I was so discouraged after a conversation with my surgeon this morning and I need to vent for a minute. I am still pre-op, just waiting on my scope that’s scheduled in August, and then will be proceeding with RNY gastric bypass in early September (fingers crossed). I’ve been meeting with nutrition monthly and have been doing really well and am only 3lbs off from meeting my pre-surgery goal of 215lbs. Today was the first time I actually met with my surgeon and all was well until he asked what my biggest goals were after surgery, to which I replied that I wanted to be healthy and strong! He. Laughed. At. Me. ? He informed me that he never recommends for women “bulk” and that the fact that I lift weights now (higher weight, lower reps) was all wrong and that I’m sabotaging my weight loss by building too much muscle. He insisted that I need to just “tone” muscle and really just focus on cardio ? and reiterated that “no woman wants huge, ripped, muscles anyway”. I couldn’t even make this up, I left with such a bad taste in my mouth. Do I just avoid these conversations with him in the future? Or just do what he says? He’s the best surgeon in the area and obviously is much more educated than I am, but it’s really hard to take someone’s advice after they chuckle at your life goals.

On 7/17/2018 at 12:02 AM, wishful.shrinking said:

I was so discouraged after a conversation with my surgeon this morning and I need to vent for a minute. I am still pre-op, just waiting on my scope that’s scheduled in August, and then will be proceeding with RNY gastric bypass in early September (fingers crossed). I’ve been meeting with nutrition monthly and have been doing really well and am only 3lbs off from meeting my pre-surgery goal of 215lbs. Today was the first time I actually met with my surgeon and all was well until he asked what my biggest goals were after surgery, to which I replied that I wanted to be healthy and strong! He. Laughed. At. Me. ? He informed me that he never recommends for women “bulk” and that the fact that I lift weights now (higher weight, lower reps) was all wrong and that I’m sabotaging my weight loss by building too much muscle. He insisted that I need to just “tone” muscle and really just focus on cardio ? and reiterated that “no woman wants huge, ripped, muscles anyway”. I couldn’t even make this up, I left with such a bad taste in my mouth. Do I just avoid these conversations with him in the future? Or just do what he says? He’s the best surgeon in the area and obviously is much more educated than I am, but it’s really hard to take someone’s advice after they chuckle at your life goals.

Is your surgeon in NYC? If so I may know who it is...

Just goes to show that you can go to school for a billion years and be an expert in your field...and still be an assclown. No biggie, I’m seeking his expertise in the field he dedicated himself, not looking for a dinner companion. I’ll take a top notch surgeon who can’t hold a competent and pleasant conversation over a charmer who barely graduated any day of the week.

I have only had surgery a couple times but out of those times I only had one surgeon, my orthopedic surgeon who specialized in shoulders, who was both a great surgeon and a nice human. The others were great surgeons and nearly robotic. My lapband surgeon while pleasant, was the most savant like of them all. I’m not even sure he acknowledged people come in different genders.

I look at it like this, he’s operating on me. Not marrying me...thank God. Speaking of God, you know the difference between a surgeon and God, right? God doesn’t think he’s a surgeon. ;)

In a similar vein , my baby doctor had a sweatshirt that said "Super Obstetrician",told me the only problem was his office called him by the initials!

So @Wishful Dreamer---, did you get an early September date and if so.'--'when is it? I am a September 5th at,,7AM EDT.

His comments were definitely sexist but the intent behind them - that your lifting routine (high weights low reps) is for building big muscles isn’t wrong. He could have went about explaining it a different way. He’s also not wrong that cardio is of vital importance as well. When I slack on my cardio and only focus on weights I stall big time.

I’ve worked with a lot of surgeons over the years and there are some surgeons who are the most distasteful people around. Often unfortunately they seem to be the best. Don’t be offended by others and don’t allow them to judge. There’s too much good in the world to waste time thinking on such things

I agree with so much of what's been said. If you have another option for a surgeon without having to start over, I think I'd take it, just on principle. That said, I think this attitude about muscle might be kind of common among the WLS/bariatric community. My insurance company has WLS patients have health coaching by phone, and one session with someone with a background in exercise had a comment that "they" (meaning at the clinic) won't like it if I build too much muscle because it weighs more. I was really put out thinking it's MY body, and I'll have as much muscle as I want thank you very much. I suspect that clinics keep stats and maybe they are worried about what percentage of weight lost they can tout as their average. Regardless, my clinic also offers a post-op exercise program, and I mentioned it to the instructor, and she dismissed the concern completely stating that as a woman, we are naturally not going to build too much muscle due to the nature of our hormones, and that people who exercise, including lifting weights, are shown to do much better in terms of overall weight loss. She cited an example of a doc who recommended she stop exercising due to high blood pressure. She offered the opinion that there are a lot of medical professionals who know precious little about exercise.

