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Reaction from friend: I want the old <you> back



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This past weekend I visited some friends out of state that I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. I had my sleeve surgery 8 months ago, lost about 80 lbs from 260 to 180, and hadn't mentioned it to them beforehand. The first person to see me freaked out and yelled OMG OMG What happened? I told her that I had surgery. She paused and said I want the old back. Such a strange reaction. She said it was just such a shock, she wasn't prepared to see me like that. She also asked why I hadn't said anything to prepare her. I said I just funny really see a reason to bring it up. The next friend said I looked great but then said he was mad at me because he had gained 100 lbs over the past few years. Then finally the last two friends said they were happy for me and I looked great. In the end the first two came around and said they were happy for me. It was just a weird feeling for me for awhile. Afterwards I looked at the pics of us and I can see that I definitely look different so maybe I kinda understand the reaction. Just thought I'd share.

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Congratulations on your weight loss efforts and results. I know you are just sharing but I am assuming you didn't have a personality change along with the WLS so why would your friend want the old you back? I don't expect an answer from you...just pondering really.

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They are probably jealous because you are skinnier than they are

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5 hours ago, rs said:

She paused and said I want the old back.

5 hours ago, rs said:

he was mad at me because he had gained 100 lbs over the past few years.

It seems that the first friend might have not meant any malice but was surprised that you lost a great deal of weight. Her reaction is typical of many who are caught off guard. By saying I want the old back she probably was referring to the type of relationship she previously had with you. Some people equate dramatic weight loss with a change in personality and she for some reason might have thought that you've suddenly changed. The other friend probably wasn't mad in the literal sense but instead gave you a back handed compliment. In the end as you stated all went well.

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5 hours ago, rs said:

This past weekend I visited some friends out of state that I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. I had my sleeve surgery 8 months ago, lost about 80 lbs from 260 to 180, and hadn't mentioned it to them beforehand. The first person to see me freaked out and yelled OMG OMG What happened? I told her that I had surgery. She paused and said I want the old back. Such a strange reaction. She said it was just such a shock, she wasn't prepared to see me like that. She also asked why I hadn't said anything to prepare her. I said I just funny really see a reason to bring it up. The next friend said I looked great but then said he was mad at me because he had gained 100 lbs over the past few years. Then finally the last two friends said they were happy for me and I looked great. In the end the first two came around and said they were happy for me. It was just a weird feeling for me for awhile. Afterwards I looked at the pics of us and I can see that I definitely look different so maybe I kinda understand the reaction. Just thought I'd share.

Just remind them that this IS the old you, from before you gained the weight.

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Wow! Great advice and breakdown of the situation from everyone! ((hugs)) It's so weird seeing people for the first time as a normal size person. Huge congrats on your hard work hon!

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Such weird comment to make. If it was the opposite and you had gained 100 pounds no one would dare say "I want to the old you back." Because D@MN that's cold!

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1 hour ago, KCgirl061 said:

Such weird comment to make. If it was the opposite and you had gained 100 pounds no one would dare say "I want to the old you back." Because D@MN that's cold!

I know, right?!?!

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I don't understand your friends, but I'm guessing it can be chalked up to jealousy. When I was fat, one of my friends had weight loss surgery and all I experienced for her was intense joy. She was RADIANT with happiness. How could I not be thrilled for her? In fact, she is the reason I decided to have the surgery myself, because -- while it didn't change her personality -- she became an even better version of herself. She did more things, explored more, took charge more often. I was in awe. Maybe your friends are afraid that the new svelte you will not have time for them any more?

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Time moves On, so did YOU and now there is a refined YOU under construction. You may have to remove a few crooked nails before things are done. Glad everyone is On your team now. She And was preferring the old Status Quo to all the upsetting things and changes you were making. Guess some people are just that way!

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11 hours ago, rs said:

This past weekend I visited some friends out of state that I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. I had my sleeve surgery 8 months ago, lost about 80 lbs from 260 to 180, and hadn't mentioned it to them beforehand. The first person to see me freaked out and yelled OMG OMG What happened? I told her that I had surgery. She paused and said I want the old back. Such a strange reaction. She said it was just such a shock, she wasn't prepared to see me like that. She also asked why I hadn't said anything to prepare her. I said I just funny really see a reason to bring it up. The next friend said I looked great but then said he was mad at me because he had gained 100 lbs over the past few years. Then finally the last two friends said they were happy for me and I looked great. In the end the first two came around and said they were happy for me. It was just a weird feeling for me for awhile. Afterwards I looked at the pics of us and I can see that I definitely look different so maybe I kinda understand the reaction. Just thought I'd share.

People are awkward about weight loss. They don’t always handle comments/complements well. It’s hard enough for you to deal with your changed appearance. Some comments are just not helpful.

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Thank you for sharing this. I am pre-op. Had my first appointment today. I have been discussing it with my life long BFF and she responds sorta odd. She tells me about a co-worker who had a bad experience with bariatric surgery or she just changes the subject. We are both nurses so I expected a little different response. That being said, I have a friend from work who I have discussed it with and she is super supportive. She gets excited for me and wants to know everything. She is very encouraging and basically like my own little cheerleader.

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Posted (edited)

I dont think we owe it to anyone to “ prepare” anyone for what we chose to do to our bodies.. that person might not like the status quo to change but how you feel about your life and body are your own feelings.. VERY weird reaction.. I’d be kinda offended .. in the end it does not matter what anyone thinks .

Edited by Carrot64

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The bottom line should be
Are you pleased?
Do you feel better about yourself?
I know I am starting to appreciate myself more as the weight slowly and steadily melts away. I suspect you might feel the same. Congratulations and be happy for you!

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