MIL or my boss. I can't seem to figure out what to say to them. I don't want to lie but, I'm not ready for the back lashing either. My husband thinks we should tell my MIL since we will probably need her to help with the kids that day. I can't stop thinking about how I wished I could tell her something else without telling her. She didn't speak to her cousin for months after having gastric bypass. YIKES! She still feels very strongly about it. Any ideas on what I could say without lieing? I'm on the low side of having a bad BMI so I know she will not understand. But, my struggle has been on going for 10 years. Please help with any ideas. I'm freaking out over this!!!</p>

Personnally I would tell her prior to the op rather than after. Sounds like her response would be pretty bad if she finds out afterwards. People talk, even when you tell them to keep it to themselves.

[MollyBrown 0]

At first I was hoping to keep it a secret, but I work in a cube office environment and a couple of the folks that really care about me asked what was going on. I felt comfortable telling these two. Now there are two really skinny self-absorbed blondes in my office who are so into themselves, who look to turn any discussion to be all about them, they don't have a clue.

My boss, my husband, my 17 year old daughter, my dad and his wife, all of my husbands family (like 15 of them), my two sisters, and my four friends know.

I would be lying if I didn't consider all of these folks knowing is going to spark way to many conversations about it and a bit of pressure to make sure I am successful. But, among my support network, I guess there is no keeping secrets....

My dad, who thinks he is really funny, has called me a couple of times and said something like "hows the inner-tube working?" What an ass..... I should laugh and tell him he is an ass.

Good luck...

[summerbushnell 0]

If your MIL is going to help you out after the surgery you are going to need to tell her. Will she be less upset or more upset when you tell her 2-3 days ahead of time that you need her help. Let your husband tell her since it is his mom and he should give her a lecture on how he supports you and how she should be supportive or keep her mouth shut.

Good Luck!

[MBeauty 0]

I did keep mine a secret the only people that know are my family. I did not tell anyone else and I think it was because I have failed at everything else and didn't want one more person telling me oh! you should not do this keep trying maybe your suppose to be chubby....chubby yeah ok. Yeah! I will keep it a secret no one else needs to know except for my family.

xoxo

Maria :kiss

[transformer 1]

Hi there!

I chose to keep my banding a secret from most people because I didn't want to hear a bunch of negative comments or have people inspecting me to try to figure out how much weight I lost! I figured I needed as many positive vibes as possible if I wanted to succeed!

[littlelove 0]

i agree this is extremely important. For me, I went to Mexico for my surgery, I had not told anyone. Not even my husband. I wanted to be able to hear myself think, and take this project on myself. I have no regrets. I came home, happy, told my husband, he's cool. Told my one closest friend, told my mom, she has gastric bypass 2 yrs ago. I didn't want people watching me, judging my choices in food, making comments and observations like this is a community event. I also didn't want to listen to people talk about how they wish they could if they could afford it, or make judgements about my choosing to spend the money this way. It makes some people less comfortable when they are around proactive people. They get defensive. I am very happy keeping it private.

I don't think you have to 'tell' why you are going away, isn't it enough that you and your husband are going to Mexico for a few days, or whatever. I called my trip to Mexico, just a little R&R.

[MC Cindy 0]

Tell the people you want to know. It is no concern for anyone else. I found that when people asked why I was not eating as much or if I was out in a group I will order an appetizer as my meal and people would remark OH ON ANOTHER DIET!!! I just tell people it is Portion Control and not a diet and the excuse oh i had a big Breakfast or a big lunch seems to work too. I have only been banded 6 weeks but so far my experiance has been great. The people I did tell are my support. Just wait for the day your husbands family looks at the new slim you....I think they will have a different opinion then won't they? The people that you tell that don't understand tell them this is less risk than the health risks of being overweight. I have found this site to be my best support. It is amazing. Everyone understands,,,, This is the first time in my life I feel comfortable sharing my true weight. Congratulatons on your decision to get this done and be choosy who you tell.

[Jenny W 0]

Hi jarvisj,

Why is it anyone's business but your own? Your boss certainly doesn't need to know and if your MIL doesn't speak to you for 6 months, that mightn't be a bad thing!!! It's hard for me to understand the negativity because I have had support from those I have chosen to tell. One friend said I wasn't fat enough, and didn't need to do it, so I explained that I've struggled all my life, and don't want to end up with obesity related diseases as I had lots of living to do.

Just tell those you feel comfortable telling and let everyone else take a hike (I know, easy for me to say).

Hope you find a way that suits you, and good luck.

[planning4thin 0]

I am not yet banded (scheduled for Jan 2008), but I am already learning that I have to keep my mouth closed about the planned procedure. I have told 3 family members and 2 friends. Only my Mom was supportive. Everyone else said "but you are not that big". I am 262lbs and 5'5". How could anyone say that I am not that big? I am 115lbs overweight! I think that people become comfortable in certain roles. I have always been the chubby girl, and my being anything else might make others feel uncomfortable. I get that now.

Going forward, I will share my joys and weight-loss triumphs in my journal and on this site.

I love this site. This website was a MAGNIFICENT idea!!!

[Dianneslim 0]

You will do great!! This is something you do for yourself. I told far too many people and now even after losing 25 lbs., they cannot tell I have lost--They will be spring--lol

Good luck to you. Only talk with people who are supportive and read how others are doing at this web site.

[TulipStar 2]

At first I didn't want to tell anyone. Prior to my surgery the only ones that I wanted to tell was my hubby, my boss, my dad and my good girlfriend. I really didn't want to anyone else or my in-laws bc they trash talk wls so much. My in-laws live in a different state, but they visited me 2 weeks prior to my surgery. I ended up telling my mil, but first started off the conversation with...."I'm going to tell you something but I want your full support and confidentiality..." In the end it made her feel good that I would confide in her. I think the main reason I didn't want to tell anyone was bc I didn't want people to judge.

Now, 2 months after my surgery....I really don't care who knows. I find myself telling people randomly. It's not bc I have lost a lot of weight (i really haven't). I just feel more comfortable with it now.

[Sooverit! 1]

...So far. I am due to have surgery hopefully sometime in February and I have a hard time keeping my enthusiam to myself but I have only told my husband, 2 cousins, a sister and a friend. So far family members have been surprising much more supportive that I thought! When I told a friend who has lost 65 pounds on her own and kept it off for 5 years and has a sister who is having major complications from a skin removal surgery due to a 80 lbs weight loss she was a little mad at me. Don't know how her sister and her did it without the lap band!Please say a prayer tho for her sister who has come down with a serious infection that is not responding to antibiotics.:help:

[Bobp 0]

I wasnt going to tell anybody except my family. when I went to the first support group (pre op), one of my co-workers and my real estate agent where there and this is not a small town. The day before surgery I had to have my eyes tested for my job. I told the thin little nurse at work that I was having surgery, she asked what for so I told her. She said "I had mine 5 years ago, best thing I ever did" People....be proud...you are doing something for yourself

[transformer 1]

Hi jarvisj,

Your boss certainly doesn't need to know and if your MIL doesn't speak to you for 6 months, that mightn't be a bad thing!!!

Very funny and a great point, too! LOL

[sweetmo 0]

i am also scheduled for banding in mid dec i have only told 3people my boyfriend a co-worker and my astor. to many others were not support and others thought i was a sell-out but i have to do what is right for myself and family and as long as i amgoing to this for the right reason how could it fail. I support all thoses that have taken the first step to better life of health congrads and much success on ur weight lose