I was so discouraged after a conversation with my surgeon this morning and I need to vent for a minute. I am still pre-op, just waiting on my scope that’s scheduled in August, and then will be proceeding with RNY gastric bypass in early September (fingers crossed). I’ve been meeting with nutrition monthly and have been doing really well and am only 3lbs off from meeting my pre-surgery goal of 215lbs. Today was the first time I actually met with my surgeon and all was well until he asked what my biggest goals were after surgery, to which I replied that I wanted to be healthy and strong! He. Laughed. At. Me. ? He informed me that he never recommends for women “bulk” and that the fact that I lift weights now (higher weight, lower reps) was all wrong and that I’m sabotaging my weight loss by building too much muscle. He insisted that I need to just “tone” muscle and really just focus on cardio ? and reiterated that “no woman wants huge, ripped, muscles anyway”. I couldn’t even make this up, I left with such a bad taste in my mouth. Do I just avoid these conversations with him in the future? Or just do what he says? He’s the best surgeon in the area and obviously is much more educated than I am, but it’s really hard to take someone’s advice after they chuckle at your life goals.

You are strong smart and a winner. I thought all of these comments from our support group super great. If and when you see the surgeon again. Let him know that chatting with him helped you to remember that you will be working with a professional trainer again so you can truly sculpt your new body and the more muscle the faster you burn fat. Be happy to give the doctor a professional recommendation for a trainer for himself to get fit. Just an idea :). lol

I love that idea clsumrall. beating Doctor Meanmouth at his own game. Maybe he could use a personal trainer as along with a muzzle!

There is another possibility: maybe he said it to motivate you to actually succeed. Maybe this was exactly what you needed to hear to get over any doubt for you that this is your path forward?

Yes, it was a douchy comment but I’ve been motivated in similar fashion. One that comes to mind is when a boss of mine said that if I don’t stop eating, I’ll need bell-bottom shirts. That really stung, but it kicked my butt in the right direction.



If I’m way off base here, I apologize, and suggest you fine a different surgical team...

Minority opinion here, but I'd look for another surgeon. I'm from NY and don't know which doc you're seeing, but there are plenty of them in this area who are skilled, he is definitely not the only one. If there is any sort of complication down the path, I would not want to be talking it through with a guy who's already proven to me that he's dismissive of me and my concerns/opinions. If he's dismissive now, he will continue behaving that way when you're a hell of a lot more vulnerable than you are pre-op.

And frankly I'm concerned that your surgeon appears to be focusing ONLY on the scale number and not on overall health. He doesn't want you to build muscle because it "sabotages" your weight loss? What?! I'm trying to imagine how my surgeon would react to that sort of medical advice (hint: not well).

I'm in NY (but not NYC) my surgeon is fabulous, you'll only meet him once ,twice tops and then he'll skillfully perform what he was trained to do

*hint* its not make judgments on your life choices

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 167

Different model I guess - I've met with my surgeon four times already, he's the one answering questions in-depth and following up.

My surgeon attends and gives lectures, trains surgeons under him , does other types of surgeries, etc. I see his Bariatric PA & NUT. I was completely aware of the process. I like it because he can focus on skill building. But ... as soon as he heard I was going to Italy and France a few months ago he magically appeared to talk lol

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 167

I like women with muscles......

Big thighs......

Round butts......

Guess I'm weird.....

I love all the replies and advice!...i love that you all are so level headed....my mouth would have probably gotten me into trouble. ?i find the older i get, the more i speak my mind.

But i get it....dont let him bother you.

You came to him for weight loss surgery, not lifting, bulking/cutting advice. ?

Remember that song. “ I love big butts I cannot lie. “. Can’t get it out of my head. LOL

Intelligence

Education

Wisdom

All different things. He proved that with 1 encounter! Btw when you find a male surgeon with all three let me know! Lol

Been in healthcare for 18 years, never seen it.

That is one of my all time fav songs.???...

And if you are going to get into weight lifting, and be serious about it, be prepared for a lot of people who act like him....

Things people have told me-

Dont get too big, you dont want to look like a man

Women shouldnt lift weights

You like to lift weights? Gross

The things people say that make it totally worth it?

My daughter-mom, flex for *** show her your muscles

Wow i didnt realize you were so strong

I bet you could kick my ass!

?

Edited July 21, 20188 yr by funky_monkey800

Well, just concern yourself with your goals, smile and nod, let him do the surgery and move on. You'll only have to see him in regular follow up for a while. If his surgical skills are spot on, don't worry about his bedside personality.

Keep doing what works for YOU, and if that includes building big ripped muscles, then go for it!! I personally would LOVE to be ripped, my ultimate 'mid life' goal is to try and enter the world of clean body building after my plastics are done and I'm at goal (yup, i'm 4 yrs out now but it's a long story)…

best of luck

Down the road, you might send him a photo of yourself, before and after, and remind him of his offensive remarks.

Don't get mad, get even.

Love that suggestion Nibble, hope she does do it!

I’ve had some really offensive surgeons in my life. My mantra is when it comes to life or death situations, I would rather dislike you and you be really good at your job versus like you but you are bad at your job.

Same with cops, firemen, etc... some professions and situations, I can tolerate someone that is generally as asshole but good at what they do. Surgeon tops that list.