In general, I have been very honest with people about my surgery. I didn't broadcast it on social media but if anyone asked me, I answered truthfully. That way I didn't need to keep track of who I told what, kwim? (My choice, you can all choose for yourselves.) However, now that I am close to goal weight, people have started asking if I intend to lose any more weight, and then promptly tell me not to. Believe me, I am nowhere near anorexic. I'm still a solid size 14 in most clothes. I think their perception is the "difference" in my weight, not in the physical reality of what I weigh now.

Anyway, my truthful time is over. When they ask, I'm just going to say "Nope, I think I'm good." Then I'll proceed to do whatever the heck I want to do anyway. Sort of like being a teenager again. I doubt anyone but me (and probably hubby) will actually notice if I lose another 5-10 pounds but the subject is not up for public debate, especially with people who want to tell me how bad I'll look.

/Rant Over/

That’s a very rude question to ask someone and then to follow it up with “well, I don’t think you should” is just awful. Ask them if THEY plan on losing any weight!

Just now, NYJenn said:

That’s a very rude question to ask someone and then to follow it up with “well, I don’t think you should” is just awful. Ask them if THEY plan on losing any weight!

I'm sure they're not trying to be rude. They're usually in the process of congratulating me on my progress. They just don't understand how negative the statement is. That's why I'll just let it go and then do my own thing.

I think that whenever YOU decide you have reached your goal is entirely your business. No one looking over your shoulder when you are on the scale and it is just a number. And, you are right, if you are below your original goal by 5-10 pounds it will not be noticeable to others and really none of their business anyway. I think you will easily lose below your original goal and you will need to decide where you look and feel the best.

I hope you are taking periodic pictures to help you decide where you look and feel best and no one (except maybe your husband) should weigh in and give an opinion. I do think as we women get older being too thin does age us and look unattractive but it varies from person to person. The most important thing, in my opinion, is that you feel good about your appearance and are healthy.

One of the volunteers in the hospital I work at kept saying "Oh, you've lost weight". I don't know this woman and I don't comment on her weight - or anything else about her general appearance. One day last week she said the same thing "Oh, have you lost more weight? You must be doing something right". So I turned to her and said back, "Oh, it looks like you've gained a few kilos". Yes, it's a bitchy answer, but my appearance is nobody's business to comment on. Just like I would never say anything to Quasimodo about the lump on his back I don't expect acquaintances to comment on my obesity.

Moral of the story is my weight loss is none of their business. I'm honest with people who I know when they ask how I've lost the weight, but as for the questions of whether I'll lose more and telling me not to? That's crossing the line IMO.

4 minutes ago, MIZ60 said:

I do think as we women get older being too thin does age us and look unattractive but it varies from person to person.

It has aged me considerably. The first place I lost was my cheeks (both face and butt!) I'd never realized how much rounded cheeks mattered. But I think some of that will even out once I hit maintenance and hopefully, some of the remaining fat redistributes. If I'd stopped once my face got too thin, I'd have had to quit about 70 pounds ago. An extra 5-10 pounds won't make a difference to my face at this point. Happily, most of the loose skin under my chin has tightened up ? I thought that area was going to be super bad.

47 minutes ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

In general, I have been very honest with people about my surgery. I didn't broadcast it on social media but if anyone asked me, I answered truthfully. That way I didn't need to keep track of who I told what, kwim? (My choice, you can all choose for yourselves.) However, now that I am close to goal weight, people have started asking if I intend to lose any more weight, and then promptly tell me not to. Believe me, I am nowhere near anorexic. I'm still a solid size 14 in most clothes. I think their perception is the "difference" in my weight, not in the physical reality of what I weigh now.

Anyway, my truthful time is over. When they ask, I'm just going to say "Nope, I think I'm good." Then I'll proceed to do whatever the heck I want to do anyway. Sort of like being a teenager again. I doubt anyone but me (and probably hubby) will actually notice if I lose another 5-10 pounds but the subject is not up for public debate, especially with people who want to tell me how bad I'll look.

/Rant Over/

Absolutely.

Do whatever you want. People ask me the same (no one knows about my surgery) and I'm not planning on more loss but so what if I was? You can't catch a break in the court of public opinion...

Edited December 23, 20187 yr by GreenTealael

I had this exact situation happen to me just last night. A friend said you look so good followed with I hope you're not planning on losing more. I just smiled and said no even though I plan on losing another 18 or so. Nobody's damn business is my opinion!

I get those questions and I'm at 203lbs currently. So telling them I'll be staying where I am and just keep going lol

4 hours ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

now that I am close to goal weight, people have started asking if I intend to lose any more weight, and then promptly tell me not to. Believe me, I am nowhere near anorexic. I'm still a solid size 14 in most clothes. I think their perception is the "difference" in my weight, not in the physical reality of what I weigh now.

4 hours ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

It has aged me considerably. The first place I lost was my cheeks (both face and butt!) I'd never realized how much rounded cheeks mattered. But I think some of that will even out once I hit maintenance and hopefully, some of the remaining fat redistributes. If I'd stopped once my face got too thin, I'd have had to quit about 70 pounds ago. An extra 5-10 pounds won't make a difference to my face at this point. Happily, most of the loose skin under my chin has tightened up ? I thought that area was going to be super bad.

