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To tell coworkers or not?



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I'm a month away from surgery and don't know how to talk with my staff that I'm getting WLS. I go back and forth if I should tell them or not. I'm their manager and know most will be very supportive but am unsure how I can interact on a daily basis with ones that will be difficult about it. I know I have one employee that I respect and consider to be a friend that hates all surgery because he feels that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Clearly I'm broken and need this surgery. Any help would be great.

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I would not tell anyone at this point. You dont need there approval or opinions. Decide at a future date what to say if anything at all. it will be months before they will know something is different with you and you can decide at that time what to say and to whom.

Remember you can never untell someone

Edited by allwet

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I’m not telling anyone at work. I’m only sharing this experience with my husband. I’ve chosen to keep it private as it is one of those things everyone likes to give their opinions on, whether you asked or not lols. It’s hard enough without helpful friends/coworkers giving their advice.

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Here is what my wife told me; 20% of people you tell do not care, and the other 80% are glad it is not them... I have elected to tell family members, and a few close workers, but as I move forward, I only keep the family updated on my progress.

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I’ve only told close family. For me I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to tell colleagues. Will they help me in achieving my goals? Not likely. Do I value their opinions on health issues? Nope. Do they need to know? Absolutely not. Will it make it hard to work with them if they say something offensive? Absolutely. I like to keep things simple, so I kept work out of it.

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I told my coworkers and are slowly telling other friends/family members. I told my coworkers first because I spend more time with them and they would have seen me not eating and just doing liquids and would ask questions.

After my surgery now and telling people, I realize that most people don’t even care lol. Some give their input and it’s really nothing because I already had the surgery and there is no changing my mindset.

I think the only fear of telling people is now you have others constantly looking at you to see if you lost weight. Which is truly the same thing if you told them you were on a diet

Edited by Bryn910

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I am a manager also, and my staff likely would have been supportive, but I didn't feel like my personal health and my decisions on how I manage my health was any of their business. So, aside from a couple of close work associates and my boss, I haven't told my co-workers.

I also haven't told anyone in my family. Only my husband knows.

It's not that I'm hiding it, it's only that this was a very personal decision for me and I didn't need their opinions. I suppose as time goes by, if anyone asks, I'll answer truthfully. But at this time, it's my personal journey.

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I am over a very large group of people. I have only told two,people at work I consider friends, neither of whom I manage. I would counsel against telling those who work for you and to keep it to a small very trustworthy group if you do decide to share with anyone at work.

The way I look at it this decision is very personal, as are the struggles we have been through to get us here. It is not anyone’s business other than our own and our loved ones. I certainly don’t feel it’s the business of those who report to me. This journey is hard enough without opening yourself up to judgement from those whom you have a professional relationship with. IMO it is all downside with very little upside.

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I am not telling my co-workers. I told my boss as I needed to get time off during a busy time of year and I told one person who is on the team I manage as I have known her for years and she know's how much I have struggled physically and mentally with my weight as she is in a somewhat similar boat, albeit a smaller boat. I don't plan on telling anyone else. I am just not close enough with them. I don't think they can relate as they are all thin.

I am not even sure I will tell my close friends who I have known for 25 years.

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7 hours ago, Trash_Panda said:

I'm a month away from surgery and don't know how to talk with my staff that I'm getting WLS. I go back and forth if I should tell them or not. I'm their manager and know most will be very supportive but am unsure how I can interact on a daily basis with ones that will be difficult about it. I know I have one employee that I respect and consider to be a friend that hates all surgery because he feels that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Clearly I'm broken and need this surgery. Any help would be great.

Good luck on your procedure! It is no ones business what you have done! I am choosing not to tell, only a select few know, and only because all I want is positivity! I did not even tell one of my closest friends!!! I know that if I tell her, she would say something similar, and frankly, it is none of her biz!

Good luck!

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This is so personal and depends a lot on your work environment.

I told everyone I work with and they were all supportive and kind. In fact 2 co-workers are now going to have surgery after talking about it with me.

BUT I wouldn't have shared if I worked in a different environment. I am a nurse at a center of excellence for WLS. This saves me from about 20 million questions. I have been super annoyed having to explain the surgery over and over to non-medical people. Thier stoopid questions and "advice" gets old really fast.

It reminds me of being pregnant and nursing, everyone thinks they get to have an opinion and tell you exactly what to do. Even if they are supportive, it gets old.

Be prepared for this if you tell a lot of people.

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I initially wasn't going to, but then I shared it with the my direct team members since they've seen me working very hard these past few months changing my eating habits and being very mindful about physical activity. I expected NOT to be supported (not lack of support in a mean way, but rather not understanding since I am a lower BMI patient) but they all have been incredibly supportive and are actually excited for me. I've jokingly asked one if I can have his little one's dinner plates and spoons when he is done with them :-D I think it just depends on your comfort level and the circumstances.

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I’ve been through this twice.
Over a decade ago I had LapBand surgery. I was completely transparent. No secrets. I had no clue how many opinions, judgements and lectures I’d receive. I also found a lot of support. But, had I known, I sure would have done it differently!
This time, for my revision, it’s was on a need to know basis. And, even though my band caused an injury and my port was painfully flipped, I caught some grief. 🙂🤷‍♀️

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I told/tell everyone. I get it's personal, but it's also YOUR journey so their opinions don't matter... so telling them isn't going to change that fact for me. I just knew that I'd be out for a long time, and people would question why I was out anyway. And when I came back, I'd be eating differently and looking differently, so the questions would arise then as well. For me, getting in front of it all helped allow me to control the narrative and prevent anyone that might try to spread rumors from doing so. Clearly it's an individual decision, I just wanted to take complete control over what was being said, so I just laid everything out on the table.

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