Really need support help

[Myhorseisfattoo 387]

HI all - I know I'm new and maybe too new to complain, but I need a bit of help. I was just sitting at the table with my husband, eating small food off my small plate and mentioning that I got sugar free Creamer and also how excited that I am to be exactly 4 weeks away from surgery. His comments were that if I can adhere to a pre-op diet, then all I need to do is diet and exercise and I don't need surgery. This man has watched me struggle with my weight, given me **** about it, scoffed at my eating choices and generally just been an a$$hole about this for years. Is it too much to ask to have someone support me?

What words can I tell him so that he will understand that the chronic arthritis in my feet and knees makes it almost impossible for me to work out without being incapacitated for days after. That I can lose weight no problem I just have never been able to keep it off. That I've finally made a great decision for me and he is shitting on my happy parade? I am literally crushed right now.

I'd love a usable, stellar comeback. Anyone?

[GreenTealael 25,609]

"My favorite new exercise will be jumping to conclusions... If you keep trying to undermine me"

Or

"watch me run all the way to the O.R."

Congrats & don't let anyone try to steal your possibilities

Edited November 12, 2018 by GreenTealael

[Myhorseisfattoo 387]

Thanks! I like that first one!

[sideeye 1,440]

2 hours ago, Myhorseisfattoo said:

His comments were that if I can adhere to a pre-op diet, then all I need to do is diet and exercise and I don't need surgery.

Well, he does have an excellent point.

I mean, I'm able to hold my breath underwater for an entire 90 seconds so based on that sample data, I assume I no longer need to breathe at all for the rest of my life and am immediately moving to the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Should be fine, right?

Don't explain to him, don't qualify why you don't exercise, don't talk to him about your food. If he's been a d**k about it so far there's no reason he'll suddenly change, and in fact will likely get worse as he starts to dread the changes you're about to go through. Better to screen his input out other than the logistical stuff. He can catch up when you're post-op and suddenly doing a lot more active things all on your own and without his "helpful" input. People express a lack of confidence in all sorts of crappy ways, sounds like he's one of those.

Bland then hell out of him and keep your eye on the prize. You're the Little Red Hen and at the end of all this he gets NO bread.

[ElectricBoogaloo 337]

My first thought was "FU and the horse you rode in on!", but since I am now no longer indignant for you...what she said.^^

[CyndieRI 251]

I can 100% relate! I wish I could have lost a pound for every time my husband told me if I just ate right and exercised that I wouldn’t need surgery!! Then I REALLY wouldn’t have needed the surgery - lol! I had been thinking about it for YEARS and I always let him talk me out of it (stupid on my part). This time I did all the pre-op appointments and even scheduled my surgery before I told him about it. My surgery was on 10/10 and I will say he has actually been pretty good about it. I really hope your husband steps up too! My reply to my husband one time was “keep it up and I’ll lose 340 lbs REAL FAST!” He knew I was talking about him!

[Myhorseisfattoo 387]

Thank you all so much. Just had a moment there...I'm good today and happily moving forward. He better watch it or he'll be watching my skinny but walk right out the door!

Also - I like the horse he rode in on.....I'll take that too!!

[VSGDavid 185]

13 hours ago, Myhorseisfattoo said:

HI all - I know I'm new and maybe too new to complain, but I need a bit of help. I was just sitting at the table with my husband, eating small food off my small plate and mentioning that I got sugar free Creamer and also how excited that I am to be exactly 4 weeks away from surgery. His comments were that if I can adhere to a pre-op diet, then all I need to do is diet and exercise and I don't need surgery. This man has watched me struggle with my weight, given me **** about it, scoffed at my eating choices and generally just been an a$$hole about this for years. Is it too much to ask to have someone support me?

What words can I tell him so that he will understand that the chronic arthritis in my feet and knees makes it almost impossible for me to work out without being incapacitated for days after. That I can lose weight no problem I just have never been able to keep it off. That I've finally made a great decision for me and he is shitting on my happy parade? I am literally crushed right now.

I'd love a usable, stellar comeback. Anyone?

Think less about comebacks, and more about his comments. Is he afraid of having you do the surgery? Is he anxious you're going to lose a lot of weight and leave him? Is he worried that you won't be able to do the same things together?

But honestly, if he has always been unsupportive as it seems, just keep yourself focused on the prize. Either he will get in line eventually, or he won't. This is about YOU, and YOUR decision.

GOOD LUCK, you will do well!

[James Marusek 5,244]

Focus on the upcoming surgery.

1. Take a good before photograph of yourself, so that you have something to compare to after surgery. Many times we are blind to our obesity. We do not see ourselves. Therefore when the weight begins to drop off rather dramatically, we question if this is really happening. Photographs are a good visualization of our success. Many people carry a before and after photo with them, just to remind themselves of their success.

2. Walk 30 minutes each day, every day until surgery (or equivalent exercise). Walking helps the recovery process go smoothly and minimized the pain levels from surgery. [With chronic arthritis in your feet and knees, this might be difficult. But try - gas pain will present itself during the first week after surgery and walking helps take this away.]

3. Wean yourself from caffeine and carbonated beverages now. After I gave up my 6 diet coke a day habit, I suffered from a week of severe withdrawal syndrome consisting of severe headaches and body aches. I was miserable. You don't want to combine the effects of caffeine withdrawal with the effects of surgery.

[OriginalGaPeach 28]

Tell him Thank you for showing his 'True Self' yet again. He has toldvyou before exactly wjat he thinks about you snd your weight...what are You waiting to hear from him??? There's nothing that you can do or try to do to make him acknowledge this decision of surgery. Focus on your surgery and then as you heal...make time to push him out of your life along with the carbs you don't need. He's not supporting you, so why keep him around?? He sounds like people who want to see you fail and that is no longer an option. Focus on yourself, stay Prayed up and stop worrying about him.

Live...Love...Laugh [emoji3]

[LilSebastien 3]

Has he been to the seminars with you? My husband gained an entirely new perception because he was hearing the information from a doctor.

[Myhorseisfattoo 387]

No of course not. He has no desire to be involved in any way. He thinks I am being ridiculous.

[clsumrall 535]

Yes take the horse and everything else too. You do this for YOU. no one else. Proud of you. I’m 2 1/2 months post op and it’s the best thing to heal yourself. He will figure it out or not that’s not your problem

[Myhorseisfattoo 387]

Hey CLsumrall....are you east or west in PA? I'm right in the middle.....

[Swimmer 199]

Obviously his comments say a lot more about him than you. Insecurity shows its ugly head in so many ways. He might be concerned you'll want to leave him once you lose the weight. He might be afraid something will happen during the surgery. But most likely he's worried about how your new life is going to change his own. You'll be eating differently and cooking differently. You'll be focused on healthy living and this surgery takes up a lot of space in your brain for awhile. You will change after this surgery that is 100% and what that change looks like might be scaring him.

No matter what his issues are they are just that his issues. Keep your focus and try to remember this is rocking his boat as well. He will see so many wonderful and positive changes in you physically and mentally he'll learn to adapt, or he won't and you have a decision to make.

Bottom line you are improving your life immensely. This is about you and your health. Don't get tangled up in worrying about what to say back just keep at it and quietly show him you don't need his input. Or ask him point blank what he is reacting to about this change for you. Reassure him you still love him, but that you are doing this with or without his support, but it would be easier on everybody if he supported you. Once the changes set in he will understand, but you don't need him to understand to be successful with this new lifestyle. Good luck.