I understand the rant, *smile*

I don't think people know what a healthy BMI looks like. People cant help but notice our weight loss. Yes, Is it rude that people comment on our appearance. WIll it stop them. NO.

The rapid weight loss is hard enough for us to deal with. People don't realise the comments can be a mind fu**.

I kid you not,

My bariatric support group nurse told me I would look less skeletal if I gained 10 pounds (I was at a healthy BMI nowhere near anorexic) The same day my surgeon told me if I lost 10 pounds I would be my ideal weight.

Visit with my family Dr. The front desk secretary had not seen me in six months. As I passed her desk, she reached out and wrapped both hands around my thigh and said "your so small" In what world is this appropriate - Awkward moment.

Top weight loss comments

• Don't lose any more weight
• Do you have cancer?
• You look gaunt and old
• you didn't have to work as hard
• you look great now - (I guess I looked crappy before)

Years out, most people just except this is me and are used to my size. They have forgotten how overweight I was. The comments have stopped and life is normal.

How about1.OMG Are You still alive? 2. You are going to destroy your life if you don't start eating. 3 What do you think you have to prove? 4 Are you sure there isn't something really wrong with you?
Answers 1.Yes I am still alive, you didn't miss my funeral
2. No I was at,more risk when. I was continuing to eat more calories than my body could burn.
3 Only thing to prove is that I am a wonderful worthwhile person, the kind of feedback. I never received before... . in my LIFE
4. No thank you, I have had physicals done. Why did you think you needed to ask?

You know what, I like the idea of randomized lies about all the changes. Especially after I have plastics done. Infact, I'm going to try it next time someone asks anything appearance related.

9 hours ago, Healthy_life said:

I understand the rant, *smile*

I don't think people know what a healthy BMI looks like. People cant help but notice our weight loss. Yes, Is it rude that people comment on our appearance. WIll it stop them. NO.

The rapid weight loss is hard enough for us to deal with. People don't realise the comments can be a mind fu**.

I kid you not,

My bariatric support group nurse told me I would look less skeletal if I gained 10 pounds (I was at a healthy BMI nowhere near anorexic) The same day my surgeon told me if I lost 10 pounds I would be my ideal weight.

Visit with my family Dr. The front desk secretary had not seen me in six months. As I passed her desk, she reached out and wrapped both hands around my thigh and said "your so small" In what world is this appropriate - Awkward moment.

Top weight loss comments

• Don't lose any more weight
• Do you have cancer?
• You look gaunt and old
• you didn't have to work as hard
• you look great now - (I guess I looked crappy before)

Years out, most people just except this is me and are used to my size. They have forgotten how overweight I was. The comments have stopped and life is normal.

You know, I think you're right about not recognizing a healthy bmi. Our entire society is skewed in the plus direction. I am on the borderline of normal but not there yet and clearly my weight concerns people.

Your comment about the front desk secretary reminded me of when I was pregnant with my twins. An enormous pregnant belly is just too tempting a target for some folks. They just had to come up and touch like I was some kind of Budda statue!

Nice that the support group nurse could give you advice on appearing less "skeletal". That had to make your day!

I'm glad to hear that people eventually accepted the new you! I'm looking forward to that, especially since I'll see a ton of family tomorrow that haven't seen me in a year and I know the awkward comments will be flying!

Thanks for your insight!

15 hours ago, NYJenn said:

That’s a very rude question to ask someone and then to follow it up with “well, I don’t think you should” is just awful. Ask them if THEY plan on losing any weight!

You are ready for a showdown?

I, too, enjoy bringing grenades to knife fights ????

1 hour ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

You know, I think you're right about not recognizing a healthy bmi. Our entire society is skewed in the plus direction. I am on the borderline of normal but not there yet and clearly my weight concerns people.

Your comment about the front desk secretary reminded me of when I was pregnant with my twins. An enormous pregnant belly is just too tempting a target for some folks. They just had to come up and touch like I was some kind of Budda statue!

Nice that the support group nurse could give you advice on appearing less "skeletal". That had to make your day!

I'm glad to hear that people eventually accepted the new you! I'm looking forward to that, especially since I'll see a ton of family tomorrow that haven't seen me in a year and I know the awkward comments will be flying!

Thanks for your insight!

I would love to know how things go over the holidays with your family. Post back when you have time.

I agree O&D, just smile and lie, not like they'll be able to tell a 10 lb difference!

Families are funny. At Thanksgiving a cousin's wife who I hadn't seen in 6 months, walks in the door and says "You ....................... cut your hair!" Lol, yeah, that's the big difference in my appearance ! (I mean she obviously knew it wasn't my hair but was thought I might be offended if she mentioned my weight loss, I guess). I have an aunt whom I told early on, when my losses started showing. She just keeps asking how much I have lost. I've shared that with only a small group of people, and don't intend on telling her. I just keep dodging the question, but she's not deterred, she keeps asking me and my mom as well.