When should I tell my family?

[veronica97 22]

Hi guys! My first consultation is 4/19 and I told my best friend and my mom. My parents are separated and I only told my mom because I’m on her insurance, but I live with my dad and sisters. My mom was so happy I finally made this decision but I don’t expect the same reaction from the rest of them. I was planning on waiting until 4 months in to my pre op diet. Does anyone think that’s too long to wait? How do I tell them?

[Creekimp13 5,841]

You can tell them anytime that is right for you. You can opt not to tell them unless you absolutely have to. it's all up to you.

[domi 237]

You can tell them anytime that is right for you. You can opt not to tell them unless you absolutely have to. it's all up to you.

I have told some of my sisters, but I’m not saying a word to two of them. They are judgemental and I don’t need that right now.

[Sparkle&Storm 21]

I have absolutely NO plans to tell anyone about this surgery. Other than my two essential support people--my mom and husband--no one else needs to know. This is MY journey, my body, and my experience. I have NO time for any negativity. My husbands family are extremely judgemental. They would crucify me for taking the "easy way out." Even when I've done it the "hard way" time and again, only to fail and gain it all back (and then some).

Because of that, I've made the decision to keep my surgery private. I know they will pry and secretly speculate behind my back, but I don't care. I'm doing this for ME, not them.

So, I say do what YOU are most comfortable with!

[veronica97 22]

I have absolutely NO plans to tell anyone about this surgery. Other than my two essential support people--my mom and husband--no one else needs to know. This is MY journey, my body, and my experience. I have NO time for any negativity. My husbands family are extremely judgemental. They would crucify me for taking the "easy way out." Even when I've done it the "hard way" time and again, only to fail and gain it all back (and then some).
Because of that, I've made the decision to keep my surgery private. I know they will pry and secretly speculate behind my back, but I don't care. I'm doing this for ME, not them.
So, I say do what YOU are most comfortable with!

Well, like I’d mentioned, two of my sisters live with me. I’m only 20. So, at some point there going to find out. One of them is obese as well and I’m not worried about her knowing. The other is healthy and my dad is just overweight. I know both of them will try to talk me out of it and suggest I just try intense diet and exercise (as if they haven’t seen my try and fail my whole life.) I have a third sister who has left the house and lost a bunch of weight the traditional way and will be completely anti surgery so SHE will just have to find out after I get it. My mom was so happy for me she ugly cried in the restaurant when I told her. I could just keep it between my mom and me until I have a surgery date, which is my preferred option right now. I will be seeing my doctor in Columbus which is only an hour from me and my dad doesn’t ever ask where I’m going so it will be very easy for me to hide my pre op appointments. It will be enough of a struggle just doing it, I DEFINITELY don’t need the negativity.

[Sparkle&Storm 21]

11 hours ago, veronica97 said:

Well, like I’d mentioned, two of my sisters live with me. I’m only 20. So, at some point there going to find out. One of them is obese as well and I’m not worried about her knowing. The other is healthy and my dad is just overweight. I know both of them will try to talk me out of it and suggest I just try intense diet and exercise (as if they haven’t seen my try and fail my whole life.) I have a third sister who has left the house and lost a bunch of weight the traditional way and will be completely anti surgery so SHE will just have to find out after I get it. My mom was so happy for me she ugly cried in the restaurant when I told her. I could just keep it between my mom and me until I have a surgery date, which is my preferred option right now. I will be seeing my doctor in Columbus which is only an hour from me and my dad doesn’t ever ask where I’m going so it will be very easy for me to hide my pre op appointments. It will be enough of a struggle just doing it, I DEFINITELY don’t need the negativity.

Gosh, I’m sorry! I missed the part where you live with them, because I was reading while cooking and I’m terrible at multitasking lol

Obviously, not telling them at all won’t work haha! But you can certainly use that method for your sister who doesn’t live at home if you chose to.

Tell the rest when you are ready. Maybe that won’t be until surgery day. Who knows?! Stockpile the supplies you need (protein shakes and Vitamins and what not) and keep them tucked away in your room. If you wait to tell them until just before surgery, they won’t have the opportunity to be negative or try to convince you otherwise.

But if it is bothering you that they don’t know, just tell them. Do what makes you most comfortable. This is your journey, not theirs. Tell them they can get behind it, or keep their mouths shut! Lol!

I’m glad your mama is supportive of your journey. It’s nice to have someone cheering you on!

Good luck, hun!

[lesslana 6]

I went ahead and mentioned it to my family as soon as I started seriously considering it. My doctor suggested it and initially the suggestion that I needed surgery really hurt my feelings. But after I started really learning about, found myself relating the stories of others, and saw it as an option, I wanted to be more open about it and wanted to be up front with my family and friends.

I am glad your mom is supportive but mostly I would say I have gotten mixed reviews. I am not ashamed of choosing to do surgery but the negativity you do receive can be counterproductive so just remember not everyone will respond positively. Unfortunately, of those I've spoke with I think I have had to do more self-explanation/defending myself then receiving support.

[Marissa37 54]

I just tell everyone Im more of a tell them before they gossip about me type. So I just tell them and let them deal with whatever issues they have on their own time. Your mentality is very important at this time and your doing something great and life changing today is day 1 of my liquid diet my operation is in two weeks!!!! If you need support you got this ite though to air out your feelings which is nice

Edited March 28, 2018 by Marissa37

[Hop_Scotch 1,634]

If you are going to get a lot of undue pressure I wouldn't tell them until absolutely necessary, and if that is until after surgery so be it. You are doing this for you, don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. Good luck with the family!

I am a fairly private person when I am not under anomyity of a message board, if I process with weight loss surgery very few people will be told, if in fact anyone. I will need to go interstate for the surgery and I am single now, so there is no one to explain to where I am going or what I am doing.

When I was considering a lapband a couple of years ago, I allowed by then partner to persuade me not to do it, I wish I had stuck to my guns and had it done. Benefit of hindsight I am glad I didn't as I see an ESG has a preferable option for me.