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I haven't told anyone about my surgery



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I told a couple of people, cousin and sister-in-law, along with my immediate family. I knew the word would spread with the cousin and sister-in-law. But now I regret it. The questions about my weight loss is discouraging because it’s very very slow, slower than weight watchers. 1/15/19 surgery and struggling to get to 35 lbs. Its a constant battle just like it always has been. So I’m hating the judgement as to why I don’t look like I’ve lost weight. I also told my best friend just prior to the surgery and her response was “that’s a bit extreme isn’t it?” She has since lied to me to get out of plans we made and is snarky with me. I haven’t seen her since before the surgery so I’m guessing the friendship is over. If I hadn’t told her she wouldn’t even have a clue that I did it. Now I have to face seeing all my family at an upcoming wedding and I’m sure they’ll be shocked that I don’t look any different and I’m sure the questions will come. I should have kept it to myself because now I feel like even a bigger failure.

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I’ve told my boss that I am starting this process, but she is amazing and super supportive. I’m not telling any coworkers and I’m not worried that my boss will.... I’ve told my mom and dad but I’m on the fence about my husbands family. They are super judgmental and bossy. They’d try to talk me out of it so I would still be the fat one in the family.... sorry, I’m not here to bolster your ego!

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I’m having my gastric sleeve in October. I had the gastric ball a year ago and got soooo much flack from my family for having that. I’m not telling a single soul. Not my family, not my boyfriend, not work. I’ll just tell my work that I’m having minor surgery and since I’m self-paying, get a doctors note to excuse me for time off and as for my family, I’ll just keep quiet and if it comes up, just casually mention I had hernia surgery or something along those lines and I’m working out and new diet.

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It's Your choice, your Right to Privacy, and Someday down the Road You Want to tell Them, well that's Your Choice Also. But Good Luck and We are always here if you Want to Talk.

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Haven't told anybody. Not going to either.

Had my surgery abroad and travelled alone. It is normal for me to be away on a buisness trip ;)

The kicker is: 2 can keep a secret if 1 of them is dead. So if you tell anyone, and I mean like anyone - even husband or mother, somewhere, somehow they are gonna say something to someone and the gossip will begin.

Maybe I am slightly ashamed. But I think more than anything, I appreciate having control over things, and if I didn't tell anybody then noone would get disapointed if I didn't loose weight and I don't have to live up to anyones expectations.

As for the scaring, well - I slabber them with retinol every night so they are almost gone.

Edited by MsMocie

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I have kept mine a secret no one needs to know my business unless I want them to and I choose not :)

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I don’t want to even tell my husband (of 9years and 4 children)and I’ve just been approved for surgery .... I’ve had some womanly surgeries and gallbladder problems in the past so I’m hoping to just play it off as that. 😬 . He is very supportive but I just really need this to be for myself...I don’t know if that makes sense.

I don’t know if he will catch on 🤷‍♀️ I am the only MO person in the family and no one has had WLS that he knows ...

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On 10/10/2019 at 9:40 AM, MsMocie said:

Haven't told anybody. Not going to either.

Had my surgery abroad and travelled alone. It is normal for me to be away on a buisness trip ;)

The kicker is: 2 can keep a secret if 1 of them is dead. So if you tell anyone, and I mean like anyone - even husband or mother, somewhere, somehow they are gonna say something to someone and the gossip will begin.

Maybe I am slightly ashamed. But I think more than anything, I appreciate having control over things, and if I didn't tell anybody then noone would get disapointed if I didn't loose weight and I don't have to live up to anyones expectations.

As for the scaring, well - I slabber them with retinol every night so they are almost gone.

I'm revisiting this thread and I'm just getting my mental ready for surgery on the 31st.

I relate to so many responses on this thread and I'm quoting you, because I may be slightly ashamed as well. I do like to have control over my narrative. The ppl are going to talk about me anyways, so I may as well live to my fullest potential.

Also, I find that some of my friends and family and colleagues are very negative in regards to wls. This is unfortunate for them. I will not be the poster child to reform them either, sorry. This is a very personal long overdue decision for me. I do have a support system, thankfully. Its very small and select.

