I was so discouraged after a conversation with my surgeon this morning and I need to vent for a minute. I am still pre-op, just waiting on my scope that’s scheduled in August, and then will be proceeding with RNY gastric bypass in early September (fingers crossed). I’ve been meeting with nutrition monthly and have been doing really well and am only 3lbs off from meeting my pre-surgery goal of 215lbs. Today was the first time I actually met with my surgeon and all was well until he asked what my biggest goals were after surgery, to which I replied that I wanted to be healthy and strong! He. Laughed. At. Me. ? He informed me that he never recommends for women “bulk” and that the fact that I lift weights now (higher weight, lower reps) was all wrong and that I’m sabotaging my weight loss by building too much muscle. He insisted that I need to just “tone” muscle and really just focus on cardio ? and reiterated that “no woman wants huge, ripped, muscles anyway”. I couldn’t even make this up, I left with such a bad taste in my mouth. Do I just avoid these conversations with him in the future? Or just do what he says? He’s the best surgeon in the area and obviously is much more educated than I am, but it’s really hard to take someone’s advice after they chuckle at your life goals.

On 07/17/2018 at 10:21, AshAsh1 said:

This would have def offended me, but I'm going to take a different approach on it. I would say that his opinion has little to do with your choices or success after surgery. You need him to do the surgery, without complications, period. After that, his job is to monitor your Vitamin levels and record your weight loss. Just because he's a bariatric surgeon, doesn't mean he's a fitness expert. I wouldn't take advice from a surgeon on fitness, just because he's a doctor. So if you want to "bulk" up, then go for it! But I wouldn't let it discourage you from using him. If his known skills are reputable, and you've established with him... I'd say continue forward.

Thanks, girl!! Yes, this is exactly what my Aunt (who had the same surgery with him in Dec) said. He’s probably the LEAST important person in her post-op care, aside from monitoring her vitamins.

On 07/17/2018 at 10:35, Tealael said:

The taxonomy of this Man
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: None

talk to him about your surgery, a NUT about your diet, a trainer about the rest of your muscles.

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 169

I’m cracking up at this ?? no class whatsoever

On 07/17/2018 at 12:37, redhead_che said:

I think a lot of good things have been said already, but I'll just throw in that even though I liked my surgeon a lot, I saw him one office visit pre op, 10 minutes before surgery, and never again. All my post ops have been his assistant. Maybe that'll be the case with your program? *crosses fingers*

Yes!! That’s what I’m thinking as well. My fingers are crossed also because he was a turd. Amazing surgeon, but kind of a jerk

7 minutes ago, Wishful.shrinking said:

7 hours ago, Matt Z said:

It makes me feel better that I wasn’t just being a SENSITIVE, EMOTIONAL FEMALE... you know how we are ?

Well... I'm a sensitive emotional male (you can ask my wife LOL) so, I do understand LOL

On 07/17/2018 at 13:34, MIZ60 said:

This right here makes me think of the old saying "Opinions are like a$$holes because everyone has one". He is clearly misinformed and his opinion is based on incorrect thinking and understanding of basic physiology. I know you know this...

Surgeons as a group tend to be arrogant and many have minimal interpersonal skills. They know how to cut and sew and that is pretty much it. I have known many great pediatric ones over the years but they are a different breed.

If he is a good surgeon with a good reputation just ignore his fitness advice and carry on. Or, clock him with one of your huge, ripped muscles and teach him a lesson in girl power

I work in the healthcare field and can confirm that most of them are great at what they do, but socially awkward and usually pretty full of themselves. I’ll just keep telling myself that that’s the case with this one as well!

On 07/17/2018 at 13:36, J San said:

Don't be offended. It was a stupid comment and is only his opinion. Just that topic if it comes up again. He should know better than to try to force his opinion on anyone but we're human and it's known that us men sometimes say stupid Sh!t without thinking. Go for the results you want and make you feel comfortable.

True!! I don’t think I’ll be seeing him very often anyway, so I’m just doing my best to brush it off and stay focused on my own goals! Thanks for the support!!