Your surgeon does have more years in school (most likely) than you but do not assume that that means he knows more than you on every subject under the sun.
Any patient can learn more about their own condition than their doctor. I’m a celiac. I gave my doctor a book on recognizing celiac disease. I don’t care if he were offended. I’m offended that I lived with this disease for 60 years because not one doctor thought to test me for this disease. My life would have been infinitely better with s correct diagnosed.
I had an internist who snapped at me that all food sold in American stores is good food.
We never had another conversation about American food. I knew I was right and he was about as wrong as he could be about food.
Have confidence in yourself. He/she probably doesn’t realize that he/she is offending you. Let him know he’s offensive.

As long as you are confident in his surgical abilities, you are good. You guys don't have to be bffs or anything. I had DS surgery 6 months ago and I flat out told my surgeon I lifted heavy (i.e. deadlifting well over 200lbs) and wanted to continue after the surgery. He said fine but I have to be careful. I wasn't allowed to touch weights for the first few months. Each surgeon has their own opinion about that stuff. You do what is best for you.

I just reread my initial reply to this thread. Wow, was I riled up. Sort of wish I knew how this all turned out. Does anyone have another story about not speaking up and allowing someone to get away with making them feel small and unprepared?

Oops. Hit the reply button twice. Why are we unable to delete a newly-written post altogether?

Edited July 1, 20197 yr by Missouri-Lee's Summit

We’ve all had docs who were rude and WRONG. And I have failed to respond with a stop him in his tracks comment. So how do I cope? I remember Elinor Roosevelt comment “ No one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you give them permission”

Remembering this had seen me thru numerous encounters with complete idiots like your surgeon. Few doctors are current on benefits of exercise and its relation to diet.

There was an excellent series on PBS about exercise/diet/benefit the segment on exercise was particularly enlightening. The test subject ( a doctor) was a normal weight man with high cholesterol/triglycerides and his diet was having no effect on his lipid numbers. So he adddd cardio and again no effect.

He was not able to bring his lipids down until he started doing short, intense, bursts of exercises.

The message is diet/exercise is not a one size fits all plan but most doctors insist that it is. This is when you put on your imaginary earplugs and nod as if he is absolutely correct.

16 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

I just reread my initial reply to this thread. Wow, was I riled up. Sort of wish I knew how this all turned out. Does anyone have another story about not speaking up and allowing someone to get away with making them feel small and unprepared?

Wow, this is an old thread.

It’s ok when a topic strikes a nerve. Trust me, I’ve ranted and at times.

I have new family Dr. I have no issue telling him “Condescending/dismissive does not work for me. I can take my business/money elsewhere" Drs in my area are a dime a dozen.

That surgeon is a sexist fool, but sadly many surgeons are! Sometimes I wonder if being self centred and opinionated makes them want to BE doctors, of if they get that way from everyone pandering to their in their privileged lives!

But. I hope that you l him do his best work on you, and then YOU did your best work on you! How is it going?

I am well below goal. And I am LOVING building muscles. I feel stronger than I ever had, and the other benefit - good arm muscles make that loose saggy underarm skin, thigh skin, even belly and butt skin not NEARLY so bad!

Edited July 2, 20197 yr by Biddy zz ?️?

EDIT: Only just noticed this is a year old thread...hey ho! Hope all ended well.

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So sorry you had to deal with that crap. Ignore him. As has been fantastically said I’d address afterwards if you can’t shake it off. They’re almost all narrow specialists with god complexes. All the nursing staff will tell you to ignore them on subjects outside their remit.

My surgeon has the best mortality stats and outcomes as well as numbers of procedures for this part of the country, but he is a social disaster zone outside pure factual consults and theatre...his secretary and the ITU staff confirmed as much.

Just before sending me home 2 days post op he said “Great, now eat what you did before, just less” NUT was there too and her eyes near rolled out of her head. At 3 month follow up he spent 10 minutes not making eye contact and mumbling aggressively when I asked why I was having no post surgery bloods until 1 year. Not ideal, but my surgery and post surgical recovery has been great, my GP did interim bloods and his NUT is fantastic. If he had sufficient self awareness to backfill for his failings by recruiting her then some credit due, but kid gloves are off next consult. If we fall out then so be it.

Sincerely hope you don’t let it get you down and find a great bariatrics aware fitness specialist to backfill for his muppetry xx

Edited July 4, 20197 yr by BrighterSide