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I have told no one about surgery. Going abroad for it and the clinic are happy that you are on your own. I am embarrassed I have got to this point but think this tool will help not only with weight loss success but also self esteem, confidence issues. I’m doing something for me for a change and don’t need the judgements that go with it.
A few issues have cropped up: sisters wedding a week after surgery - might be feeling under the weather and although I’ll go, won’t be able to eat the meal!
Holiday less than 3 months after surgery with folks - not convinced I’ll be in a structured enough routine so will cancel due to work reasons and go in Nov instead.
Start a new job 1.5 weeks after surgery - they don’t know me yet so hoping as I get stronger I look like I am finding my feet.
All these things increase stress and I think maybe I should tell someone but this is my journey. I may change my mind later on this journey but for now I am trying to find as much support online and via groups as possible.

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I told my friends, family and Co workers. But didn’t announce it on social media. If someone asks me I tell them but I am almost 3 years or so weight has stabilized and I’m going to lose anymore I have to start a work our routine or do a few weeks of Keto. So now when people ask if I’ve lost some weight I tell them what I’m currently doing. There is nothing wrong with keeping it to yourself. Your medical history doesn’t have to be anyone else’s business, just like you wouldn’t have to share with anyone else if you took a pregnancy test. Keep up the great work and remember you did this surgery for yourself not to make anyone else feel differently toward you.

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On 2/23/2019 at 8:54 AM, Laura5683 said:

Hi everyone,

I'm fairly new on here and not sure if this is the right section to post in, but here it goes.

I had gastric sleeve surgery on the 27th of February in 2018. I've since lost around 35 kilos (desperately trying to lose more/ feeling a bit stuck... but that's a whole other rant ).

I've been really beyond happy about my weight loss, I'm feeling more confident in myself than I've ever been before (a miracle, really), I obviously still have low moments and my self esteem isn't that high, but it's just good to finally feel okay in my body.

Before my surgery, I was always picked on by my family (especially my paternal grandmother and grandfather), I know it came from genuine "worry", but the way it was managed just destroyed whatever esteem I had at the time. I mean in the way of always suggesting new diets (without knowing what I was currently doing), harsh or sly comments and what not. One of the worse ones was when they met my current partner, and my granny took me aside and said "he's absolutely gorgeous, now all you have to do is lose some weight to keep him!". That one cut me pretty deep.

Due to the shame around the weight, I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, not even my partner. My family doesn't know that I went to hospital, and as far as my work, friends, partner or anyone else knows, I had gallbladder/gallstone surgery. I still feel so ashamed that I lied, especially to my partner. He doesn't judge and I've talked about it with him based around a "what if it was something else" concept (yes, I'm very much a "what if" person ), and as much as I adore him I just don't feel ready to tell him (he has gotten drunk before and shared things that I've told him, this is the one topic I don't want him sharing). Don't get me wrong, he is such a beautiful man and I love him to bits, I'm just scared that my secret won't stay a secret or that it will accidentally slip as it won't be a big thing for him.

Long story short, no one knows I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I'm sure that people expect it (my mum drunkenly accused me of having it done), though I am using everything I have to keep it a secret.

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing or kept their surgery a secret, too.

Thanks for reading my rant and making this a safe space

Laura

Sent from my SM-G950F using BariatricPal mobile app

Yes I haven't told anyone but my closest family no one else I'm 3 and half weeks after op and not been out much the reason for that is that I constantly feel sick I can't eat anything Ha

On 2/23/2019 at 8:54 AM, Laura5683 said:

Hi everyone,

I'm fairly new on here and not sure if this is the right section to post in, but here it goes.

I had gastric sleeve surgery on the 27th of February in 2018. I've since lost around 35 kilos (desperately trying to lose more/ feeling a bit stuck... but that's a whole other rant ).

I've been really beyond happy about my weight loss, I'm feeling more confident in myself than I've ever been before (a miracle, really), I obviously still have low moments and my self esteem isn't that high, but it's just good to finally feel okay in my body.

Before my surgery, I was always picked on by my family (especially my paternal grandmother and grandfather), I know it came from genuine "worry", but the way it was managed just destroyed whatever esteem I had at the time. I mean in the way of always suggesting new diets (without knowing what I was currently doing), harsh or sly comments and what not. One of the worse ones was when they met my current partner, and my granny took me aside and said "he's absolutely gorgeous, now all you have to do is lose some weight to keep him!". That one cut me pretty deep.