29 minutes ago, Wishful.shrinking said:

Thanks, girl!! Yes, this is exactly what my Aunt (who had the same surgery with him in Dec) said. He’s probably the LEAST important person in her post-op care, aside from monitoring her Vitamins.

Its soooo true. I've reached out to all my resources after surgery, besides my surgeon. I see him for follow-ups and that's it. In fact, I've been slightly disappointed by the fact that the doctor's office doesn't do any follow up. They haven't asked one time about my emotional well being. Do they not realize that emotional status can alter after surgery? Or is that they just don't care about it? Do they only care about the numbers and success rates, for their tracking purposes? Sadly, I think I'm onto something.

It isn't even just Bariatric Surgeons that are that way. One upon a time I had an OB/Gym cut from that bolt. His favorite saying was Pregnant Women are Ditsy because all of their blood pools in their abdomen and none gets to their brain. And This Doctor Ding Ding went on a diet, ever notice how it seems some men lose easy? Got down to 135 lbs and keep telling us ladies that were his livelihood that we were fat cows because we couldn't lose that easy.

He sounds extremely arrogant and ignorant. Talk to you your primary Dr. “no woman......” really? What a chauvinistic remark. Completely inappropriate. First of all, the number on the scale is not the only factor. Its not even the most important factor. It’s the percentage of body fat you loose. Exercise and lifting build muscle and muscle burns fat even when you are resting. Being healthy and strong are excellent and very appropriate goals. Great for you. Shame on him.

Wow. Just wow. I would almost be considering another surgeon! I know weight training has helped me considerably with my loose skin (not that I don’t have my fair share sadly, but has really made an impact on how everything sits on my bones). There are so many benefits of weight training! I can’t believe your surgeon said that to you.

Honestly just ignore him, like who really cares what he thinks anyway.

I despise cardio. The only cardio i will ever do is boxing. I lift heavy weights 5x per week and i love how i look. I’m still very hour glass and feminine but i’m not “bulky” or anything like that. I’m toned. And i prefer it that way. A lot of times when people do cardio only they get smaller but they still look flabby and that’s just not a goal of mine. So keep doing what works for you and you’ll be fine.

How tall are you btw? Your stats are similar to mine.

On 07/18/2018 at 07:15, xoxococojay said:

Honestly just ignore him, like who really cares what he thinks anyway.



I despise cardio. The only cardio i will ever do is boxing. I lift heavy weights 5x per week and i love how i look. I’m still very hour glass and feminine but i’m not “bulky” or anything like that. I’m toned. And i prefer it that way. A lot of times when people do cardio only they get smaller but they still look flabby and that’s just not a goal of mine. So keep doing what works for you and you’ll be fine.



How tall are you btw? Your stats are similar to mine.

I’m 5’1! Currently 219, highest/starting weight was 226! Shooting for a September surgery date (:

On 07/18/2018 at 05:57, anassathalassa said:

Wow. Just wow. I would almost be considering another surgeon! I know weight training has helped me considerably with my loose skin (not that I don’t have my fair share sadly, but has really made an impact on how everything sits on my bones). There are so many benefits of weight training! I can’t believe your surgeon said that to you.

Me neither!! I’ve done my research and it made him sound so ignorant. I know he’s a great surgeon... but I don’t think I would hire him as a personal trainer lol

Minority opinion here, but I'd look for another surgeon. I'm from NY and don't know which doc you're seeing, but there are plenty of them in this area who are skilled, he is definitely not the only one. If there is any sort of complication down the path, I would not want to be talking it through with a guy who's already proven to me that he's dismissive of me and my concerns/opinions. If he's dismissive now, he will continue behaving that way when you're a hell of a lot more vulnerable than you are pre-op.

And frankly I'm concerned that your surgeon appears to be focusing ONLY on the scale number and not on overall health. He doesn't want you to build muscle because it "sabotages" your weight loss? What?! I'm trying to imagine how my surgeon would react to that sort of medical advice (hint: not well).

So most surgeons aren't educated on fitness and not even much on nutrition, especially the specialists - they become experts in their area - as they should. He could be very culturally opinionated, I am not excusing his opinions but all of us are subject to our upbringing, culture, and our education as presented.

You could mention it if you feel that strongly about it, just be more diplomatic than he was...lol