Due to the shame around the weight, I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, not even my partner. My family doesn't know that I went to hospital, and as far as my work, friends, partner or anyone else knows, I had gallbladder/gallstone surgery. I still feel so ashamed that I lied, especially to my partner. He doesn't judge and I've talked about it with him based around a "what if it was something else" concept (yes, I'm very much a "what if" person ), and as much as I adore him I just don't feel ready to tell him (he has gotten drunk before and shared things that I've told him, this is the one topic I don't want him sharing). Don't get me wrong, he is such a beautiful man and I love him to bits, I'm just scared that my secret won't stay a secret or that it will accidentally slip as it won't be a big thing for him.

Long story short, no one knows I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I'm sure that people expect it (my mum drunkenly accused me of having it done), though I am using everything I have to keep it a secret.

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing or kept their surgery a secret, too.

Thanks for reading my rant and making this a safe space

Laura

Sent from my SM-G950F using BariatricPal mobile app

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Hi I haven't told anyone but my closest family I just don't want everyone to know it's not their business I'm 3 half weeks after op but omg I'm struggling I can't eat anything hardly...drinking ok but the thought of food makes me feel very sick I'm back to see consultant Tuesday see what she says about it I also have a pain on my left hand side very sharp pain it knocks me about it's there most the day when it comes not every day but 3 days out of 7 ...time I think time 😔

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Laura5683. I haven’t told my family that I’m doing it. A handful of people know but my parents and my brothers don’t. I didn’t want advice or opinions. I wrote a book and it’s in there. So when the book is published in a few months they can read it there

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I've struggled with my weight my whole life, but most of my family is overweight... I just happened to be bigger than all of them. I never had an eating disorder and I had tried several diets and nothing worked! They had done thyroid testing and it all came back normal. So, after my sister had my niece (who's a year old now) I got serious about my health because I wanted to watch her grow up and my health was only declining so I started to see the bariatric surgeon and followed a 6 month check-in per my insurance. They did that blood test the first month that tests your Vitamins and your thyroid and low and behold! I had thyroid issues! -_-" Turns out your insurance only pays for a nominal thyroid test under normal circumstances, but they have to have a thorough one for the bariatric office (supposedly) so they were able to see my thyroid was underactive. I started thyroid meds and did a pre-surgery diet and was so excited that I literally told EVERYONE about the upcoming surgery, because I was actually losing weight and I was proud of myself! I lost 64 pounds prior to my surgery and a lot of people were really surprised that I was still going through with the surgery since I'd been able to lose all that weight without it, but I'm honest and bluntly told anyone who asked that it would take YEARS to do it without surgical intervention and I wanted the help that surgery would provide. I explained to any who asked that the surgery is just a tool to help the weight come off quicker. If I didn't work with it then it wouldn't work to the extend that I want it to and everyone has been really supportive! Likely because a number of my co-workers have had weight loss surgery lol. It's common where I work. My co-workers keep telling me that I'm looking more and more like my sister now, which is a HUGE compliment because she's about seventy pounds lighter than me (and two inches shorter lol). I have a lot more confidence now since I'm 96 pounds lighter in a nine month period. That's damn good imo!

However, I can understand why some people keep it a secret. My advice though is, even if you don't tell people PLEASE wear a medical Bracelet or necklace! My step-dad's mom had gastric bypass and she was rushed to the hospital and they intubated her not knowing she was a bariatric patient... the tubing went though her stomach and she bled to death. ALWAYS wear a med bracelet or necklace! Your life is important!

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I have Two views about this ..... In 2009 i had the band done. At first my (now ex) husband, two sons, DIL and my friend Paula (who had it done the year before), she was also a co worker. It wasn't until about 6 months and people started noticing the WL that i started to open up about it. Of course, i got all the "look"... OHHH you took the easy way out. I did get judged by most everyone. I had people watching me eat... saying, should you be eating that... why aren't you losing weight as fast as others.... You are losing too much.... blah blah blah.

So this time around... only my husband (remarried Sept. one month PO). Lately i find i have been getting a lot of.... Wow you really have lost a lot of weight.... This weekend i was so proud of my husband..... We had a crawfish boil and one of our neighbors commented on my weight...... He chimed right up and said,.... she changed her eating habits.... Bam... Love him.

So much better not telling.....

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